JUNEAU2010   160,893
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SPY 2: Day 61; I Got Nuthin'

Saturday, April 02, 2011

I keep trying to write the blog and it keeps disappearing. Not doing well, but it's due to apathy and poor decisions knowingly made.

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  Crazy computers. They just like messing with people to annoy them! Hope it gets better soon, there's nothing like a smart alec computer to get a person frustrated!

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CARRAND 4/2/2011 10:48PM

    I've had that happen to me before. I do it in work now, and then cut and paste.

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JHADZHIA 4/2/2011 1:52AM

    So sorry :( Can you save it to word then copy and post? That way if it goes you can try again.
Try to make this weekend yours. Just get out and do it, don't give yourself time to talk yourself out of it.. You can do it. You have the strength to do it..
emoticon emoticon

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SPY 2: Day 58: A Somber Day

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Two years ago today, Frankie Toner and Florence Choe were killed in Afghanistan. Frankie was my brother's roommate and one of his subordinates on the base. Frankie and Florence were out jogging on the base with other military personnel. My brother stayed in his office to catch up on some paperwork or else he would have been with them. An Afghan soldier opened fire and killed them.

I lost my older brother when we were teens (he died saving another boy's life) and the thought of coming so close to also losing my younger brother makes me ill! Yes, I am so grateful that he survived that year in Afghanistan, but our family is now forever linked to the Toner family. Frankie was due to head home on leave the next week, to return to his wife. He also leaves a younger sister and a much younger brother. John was 9 two years ago and I cannot stop thinking about him today.

Were it not the desire to blog about that day, this sad anniversary, I would probably not be on SP today. I am not moving forward, very discouraged and sliding backwards!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 3/30/2011 9:03PM

    You've had a lot of tragedies. All you can do is look after yourself and move forward. Be strong. You can do it.

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LIBBYFITZ 3/30/2011 6:28AM


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NONIE_C 3/30/2011 1:57AM

    I know, only too well, how negative or unhappy memories can suck the life out of you. The sadness can literally drain you of your motivation. I am no expert, and I'm trying to find ways to act, instead of react, in my own life too. Here's what I think you should try. When the pain is coming on, step away for a moment, sit and cry if that's what your body and mind need to do. But then do something positive, like run across a grassy patch purposefully smiling while you do it, or just go give someone you know a big hug and tell them how wonderful they are, also smiling and looking them right in the eyes, or put on your favorite tune and dance for at least a minute, again, smiling, even if you have to force your face into that position. If you do try this experiment, please let me know how it goes. I'm going to try it the next time my energy and motivation are sucked away from me by sadness, or fear, or whatever...
lots of love to you, my friend. lots and lots of love...

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TIBURONA 3/30/2011 1:25AM

    My brother is USAF retired. During the holiday season 1988 his family was babysitting a cat of a fellow airman. Tragically the cat became a permanent reminder of the danger folk face during times of conflict. His friend, wife and child were passengers on Pan Am Flight 103 on their way home for a visit. Each of us have the right and obligation to feel somber about these situations. Hopefully, it makes us better human beings.

Love yourself and pass it on to others during these hard times.

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JHADZHIA 3/30/2011 12:25AM

    So sorry you are struggling so much right now. Remembering tragedies like this doesn't help. You must put the what ifs behind you and look at the positive -that your brother survived.
You have done so well on your program. This is no time to give in to defeat. Make your brother proud of you and go forward and strive to do the best that you can.. You must believe in yourself. You do have the willpower. You can overcome. You know you can!
Just do it!

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MYSTERY4EVER 3/29/2011 11:50PM

    Look forward and remind yourself of all the progress you have made. Keep doing your walking and watch your food. You know how to do this. Keep up the good work that has gotten you this far.

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SPY 2: Day 57

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I don't want to stop eating, but I don't want to pay the consequences either...........UGH

My paralegal buddy who was let go at the end of the year finally landed a new job! She starts middle of April. I am ecstactic for her!

One of my SparkFriends started a new account with a new name to signify the changes in her journey. I wonder if I should do that. I am not doing the right things at all right now. I don't have the energy! ACK!

Sleep is in order...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 3/29/2011 9:01PM

    Get some sleep and things will look better.

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JHADZHIA 3/29/2011 2:55PM

    Hope you had a good sleep and that you have a Terrific Tuesday!!

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ANNE1123 3/29/2011 2:00AM

    Sleep has a way of making things work out the next day! Hope this is true for you, thanks for commenting on my blog! emoticon emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 3/29/2011 1:56AM

    emoticonHope you jump back on track ASAP!

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SPY 2: Day 56 New Facts Learned

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Finally, that cold/sinus infection that has ruined my days for weeks seems to be leaving!

Why I felt crappy yesterday had nothing to do with that, and I did not know what was wrong until today. Friday night, we were out shopping at the hardware store getting stuff we needed to repair a leak and other items around the house. Hungry, we walked across the parking lot to Taco Bell. I have not eaten there in months because I have learned on SP that even their fresca options are not wonderful. But - we were hungry and tired. Taco Bell advertised Pacific Shrimp tacos and burritos. I had the taco and it tasted ok.

Yesterday, we had to go back and exchange some of the hardware items. We ran into some friends and went to Taco Bell with them. I had the shrimp burrito last night. It did not taste quite as good, but I didn't think about it much.

Then, this morning. It was as if I were preparing for another colonoscopy! Just a horrible morning! No more Taco Bell for me! We have not been eating any kind of fast food (except Subway) for months and this was a lesson!

Once things turned around, I went in to work for a few hours. My top attorney sent me home after a couple of hours. Turns out she will be on a business trip for most of the week, so I have more time to work on her project than I thought.

That gave me more time to do the grocery shopping. We always shop at a discount grocery store, the kind of place where you buy it when you see it and there is an element of adventure because you never know what you will find there. We found a bread maker! I have been wanting one for several years. Now that good bread costs more than $4 a loaf, we're going to make our own!

I read an SP article today that shows me I have been doing things wrong for over a year. I should not be recording my mileage from my pedometer for the incremental walking, that I should record only the cardio that I do. I would have almost no exercise minutes at that rate. Not sure what to do with that...

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WONDEROONA 3/28/2011 2:55PM

    Now you can make me some healthy banana nut bread.....ooooohhhh, my favorite. I love it but the only healthy way I've figured otu to make it is to substitute unsweetened applesauce for eggs. Tastes pretty good that way.
I think there is a place on the fitness page to track your steps if I'm not mistaken. I would say that would help you in your tracking.

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LIBBYFITZ 3/28/2011 3:23AM

    I count hard fast walks in my mileage for cardio, but not my steps from the pedometer.

Glad you did not suffer for too long from the taco Bells food. It is not a nice feeling at all!

Pleased to see that the cold is finally finished. emoticon

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JHADZHIA 3/27/2011 11:10PM

    So glad you are feeling better.. I made that mistake of the pedometer on cardio too and was quickly corrected fortunately. Cardio is only that activity that is able to continuously get your heart rate in your target zone (Sparks has articles on how to calculate that) The Basal metabolic rate accounts for daily living activities, including basic walking. They are saying you shouldn't count activity like cleaning, washing dishes, etc. now. It makes a huge difference counting calories.
Glad your work is going to ease up a bit now.
Hope your week goes much better..
emoticon emoticon

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CARRAND 3/27/2011 10:56PM

    I track my exercise in my own way, and maybe you should, too. You get way more steps in every day than I do. It seems like you should get credit for them. (My pedometer used to show about 3000 steps a day at most.) I count exercise as things I do that are above my usual routine. It seems to work for me.

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ACIMPEGGY 3/27/2011 10:54PM

    I use a pedometer, too. What I do is put down my steps...but do not count time. If I do a cardio walk...I track that by mileage (figure route on the 'map route' part) and time.

It can be rough figuring it all out. I guess the important thing is...we MOVE.

Glad you're feeling better!

Good luck with the bread! I can smell it...mmmm...can I come over? emoticon

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SPY 2; Day 55:

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I did almost nothing today. I really hate days like this! I felt just awful all day. I also ate too much. I need to get back on track.

What am I doing? I almost feel like dropping out because I am not moving forward positively. That is defeatest thinking and I won't quit, but what the heck am I doing leading a team if I cannot manage my own program?

I feel unworthy today! (things WILL change!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 3/27/2011 11:06PM

    You always inspire me! So you can't quit. I won't let you.

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JHADZHIA 3/27/2011 12:21PM

    If you are still feeling sick, give yourself a break. You must fell better before you can start to push it again. If not, just get up and try a short Spark video and see how you feel. Once you get moving, maybe the momentum will be there to keep going..
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LIBBYFITZ 3/27/2011 10:20AM

    emoticonGet help!

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