Monday, February 07, 2011
I lost it this morning. I got very upset at BF over really stupid stuff and money. I was in tears. I can't even articulate the depth of my despair.
I ate a good breakfast but lunch was chips and dip and.......it was the Super Bowl.
Dinner was fish and mixed veggies.
I know I have to start again tomorrow. Tonight, I do not have what it takes.
Let's see how sleep impacts the day.
Saturday, February 05, 2011
One of my SparkFriends replied to last night's blog that I may still be dealing with the after effects of that horrible cold because my energy is just not back. I have been eating well, sleeping well, exercising some, taking vitamins and keeping up with water and I still have no energy.
Her comment made sense. So I am not going to beat myself up for "failing" to get moving today. I did go for a walk today, but it was more of a stroll. BF and I walked through the expensive shopping district in Palo Alto, looked at the exotic foods in the two grocery stores and had a really healthy Jared sandwich at Subways. Our favorite is the oven roasted chicken sandwich on wheat with all the veggies.
I could take a nap now, but if I did, I might not sleep tonight. It's almost 6:30 pm.
Where's my Spark? Where's my determination to lose this tonnage? Where's my energy and my zest for every day? This is not me!
Friday, February 04, 2011
Those of you who've followed my blogs know that this year has started roughly. Most of January was consumed by the cold that was more than a cold. That was followed by the organizational changes and the very strong hint that my job is less than secure.
Along with that have been my own issues and stresses.
I asked my boss late yesterday afternoon if I could take today off as a vacation day and conceded that, given the late hour, a half day might be fair. He left it up to me. After that, his boss asked me for something that I could not definitively answer until this morning because I needed confirmation from our Knoxville office or our Atlanta agent. So I came in this morning, got that information and did a few other things. Not many. Everything I touch this year seems to require more information than I have at hand, so it has been frustrating.
God / fate / whatever you call it works in mysterious ways. I was able to do something at the bank today that I would not have been able to do after hours, get a replacement ATM card. Then I did the grocery shopping. That means, for the weekend, there's nothing I must do except recharge and get in some exercise!
I am tired in every possible way except I am not sleepy. I have been eating right, taking vitamins and getting sleep, but I have been unable to function. I feel as if I am moving through concrete, I have had intermittent shortness of breath but I am physically fine.
Thank you, SparkFriends, for keeping in touch. You have helped me stay focused in at least this area of my life. Thank you is too small a word.
But one very cool thing happened! I am a member of the "Slowest Loser" team. The leader works for SparkPeople. In one of his recent blogs, he asked the team to share what the team means to us. A bunch of us weighed in, so many that he got his wife to select the few that he would share in the follow-up blog. One chosen is my SparkFriend Ishiigirl and another was mine! I did not know this until another SparkFriend mentioned it on my SparkPage. What a nice way to end a rough week!
Friday, February 04, 2011
Perhaps 54 minutes a day is beyond me. I missed it yesterday by 14, today by 12. Perhaps I should have set a lower monthly fitness minute goal. I have walked and not much else.
I am tired. Mentally, physically (not sleepy) and emotionally.
This morning, as usual, I started with songs as I drove to work. I sang some different songs and started the day on a better foot. Yes, I am still down, but not as low as yesterday.
Food was in range in all respects save calcium. Somene brought in cupcakes for a student's birthday. I did not partake, even though they were chocolate with lots of frosting. I took it because it felt awkward not to do so, but I gave it to someone else.
Yesterday's crisis resolved itself and today was another of those times when I could not finish anything because I needed more information than I had. I am overwhelmed!
It is in that backdrop that I think of drastic unhealthy measures to get this tonnage of. I have not taken any action, but that thought is indicative of my state of being.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
It's probably hormonal, but today I was very emotional. I was ok, for the most part, until the Toastmaster meeting. I was the grammarian/ah counter, which is my favorite role. I am known for my listening skills and for having very detailed reports. The meeting had started late, all the speeches had gone under time, so I launched into my lengthy report. This was after the GE had forgotten to call on me and had called the Toastmaster of the Day to adjourn the meeting. I was feeling really left out and jotted down every flaw in the General Evaluator's speech. After the meeting, the president of the club and one of the former presidents of the club both castigated me for going on so long. The president also found fautl with my meeting minutes, though she did praise me for my officer meeting notes. She said several times that I had gone on too long. I hate it when people say things to me more than once! I seriously thought about resigning as secretary of the club and dropping out, but decided to table that decision since I knew I was feeling very emotional.
With work, everything I touched required I ask a question. I could not finish anything! Frustrating. I emailed a contract negotiator and asked why a number on one page of the form did not match what she put in the summary email. She replied that she didn't see a problem and had attached the form to her reply. Belatedly, I realized she was teasing me. I thought I had screwed up and was just about in tears.
I could not start my online study due to some sort of computer problem. BF is in about the same mood as I am, so this evening at fun is not home.
I am so tired of the stress, of the fear, of the emotions, mine and others.
40 minutes walking today - 14 less than I should have done.
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