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Please Pray for Madeleine and Her Parents

Monday, October 24, 2011

I learned today that my coworker's daughter is at St Judes Hospital in TN. She had tests late last week and we have not heard yet but are bracing for the news that this just-turned-two girl has kidney cancer.

I had already signed up (July 1) for this year's Give Thanks Walk for St Jude that will occur on November 19. My focus on this walk has just gone up a thousandfold.

I cannot imagine how hard it is for Justin and his wife to be dealing with this, that helpless, scared feeling.

I wish I could do more.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IDLETYME 10/25/2011 3:49PM

    Sending prayers to your coworker and family that everything will work out for their daughter! emoticon emoticon

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_LINDA 10/25/2011 1:09AM

    Was so sorry to hear about this, one so very young:((
You are such a thoughtful and caring person, your coworkers are fotunate to have such a person in their midst. That walk will do you and the cause good, so glad you have signed up for it.
Do keep us posted on the poor child's progress..
Sending soothing, healing and comforting thoughts for that precious girl and her family..
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4AMAZINGME 10/25/2011 12:08AM

    They are in my thoughts and in my prayers.
You sound like a very caring and supportive person and friend and I am sure your friends appreciate all that you are doing for them. emoticon

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MELLYBEANS0919 10/24/2011 11:21PM

    emoticon I am so sorry, that is such a tough situation for all involved. You walking for the cause is helping a lot! I am sure your friends know you care and are there for them, and that is what matters in the end. Don't feel helpless. I am thinking of the little girl and her family and sending positive thoughts their way!

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Loma Prieta Thoughts

Monday, October 17, 2011

Twenty two years ago, right at the start of the World Series game between the Oakland Athletics and San Francisco Giants, the earth shook. A bridge span collapsed and people died. Fires damaged property and people lost their jobs. I could not help but remember the event as I went about my business today.

I was at work when the quake struck, my VCR recording the game at home, and I initially thought a coworker was teasing me, rattling my chair. I worked in an area that was built on landfill, so liquifaction was a consideration. It took two hours to get home because of the traffic and the fact that the railroad track crossing arms were stuck in the down position. My apartment was built on bedrock, so there was next to no damange there.

Even though I was not as unfortunate as many, to this day, I hate to be driving on the freeway and get stuck on, under or near an overpass in stopped traffic. That 7.1 quake was not nearly as bad as the quake that hit Japan on my brother's birthday this past March, but it was the worst quake I have experienced.

But - I'd rather deal with quakes (they don't last long) instead of tornadoes or hurricanes (I've experienced both).

No update on my friend's/coworker's daughter's condition, but I did receive a donation towards my "Give Thanks Walk" for St Jude (Nov 19). I am still praying for Madeleine and her parents. I cannot fathom the helpless feeling they must have watching their 2 year old princess in the hospital.

Another layoff at work. So far, not me.

I have many reasons to give thanks and today's anniversary reminds me of that.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUBLEH 10/20/2011 6:59AM

    Wow what an experience! I fortunately have never experienced an earthquake, toronado or a hurricane. I can see why sertin things would make your uneasy. The worst that happens up here in Canada is Blizzards (which we will soon be experiencing)

Hope you have a great day today!

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_LINDA 10/18/2011 2:12AM

    I am quite happy to have experienced none of those natural disasters and certainly would not wish to. As much as I have every reason to complain about the long, bitter cold winters, our trade off is none of those terrifying events (tornadoes -but very, very rare in spite of the high winds we always get)
Hope the Dr.'s can help Madeleine, its so unfair to have a child struck with that horrible disease :(
Stay safe,
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Prayers, Please!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Life often has a way of shaking up my perspective and thereby humbling me. My travails with work, lack of money, WW, people, pain all fade to minutae on days like today.

But first - I went to the WW meeting and stepped on the scale. I still have not decided whether I will continue or not. Joe said I lost 5#! I am not sure I believe their scale. I didn't when it showed a huge gain and I don't when it shows a huge loss. Whatever. I am not focused on the number. I am making changes. Changes in how I deal with stress and other emotional triggers. Changes in how I interact with food. Food is no longer my security blanket.

Yvonne had a meltdown with another employee yesterday and is afraid she will be let go. Her attempts to mend fences today went nowhere. I have been the sympathetic ear.

Midday, I learned that layoffs have started again. I know no more than that.

In the midafternoon came the very sad news that our CIO passed away this past weekend. It was not completely unexpected, but I was nonetheless stunned. I had to walk away from my desk and go cry. V had some kind of cancer that does not have a good prognosis.

Shortly after he came to the company, he co-opted a conference room for his IT team and named it the "War Room". At the time, my brother had been loaned by the Navy to the Army and was in Afghanistan. Walking past that sign every day made me flinch, so I asked V if he would rename it. He did: the IT Triage Room. Shortly thereafter, my brother had a close call and his roommate was killed. I thanked V. profusely for making the change. I did not know him well when he made the change, but that interaction opened the doors of communication, at least in passing. We had friendly words and he had a zillion dollar smile that I will miss. My heart hurts for his family.

Just before I left work for the day, my boss told me that things were about to get very chaotic and would be so for the rest of the year. Our new attorney in the Knoxville office is taking a leave of absence and the company has not determined how they'll deal with his absence: overload the already overworked legal department or try to bring in a temp attorney. Last time they did that, it did not work out well at all.

J. is taking time off because his two year old daughter is in the hospital with tumors on her kidney or liver (I forget which). J. and I hit it off right away and my heart is with him and his family.

I crave your prayers for my coworkers.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETTER2BME1 10/18/2011 2:18PM

    Prayers and positive thoughts for you and yours. Good luck.

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ACIMPEGGY 10/15/2011 9:24PM

    I believe the Holy Spirit is guiding us all, honey. But I will pray anyway!!

How's your foot? emoticon

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CATLADY52 10/14/2011 4:37PM

    My thoughts are with you and your co-workers. emoticon

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_LINDA 10/14/2011 1:38PM

    So very sorry about your coworkers :( In a company as large as the one you work for across various states, its a given people working will be touched by cancer. Its a scourge and the one disease I always open up the wallet to help raise funds for a cure. Maybe someday, when you get that foot looked after, you can enter one of those walk/races for the cure in honor of all the people you have known who have lost their fight with cancer.
Sending healing and soothing thoughts,
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LIBBYFITZ 10/14/2011 10:21AM

    emoticonSo sorry to hear all the news of your co-workers and their families. So sad.

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LINDA! 10/14/2011 9:01AM

    Sending prayers.

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KAKIPOPUP 10/14/2011 3:45AM

    Holding you all in the Light -

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NIGHTVIXEN 10/13/2011 11:48PM

  They are in my prayers as well as for you.


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PERSISTANT123 10/13/2011 10:30PM

    Not only do you have my prayers for you co workers, but for you as well. May the peace that passes all understanding flood your soul.

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CASSIOEPIA 10/13/2011 10:05PM

    That is a tough day all round. I have lifted up your co-workers, and their families tonight.

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50+ Minutes and Doubt

Thursday, October 13, 2011

In my last blog, I mentioned the WW at Work program and my emotional reaction to gaining 5.2 pounds over 2 weeks, according to their scale. This morning, I got an email from the leader who said I needed to drop my free online program (meaning SP) and embrace WW with everything I had, that I would not be successful unless I did.

Decades ago, I belonged to WW and left when that leader started making what I call evangelistic statements about that plan being the only way to lose. I had been involved in a church that shredded what little self-esteem I had (my faith was not strong enough, I did not do enough good works, etc), so I bail whenever anyone else sounds like that, no matter the context.

One of the reasons I had joined this time was to make sure the program would occur at work- I was the last member they needed in order for it to be a "go". The leader is a sincere and very nice lady, so I don't mean to say that she said or did anything wrong - she just said the exact wrong thing for me. I own it.

Naturally, this is not helping my esteem now. It looks as if I have once again wasted money and have failed yet another stab at losing weight.

I have chosen to park that negativity for now. I went for a long walk after work. My foot is really, really sore, but I walked for over 50 minutes (slowly) and logged over 13K steps.

She did mention something that clicked. Months ago, I should have reduced my calorie range because I have not been consistently active for eons. My foot will not let me walk every day and I cannot YET do much else...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BHEALTHY46 10/24/2011 10:58PM

    My 'burning" feet have been bugging me for far too long. Instead of buying new lifts for my shoes, (which I did), I had my calcium supplements adjusted. My, what a difference!

Hope you find the answers for you.


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ACIMPEGGY 10/15/2011 9:22PM

    What she did is called pros·e·lyt·ize   [pros-uh-li-tahyz] Show IPA
verb (used with object), verb (used without object), -ized, -iz·ing.
to convert or attempt to convert as a proselyte; recruit. (from dictionary.com) or proselytising.

New word if you guys have 'word of the day.' It's hard not to do that (try to 'recruit') especially if we're talking about a strong belief you have. I have stopped myself from doing that about A Course in Miracles, Toastmasters and Spark People...but just barely stopped myself.

I agree with you, though. When I ran a TOPS chapter, at one of our conventions, we had a guest speaker who said, "Don't let anyone SHOULD on you. Tell them, 'I may be fat, but I can lose the weight. You're ugly and you will always be ugly.' " It got a big laugh, but I'd never insult someone like that.

I wish I knew the details of your food problem. I have flat feet and metasartaglia. Ball of the foot inserts help me. Unless I'm wearing Crocs or the new shoes (Therashoes are one brand...from KMart) that have like a rocker bottom. If I wear any of that footwear, I can go all day.

I will look back at previous blogs and see if I can figure it out.


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_LINDA 10/13/2011 10:40PM

    Everyone is missing the point here.
You. Need. To. Get. That. Foot. Problem. Looked After. NOW!!
Its making you miserable, you can't do much of anything for exercise on land. You can water jog in a pool without your feet touching the ground, but that is besides the point. This foot has to be taken care of, and you need to see some Doctors until you finally get one that gives you a solution and answer to it.
Don't keep suffering. Its not much fun as you are finding out. Be proactive about your care. Demand the best!
There are a lot of loyal WW fans, I have a buddy going back to it feeling she couldn't do it with Sparks alone. Some people may just need that in person real live human being for support and can't do it all on their own. But the thing is, you HAVE to do it all on your own. No body can tell you what to eat or when to exercise. It is a personal journey and Spark people has useful tools that work but only if you choose to use them as intended. You must set your Fitness Tracker to zero. Cardio means getting your heart rate up, and that won't happen when you can barely walk. A lot of people fool themselves into thinking common household chores are exercise. They aren't. You have done them all your life. That is figured into your basal metabolic rate. Its just normal activity. You will see the difference in the calorie range you must be in to lose weight. I have had to do this several times during my surgical layoffs -until I found a way to exercise around it (but I couldn't with my foot out of commission) and I could with just my arm in a sling.
Please look after yourself my friend. No one is going to do it for you. You are NOT a failure. You just have had a setback, like we all have. But you do need to get that foot looked after. STAT.

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WONDEROONA 10/13/2011 9:20AM

    Don't let anyone bully you into anything. That's a bnch of crap.
I just bought chair yoga for my wife-who is in a wheelchair-and she has been doing it off and on. I do it with her so it's not like I'm sitting and staring at her while she exercises. (Although, she does that to me.....hmmmmm.....lol) They have different ones on their website. If you go to the chair exercise group, there is a link on the page there. That's how I found the dvds.
Much luck to you.

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LIBBYFITZ 10/13/2011 7:21AM

    How ridiculous! SP is all about lifestyle and WW is all about a number! I was a member years ago and found it all very confronting with lack of support. I much prefer SP! emoticon

If your feet are hurting and you need to rest them, have a look at the chair exercise team. I have several SP friends who initially could NOT stand so started losing weight doing chair exercises!

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MISSY455 10/13/2011 2:11AM

    I would agree that if you have significantly curtailed your calories burned, you should lower your calorie range. You can do that by recalculating on the fitness goals.

I hope the pain get better for you soon.

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Forty Five Minutes

Monday, October 10, 2011

I've been eating too many carbs the last few days. Thursdays is our Weight Watchers at Work meeting and the only reason I mention it is because it is integral to the episode. This is the 3rd cycle of WWAW this year, but the first I decided to join. No one else in the group has nearly as much to lose as I do, not by a LONG shot.
At least 3 ladies have reached goal and 2 others reached maintenance.

I've been really, really, really down about a zillion different things. I don't remember exactly which thing it was last Thursday, but, when I stepped on the scale, the guy logging in the numbers made some comment about how I had gained 5.x something in 2 weeks. He was trying to be sympathetic, but it hit me wrong and I left the meeting without staying for the class.

Later in the day, I sent an email to the leader and spoke honestly about my very diminished interest in continuing this journey. Yes, I want the results, but, no, I don't want to work at it any more. I did not tell her, but to think that, nearly 2 years on the journey, I am almost back up where I started!

Then I went home and had the worst period of mindless eating I have every had in my life. I remember watching a roommate years ago eat like that. Diane died on my 39th birthday when a blood clot broke lose in her leg. She was probably 200 pounds overweight. You would think her sudden passing would have shaken out of this lifestyle. Since Diane's death, I've had several other friends and coworkers die suddenly due to obesity induced health issues. I know I am well along the same path. But I guess the problem is that I do not love myself enough to make the changes! Despite the fact that I want to be around for the next generation in my family. My eldest nieces and nephews will soon marry and have children, the youngest are just starting school and I don't want to miss any more than I already have.

Friday, I tripped at the group picnic and really banged up my left knee and leg. I spent most of the weekend recovering and thinking. I did not come to any great conclusions, but today was better.

I walked over 12K steps, including a 45 minute walk with 2 of the ladies from weight watchers. My lower back was hurting a little, I'll have to bring a change of clothes so that I can do this at the lunch hour and not stink out my cube mates in the afternoon. The important thing is - there will be a next time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMRAND54 10/11/2011 8:47PM

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I hope you continue to try to eat healthy and exercise. It all helps, even a little bit of weight loss can improve your health. You always get lots of steps in - way more than me. That's something to be proud of for sure.

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WONDEROONA 10/11/2011 1:35PM

    I'm sorry y0u are so down right now. I agree with Linda, it might be time to seek out some help=professional. I struggle with depression along with other mental illnesses and I have a counselor and a psychiatrist that I see regularly. Some times, things just get to much for one person to handle and you need help to cope. I'm glad you're getting around better. Way to go on the walking. That is just the first steps you will be taking. I know you will continue since you have begun. I know you are a positive person and will continue to make positive changes in your life!!

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_LINDA 10/11/2011 10:10AM

    You may be experiencing a touch of depression when you are no longer care for your life. and well being. Do you have someone you trust you can get counseling with? Your heavy workload and the emotional toll of bad things happening to so many people you care about is probably taking its toll big time.
It wouldn't hurt to seek some help.. You need the mental well being healed before you can get the body moving..
Well done with the walking!
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