JUNEAU2010   159,410
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SPY 2, Day 9: I Gave Up Today

Monday, February 07, 2011

I lost it this morning. I got very upset at BF over really stupid stuff and money. I was in tears. I can't even articulate the depth of my despair.

I ate a good breakfast but lunch was chips and dip and.......it was the Super Bowl.

Dinner was fish and mixed veggies.

I know I have to start again tomorrow. Tonight, I do not have what it takes.
Let's see how sleep impacts the day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STAROFD00M 2/7/2011 10:16PM

    I'm sorry you had a tough day- but tomorrow is a fresh start.
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CARRAND 2/7/2011 7:18PM

    Sounds like you ate well at two meals yesterday - and 2 out of 3 isn't bad. I'm sorry about the fight with your boyfriend. I've been married almost 40 years and my husband and I can still fight sometimes. It still upsets me, but we get over it. I'm sure you'll be fine again, probably before you even read this.

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BYEFATNANNY 2/7/2011 5:28PM

    Your food wasn't that bad! Dips and chips on Super Bowl Sunday...ok, just not every day. Don't beat yourself up. I'm sorry about you and your friend, hope things get patched up. Hang in there.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 2/7/2011 1:39PM

  emoticon Sorry you're having a bad day... & sorry to hear that you were in an agrument with your BF. Tomorrow IS a new day and will be better for you.

Comment edited on: 2/7/2011 1:41:35 PM

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BIKERBABE2BE 2/7/2011 11:38AM

    emoticon yesterdy was a hard day. "Dust yourself off and get back on the horse", as my grandmother would say. We all have bad days...no one is perfect and who would want to be? I had pizza, egg rolls, bacon and mini tacos yesterday. It was what I wanted. I'll work harder this week, but not beating myself up for yesterday. It's over.

Hope you and BF get things worked out. Hugs!

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JHADZHIA 2/7/2011 8:52AM

    So sorry you had an argument with your bf :(( Hope you guys can resolve it and work it out..
I can think of worse things for the game then chips and dip -many of my Spark friends were planning on pizza, no doubt with alcohol chasers..
You had two good meals, and that is great!! You will get it back, not to worry!
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LIBBYFITZ 2/7/2011 7:36AM

    Have you had a chance to go to the website I was telling you about? emoticon

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VYVIENN 2/7/2011 2:11AM

    Hang in there. Everyone's entitled to a crappy day here and there. emoticon

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AUSSSEMDAY 2/7/2011 12:59AM

  It's ok to have a bad day. Don't beat yourself up! By being on Spark people you have already begun to fight a good fight! :-)

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SPY 2, Day 8: "This is not me" But it is Today's Reality

Saturday, February 05, 2011

One of my SparkFriends replied to last night's blog that I may still be dealing with the after effects of that horrible cold because my energy is just not back. I have been eating well, sleeping well, exercising some, taking vitamins and keeping up with water and I still have no energy.

Her comment made sense. So I am not going to beat myself up for "failing" to get moving today. I did go for a walk today, but it was more of a stroll. BF and I walked through the expensive shopping district in Palo Alto, looked at the exotic foods in the two grocery stores and had a really healthy Jared sandwich at Subways. Our favorite is the oven roasted chicken sandwich on wheat with all the veggies.

I could take a nap now, but if I did, I might not sleep tonight. It's almost 6:30 pm.

Where's my Spark? Where's my determination to lose this tonnage? Where's my energy and my zest for every day? This is not me!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYFITZ 2/6/2011 12:13PM

    emoticon

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STAROFD00M 2/6/2011 11:01AM

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JHADZHIA 2/6/2011 12:45AM

    Do yourself one favor. Stop referring to your excess weight as tonnage! This is a very negative self image you are projecting. The first step in really being able to commit to a healthy lifestyle is to love yourself.. Love yourself and don't be so hard on yourself. If you are still feeling the effects of your illness, it is pretty hard to want to exercise.. Do the best you can and don't overtire yourself..
This will pass and you will be back. There have been nasty colds going around that are taking longer than usual to get rid of..
Hang in there,
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HARROWJET 2/5/2011 10:08PM

    Try to be patient with yourself. If you have been ill with a bad cold, it takes time to get back to where you were before. Continue to do the things you know are right and eventually you will notice you are feeling better and have more energy.

It sounds like you had an enjoyable day with a sensible lunch. Doing things like that will help you get back on track. emoticon

Judy emoticon

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SPY 2; Day 8: Mental Health Day, Sort Of

Friday, February 04, 2011

Those of you who've followed my blogs know that this year has started roughly. Most of January was consumed by the cold that was more than a cold. That was followed by the organizational changes and the very strong hint that my job is less than secure.

Along with that have been my own issues and stresses.

I asked my boss late yesterday afternoon if I could take today off as a vacation day and conceded that, given the late hour, a half day might be fair. He left it up to me. After that, his boss asked me for something that I could not definitively answer until this morning because I needed confirmation from our Knoxville office or our Atlanta agent. So I came in this morning, got that information and did a few other things. Not many. Everything I touch this year seems to require more information than I have at hand, so it has been frustrating.

God / fate / whatever you call it works in mysterious ways. I was able to do something at the bank today that I would not have been able to do after hours, get a replacement ATM card. Then I did the grocery shopping. That means, for the weekend, there's nothing I must do except recharge and get in some exercise!

I am tired in every possible way except I am not sleepy. I have been eating right, taking vitamins and getting sleep, but I have been unable to function. I feel as if I am moving through concrete, I have had intermittent shortness of breath but I am physically fine.

Thank you, SparkFriends, for keeping in touch. You have helped me stay focused in at least this area of my life. Thank you is too small a word.

But one very cool thing happened! I am a member of the "Slowest Loser" team. The leader works for SparkPeople. In one of his recent blogs, he asked the team to share what the team means to us. A bunch of us weighed in, so many that he got his wife to select the few that he would share in the follow-up blog. One chosen is my SparkFriend Ishiigirl and another was mine! I did not know this until another SparkFriend mentioned it on my SparkPage. What a nice way to end a rough week!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 2/5/2011 8:37PM

    You are probably still recovering from the cold/flu that you had in January. You need a few more restful days to get your energy back.

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CATLADY52 2/5/2011 5:12PM

    Hang in there gal. We all have those days of trying so hard and not making any progress. Then there is some recognition of what you have done that makes it all worthwhile. Taake the time to pamper yourself a little. emoticon

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JAKEANDNELLIE 2/5/2011 2:45PM

    I read your comments in his blog and was proud to say "she's my friend."
Just keep pushing forward, day by day, hour by hour. That's the only thing that kept me going through January.
Stay determined!
Sheila

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MARTI2395 2/5/2011 11:17AM

  YOU NEED A WEEKEND OFF JUST TO RELAX TAKE A BATH.

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ISHIIGIRL 2/5/2011 8:29AM

    You deserved the recognition. I think taking time for yourself is the best thing you can do to recharge your battery. You need to do something nice for yourself like get a massage or rent some great movies and just veg. I hope that is what you plan to do this weekend. Take care of yourself! Hugs, Paige

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LIBBYFITZ 2/5/2011 7:01AM

    emoticonThat was a nice way to end a rough week. emoticon hope you are able to have a restful weekend!

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 2/5/2011 12:36AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SPY 2, Day 7: Tired, Overwhelmed, Drastic

Friday, February 04, 2011

Perhaps 54 minutes a day is beyond me. I missed it yesterday by 14, today by 12. Perhaps I should have set a lower monthly fitness minute goal. I have walked and not much else.

I am tired. Mentally, physically (not sleepy) and emotionally.

This morning, as usual, I started with songs as I drove to work. I sang some different songs and started the day on a better foot. Yes, I am still down, but not as low as yesterday.

Food was in range in all respects save calcium. Somene brought in cupcakes for a student's birthday. I did not partake, even though they were chocolate with lots of frosting. I took it because it felt awkward not to do so, but I gave it to someone else.

Yesterday's crisis resolved itself and today was another of those times when I could not finish anything because I needed more information than I had. I am overwhelmed!

It is in that backdrop that I think of drastic unhealthy measures to get this tonnage of. I have not taken any action, but that thought is indicative of my state of being.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MYSTERY4EVER 2/4/2011 10:24PM

    If hunger is not the problem, then food is not the answer. You are doing so well on living that. Give yourself credit for how far you have come. Have a great weekend.

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TEENY_BIKINI 2/4/2011 8:03PM

    emoticon

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MEGANC1988 2/4/2011 10:51AM

    emoticon on avoiding the cupcake!

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JHADZHIA 2/4/2011 12:16AM

    If your job and life are overwhelming you at the moment, its time to take a step back. Maybe your goals are too high for your present state of mind. Setting them a little lower and adjusting your food intake to compensate is not a failure. Its just being flexible in dealing with your current reality..
do consider it until things settle down for you..
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SPY 2 Day 6: I Need an Emotions OFF Switch!

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

It's probably hormonal, but today I was very emotional. I was ok, for the most part, until the Toastmaster meeting. I was the grammarian/ah counter, which is my favorite role. I am known for my listening skills and for having very detailed reports. The meeting had started late, all the speeches had gone under time, so I launched into my lengthy report. This was after the GE had forgotten to call on me and had called the Toastmaster of the Day to adjourn the meeting. I was feeling really left out and jotted down every flaw in the General Evaluator's speech. After the meeting, the president of the club and one of the former presidents of the club both castigated me for going on so long. The president also found fautl with my meeting minutes, though she did praise me for my officer meeting notes. She said several times that I had gone on too long. I hate it when people say things to me more than once! I seriously thought about resigning as secretary of the club and dropping out, but decided to table that decision since I knew I was feeling very emotional.

With work, everything I touched required I ask a question. I could not finish anything! Frustrating. I emailed a contract negotiator and asked why a number on one page of the form did not match what she put in the summary email. She replied that she didn't see a problem and had attached the form to her reply. Belatedly, I realized she was teasing me. I thought I had screwed up and was just about in tears.

I could not start my online study due to some sort of computer problem. BF is in about the same mood as I am, so this evening at fun is not home.

I am so tired of the stress, of the fear, of the emotions, mine and others.

40 minutes walking today - 14 less than I should have done.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 2/3/2011 8:47PM

    40 minutes is still 40 minutes. Don't be too hard on yourself. We all get days like that.

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CATLADY52 2/3/2011 4:37PM

    As a very wise man once said "Snile through the tears". I asked what it meant and he said "it is when your want to sneer but you smile instead". It worked for me, I just hope it can for you. emoticon

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 2/3/2011 10:50AM

  thing is .. you DID manage to do *40* minutes of walking.. and, you should be happy that you accomplished that and try not to look at what you 'should have' or 'wanted' to do. from what I have seen (since we have been friends) ... is that you're a very strong person... you WILL get through these feelings and it will just make you a stronger person because of it. ~ always remember that your sp friends are always here for you whenever you need us. :)

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LIBBYFITZ 2/3/2011 7:02AM

    I agree with NONIE_C when you look at the day from a different perspective, you did well! emoticon

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NONIE_C 2/3/2011 1:40AM

    Sometimes you just need to let it out, so I don't want to dissuade you from getting your frustration off your chest. I do, however, want to encourage you to ALSO look at the positives of today. In case you're having trouble seeing them, let me point some out:
1. you did 40 mins of walking
2. you identified something you want to and will change: letting stress, fear, and emotions (your and others) run your life
3. some things at work were not actually as bad as they seemed
4. rather than make a hasty decision based on your emotional state of mind and the inconsiderate comments of others, you kept your cool and decided you'd confront it when you were good and ready to do so.

Look at that!!! Today was not so bad after all. Now you just have to do something fun with the bf and all will be peachy :)

I hope tomorrow is a more obviously positive kind of day emoticon

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JHADZHIA 2/2/2011 10:43PM

    You are entitled to get upset at a very frustrating day. Just don't let it derail your healthy lifestyle.. You got some exercise in and that is a good thing! You might not have bothered, just given up.
You can make it through this. You have the strength.
I am here for you..
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