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SY 2, Day 116: Taking Charge Over Carbs and the Couch!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

One of my SparkFriends had a statement on her home page: No longer foodís b***ch. I winced at the implied word, but I thought I understood the sentiment. Now I know I do. For the past month, I have been inconsistent with exercise and have been eating without caring about the consequences. That changes today. I am taking charge and not going to fall prey to the siren call of the carbs or the seduction of the couch!

A few weeks ago, I bought the KettleWorx DVD set on eBay for less than 50% of the retail price. This morning I loaded up the intro DVD. I immediately got some new warm up exercises! The workouts are 20 minutes each, but it will be a while before I can do that much. I did about 5 minutes this morning and really feel it! It was a great combo of strength training and cardio. I feel great! I am a little sore, but I have that new-to-me exhilarating feeling that this is something I can do!

Itís supposed to be a six-week body makeover, but I have no illusions that I am going to get from point A to point Z in that short period of time. It may take 12, it may take 18, it may take 52. I donít care. I will, however, pull out the tape measure (Iíve already stepped on the scale) and track that just so I know my starting point. I will check again in six weeks just for fun! I am not going to rely on the scale or tape measure numbers to define success. Success will be measured by how my clothes feel, the increased strength, fluidity of movement and overall general sense of well-being.

A special shout out to my Spark Family (you know who you are). Your encouragement and your own stories have kept me from writing myself off. JAKEANDNELLIE has rediscovered her Spark, MICHCLEARYís blogs brim with optimism, CHAOTIC-KITTY seems to be doing some of the same things Iíve been doing, but she is still blazing the trail ahead. TEENIE BIKINI challenges me to think about my entire relationship with food, my body, exercise and how those scripts need to be rewritten. My childhood was decades ago and it is past time to break free of those learned bad attitudes. There are many others who have consistently checked in on me and kept me at least nominally plugged in even while I was dragging my heels and (not) moving with an ďI donít wannaĒ attitude.

I started with the abbreviated workout this morning. Now itís on to a carefully thought out first meal followed by some water. Then, on to the chores of the day and preparation for the week. The end of the day will see a day of measured and recorded wise food choices, full water and more exercise.

Thank you, Spark Friends!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 5/17/2011 1:23AM

    You have a healthy attitude about your expected progress. When you have physical limitations and set backs, you know you can't get it done as quickly as the normal people can. Your goals are for you only, tailor made and quite achievable!! Looking forward to watching your progress. The new Nutrition Tracker sure makes it a snap to track all your food and measurements quickly, I just love it!!

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TEENY_BIKINI 5/16/2011 4:29PM

    You go girl!


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LIBBYFITZ 5/16/2011 4:52AM


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WONDEROONA 5/15/2011 2:36PM

    You have been helping me, too. I did 3 miles with my Leslie Sansone's DVD today. I am so excited and pumped. I have made good food choices until I decided to celebrate with a whiskey sour. But, my wife and I made some killer egg salad that is low fat, high protein and tastes great so I can afford the few extra calories. I'm not real happy with myself for doing that, but I'm not beating myself up about it either. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/15/2011 1:51PM

  You are SO awesome! Love this blog. Love your attitude. You CAN AND WILL do it girl. :)

Congrats on getting off your couch and doing some warmups. Amazing. :) I got off my couch earlier this morning & did my hour on the "just dance 2" for the wii. :) Yay. We ROCK. :)

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CARRAND 5/15/2011 1:36PM

    I know you can do it! Focus on one small step at a time. You've found an exercise you like so that's a good place to start. I try to focus on eating at least two fruits or veggies at every meal, getting enough fiber and avoiding bad fats. That, plus weight lifting and yoga seem to working for me.

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MAWRTIAN 5/15/2011 1:34PM

    Wow! Keep up the great work! I still struggle with staying motivate but spark friends help so much. Have a great week!!

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SPY 2; Day 110: Trophy, Wallflower and Floundering

Monday, May 09, 2011

At the beginning of the month, I got a first - a trophy from SP for trivia! Sometimes, I would see a question I'd never seen before or could not remember the answer for and would back out and return later to see a different question. I still managed to click the wrong answer a few times when I knew the right one...Karma, I suppose...LOL

I have not been consistently tracking my food or exercising. I have far less interest in my journey than I did before. This starts a negative spiral - I get angry at me, I hate my situation and the spiral continues.

There are many areas in my life that I need to change. Yes, I know. Start small etc. The pool is open where I live, I have a new suit, I should be swimming! I should also be using my Kettlebell, getting on the elliptical, etc.

Today, I ran into a coworker of mine who was talking to a retired former coworker. The retired person barely acknowledged me and was effusive in her praise to Linda for her weight loss. I felt completely invisible. It was awkward.

I felt invisible and unappreciated last week. I went to the charter party for the Toastmaster club I have been mentoring and was the only mentor who came. With the District Governor on hand, there was no acknowledgement of my time and energy on behalf of this club. If the other mentors had been there, there would have been. Most of the members are women and these two mentors are male, so they get tons of attention. No, I am not imagining it.

A couple of weeks ago, I represented the Legal Department at the Bring Your Child to Work Day event and felt completely unable to reach the children. Granted, legal is not as exciting as solar power, robots and electric vehicles, but....

I feel very flawed. I feel huge. I feel powerless. I am scared and feel paralyzed by fear.
To top it all off, a flare-up of tendonitis on the Achilles tendon that is so sensitive...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 5/10/2011 8:53PM

    Try to get back to tracking your food and exercise, and aim for at least 10 minutes of exercise a day. You know how to do this.

I'm sorry you felt overlooked. You're such a sweet person, you deserve better. Try not to take it to heart.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/10/2011 11:51AM

  Oh, I know how that 'wallflower' feeling is. :( I totally agree with _LINDA on this one girlie... You need to concentrate on what is best for you... focus. Take it day by day. And, I too agree .. that YOU CAN DO THIS. And you will succeed. You are a fighter... and you are such a wonderful inspirational woman. You CAN do it. :)

Hope you are having a better day today..


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LIBBYFITZ 5/10/2011 12:22AM

    I agree with Linda. You are the important one and when you accept that you are others will think so too. emoticon

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ULEWIJ 5/9/2011 11:40PM

    I'm so sorry you've been having a rough time. As I don't know much about your personal life, what I do know is this...You are a very active member of our spark family here, and that means you are aware and making mindful choices about your health and the importance it plays in your life. You post and reach out to others, and you offer support. So if nothing else...know you are connecting to all of us out here, that your input/feedback/participation is valued!

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_LINDA 5/9/2011 11:33PM

    I am so sorry you are having this horrible time Mali :( I so understand this feeling of being ignored and in the back ground. I have always been the wallflower that no one had any interest in. You do understand the lack of attention in that toastmasters, of course, the women will fawn over the men, yuck. It has nothing to do with your skill or abilities.
What you must focus on is you. And nothing but. Not on what the other people are doing and thinking. You are what is important here. You have to remind yourself this journey is all about and ONLY about you. You think far too much of other people and their opinions. Opinions are like A$$holes, everyone has one.
Lets get back to what is important here, making you healthy.
Go back to basics. Find 10 minutes every day of a fitness activity. It doesn't matter what, just do it. First thing in the morning before you have time to think and back slide about it. You can do it. Its not that long of a time and will be over before you know it.
You can do this Mali, for your own sake!
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SP 2; Day 101: Mixed Feelings

Monday, May 02, 2011

This morning, Pope John Paul II was beatified. This evening, President Obama announced that Osama bin Laden was killed by US forces. And today is Law Day, a day that attorneys and others observe. This year, the focus was around the legacy of President John Adams.

I am not Catholic, I am not even particularly religious, though I am spiritual. The last few times I have been in a church were for funerals. But I admired this Pope very much!

The night that the "shock and awe" campaign began was within 24 hours of my birthday and it was the last birthday I celebrated with my dad. He was dozing on the couch in an aftermath of a chemo treatment. I did not know then that he would be dead in less than a year. I watched the campaign unfolding on TV hardly able to breathe, just willing peace.

Tonight, as I watch the crowds celebrating in Times Square and Lafayette Park, my heart is choked with tears. Tears for the thousands of lives lost in the nearly ten years since 09/11/2001, for those who lost loved ones on that dark day, tears of gratitude that no US service personnel were killed in today's action in Pakistan. I cannot celebrate at any man's death, but...Were it not for this man, I would not need to some day pay a visit to a particular site at Arlington Cemetary. Rest in Peace, Frankie Toner IV! My heart hurts for your family anew.

I should have gone to bed hours ago, but I'm not sure I can sleep!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RJFERRARO315 5/5/2011 11:34PM

    So true. I didn't celebrate either, but I'm glad that maybe the US can focus on something more positive.

Take care,
Rebecca emoticon

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CARRAND 5/2/2011 1:14PM

    I think the world is better off without bin Laden. I don't grieve for him, but for all the innocents he helped to kill. I'm thinking G W Bush could have killed him years ago if he hadn't taken the side trip into Iraq, but we'll never know.

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_LINDA 5/2/2011 12:09PM

    They have been chasing this man for so many years with so many failures and false alarms, I wonder if they can be truly sure they have killed this 'ghost'. Its no cause for celebration, true, there is still too much of this evil in the name of religion going on. How anyone can kill innocents in the name of a supposedly merciful God, I have no idea how they can justify it in their own minds. Almost every day brave soldiers trying to hold back the tide give up their lives. Its a sadness and madness that I wonder if it will ever come to an end?? There will be no celebrating here. Another mad prophet will quickly take his place, there seems to be an endless supply of them.
So sorry your birthday is marked by such a tragic event..
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  My 12 year old daughter informed me tonight of Osama bin Laden's death. And like you, I cannot celebrate a person's death. I do not feel any safer now that he's dead and maybe somewhat more less safe because of the after math. My heart goes out to the many people and their families, friends that lost their lives and or loved ones on 9/11. I pray for peace.

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SP 2; Day 97: Not Sure I Want to Go There...

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I have not been tracking my food and I have been eating far too much. I have not yet reconciled to the consequences that I know are due. I am floundering in all areas of my life, exercise, work, drinking water, eating right, making good choices. Nothing is going right and, despite the power of decision, I seem powerless to change direction. It has been more than 3 weeks since I blogged. That should be illustrative of my funk.

One of my teams had a challenge to blog today and I did not want to. But I have to be honest to my Spark Family and to myself. One way to turn things around is to start doing what I know to be right.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NONIE_C 5/5/2011 11:43PM

    I have started a health and wellness journal. Every day when I wake up, I write down my goals for the day. I was really starting to stress out about my long-term goals, because I don't think I'm going to reach what I wanted to reach by the time I wanted to reach it LOL. It always seems so big, so unattainable. So, if I really just focus on today, see what I can be successful at in this one day, then I know - eventually - I will reach my larger goals.
My best advice to you, my friend, is do what you can in this moment, and don't stress on what comes next.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 4/28/2011 7:43PM

  One day at a time. I hope you find your way back. I have been in such a horrible funk since Christmas... and, only now am I finally seeing the light. ;) Just don't give up.. because that is NOT an option. ;) Hope you are having a better day today (Thursday).

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WONDEROONA 4/28/2011 6:53PM

    You can start back on the trail to your journey any time that you are ready. Take time, take a step back and refocus. Maybe right now isn't the best time to try on your weight loss journey. Try getting something back on track-anything-work, water, food, exercise, meditation, just anything and maybe you will find the road back to your weight loss journey.

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_LINDA 4/28/2011 3:03PM

    You need to get back into it, but slowly. One thing you can handle at a time. Like water. Keep a water bottle by you at all times and just drink. Especially when you get any cravings to go off the wagon or snack on something bad. Not so hard a thing to do. When you get one thing back it will be easier to get another. Just try it. never give up! You can do this. You have done it and know what is needed.
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  Don't give up. Just jump back on the wagon or treadmill or whatever makes you happy. Start with something you enjoy and build on it a little at a time. We're all behind you 100%!

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MISSY455 4/28/2011 1:19AM

    I hope you find your spark, motivation, insight, whatever it is going to take for you to realize you are worth the effort to make healthy choices for yourself. Don't throw away all of the hard work you have done to this point.

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SPY 2; Day 72: On Track Until Evening

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

This afternoon, I felt my energy draining, so I took a break and did something I've never done on a break - I hopped on the elliptical for a few minutes. It did give me the energy to get through the afternoon. On the downside, I was STARVING at dinner and overate big time.

Balance in all things is still a problem!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WAIANAEGAL 4/14/2011 1:27PM

    Yes the time on the elliptical has an added benefit by keeping our metabolism boosted long after we get off the machine. So even though you had an ooppss later on your body was still working out.

I'd had one of those evenings last weekend... slapped myself around verbally the next morning, then went to the gym and got right back at it...

You're doing wonderful... Keep Sparkin'On!!!

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MYSTERY4EVER 4/13/2011 11:25PM

    Maybe you could have some pre-measured, healthy snacks handy. I keep crackers in my car for just those occasions when I have gone to the gym and am starving. It keeps me from stopping and getting a snack.

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CARRAND 4/13/2011 8:29PM

    Good for you for getting in some time on the elliptical! Focus on the positive. You can get the food back on time tomorrow.

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JAKEANDNELLIE 4/13/2011 4:22PM

    I've been doing the same thing - great throughout the day, but binge in the evening! I HAVE to get control back and make some progress soon!
Stay positive! We're on this journey together.
Sheila emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 4/13/2011 4:03AM

    emoticonThe evenings are ther killer! emoticon At least you got on the elliptical so that is a start! I try and have food already cooked in the fridge, so if I have a hunger attack I can grab that. ie lots of vegetables.

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