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Forty Five Minutes

Monday, October 10, 2011

I've been eating too many carbs the last few days. Thursdays is our Weight Watchers at Work meeting and the only reason I mention it is because it is integral to the episode. This is the 3rd cycle of WWAW this year, but the first I decided to join. No one else in the group has nearly as much to lose as I do, not by a LONG shot.
At least 3 ladies have reached goal and 2 others reached maintenance.

I've been really, really, really down about a zillion different things. I don't remember exactly which thing it was last Thursday, but, when I stepped on the scale, the guy logging in the numbers made some comment about how I had gained 5.x something in 2 weeks. He was trying to be sympathetic, but it hit me wrong and I left the meeting without staying for the class.

Later in the day, I sent an email to the leader and spoke honestly about my very diminished interest in continuing this journey. Yes, I want the results, but, no, I don't want to work at it any more. I did not tell her, but to think that, nearly 2 years on the journey, I am almost back up where I started!

Then I went home and had the worst period of mindless eating I have every had in my life. I remember watching a roommate years ago eat like that. Diane died on my 39th birthday when a blood clot broke lose in her leg. She was probably 200 pounds overweight. You would think her sudden passing would have shaken out of this lifestyle. Since Diane's death, I've had several other friends and coworkers die suddenly due to obesity induced health issues. I know I am well along the same path. But I guess the problem is that I do not love myself enough to make the changes! Despite the fact that I want to be around for the next generation in my family. My eldest nieces and nephews will soon marry and have children, the youngest are just starting school and I don't want to miss any more than I already have.

Friday, I tripped at the group picnic and really banged up my left knee and leg. I spent most of the weekend recovering and thinking. I did not come to any great conclusions, but today was better.

I walked over 12K steps, including a 45 minute walk with 2 of the ladies from weight watchers. My lower back was hurting a little, I'll have to bring a change of clothes so that I can do this at the lunch hour and not stink out my cube mates in the afternoon. The important thing is - there will be a next time.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMRAND54 10/11/2011 8:47PM

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I hope you continue to try to eat healthy and exercise. It all helps, even a little bit of weight loss can improve your health. You always get lots of steps in - way more than me. That's something to be proud of for sure.

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WONDEROONA 10/11/2011 1:35PM

    I'm sorry y0u are so down right now. I agree with Linda, it might be time to seek out some help=professional. I struggle with depression along with other mental illnesses and I have a counselor and a psychiatrist that I see regularly. Some times, things just get to much for one person to handle and you need help to cope. I'm glad you're getting around better. Way to go on the walking. That is just the first steps you will be taking. I know you will continue since you have begun. I know you are a positive person and will continue to make positive changes in your life!!

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_LINDA 10/11/2011 10:10AM

    You may be experiencing a touch of depression when you are no longer care for your life. and well being. Do you have someone you trust you can get counseling with? Your heavy workload and the emotional toll of bad things happening to so many people you care about is probably taking its toll big time.
It wouldn't hurt to seek some help.. You need the mental well being healed before you can get the body moving..
Well done with the walking!
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No Cookbook for Me *Yet

Monday, October 03, 2011

After my blog yesterday, did I execute?! Nah! Moved slowly, got out the door late and added the bill stop to the end of my errands. By the time I finished my errands and the tiny bit of walking that involved, my heel was screaming at me.

I can hardly move today! I also have not picked up the weights. A cold wet rain front came in and I stiffened up unbelievably! The other half of the story was I did not want to move!

I had a bad sinus headache this morning that worsened with the gas leak at work and stayed with me all day. I visited the tiny gym at work and got on the elliptical for an embarrassingly poor 72 seconds. It felt good, but my heel was screaming. I did get my heart rate up and that post-exercise relaxed state helped me get through a nearly hourlong commute home. I live 7 miles from work, so that ought to indicate how awful it was!

Going to bed early with ibuprofen!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WONDEROONA 10/7/2011 4:37PM

    Turn your day around. Do something positive. Even if it's only getting your water in. It will make you feel better in the long run. Keep your chin up!!! I'm here for you!!! emoticon

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BYEFATNANNY 10/4/2011 12:57PM

    Sounds painful, hope that heel gets "fixed" soon. Yes the commute has been TERRIBLE in Sacramento too! (Where did all these extra people come from?) Hang in there.

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_LINDA 10/4/2011 1:54AM

    Hope that worked for you and you were able to get some sleep. Have you had the heel looked at? See if there is something to be done with it? Maybe you need some kind of support (like Mommalittle's boot) You shouldn't let this go, pain that bad needs to be looked after..Cold weather is my bain too. Take care of yourself,
Hugs,
Linda

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MISSY455 10/4/2011 12:47AM

    I hope tomorrow is much less painful, and more on the track you want. Just keep moving forward.
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NIGHTVIXEN 10/4/2011 12:09AM

  Hope your heel feels better and stops screaming at you! Hopefully the ibuprofen will help.

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October - a Look Back and Forward

Sunday, October 02, 2011

I have become increasingly sporadic in blogging. That reflects on the sort of spectator position I have taken with my SP journey. Of course, that means I have not met any of my weightloss or conditioning goals.

Yes, I want the tonnage to be gone but, no, I don't want to exert the energy to make it happen. The lack of energy is partly due to an ongoing depression of a general nature.

Rather than continuing to wallow and waste time, I am going to "act as if until I am". I am going to act as if I care about my body. Today I am going to walk to the hardware store and pay my bill instead of driving.

One thing about SP that I don't like is that you can't save exercises (the emails with the how-to and pictures), but I am going to commit to learning one new exercise a day. That's very elementary, but it's a start.

Today's was in today's email: Seated Rows with Dumbbell

I'm also going to prep my food for the week.

My incentive for October: the new SparkPeople cookbook. If I am consistent about my food and this exercise plan, then I will get it. If not, I won't.

I intend to blog every day about the exercise portion. Please hold me accountable!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WONDEROONA 10/4/2011 5:32PM

    emoticon

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MISSY455 10/3/2011 1:16AM

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NIGHTVIXEN 10/3/2011 12:12AM

  Oh, I love your October Incentive! :) Best of luck with it.. you can do it!!

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LIBBYFITZ 10/2/2011 8:07PM

    Glad to see you back on board. I think about you a lot and wonder how you are going. emoticon emoticon

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_LINDA 10/2/2011 3:47PM

    I had assumed you might be too busy with your crazy workload to bother with this website.. I am happy to hear you will be giving it a try again..
Sparkpeople has a complete section on all their exercises they have in one place. You can actually generate a workout based on your fitness level, how long you want it for and even what part of the body. It will give you the exercises, and I beleive its all printable..I wouldn't be surprised if you could access this through the Fitness Tracker or add it to it..
Good luck with it, you can do it. Fake it until you make it!!!

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Juneau A-Z (Idea From Michcleary)

Sunday, September 04, 2011

My A-Z list
A. Age: Qualified for AARP membership- 'nuff said!

B. Bed size: Queen, not big enough for partner, tiny cat who thinks the bed is her throne and me!

C. Chore you dislike: Pick one - the word chore does imply something you have to do that maybe isn't on your list of things you want to do: for me, ALL of them!

D. Dogs: None, except my my heart. My dad had a Norwegian Elkhound that I loved. My stepmother has a Great Pyrenees that is just a big love!

E. Essential start to your day: a good cup of coffee. I really like African coffees -
Ethiopian Harrar, Tanzania Peaberry...

F. Favorite color: What? I have to choose? I love the whole rainbow!

G. Gold or silver: most of my jewelery has both.

H. Height: 4'10

I. Instruments you play(ed): Piano, organ, harpsichord, guitar, autoharp, recorder

J. Job title: Paralegal, Contract Analyst, Legal Services Support

K. Kids: None unless you count my two cats!

L. Live: San Francisco Bay Area, mid Peninsula

M. Mom's name: Holly, Stepmother #1 Suzanne, Stepmother #2 Sharon, Adopted Mom Dorothy

N. Nicknames: Partner calls me Little Bunny or Bunny

O. Overnight hospital stays: I was a preemie, so I stayed in the hospital over 3 months at birth, about a month when I was 14 with my first orthopedic surgery, probably a total of 10 days over the 5 surgeries on my shattered elbow. Possible bone spur surgery this year...

P. Pet peeves: Too many to enumerate!

Q. Quote from a movie: "What would you have me do? Give Out? Give Up? Give In?" - Eleanor of Aquitaine (Katharine Hepburn), Lion in Winter. Speaking to King Henry the 8th (Peter O'Toole)

R. Righty or Lefty: Righty

S. Siblings: no full now- my oldest brother died when I was 14. I was the middle second child of that marriage and became the only. Both parents remarried, so I have four half sisters from Mother's 2nd marriage and my brother and another sister from dad's second marriage. Unfortunately, I am in touch only with the two from Dad's side (the door is open to the other four, but they've not chosen to have me in their lives).

T. Time you wake up: Usually 5

U. Underwear: functional

V. Vegetables you don't like: Southern: black-eyed peas, okra, greens. My first experience with southern food was the college cafeteria in Arkansas - probably not the best intro!

W. What makes you run late: Nothing if I can help it - being tardy is a huge pet peeve of mine. My dad was in the Army and he didn't tolerate being late when I was growing up.

X. X-rays you've had: far too may to count. I am surprised I don't glow in the dark!

Y. Yummy food you make: BF makes most of our meals. When I cook, it's pretty basic but healthy and cheap food.

Z. Zoo animal favorites: Love the zoo! My favorites are big cats, koalas, meerkats
bears

What's your A-Z List?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEANAQAH 9/29/2011 11:54PM

    Love your A-Z list! Nice learning more about you! Have a wonderful day! emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 9/29/2011 10:52PM

    "Qualified for AARP membership- 'nuff said!"

You go girl. And yes, I do count 2 cats!

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WONDEROONA 9/4/2011 6:21PM

    Great blog...now I know alot more about you.

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VICD25 9/4/2011 2:06PM

    how fun! I learned a lot about you today!
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JAKEANDNELLIE 9/4/2011 1:17PM

    I loved learning more about you! Thanks for sharing with us.
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Being Honest

Sunday, July 24, 2011

I have not stepped on the scale for a while. I feel huge. I have been eating within range, more or less. But I have not been exercising. I went to the doctor Monday for the chronic heel pain and got some heel cups and gel insoles. The cups helped for a few days and the heel pain disappeared, but the high arch pain began. For the last two days, I have hardly been able to walk when I got up in the morning.

This week, I am covering for Yvonne at work. Her dad's funeral is Thursday and I said I would try to go, not realizing it will be quite a drive and would represent a big chunk out of the day. I am a nervous nellie when it comes to driving in unfamiliar areas. Why did I say I would try to go? It feels like something I should do. I also feel guilty for not visiting him at the VA hospital in Livermore, for not sending a get well card to him or a "thinking of you" card to her or her mom...the list is long.

I have been thinking of my SP journey, knowing I need to step it up literally and figuratively, but have not found the Spark to do so.

Then, tonight, I learn my dad's widow had a significant heart attack last week. Sharon's a sweetheart and we have a good relationship, if a bit distant. The distance is my fault. I get caught up in my day-to-day life and am not in touch with distant family and friends as I wish I were.

I'm still adjusting to the perimenopause situation on top of everything else!

Thanks for your prayers for Yvonne and her mom. Add to that request prayers for Sharon and the rest of my Indiana/Kentucky family...

Thank you!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 8/6/2011 10:07PM

    Oh my. I hope your foot is feeling better.

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Sending big hugs to you, sweetie.

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LIBBYFITZ 7/27/2011 4:07PM

    emoticon emoticonSo sorry to see that your feet are still hurting. hope you can get it sorted soon. You can only do so much catching up with people! There are only so many hours in the day!

Are any of them on Face book as I am able to keep up with a lot of my family through face book.

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CMRAND54 7/25/2011 10:34PM

    You've got to get away from the guilt. None of this is your fault. You're coping with a lot, and doing the best you can. Is your heel pain plantar fasciitis? I had that for months, and it was very painful, particularly first thing in the morning. I was really limping around! I hope things start going your way soon.

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MELA1953 7/25/2011 12:36PM

    You cannot worry about what you did or didn't do in the past... it is over and done with... If you don't feel comfortable driving to the funeral, then don't ... If you feel the need to explain to Yvonne, tell her the truth. You need to forgive yourself and get on with life.. you deserve that.
I never went through perimenopause - I had a hysterectomy and was thrown right into menopause, and it was not a pleasant one, so I understand the FUMS... Frickin' Ugly Mood Swings....

Just remember that SP is here for you- it was something I forgot for a while, but now I realize (and I hope you do too) that the people here care and will help get us all through our trials..

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_LINDA 7/25/2011 12:12AM

    So very sorry to hear about Sharon :(( But please don't feel guilty not keeping in touch with her. You have an incredibly demanding job and busy life. You can't be expected to keep in touch with every distant relative you have. I live in the same city as my big brother, but rarely hear from him as he works two jobs to support his family and they keep him hopping on any off days, so I don't expect to hear from him. We get together once a year, at Christmas time for sure.
Please see your Dr. immediately for the effect these cups are having on the rest of your foot. Maybe he can make adjustments or a different suggestion. When I got my first set of orthotics, they were extremely uncomfortable and difficult to get used to, but getting rid of the pain they solved was worth the wait.
Maybe you need to look at chair exercises until your foot problem gets solved. There is a chair exercise Spark team it was suggested I go to during my long recovery from my upcoming surgery when I will not be able to do any cardio. You have nothing wrong with your upper body, and can start to work it. Think bone loss. You are at the age its critical to try and hang on to it. Strength training will help as its the upper body that loses the most quickly. Remember the one step at a time motto. Start small, gradually work your way up. Use items around the house for weights if you can't afford dumbbells (but garage sales are a cheap way to find some).
Time to put that awesome mind of yours in gear to find your inner Spark once again. You can do this,
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