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I Wish I Were in Japan Right Now

Saturday, April 07, 2012

My sister-in-law's mother died Wednesday after losing her 3rd bout with breast cancer. I never got to meet her, but heard nothing but wonderful things about her from my brother and his mother (my stepmother). Her passing is a crushing blow, albeit not unexpected, for the entire family. My sister-in-law is Yoko. She has a younger sister and they have a stepfather. My nephew is the first grandchild. He will be 7 this summer.

I wore a red shirt every Friday in February, not even knowing that her cancer was breast cancer. What an awful disease.

I wish I could give Yoko a hug and do something meaningful that might offer comfort.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FATHINSN 4/11/2012 11:55PM

    Sorry for the loss, I wish you have met her when she was alive.

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CARRAND 4/10/2012 9:45AM

    Sorry to hear it.

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    Sorry for your loss emoticon

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_LINDA 4/7/2012 1:24AM

    So very sorry to hear of her loss :( I have known too many people who have succumbed to breast cancer :( Its one of the charities I support. A donation, or signing up for a charity race in her name would be an appropriate remembrance. Its also good motivation to get moving..
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REDSHOES2011 4/7/2012 12:25AM

    Sorry to hear of your loss, it is tough being so far away..

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Another Day of Thanksgiving!

Thursday, April 05, 2012

After yesterday's great news that my Dallas coworkers came through the tornadoes unscathed, today I have more reasons to be thankful.

Thank you, MISSY455, for your tip about my callus. I HOPE it works!

I won't get my car back from repair until next week, but the fantastic news is that, while the bill is high, it is not nearly as high as I feared1

I have been mentoring a student employee (a new but rewarding experience for me). Monday, I did not see her, but I did not think about it - I was so busy, I just figured our paths did not cross. I was away from my desk a lot.

Tuesday, I called her and did not hear back. This morning, I spoke to my boss (who is also her boss). Our policy is that, if any employee (regardless of status) does not report in by the end of the 3rd day, they can be terminated. The employee does not have to come in, but they need to give a reason for their absence. I left her another message and about 2 hours later, sent her an email. Sometime after that, my cell phone rang. It was my student! She was in one piece! Apparently, her car was stolen over the weekend and in the car was her school bag and her contact info was in that. She said she had no way to call us. In the back of my mind, I wondered: internet? phone book? 411? She had left her cell phone charger at work.

We hugged when she came in - so glad she is ok!

But I have been eating everything in sight. Can't seem to stop! ACK!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 4/5/2012 2:38PM

    I'm glad your student was OK.

Try to do better on the food tomorrow. You can do it!

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MISSY455 4/5/2012 2:47AM

    Your student is lucky you are so diligent (and caring!) Most employers would have only made one phone call and called it good.

I know you must be relieved to find out your car repair isn't going to be as expensive as you thought.

Hope the rest of your week goes well!

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_LINDA 4/5/2012 2:38AM

    Those Texas storms were so frightening -its truly amazing no one was killed in them!! So glad your student was okay -that is awful to have your car stolen :(
I have a big problem with corns and calluses on my feet -I see the podiatrist regularly to keep them shaved down. I use cushions -both foam pieces and the stick on donut holes. The stick ons seem to work the best for protecting the area..
Wish you could find a way to control the stress in your life -it would go a long way to help you with overeating..You worry so much about other people, but seem to worry little about yourself -remember you are important too!
I hope you can get some rest and relaxing times with the Easter long weekend..
emoticon emoticon

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Wow! It Feels Great!

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

I was on a conference call with a number of people including the attorney whose daughter is a patient at St. Jude's. Madeleine is two and it was wonderful hearing her laugh in the background - I am so thankful that she's not sick with the chemo yet!

The tornadoes and all that went with them did not directly impact my coworkers in Dallas. I am SO thankful that they are ok! The measure of my relief is indicative of how worried I was about them.

I thought about parking at Mervyns and walking there, but I was afraid I would just go shopping and talk myself out of walking the perimeter of the huge parking lot. Remembering the construction near there made me head straight home.

But tonight, I did not turn into instant couch potato. My handyman finally resurfaced, so we talked about what needs to be done. That led to the need to get some money for him (I always pay part up front and the rest when completed). I also had a bill to pay, so I walked to the shopping center, visited the ATM and, to break the $20, bought a basket of strawberries and paid the bill at the hardware store.

It felt so good to walk! It ended up being an hour and the weather was perfect! My feet are sore, but I feel great! I had forgotten that exercise can feel good! (Now if only I could get that callus on the ball of my foot to vanish)

The icing on the cake (is a food statement ok on SP?!) is that my Sparkfriend Kim has resurfaced!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSY455 4/4/2012 11:42AM

    So glad you enjoyed the walk! Sometimes everything just clicks, and it doesn't even feel like exercise :-)

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LIBBYFITZ 4/4/2012 10:45AM


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CARRAND 4/4/2012 10:04AM

    Woo Hoo! I'm glad to hear you were walking and enjoying life.

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Stressed but not Stuffing My Face (Yet!)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

My 2000 New Beetle is in the shop. Don't know what's wrong except that it sounds, smells and feels funny and almost all of the dash lights are on. Sounds expensive and I will be renting a car for far too long. It may be time to replace the car and I sure can't afford to do that!

But I am not stuffing my face yet.

My home needs repairs including some obvious external fixes. BF is out of town for a few more months. I can't fix them and the handyman I retained seems to have better things to do.

But I am not stuffing my face yet.

My workload has started to get heavier with the promise of a months-long avalanche looming.
We're about to do a computer system (software) conversion, I will be leading a huge archiving project this summer and....

But I am not stuffing my face yet.

My home is a mobile home in very poor shape, nearly as old as I am, and the park owner just put in a new home next door with updated interior and very nice landscaping (and I have landscaping issues on top of utilities, leaky roof etc), so, with this showcase for which he is charging $1495 a month rent next door to me, I feel the pressure!

But I am not stuffing my face yet.

My internet provider's broadband access card has failed for the THIRD time! I am uncertain when I will be able to get back online at home and even less confident that the service will continue to work. I really hate things that don't work and find this annoying, frustrating and at my wit's end. I am considering hunting for a more reliable provider. The rep tried to blame me last night. I said I don't have a dog so the device has not become a chew toy, I did not baptise it with soda...They are also trying to blame Windows 7 as the cause of the failure

But I am not stuffing my face yet.

However, this is not all victory. I FEEL like stuffing my face. I have a flare up of the tendonitis, a swollen knee (same leg) and various other health issues that make exercise even more of a challenge than it normally is. I have not felt well all month. There is some bug going around that seems to be recirculating through. The cold/fever etc don't seem to be terrible, but the energy drain is horrible!

I am not making progress, but I am not losing ground.

Did y'all see Michelene Cleary's blog about the two people who were dieting? JJ gave up and was discouraged because he/she lost about a pound a week. The other person (I forgot the name) lost less than a pound a week, but she ended up losing around 100 pounds! I sent MICHCLEARY a spark goodie because the blog was so inspirational to me. I was averaging about 1/4 to 1/2 a pound loss late last year. Then I started gaining because I almost, almost but not quite, gave up.

Since my leg and knee are not reliable, I am rediscovering my tiny kettlebells. I know I should be using ones that weigh a LOT more, but I am finding the 5lb bell plenty right now. The 3lb bell is now too light! WOOHOO!

I still want to chew...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POORGIRL_DIET 3/31/2012 10:49PM

    glad you are still fighting and not using the stresses around you to stuff your face, sorry that sounds crude but you know what I mean! Keep going hun you are doing well

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CARRAND 3/30/2012 11:52AM

    I totally understand the urge to stuff your face. I did a fair amount of nervous eating yesterday as I completed my federal and state tax returns. In the end, I do have refunds coming from both. The gluten free chocolate chip cookies did not help, although it seemed like they were helping at the time.

I love that you do kettle bells. They sound like a good stress reliever to me.

Hang in there. You have challenges, but you're coping.


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DBCLARINET 3/30/2012 7:08AM

    When you're lifting weights, you lift what you can lift, and that's that. I took a kettlebell class with an amazing trainer who used to be a strongman -- he held the world record for longest time holding a car up. No joke. But his philosophy of strength wasn't about how much you could lift, it was how much could you do relative to the size of your body and your gender. He said a girl who can do a pullup is very strong, and come on, this coming from a guy who could lift a car!

There's a woman at my gym who is so buff it's intimidating. Then I saw her on the assisted pull-up machine using 60 lbs. of assistance -- I swear that had to be half her body weight. She was just doing what she could do, what was best for her, and she had some killer results!

I agree, I think you need a new internet provider. That's such garbage.

Not to sound nosy, but why can't you do some of the repairs or a little bit of landscaping yourself? Is it because your leg and knee give you trouble? Maybe there are some smaller things you can do to help you feel like you're in control of the situation. I won't even pretend to understand the situation you're in, I can only offer that suggestion.

Way to fight the stressors! Just remember that stuffing your face will end up being another stressor and you don't need that!

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_LINDA 3/30/2012 1:22AM

    Way to fight the stressors!! When the internet provider is trying to blame you for its troubles, its time to look for a new one. That is just plain ridiculous!!
Awesome with the kettlebell!! We all do things at our own level and what others may think means nothing. I am sure I would get the sniggers in my fitness classes when I am using the little dumbbells when everyone else can use the big ones, but I was told five pounds is my limit and that is all I will lift.
I have to admit, when you are renting, I thought it was the landlord's job to keep up the property, not yours, is this something you signed in the lease or something, that you would take of any repairs and work needed?
Always remember, the one thing you CAN control in your life is what you eat. Say no to unhealthy food..
Keep strong!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SETAGOAL1 3/29/2012 9:17PM

    You have not given up on yourself. You now know you are the only one that can make it happen for you.

You have the power to succeed or fail.

You have chosen to succeed.

Few baby steps complete a long journey

Writing is progress!!!

Janet emoticon

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"Does Not Play Well With Others" and Other No Longer True Litanies

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Those of you who've followed my story recently know that my first grade teacher died earlier this year at the age of 97! We have known each other for nearly 50 years. This past weekend was my cousin's birthday, the same cousin who died 3 years ago in a solo car accident leaving 3 children without their mother. My birthday just passed and the 2 year anniversary of my brother's roommate in Afghanistan looms large.

With all that as a backdrop, a memory dropped in my conscious thoughts today. I did not like my 2nd grade teacher as well as I had my first grade teacher. Mrs. Corbin was really tough! Looking back, that was a hint that I would have trouble adjusting to change, another point for reflection, but not today.

Years later, I had the opportunity to look at my school records and found one of my report cards from Mrs. Corbin. Back then, grading was much simpler. S = Satisfactory, I = Incomplete and U = Unsatisfactory. Plus, there was a lot more weight on the written comments from the teacher. I saw "...does not play well with others." That has haunted me for years as have many other statements or beliefs.

Thinking about how untrue that statement is now made me think about others, some that others said about or to me and others that I have long held true. For the sake of brevity, I will not share those I heard from Mother, most of which are not printable anyway.

I am clumsy - not true. I have physical challenges, but it turns out the falls are not due to clumsiness, but either to fatigue, vision challenges or balance issues. Those are minute distinctions, but "clumsy" is an emotionally charged term that I choose now not to use.

If I am no longer clumsy, then it is incumbent on me to find physical activities that will be fun and good for me. It means I am no longer incapable of doing anything, I am capable of doing something. (I just need to find it.)

So, a few labels are still true, but they are not a life sentence. I am obese. I am fat. Those are facts but I don't have to own them for the rest of my life. I can choose daily, hourly, whatever interval makes sense, to act in ways that, in time, will make those two facts no longer true.

I choose success!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYFITZ 3/29/2012 11:16AM

    Well that blog certainly brought up some memories of "could do better" or "has potential, but needs to concentrate more"

I still remember the names of those teachers!

High school was a bit better, I think because by the time I got to 2nd year after repeating 1st year (another story) I managed to make friends with nice kind people and I am still friends with a few of them now!

It is a shame that we see in the news that bullying still goes on, and a psychiatrist said in the news today that we have to not wrap our kids up in cotton wool and teach them how to deal with. Mmmm I wonder if she was bullied?

Hope you are feeling better.

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_LINDA 3/28/2012 12:34AM

    I had that designation as well in school. I guess when the kids are too busy bullying you, you don't get on well with them lol. It resulted in me being painfully shy for half of my life. The insecurities do surface every now and then, particularly when dealing with domineering people. But I am a person and have the right to be on this planet too.
Here is to breaking out of the labels!

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CARRAND 3/27/2012 9:12AM

    Those early assessments from teachers or parents really can haunt us for life. My mother told me in kindergarten that I "couldn't carry a tune" and I never sang again.

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MISSY455 3/27/2012 2:19AM

    emoticon Every time you choose the best of two options, you are being successful!

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