Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I tripped at work today. It was actually at the cafe next door. There was an uncovered outlet in the floor that did not have the proper cover plate. My shoe caught an edge and I fell. My cup of coffee, my apple and my breakfast went flying. I landed on my left arm and knee, wrenching my right wrist and shoulder as I fell. I was so empbarrassed! It did not seem that bad at first, but the shoulder started hurting, my wrist was quite swollen.
HR and Facilities sent me to the workers comp clinic. What a fun way to waste several hours - not! I had so many x rays, I am surprised I don't glow! Inflammation galore! I have ice packs, a splint and anti-inflammatory and pain killer. I am to be on limited duty for a while. Not sure what that means since I spend all day in front of the computer!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
My goal this week was small and achievable. I wanted to lose half a pound and my reward for doing so was going to be a home spa day. Not only did I not meet that goal, but I set myself back pretty hard. I am now just a shade under 170!
How did this happen? I have been exercising only minimally for a while. I am still trying to get in to see my new doctor about this chronic tendonitis. In compensating for that, I have created other aches and pains. So that's one element.
I have been eating as if there is no consequence for carbs and I have not been in balance across the nutrition panel. Water has suddenly become less attactive.
I feel bloated. I feel huge. I feel unmotivated. I do care about what is happening, but seem to lack the drive to change anything.
What this means = work. Just as I don't like every task that I do during my workweek, so, too, there are things about my SP journey that I would rather not do. The bottom line is that I have no choice. I must continue to move forward, literally and figuratively. If I don't, I am asking for heart trouble, a shortened life, reduced quality of life, even less ability to move and all kinds of unhappiness. It does not matter that I hate to exercise, it does not matter that I am bored with measuring and being accountable. I must just perform.
Monday, June 13, 2011
I am back up to 167.5. There, I said it. I have been wanting to EAT, EAT, EAT and be a couch potato at the same time. Some of it is discouragement over the slowness of my progress, some of it has been depression over some unrelenting chaos in my life (!). I have also been coping with intermittent left Achilles tendonitis and, today, back pain.
Yes, I am disappointed that I weigh about what I did at the end of June last year, but....my clothes fit more loosely, albeit only slightly. I have been plodding along, walking, some strength training. Nothing consistent and not much that is aerobic, but it is still movement.
I would dearly love to lose two pounds a week, or one pound a week, or even half a pound a week (note, my order does not include plateaus! LOL!). With nearly 58 pounds to lose, wow, is that discouraging to think about. I can only focus on a much smaller number. First, that half pound! My reward for doing so will be a spa-at-home day on Saturday or Sunday: facial, wonderful shower gel, a hand-cial (facial for hands),,,
I have been superhydrating - tomorrow, I am donating blood at a Red Cross blood drive at work. Nothing more motivating for drinking water than the thought that I have the opportunity to save a life tomorrow! (I'm ignoring my needle phobia)
UPDATE: I was "deferred" by the blood bank. They could not feel the big vein in the crook of my arm, only the smaller feeder vessels. I never knew that was why it's so hard for me to have a blood test! I was crushed! I had been so excited about having the chance to possibly save a life! I wonder if it's because I have so FAT that they could not find my vein! I was more than disappointed...
I am now angry! So what did I do after that disappointment? Emotional eating, of course. It's funny in a very sad way - I brought leftovers but did not touch them. I walked to the cafe to get the free fruit and frozen yogurt. Usually they don't have a flavor I like, so it's easy to walk away. Today - chocolate! So I got a dish and filled it to the brim. I brought it back to my desk, dumped it in my cereal bowl, added some peanuts, some craisins, sliced the small banana and threw some granola on it. That was yummy and filling, but I still feel guilty for the fat free chocolate yogurt...I am right back in that emotional zone and that is a surprise...
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
I don't remember the exact day, it could be today, but it is sometime this week 40 years ago. I met my dad, stepmother and baby brother. I was a very underweight teen. I was 4'6" and 80 pounds,
Today was gramma's birthday (Mother's mother) I adored her! She lied to me when I was a teen and I've never forgotten. She was trying to motivate me to lose weight (living with Dad and going to the boarding school where I got 3 meals a day plus desert on top of being inactive had put me something over 100 - I think I was about 120 when I graduated from high school). Gramma told me that my skin would split if I did not stop eating. Even then I knew that was not true. When that did not work, she told me she would not see me until I lost the weight. (She did come to my high school graduation and that may have been the last time I saw her. She died a few years later from cancer).
Tomorrow is my stepmother's birthday. She was roughly halfway between my dad's age and mine. She found out my dad had children from his first marriage and insisted that we have the chance to meet him. Unfortunately, my older brother never got the chance, but that's another story. I believe she saved my life - also another blog.
Sometime around the 22nd or 23rd of June will be the 40th anniversary of my older brother's death. He died saving another boy's life. My younger brother was in the Navy so I am surrounded by heroes!
Me? I weigh almost exactly what I weighed at the end of June last year when I earned my paralegal degree. Not happy about that! I can't seem to get over this tendonitis, either. Other terrible things are happening in my life, so my SP journey has not been front and center. I need help getting out of this pit!
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