JUNEAU2010   162,138
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SPY 2, Day 146: This Turtle Has Been Plodding (Updated)

Monday, June 13, 2011

I am back up to 167.5. There, I said it. I have been wanting to EAT, EAT, EAT and be a couch potato at the same time. Some of it is discouragement over the slowness of my progress, some of it has been depression over some unrelenting chaos in my life (!). I have also been coping with intermittent left Achilles tendonitis and, today, back pain.

Yes, I am disappointed that I weigh about what I did at the end of June last year, but....my clothes fit more loosely, albeit only slightly. I have been plodding along, walking, some strength training. Nothing consistent and not much that is aerobic, but it is still movement.

I would dearly love to lose two pounds a week, or one pound a week, or even half a pound a week (note, my order does not include plateaus! LOL!). With nearly 58 pounds to lose, wow, is that discouraging to think about. I can only focus on a much smaller number. First, that half pound! My reward for doing so will be a spa-at-home day on Saturday or Sunday: facial, wonderful shower gel, a hand-cial (facial for hands),,,

I have been superhydrating - tomorrow, I am donating blood at a Red Cross blood drive at work. Nothing more motivating for drinking water than the thought that I have the opportunity to save a life tomorrow! (I'm ignoring my needle phobia)

UPDATE: I was "deferred" by the blood bank. They could not feel the big vein in the crook of my arm, only the smaller feeder vessels. I never knew that was why it's so hard for me to have a blood test! I was crushed! I had been so excited about having the chance to possibly save a life! I wonder if it's because I have so FAT that they could not find my vein! I was more than disappointed...

I am now angry! So what did I do after that disappointment? Emotional eating, of course. It's funny in a very sad way - I brought leftovers but did not touch them. I walked to the cafe to get the free fruit and frozen yogurt. Usually they don't have a flavor I like, so it's easy to walk away. Today - chocolate! So I got a dish and filled it to the brim. I brought it back to my desk, dumped it in my cereal bowl, added some peanuts, some craisins, sliced the small banana and threw some granola on it. That was yummy and filling, but I still feel guilty for the fat free chocolate yogurt...I am right back in that emotional zone and that is a surprise...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MYSTERY4EVER 6/18/2011 4:47PM

    You have a lot hitting you at once. Try to deal with it one step at a time. Even if you can't do your walking, there are a lot of chair exercises you can do. We are here to support you.

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WONDEROONA 6/15/2011 9:06AM

    Don't beat yourself up so much!!! GEEZ!!!! Do I have to remind you of that all the time....LOL. You can only do what you can do. You act like strength training is nothing. It may not melt away the pounds like cardio does, but it raises your metabolism to help you lose weight once you start gaining muscle.
As far as getting deffered from the blood drive, it's NOT cuz you are "too fat". I'm heavier than you are and I give blood. The first couple of times I was deferred for the same reason. But, maybe you didn't have enough water in you. Sometimes with the heat and everything, that happens. You can try again. When I first started giving blood at 18, I was deferred all the time-except that isn't what they called it back then-for low iron. I just kept going every time mom would remind me to go. Now, since mom is gone I feel it is important to try again and again. I haven't been deferred for 2 years now.
Keep your chin up. You will do this. Don't become too discouraged. We are all here for you. You will NOT fail with us watching and helping you!!!
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CARRAND 6/14/2011 8:48PM

    When I started SP I had a broken ankle and couldn't even get off the couch by myself. I counted my calories carefully and by the time I could stand on the scale again I had lost 25 pounds. Of course, not being able to get to the refrigerator by myself probably helped! I'm hoping you can get through the chaos and depression and look out for yourself. You're such a worthy person. You deserve to have the healthy body you want.

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LIBBYFITZ 6/14/2011 3:23PM

    emoticonDonating blood is a wonderful way to lift your spirits. As long as you are still trying and have the mind set to get moving when you feel better. I have been on a plateau now since last August. I find it VERY frustrating, but I know my body shape is changing so I just keep on keeping on as there is NO choice! emoticon

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_LINDA 6/14/2011 2:28PM

    Good for you donating blood! There is just one thing to look at here. In spite of all the things going on in your life, you don't weigh ANY more than you did last year. This means you aren't at least gaining everything back you lost from emotional eating! That is an accomplishment!! Not to be taken lightly! So you can't consider yourself a failure in any way. You need to solve the issues keeping you from reaching goal before it is attainable. That is, the physical ailments and the mental stress your work places you in. Until those things are more normal, the best you can do is to stem the tide. Do what you can to eat healthy, always. If you can't exercise, that is fine, you can't. Just move how ever you are able to and do it throughout the day..
Remember the one thing you always have control over is what you eat..
You can do this!!
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MISSY455 6/13/2011 11:16PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 6/13/2011 10:30PM

  the reward you want to give yourself sounds fabulous! you can do it.

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Copied from ACIMPEGGY

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

You are ( not ) allowed to use my answers ... you must use different ones!!!


Remember, you can't use the same answers as the person who sent it to you....

1. Name something you use in the shower?...luxurous shouwer gel
2. Something people hate to find on their windshield?....a flyer
3. Name something a man might buy before a date? ....breath mints

4. What is something you cook in the microwave?....my
easured leftovers

5. Name a piece of furniture people need help moving?....freezer
6. Name a reason a younger man might like an older woman? ... intelligent conversation

7. Name something a dog does that embarrasses its owner?....act as if he does not understand the command to stay down.
8. Name a kind of test you cannot study for?....questions from children on a car ride
9. Name something a boy scout gets a badge for?....saving a life
10. Name a phrase with the word 'home' in it?.... home is where the heart is
11. Name a sport where players lose teeth? ....boxing
12. Name something a teacher can do to ruin a good day?....treat a student unfairly
13. Name something that can brighten your day? ....Spark Community!

14. Name a bird you wouldn't want to eat? ....any raptor
15. Name something a person wears even if it has a hole in it? ....socks
16. Name something that gets smaller the more you use it? ....pencil eraser

Remember...NO copying!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOTIC-KITTY 6/8/2011 7:58PM

  emoticon

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_LINDA 6/8/2011 6:27PM

    That is a switch on the usual chain questions, interesting!

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LIBBYFITZ 6/8/2011 5:24AM

    emoticon

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SPY 2, Day 138: June

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

I don't remember the exact day, it could be today, but it is sometime this week 40 years ago. I met my dad, stepmother and baby brother. I was a very underweight teen. I was 4'6" and 80 pounds,

Today was gramma's birthday (Mother's mother) I adored her! She lied to me when I was a teen and I've never forgotten. She was trying to motivate me to lose weight (living with Dad and going to the boarding school where I got 3 meals a day plus desert on top of being inactive had put me something over 100 - I think I was about 120 when I graduated from high school). Gramma told me that my skin would split if I did not stop eating. Even then I knew that was not true. When that did not work, she told me she would not see me until I lost the weight. (She did come to my high school graduation and that may have been the last time I saw her. She died a few years later from cancer).

Tomorrow is my stepmother's birthday. She was roughly halfway between my dad's age and mine. She found out my dad had children from his first marriage and insisted that we have the chance to meet him. Unfortunately, my older brother never got the chance, but that's another story. I believe she saved my life - also another blog.

Sometime around the 22nd or 23rd of June will be the 40th anniversary of my older brother's death. He died saving another boy's life. My younger brother was in the Navy so I am surrounded by heroes!

Me? I weigh almost exactly what I weighed at the end of June last year when I earned my paralegal degree. Not happy about that! I can't seem to get over this tendonitis, either. Other terrible things are happening in my life, so my SP journey has not been front and center. I need help getting out of this pit!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WONDEROONA 6/12/2011 3:21PM

    Family is very important to you. I can remember how excited you were a few months ago to go and see them. It seems like you need to focus on you so you can be around for that family that is so dear to you. You have inspiration right in front of you. All the time. Your family. Just thinking about your family should help inspire you. You are also a hero. You are on a difficult journey that takes alot of strength, physical and mental!! Keep yourself moving in a healthy way and the weight will go. emoticon emoticon

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 6/7/2011 9:16PM

  I agree with Libbyfitz... you need to start caring for you!

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CARRAND 6/7/2011 8:21PM

    I'm sorry to heat that terrible things are happening in your life right now. Just focus on taking care of yourself. Aim for health rather than weight loss. Exercise is good for you, both physically and mentally. It's great stress reliever. You need to find something that doesn't aggravate your tendonitis. Do you have access to a swimming pool? Water aerobics might be just what you need.

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LIBBYFITZ 6/7/2011 5:06PM

    I agree with Linda, you need to start being selfish and care for you. emoticon

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_LINDA 6/7/2011 2:25AM

    You loved your granny in spite of how she treated you over your weight?? I can see where you might have issues with emotional eating..You are dwelling in the past far too much. Lost loved ones, there is nothing you can do about that tragic fate :(( You must be more selfish and think only of yourself. Until you focus on what you are doing for yourself, and not concerned about everyone's problems, past and present, who has ever crossed your path in your life, it will be a struggle to do anything for a healthy lifestyle. The future, your future is what you must be concerned about. The quest for a healthy lifestyle is a very selfish pursuit. You must put yourself first. Your compassionate and kind heart must give yourself a break. You are worth caring about too. Look after your body and your peace of mind..You can do this..
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SPY 2, Day 124: I Had a Successful Day!

Monday, May 23, 2011

JAKEANDNELLIE blogged recently about her struggles with exercise and how she has resolved that by meaningfully exercising throughout the day – strength training while waiting for the microwave, walking while doing laundry, etc. That reignited my Spark! I walked over 12K steps and did 11 ST exercises. I have blogged before about how I do a lot of those ST in the elevator. Yes, I still take the elevator. I find if I take stairs, I can hardly move the next day. It is, for me, a better choice to take the elevator and walk every day.

I blogged yesterday about a Sparkfriend who’s leaving because she’s unhappy about doing everything right for months and not seeing results at the scale. Thank you to those who commented on that blog! I’ve been thinking a lot about my own journey. I am not happy that I weigh about what I did at the end of June last year. But I know what the issues are: I need to eat in balance and exercise more. I need to do both of those things consistently. It is still too easy for me to make the wrong choices.

Why am I here? I am sick and tired of being obese. I hate that label. I hate being fat. I hate being self-conscious about my appearance. I hate hearing people talk about their diets and I hate hearing everyone get compliments for losing weight and I stand there seemingly wearing a cloak of invisibility. More importantly, it’s a matter of life. The next generation of my family has arrived. I want to share in the lives of those children. I want to be a part of their lives and not sit on the sidelines. I don’t want to die prematurely and be a sad memory.

I also need to get in shape for career reasons. Not only do I want to job hunt for more pay, but I also know that I will need to work for a long time. I am a more employable person if I am healthy, so…

None of this really touches on quality of life, but that is a huge part of it.
I have, so far, eaten within range (except for 13 calories over), but I am HUNGRY. That sort of tells the story…HA!

Thanks, JAKEANDNELLIE!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 6/1/2011 12:46PM

    Keep on keeping on, rock star! You've got this!

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LIBBYFITZ 5/26/2011 10:14AM

    I can understand your friend's frustration. but it is up to ourselves as individuals in what we expect from something. I expected to be at goal weight by now when I first started with Spark, but over the months I have realised that this is NOT going to happen and I had to change my expectations and make different goals. As we get older our metabolism changes and it does get harder. When I had my daughter 25 years ago and needed to lose 6Kgs before we went home for Christmas, I was able to lose a kg a week, by eating sensibly, cutting out all the crap food, and walking, breastfeeding also helped a lot. Now 25 years later it ain't happening! But I will stick to it as the other choice is to leave Spark and regain what little weight i have lost and put on more!

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CARRAND 5/24/2011 8:56PM

    Hang on to that Spark! It's OK to be hungry once in a while. After a few days in your calorie range you'll get over the hunger feelings. There is no secret to weight loss. You just need to eat less and move more, consistently. I think my strength training helps me because I'm building muscle and that allows me to eat slightly more. My yoga classes help me to relax and that helps me to curb my evening eating. Once you find some exercise you really enjoy (kettle bells? elliptical?) you'll be more consistent about doing it and before you know it, the pounds will go. Hang in there. If I did it, you can, too.

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_LINDA 5/24/2011 11:13AM

    Its great you have found the Spark again! Little bits of fitness do add up. Did you read that daily Spark blog about sitting all day being bad for you even if you do work out 60 minutes every day? Apparently keeping moving or getting up every hour helps.
Sandra (knittables) does this to a T. She sits for hours knitting, but makes sure to get up every hour to do a cardio or ST break for 5 or 10. That is dedication! But it must be 10 minutes of getting your heart rate up into your training zone to be considered cardio. But just keep moving is the best! be a girl in motion!
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WONDEROONA 5/24/2011 7:26AM

    Way to go. It's great that you've found your inner spark again. Keep on with the good food choices and exercising. It will help you. I'm working on my goals as well. We can do this together!!!

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SPY 2, Day 123: It Could Have Been Me and May Still Be

Sunday, May 22, 2011

One of my sparkfriends blogged today that she is leaving Sparkpeople because she has been eating right and exercising for months without seeing a change in the scale. Icertainly understand the feeling, not that I can make that claim. Another friend still is looking for the quick fix and I ran out of words to persuade her otherwise.

Sure I could give up. Sure I can stop my sporadic attempts at exercise. Sure I can stop measuring, logging and trying to make smart food choices. I cannot compare my journey to Annie's, I have not walked in her steps. All I know is I have not given the full 100% to this journey for a long time.

Of course I don't like where I am: just about the same weight I was when I graduated last June. Less driven than I was. But, I have only to look in the mirror and see where the work needs to happen and where the fault lies for the results (or lack therof) for this year.

I know what I need to do. I am not sure I can right now. But, I am not giving up. I will continue to chip away at this. I have to believe the incremental steps will pay off, even if just a little, when I am finally ready make that 100% commitment.

I am grieved to see Annie go. I am diminished at the thought of losing her wit, strength and humor, of not being able to cheer her on, to encourage her. I wonder if she would have stayed had I been more demonstrative. I am not blaming, just musing.

The beauty of this site, of the community, is that people have the freedom to come and go as they need to do so. I have to let Annie go in my heart, but it is not easy, it is not without pain. I hope she finds the answers she is looking for.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 5/23/2011 5:29PM

    So sorry about your friend leaving :( There is usually a reason someone doesn't see results even though they think they are doing everything right. Could be anything from overestimating her fitness calories burned, or not tracking all the food she is eating, or not measuring but just guessing, or not having her fitness tracker set to the correct amount of cardio she does in a week. This program will work, but you really do have to be accurate in all things.
I am so glad you are not giving up. You are worth fighting for! You can only do the best you can and what your body's limitations will allow you any given day.. Just keep plugging away at it. Like a little bulldog who won't let go. You can do this!!
Hugs,
Linda

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SIMLIFY 5/23/2011 8:06AM

    I have Sparked less than a year and have been inspired by Sparkers who have experienced success. The ones who continue to blog and support me have been such a blessing! When some Sparkers have "left", I am pushed to find others that I can learn and be motivated by. It often works out that change is good.

Jump on to a new team or visit other Sparkers and I bet you'll find new inspiration!





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PERKINSSISTERS 5/23/2011 1:56AM

  Aw, that' too bad she's leaving. I left for a while and gained some weight back. Then came back and started over. I set 3 small goals to track, 10 min exercise, track nutrition and write in a journal. I still do at least these 3 things daily. After I got comfortable with the 3 goals, I increase my exercise to 30 minutes, then 45, then 60. I hate missing my daily goals so most of the time I eat within my range. I am constantly thinking about how I can increase my calorie burn and not go over on calorie intake. It takes a mindful thinking process that one needs to be aware of constantly. The eating part is the hard part for me and I am constantly challenged and I am grateful that I love to exercise.

I hope that you will hang in here and I hope that your friend will come back with a vengence!

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