JUNEAU2010   160,585
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SPY 2, Day 123: It Could Have Been Me and May Still Be

Sunday, May 22, 2011

One of my sparkfriends blogged today that she is leaving Sparkpeople because she has been eating right and exercising for months without seeing a change in the scale. Icertainly understand the feeling, not that I can make that claim. Another friend still is looking for the quick fix and I ran out of words to persuade her otherwise.

Sure I could give up. Sure I can stop my sporadic attempts at exercise. Sure I can stop measuring, logging and trying to make smart food choices. I cannot compare my journey to Annie's, I have not walked in her steps. All I know is I have not given the full 100% to this journey for a long time.

Of course I don't like where I am: just about the same weight I was when I graduated last June. Less driven than I was. But, I have only to look in the mirror and see where the work needs to happen and where the fault lies for the results (or lack therof) for this year.

I know what I need to do. I am not sure I can right now. But, I am not giving up. I will continue to chip away at this. I have to believe the incremental steps will pay off, even if just a little, when I am finally ready make that 100% commitment.

I am grieved to see Annie go. I am diminished at the thought of losing her wit, strength and humor, of not being able to cheer her on, to encourage her. I wonder if she would have stayed had I been more demonstrative. I am not blaming, just musing.

The beauty of this site, of the community, is that people have the freedom to come and go as they need to do so. I have to let Annie go in my heart, but it is not easy, it is not without pain. I hope she finds the answers she is looking for.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 5/23/2011 5:29PM

    So sorry about your friend leaving :( There is usually a reason someone doesn't see results even though they think they are doing everything right. Could be anything from overestimating her fitness calories burned, or not tracking all the food she is eating, or not measuring but just guessing, or not having her fitness tracker set to the correct amount of cardio she does in a week. This program will work, but you really do have to be accurate in all things.
I am so glad you are not giving up. You are worth fighting for! You can only do the best you can and what your body's limitations will allow you any given day.. Just keep plugging away at it. Like a little bulldog who won't let go. You can do this!!

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SIMLIFY 5/23/2011 8:06AM

    I have Sparked less than a year and have been inspired by Sparkers who have experienced success. The ones who continue to blog and support me have been such a blessing! When some Sparkers have "left", I am pushed to find others that I can learn and be motivated by. It often works out that change is good.

Jump on to a new team or visit other Sparkers and I bet you'll find new inspiration!

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  Aw, that' too bad she's leaving. I left for a while and gained some weight back. Then came back and started over. I set 3 small goals to track, 10 min exercise, track nutrition and write in a journal. I still do at least these 3 things daily. After I got comfortable with the 3 goals, I increase my exercise to 30 minutes, then 45, then 60. I hate missing my daily goals so most of the time I eat within my range. I am constantly thinking about how I can increase my calorie burn and not go over on calorie intake. It takes a mindful thinking process that one needs to be aware of constantly. The eating part is the hard part for me and I am constantly challenged and I am grateful that I love to exercise.

I hope that you will hang in here and I hope that your friend will come back with a vengence!

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SPY 2, Day 120: I'm Making Progress

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My huddle today for several teams was "I'm making progress". Unlike previous times I've chosen that one, today was not for exercise. Today was for handling stress in a different way. I did not eat mindlessly, I did not do any sabotage-creating behaviors.

I did not exercise (tendonitis) even though I really wanted to. I tried to do some exercises, but the pain flared up beyond tolerance.

The work stress today was worse than I anticipated, but I handled it much better than I thought I would.

Good news: Yvonne's cat seems to be doing well after her surgery. My other friend and coworker has a very old cat with a similar problem and she may not make it. Very sad...Ingrid's husband has to fly to Europe and he may not be there to say goodby to their beloved cat.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSY455 5/21/2011 11:48PM

    Progress comes in many forms, so glad you are seeing yours!

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CARRAND 5/20/2011 8:52PM

    Good for you.

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LIBBYFITZ 5/20/2011 1:20AM

    emoticonSo happy for you! Well done on managing the stress ! emoticon

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_LINDA 5/19/2011 11:12PM

    Emotional eating is one of the hardest struggles to overcome! Well done!
That is good news Yvonne's cat is doing okay..
Its too bad you couldn't do water exercise and get off that chronically hurting tendon.. I miss getting my water workouts, its a real break from the ground pounding stuff I normally do..
I hope you have a better Friday and a restful weekend!

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SPY 2, Day 119: What's Wrong With Me?

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I am completely snowed under at work, to the point that I feel paralyzed and unable to accomplish anything! I started the day on the wrong foot by not having coffee and feeling as if looked scruffy.

Today's Toastmaster meeting was one of the best ones yet. Two very entertaining speeches, humorous table topics, the hour just flew! I won the Evaluator ribbon, but I would have liked this meeting just as much without it.

I get to cover Yvonne's desk for the rest of the week. Her cat is going in for surgery (a subrenal cyst needs to be removed). She told her team I would do something for them without even talking to my boss or me about it. Then I found out I will be covering her desk, the IP paralegal's desk and mine for a week in July (and Yvonne's desk and mine for the week following).

The two exec admins are giving me heat about some boxes of files that need to be moved, catalogued and sent to offsite storage -- all as soon as possible. The new IP paralegal plastered my name all over the boxes and on the whiteboard hanging over the boxes. The crunch is that they have to be moved before our new attorney starts on Monday. I looked at the boxes the other day. I don't know why it's my job to do this - I had never seen some of them before!

This is all on top of the full load of work I already have. All this to say I am amazed I did not give in to the stress and start eating everything in sight.

I found myself staring at work and not able to move, to think, to take the next step. I feel ok, I just could not pick up the pen, the paper or type the next email. I drank some diet soda and ate a piece of fruit and managed to get through the day. I felt weepy, tired and on the edge of slipping into very unprofessional behavior. Thank goodness, I did not do that!

I did a very short ST session tonight and am ending the day pretty much in range nutritionally. Amazing!

I read an article somewhere that said a symptom of menopause can be an inability to concentrate. I am not menopausal yet, but I am terrified of losing my ability to focus! I learned I have to choose a new doctor, so I suppose this concern might be the impetus to do so. I can't afford to take the time for the appointment....Overwhelmed!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 5/19/2011 8:35PM

    Hang in there honey. A bad day (or week) at work doesn't mean you are losing your mind. And you didn't give in to your mood and overeat! That's something to celebrate.

My son has a theory that bad things always happen to him on Thursdays. Maybe for you it's Wednesdays. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

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JAKEANDNELLIE 5/19/2011 12:38PM

    Divide to conquer.
Divide those large tasks into smaller elements - make a list of the smaller elements and check each off as you complete it. Don't make the list too long because it will then look overwhelming also! You can always make new lists. Schedule yourself a break or some short "me" time when you accomplish a set amount.
I used to do this when I was teaching and was overwhelmed with paper work, parent conference forms, report cards, lesson plans . . . It always helped me to see how much I'd accomplished by looking at the checks!
I'm sending you "stay strong" thoughts!
Stay positive!

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WONDEROONA 5/19/2011 7:15AM

    Start off slowly. take one thing at a time. Prioritize your time. Just start at one pile and do it and then take a minute to look at what you have accomplished. Then, start all over again and you will find and end. Take faith in your abilities and knowledge and yourself. Try not to stress, it will just make things worse. emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 5/18/2011 11:38PM

    emoticon Do you have a manager that you can speak to and ask for time off to go see your doctor.

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SPY 2, Day 118: Syttende Mai!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Today is May 17 - Syttende Mai - Constitution Day in Norway. If Dad were alive, he would have worn his USA-Norway flags pin today.

I ate within range until evening. My tendonitis is better today but still very iffy, so I did not dare do a whole lot.

This morning was awful, work is overwhelming, but this evening, I am calm and centered.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 5/18/2011 8:10PM

    Keep that calm and centered feeling! It's worth a lot.

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_LINDA 5/18/2011 2:38PM

    So glad you are able to stay calm in the evening in spite of a stressful work day..
Yes, you are right to be cautious with the tendonitis. You could, however, do some upper body strength training, using soup cans if you don't have dumbbells, just a thought..
Enjoy your emoticon day!
Saw a lot of the Norweigen flag when all those great skiers and speed skaters were winning all the medals at the Olympics!
emoticon emoticon

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JAKEANDNELLIE 5/18/2011 12:18PM

    Like I always say ~ Stay focused on your goals, determined to reach them, and positive that you will!
I'm glad that you had a calmer evening after what seemed to be an overwhelming and stressing day. Be sure to take some "me time" in the midst of days like that - even if it's only closing your eyes and taking 10 deep breaths.
Stay positive!

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LIBBYFITZ 5/18/2011 5:38AM

    emoticonGlad to see you are having a calm evening. Sleep well my friend. emoticon

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SY 2, Day 117: Balance

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I had a flare-up of my tendonitis, but it is not quite as bad as before. I think it's time to retire the shoes I was wearing. Instead of Kettlebells, I pulled out my balance ball for my first-ever mini workout on that. I have been doing small balance exercises over the last year and I can tell that they are helping. I have a long, long, long way to go, but it's wonderful getting that instant feedback! I hope to get back to my KBs tomorrow! I love the fact that they really challenge me (yes, I know I am not even up to beginner level, but I will get there) and I love the fact that the muscle soreness is gone by the next day. That is a new feeling for me!

I ate within range in most respects and it feels good to be back on track.

I limped (walked would be too strong) for over 9K steps today.

It felt good to put "I'm making progress" on my huddles today!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 5/17/2011 8:36PM

    Congratulations on making progress. It's a good feeling.

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WONDEROONA 5/17/2011 3:16PM

    You showed good thinking when you changed up your routine to accommodate your tendonitis. I hope you feel better soon. emoticon

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_LINDA 5/17/2011 1:19AM

    It felt good seeing you are back on track! So sorry about the tendonitis, its so frustrating when it keeps coming back. Being on a balance ball is a good workout! I actually feel more comfortable when I sit on that then I do sitting on a chair. I actually feel less pain in my hip and back. Its a bonus to get some passive exercise, but my leg muscles sure are feeling it. They really have to work when I am so tired my upper body doesn't suck it in like its supposed to and I almost fall off the ball lol.
Keep up the great work!!

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LIBBYFITZ 5/17/2011 12:52AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonHope the tendonitis gets better soon.

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    Whoo hoo on making progress! Sounds like you found that ideal method that challenges but doesn't hurt. Keep going! I love anything with "balance" in the title!

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