Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Bestefar is the Norwegian word for grandfather. Today was my Bestefar's birthday. Were he still living he would be 105! There is a pciture of me in a bassinet with his arm in the picture. (I am named after both of his daughters, my aunts). I met him only once that I recall. I visited him during spring break during my sophomore year of college. By then, he was forgetting his English and I did not know enough Norwegian to communicate. We managed, though. I have a picture of him playing his accordion. I spent less than a week with him, but it was magical! I have lifetime memories, but I wish I had more!
He emigrated from Norway in the 1920s - not the best time to arrive here. He was a physical engineer and worked in shipyards during WWII, calculating the circumference of the smoke stacks for maximum fuel efficiency. That's as technical as I can get. No one would play dominoes with him because, in his marvelous mind, he could know what was in your hand within about 3 plays. His IQ was off the scale.
I wish he had taught Norwegian to his children, my aunts and father. But he did not. "We are Americans!" he said. So they grew up not knowing much about their heritage and their children (my generation) know even less.
I wish I had known him, really known him. I wish that many terrible things had not happened...But it is a combination of the good and bad that make me who I am. Deeply flawed with a strange relationship to food and to my body that SP is helping me put right, A person with enough emptiness that I can feel compassion when someone else hurts.
Regrets? I have plenty. I wish I had taken some good advice when I was younger. My life would be very different and much better.
Hope? Optimism? Drive? Determination? Stubbornness? Check. I have all that. I have within me and around me what I need to succeed. I also have the power of choice to make it so.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
This morning, just outside the front lobby at work, I saw a critter on the ground. I squinted and realized, yes, I did see it right. It was upside down and stuck. One person watched and another took a cellphone photo as I turned it over with a stick. It was a very large brown beetle and obviously had a couple of injured legs. I helped it to the grass. I figured one of three things would happen: it would die and become compost, it would become food or it would recover. For some reason, I could not stop thinking about the poor thing. I did not feel particularly virtuous in a karma sort of way, but it felt right. Better than it dying under a shoe or dehydrating in the heat of the day.
There's a Weight Watchers at Work program at work. I didn't join. I can't afford it and the meetings overlap with my Toastmaster meeting. Several of the members work near me so I have the unenviable delight of hearing them "Monday morning quarterback" their weekends. I wish I understood why this makes my hackles raise. I wince when I hear them talking about "cheating" or eating "bad" food. Yet, I am also jealous of their success! I get thinking, "I'll show them!" and still I flounder. Today, it was more of the same only more so. I could not get away because I was trying to finish a time-critical transaction. I felt like crying.
A lunch date got cancelled. I had not brought lunch, which I usually do. I went to the cafe and had watermelon gazpacho and a wonderful salad. Instead of dressing, I used low fat cottage cheese. (For breakfast, I used Yoplait slim 50 yogurt instead of milk.) I took a short walk around the campus, and, yes, the tendon was sore, but it felt good to walk up and down the hills.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
I dropped out of 3 teams today...sigh. Thanks to those of you who offered support last night when I mentioned I was going to do this. I view this as a temporary thing. If nothing else, curiosity will get me to rejoin and check in on my SP friends. I hope, rather, that I rejoin and jump in with full energy. In the meantime, I need to get my act together.
I have been doing tax research at work for more than a week. I LOVE the law but would rather read case law (judicial opinions) instead of statutes any day of the week. But I am BLESSED to be working, so I am not going to complain! Since this is not particularly interesting to me and it is frustrating when I don't find the answers at the first pass, I have to step away from the computer frequently (and load up on the caffeine - only a little joke!).
Speaking of caffeine, I have cut way back on my diet soda. Not by intention except that I decided not to have any soda until I'd had at least 5 glasses of water. I have been drinking more waterand less soda.
Last weekend, I bought a Conair thermal spa bath mat from my neighbor who's selling her home and retiring to FL. I used it tonight and it really helped my aching body. My tender Achilles tendon is still sore, but the inflammation is greatly reduced. BF is diabetic, so he tried it and his feet feel much better! I hope this stimulates his circulation.
Thanks for the Spark Goodies and positive thoughts!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
In the next day or so, I will leave a few teams. Not because I don't care about my SparkFriends or the focus of the team, but for myself. I am on overload in far too many areas of my life and I need to take small steps towards restoring balance.
One team seems to need more involvement than I can fairly give. How can I help others when I am paddling backwards on my own Spark journey? I have gained nearly 10 pounds in the past 2+ weeks and I cannot let that continue.
In other news - the shoulder feels great. The wrist sprain is still there, but not nearly as painful. Worload is nuts, but I am so grateful to be working, I can't complain. Fires everywhere, including beautiful New Mexico (I grew up there). People are evacuating and abandoning their pets.
I could go on. We all have our own songs to sing about life!
Now it's time to log off and get some sleep!
As I drift off to sleep, I pray for the safety of the fire fighters and their support staff, I pray for rain and I pray for people and issues I care about. Thank you - gratitude is part of prayer and I am grateful for you.
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