JUNEAU2010   165,093
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SPY 2; Day 62: Hitting the Reset Button

Saturday, April 02, 2011

Hitting the Reset Button
This is the blog I tried to write last night. It kept disappearing. When it disappeared while trying to do a cut n paste, I gave up!

I’ve been floundering for a while. When I was on vacation, I discarded good eating, water drinking and exercise even though I had good intentions. That was proof positive that SparkPeople’s statement that being around people who _______ make it more likely you will do the same. I was sick on that trip. It seems as if I have been sick most of this year. Nothing serious, just nagging and continual crappiness. I’ve used most of my sick time for the year already!

Then there’s work. Don’t get me wrong. Glad to have it, but I am in a state of constant overload. I have a new boss, but I still support my old one and management has yet to decide how much of what I used to do can be skipped. I still have more than 40 hours a week worth of work to do for him! AND I am supposed to work with the new IP Paralegal, training her on the how-tos of the company in exchange for learning about patents. On top of that, the company had to respond to a subpoena (we are not a party to the action) and I got the opportunity to work on that. That is really fun and interesting work, but it completely consumes everything. My VP knows that changes need to be made but wants to wait until my former boss’ group is more fully staffed. My current boss said that he thinks the company wants to burn me out!

It just about goes without saying that money pressures are unrelenting. I am considering making changes in my personal life with respect to my BF. We’ve been together off and on since September 1989. As I made progress in my SP journey, I began to look at other areas of my life and realize that wholesale change might need to happen. I am not ready to make those changes yet, but I feel the time coming!

I have read blogs where SparkFriends set up goals and posted them. When I started SP, it was almost as if I were immersed in a new culture with a new language – it was so overwhelming that I did not really set short and medium goals.

Now seems to be a good time to do that. As I was driving home last night, a thought dropped in my head. I want a new or newer car, but that desire is a want and not a need. That sort of took the pressure off. There are much smaller wants, too. The San Francisco Giants won the World Series last year and I have yet to augment my pin collection to commemorate the event. I can set some short time and achievable goals and chip away at those small wants as I “earn” them.


Real Exercise (strength and cardio)


I had no trouble with water once I got up to 8 glasses of water a day and am very surprised that I am starting over again. I think I will start today with 5 as my goal, 6 tomorrow and so on.

Eating within range has generally been achievable, but there have always been areas where I am both too high and too low (usually too high in carbs, too low in calcium, for example). I will focus on staying within calorie range for the first week and go on from there.

Exercise has always been my biggest challenge. I was stunned to discover recently that I have been doing things “wrong” for my entire SparkPeople journey. I read an article that said something about how SP already figures you’re going to walk about doing chores, etc. I had been counting that because it represented more movement than I had been doing before SP. That means most of my exercise minutes are fraudulent! It also explains why I have been losing weight so slowly and confirms my suspicion that I need to do more. I need to do a LOT more! But I don’t know if I can! This has thrown me back into my whole lifelong aversion to exercise. What if I can’t sustain it? What if it hurts? What if I don’t like it? What if I fail?

On the other hand, failure is still not an option. Doing nothing differently means I would very soon “suddenly” find I had regained the weight I have lost and then some. My reasons for wanting to change my life are large and abstract and yet real. I must do this to save my life, to improve my life and to make the rest of my life worth living.

For exercise, I am going to start very small. I will do 10 minutes of cardio 5 days a week and will do the same amount of strength training. As I succeed, I will add more. On the weekends, cardio will be brisk walking (not the turtle walking I have done!) and, during the week, use the elliptical, treadmill and exercise bikes at work – assuming they are not in use!

So, this first week: within calorie range every day, 5-8 glasses of water every day, follow through on my exercise commitment for cardio and strength training. My reward: add one to my pin collection! Then, I can do that each week for the next four weeks. If I string those together for a month of consecutive success, then I will get the DVD of the series.

As one of my SparkFriends says in her blogs “move, lift, repeat”.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAWRTIAN 4/3/2011 2:55PM

    Found your blog after reading your Secret to Success rec. Thanks so much for this posting, I'm going through lots of the same things. I'm in a new job and feeling lots of stress. One day at a time and I need to hit my own reset button soon! Best of luck!!!

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LIBBYFITZ 4/3/2011 4:18AM

    All realistic and achievable goals. emoticon

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CARRAND 4/2/2011 10:43PM

    You can do anything you set your mind to! I know you can meet the goals you've set.


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    Failure aint no big deal.... to me, you don't fail if you don't take a chance... so if you fail at least you risked!

Great goals!


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MSKIZ69 4/2/2011 3:33PM

    Kudos to you for taking the bull by the horns and showing him who's boss! You are going to keep that streak alive!!! emoticon emoticon

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CHRYS13 4/2/2011 2:26PM

    Keep on keeping on!!

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MYSTERY4EVER 4/2/2011 2:09PM

    I want you to remember all those wonderful positive thoughts you had about yourself around the time of your charity walk. You had a goal; you met it and you felt good about yourself. That is the you that you can be. Keep that outlook on life. You sound like you are back on track - just aim in the right direction.

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SPY 2: Day 61; I Got Nuthin'

Saturday, April 02, 2011

I keep trying to write the blog and it keeps disappearing. Not doing well, but it's due to apathy and poor decisions knowingly made.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


  Crazy computers. They just like messing with people to annoy them! Hope it gets better soon, there's nothing like a smart alec computer to get a person frustrated!

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CARRAND 4/2/2011 10:48PM

    I've had that happen to me before. I do it in work now, and then cut and paste.

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JHADZHIA 4/2/2011 1:52AM

    So sorry :( Can you save it to word then copy and post? That way if it goes you can try again.
Try to make this weekend yours. Just get out and do it, don't give yourself time to talk yourself out of it.. You can do it. You have the strength to do it..
emoticon emoticon

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SPY 2: Day 58: A Somber Day

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Two years ago today, Frankie Toner and Florence Choe were killed in Afghanistan. Frankie was my brother's roommate and one of his subordinates on the base. Frankie and Florence were out jogging on the base with other military personnel. My brother stayed in his office to catch up on some paperwork or else he would have been with them. An Afghan soldier opened fire and killed them.

I lost my older brother when we were teens (he died saving another boy's life) and the thought of coming so close to also losing my younger brother makes me ill! Yes, I am so grateful that he survived that year in Afghanistan, but our family is now forever linked to the Toner family. Frankie was due to head home on leave the next week, to return to his wife. He also leaves a younger sister and a much younger brother. John was 9 two years ago and I cannot stop thinking about him today.

Were it not the desire to blog about that day, this sad anniversary, I would probably not be on SP today. I am not moving forward, very discouraged and sliding backwards!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 3/30/2011 9:03PM

    You've had a lot of tragedies. All you can do is look after yourself and move forward. Be strong. You can do it.

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LIBBYFITZ 3/30/2011 6:28AM


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NONIE_C 3/30/2011 1:57AM

    I know, only too well, how negative or unhappy memories can suck the life out of you. The sadness can literally drain you of your motivation. I am no expert, and I'm trying to find ways to act, instead of react, in my own life too. Here's what I think you should try. When the pain is coming on, step away for a moment, sit and cry if that's what your body and mind need to do. But then do something positive, like run across a grassy patch purposefully smiling while you do it, or just go give someone you know a big hug and tell them how wonderful they are, also smiling and looking them right in the eyes, or put on your favorite tune and dance for at least a minute, again, smiling, even if you have to force your face into that position. If you do try this experiment, please let me know how it goes. I'm going to try it the next time my energy and motivation are sucked away from me by sadness, or fear, or whatever...
lots of love to you, my friend. lots and lots of love...

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TIBURONA 3/30/2011 1:25AM

    My brother is USAF retired. During the holiday season 1988 his family was babysitting a cat of a fellow airman. Tragically the cat became a permanent reminder of the danger folk face during times of conflict. His friend, wife and child were passengers on Pan Am Flight 103 on their way home for a visit. Each of us have the right and obligation to feel somber about these situations. Hopefully, it makes us better human beings.

Love yourself and pass it on to others during these hard times.

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JHADZHIA 3/30/2011 12:25AM

    So sorry you are struggling so much right now. Remembering tragedies like this doesn't help. You must put the what ifs behind you and look at the positive -that your brother survived.
You have done so well on your program. This is no time to give in to defeat. Make your brother proud of you and go forward and strive to do the best that you can.. You must believe in yourself. You do have the willpower. You can overcome. You know you can!
Just do it!

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MYSTERY4EVER 3/29/2011 11:50PM

    Look forward and remind yourself of all the progress you have made. Keep doing your walking and watch your food. You know how to do this. Keep up the good work that has gotten you this far.

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SPY 2: Day 57

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I don't want to stop eating, but I don't want to pay the consequences either...........UGH

My paralegal buddy who was let go at the end of the year finally landed a new job! She starts middle of April. I am ecstactic for her!

One of my SparkFriends started a new account with a new name to signify the changes in her journey. I wonder if I should do that. I am not doing the right things at all right now. I don't have the energy! ACK!

Sleep is in order...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 3/29/2011 9:01PM

    Get some sleep and things will look better.

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JHADZHIA 3/29/2011 2:55PM

    Hope you had a good sleep and that you have a Terrific Tuesday!!

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ANNE1123 3/29/2011 2:00AM

    Sleep has a way of making things work out the next day! Hope this is true for you, thanks for commenting on my blog! emoticon emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 3/29/2011 1:56AM

    emoticonHope you jump back on track ASAP!

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SPY 2: Day 56 New Facts Learned

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Finally, that cold/sinus infection that has ruined my days for weeks seems to be leaving!

Why I felt crappy yesterday had nothing to do with that, and I did not know what was wrong until today. Friday night, we were out shopping at the hardware store getting stuff we needed to repair a leak and other items around the house. Hungry, we walked across the parking lot to Taco Bell. I have not eaten there in months because I have learned on SP that even their fresca options are not wonderful. But - we were hungry and tired. Taco Bell advertised Pacific Shrimp tacos and burritos. I had the taco and it tasted ok.

Yesterday, we had to go back and exchange some of the hardware items. We ran into some friends and went to Taco Bell with them. I had the shrimp burrito last night. It did not taste quite as good, but I didn't think about it much.

Then, this morning. It was as if I were preparing for another colonoscopy! Just a horrible morning! No more Taco Bell for me! We have not been eating any kind of fast food (except Subway) for months and this was a lesson!

Once things turned around, I went in to work for a few hours. My top attorney sent me home after a couple of hours. Turns out she will be on a business trip for most of the week, so I have more time to work on her project than I thought.

That gave me more time to do the grocery shopping. We always shop at a discount grocery store, the kind of place where you buy it when you see it and there is an element of adventure because you never know what you will find there. We found a bread maker! I have been wanting one for several years. Now that good bread costs more than $4 a loaf, we're going to make our own!

I read an SP article today that shows me I have been doing things wrong for over a year. I should not be recording my mileage from my pedometer for the incremental walking, that I should record only the cardio that I do. I would have almost no exercise minutes at that rate. Not sure what to do with that...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WONDEROONA 3/28/2011 2:55PM

    Now you can make me some healthy banana nut bread.....ooooohhhh, my favorite. I love it but the only healthy way I've figured otu to make it is to substitute unsweetened applesauce for eggs. Tastes pretty good that way.
I think there is a place on the fitness page to track your steps if I'm not mistaken. I would say that would help you in your tracking.

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LIBBYFITZ 3/28/2011 3:23AM

    I count hard fast walks in my mileage for cardio, but not my steps from the pedometer.

Glad you did not suffer for too long from the taco Bells food. It is not a nice feeling at all!

Pleased to see that the cold is finally finished. emoticon

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JHADZHIA 3/27/2011 11:10PM

    So glad you are feeling better.. I made that mistake of the pedometer on cardio too and was quickly corrected fortunately. Cardio is only that activity that is able to continuously get your heart rate in your target zone (Sparks has articles on how to calculate that) The Basal metabolic rate accounts for daily living activities, including basic walking. They are saying you shouldn't count activity like cleaning, washing dishes, etc. now. It makes a huge difference counting calories.
Glad your work is going to ease up a bit now.
Hope your week goes much better..
emoticon emoticon

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CARRAND 3/27/2011 10:56PM

    I track my exercise in my own way, and maybe you should, too. You get way more steps in every day than I do. It seems like you should get credit for them. (My pedometer used to show about 3000 steps a day at most.) I count exercise as things I do that are above my usual routine. It seems to work for me.

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ACIMPEGGY 3/27/2011 10:54PM

    I use a pedometer, too. What I do is put down my steps...but do not count time. If I do a cardio walk...I track that by mileage (figure route on the 'map route' part) and time.

It can be rough figuring it all out. I guess the important thing is...we MOVE.

Glad you're feeling better!

Good luck with the bread! I can smell it...mmmm...can I come over? emoticon

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