Sunday, May 22, 2011
One of my sparkfriends blogged today that she is leaving Sparkpeople because she has been eating right and exercising for months without seeing a change in the scale. Icertainly understand the feeling, not that I can make that claim. Another friend still is looking for the quick fix and I ran out of words to persuade her otherwise.
Sure I could give up. Sure I can stop my sporadic attempts at exercise. Sure I can stop measuring, logging and trying to make smart food choices. I cannot compare my journey to Annie's, I have not walked in her steps. All I know is I have not given the full 100% to this journey for a long time.
Of course I don't like where I am: just about the same weight I was when I graduated last June. Less driven than I was. But, I have only to look in the mirror and see where the work needs to happen and where the fault lies for the results (or lack therof) for this year.
I know what I need to do. I am not sure I can right now. But, I am not giving up. I will continue to chip away at this. I have to believe the incremental steps will pay off, even if just a little, when I am finally ready make that 100% commitment.
I am grieved to see Annie go. I am diminished at the thought of losing her wit, strength and humor, of not being able to cheer her on, to encourage her. I wonder if she would have stayed had I been more demonstrative. I am not blaming, just musing.
The beauty of this site, of the community, is that people have the freedom to come and go as they need to do so. I have to let Annie go in my heart, but it is not easy, it is not without pain. I hope she finds the answers she is looking for.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
My huddle today for several teams was "I'm making progress". Unlike previous times I've chosen that one, today was not for exercise. Today was for handling stress in a different way. I did not eat mindlessly, I did not do any sabotage-creating behaviors.
I did not exercise (tendonitis) even though I really wanted to. I tried to do some exercises, but the pain flared up beyond tolerance.
The work stress today was worse than I anticipated, but I handled it much better than I thought I would.
Good news: Yvonne's cat seems to be doing well after her surgery. My other friend and coworker has a very old cat with a similar problem and she may not make it. Very sad...Ingrid's husband has to fly to Europe and he may not be there to say goodby to their beloved cat.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I am completely snowed under at work, to the point that I feel paralyzed and unable to accomplish anything! I started the day on the wrong foot by not having coffee and feeling as if looked scruffy.
Today's Toastmaster meeting was one of the best ones yet. Two very entertaining speeches, humorous table topics, the hour just flew! I won the Evaluator ribbon, but I would have liked this meeting just as much without it.
I get to cover Yvonne's desk for the rest of the week. Her cat is going in for surgery (a subrenal cyst needs to be removed). She told her team I would do something for them without even talking to my boss or me about it. Then I found out I will be covering her desk, the IP paralegal's desk and mine for a week in July (and Yvonne's desk and mine for the week following).
The two exec admins are giving me heat about some boxes of files that need to be moved, catalogued and sent to offsite storage -- all as soon as possible. The new IP paralegal plastered my name all over the boxes and on the whiteboard hanging over the boxes. The crunch is that they have to be moved before our new attorney starts on Monday. I looked at the boxes the other day. I don't know why it's my job to do this - I had never seen some of them before!
This is all on top of the full load of work I already have. All this to say I am amazed I did not give in to the stress and start eating everything in sight.
I found myself staring at work and not able to move, to think, to take the next step. I feel ok, I just could not pick up the pen, the paper or type the next email. I drank some diet soda and ate a piece of fruit and managed to get through the day. I felt weepy, tired and on the edge of slipping into very unprofessional behavior. Thank goodness, I did not do that!
I did a very short ST session tonight and am ending the day pretty much in range nutritionally. Amazing!
I read an article somewhere that said a symptom of menopause can be an inability to concentrate. I am not menopausal yet, but I am terrified of losing my ability to focus! I learned I have to choose a new doctor, so I suppose this concern might be the impetus to do so. I can't afford to take the time for the appointment....Overwhelmed!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Today is May 17 - Syttende Mai - Constitution Day in Norway. If Dad were alive, he would have worn his USA-Norway flags pin today.
I ate within range until evening. My tendonitis is better today but still very iffy, so I did not dare do a whole lot.
This morning was awful, work is overwhelming, but this evening, I am calm and centered.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I had a flare-up of my tendonitis, but it is not quite as bad as before. I think it's time to retire the shoes I was wearing. Instead of Kettlebells, I pulled out my balance ball for my first-ever mini workout on that. I have been doing small balance exercises over the last year and I can tell that they are helping. I have a long, long, long way to go, but it's wonderful getting that instant feedback! I hope to get back to my KBs tomorrow! I love the fact that they really challenge me (yes, I know I am not even up to beginner level, but I will get there) and I love the fact that the muscle soreness is gone by the next day. That is a new feeling for me!
I ate within range in most respects and it feels good to be back on track.
I limped (walked would be too strong) for over 9K steps today.
It felt good to put "I'm making progress" on my huddles today!
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