Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I am heartbroken, devastated and beyond tears. I learned today that Miss Wrisley died in November. I had known her for nearly 40 years. She taught music at the boarding school and when we met, I was an immature teen in great need. She taught me how to sing and to play several instruments and the music room became my refuge. We talked, walked and sang together.
Even these many years later, we wrote letters and traded cards, always about music and always with love. I lack the words to express the profound difference she made in my life. There are teachers who make a difference, whose influence is such that the student becomes a different and better person than they would have otherwise become.
Knowing she is in heaven singing with the angels is of little comfort tonight, but I will find comfort in that thought some time in the future.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I joined the 28 day challenge with high hopes and great ambition only to be laid low by the worst cold I have had in 3 years. I have yet to do one day of the video exercises or much else on the challenge. In the past, that would have been enough for me to give up. I would have said all kinds of unkind things to myself, things that I would not say to someone else or allow someone to say to themselves. The cold was made worse by a drug interaction and it will be a few more days before I get back into my full routine.
My wonderful SparkFriend Chaotickitty has been in a small funk since Christmas and her birthday. She has been far more disciplined or strict about her food intake than I have. To my way of thinking, perhaps too strict, but we each have to walk our own journey, so it would be wrong for me to judge her. She has been ready to throw in the towel both because of holidays, birthday, food in the house, a spouse who is not as strict with his food and she has had what sounds like just the same cold as I have had. In an attempt to encourage her, I posted a comment on her blog saying that perfection is not the goal, but progress is.
Striving for perfection is often admired in others. Too often, the pursuit of perfection becomes warped. Just as our sense of food portions gets distorted, so too striving for perfection leads us astray. Eventually, the perfection of the thing - whether it's being the best diver, the best writer, the best whatever is replaced with perfection of the process and the goal becomes elusive and unattainable. If not recalibrated, the true talents never reach their highest ability and that best seller never gets written, the promising athlete never reaches Olympic glory...
In my attempt to help Chaotickitty, I had to think about the role perfection has played in my life. This is not the forum to delve into events of childhoold, but suffice to say that if perfection was not achieved, the task was not worth doing - at least that is what I learned.
There was no point in learning how to do physical things because, with my handicap, they could never be done perfectly. There was no point in learning to do math because girls were not supposed to be good at it. But what does this have to do with my SP journey?
It means that I do not have to lose pounds as quickly as anyone else. I do not have to run marathons like everyone else. But it means I must figure out what my parameters really should be. It also means I need to push the boundaries that have been there all my life - test them to see if they really are valid or if they need to be reset. It means I need to know myself better than I presently do. I need to challenge my body, my heart, my mind. Exactly of what am I capable?
I will take up running again, I will continue to walk and I will work on strength training. I will continue the good eating and the water intake. And if there are days when I spike in carbs or calories, that does not mean I have failed. All it means is that life happens. The journey is part of the success and, as long as I have more days when I follow this path than not, progress continues. It is not all or nothing. It is an evolution from a couch potato, inactive unhealthy life to one full of energy, health and vibrancy.
I am not saying this well, but it is not any better to change slavery to sugar and fat to slavery to the numbers on a scale or calories. Life is richer and fuller than that and I aim to claim my piece of it!
Monday, January 10, 2011
The light dawned late. On Saturday, I took a decongestant pill and a swig of cough syrup in an effort to beat this cold into submission. Generally, I take half of a normal dosage for even over the counter drugs such as these were. I had no such thought on Saturday and suspect that it was a combination of the "normal" dosage and the combination that left me loopy and nonfunctioning.
We had errands to do on Sunday, but I did not feel safe to get behind the wheel, so we stayed home. I still felt disconnected and "wobbly" today, so I came home after my noon Toastmaster meeting at the VA.
Somehow, I managed to get in 45 minutes of walking. Most of that had to be at the VA. They are doing construction and will be for years, so I park quite a distance away and walk to the building where the meetings are held. I look forward to the walk!
My SparkFriend Jhadzia is having elbow replacement surgery tomorrow. She has a severe and painful case of rhumatoid arthritis. It is unclear how much communication via typing she will be able to do and she posted something of a farewell blog this evening. I really hope this is not the end of our Spark friendship - my life is richer for knowing her, even if the relationship is just via the internet. I hope the surgery goes well, that her recovery is full and complete and that her arm and elbow work better than they did before and that she can continue being a part of my SP family...
Sunday, January 09, 2011
This cold is a doozy. I cannot walk straight, cannot think straight. I think the combination of the cold meds are not doing me any favors. I have taken nothing today and my head is still quite foggy. We had errands to do today, but I don't feel sharp enough to get behind the wheel, so I will have to do it tomorrow after work...I hate to do that, but I have no choice.
I've dropped another pound overnight. It's the cold and lack of appetitte. The weight will come back.
I worked at a company for almost 15 years and left it nearly 10 years ago when I got one of those unbelieveably good offers. But I kept in touch with Company #1 and was sad to see the company close its doors last March. One of my former coworkers just started a new job this week. He is flying to Australia for training! I am so happy for him, so thankful for his family that he got this job and a tiny bit jealous that he gets to go to Australia!
I am dizzy, so I will end it here...
Saturday, January 08, 2011
As I write this, the Jets have just beat the Colts and the Saints lost to the Seahawks earlier today. I feel like a jinx - the teams I like are losing! Actually, having lived in Alaska, the Seahawks are one of my teams, too, but I was rooting for the Saints because my VP is from Louisiana.
My cold has only worsened. I was wobbly today and did not move any more than I had to. I feel as if I had taken some knock out drugs or consumed a ton of alcohol, but I have done neither. This is a really weird cold!
The layoffs have continued and I don't know when it will be over, so I am not complacent at all. My boss has been sending a really strange vibe, but we have not talked about anything other than urgent business stuff so it will probably come up when I have my personnel review, which could be any time now. I just pray I am not on the layoff list.
No exercise today. I had planned to take a nice long walk today, but, being wobbly on my feet did not dare. I am well under on calories - no appetite. BF has the same cold so we have been coughing in unison...
Thanks to all of you who have commented on my blogs and on my page.
Prayers for those injured and for the families of those killed in the shooting in Arizona today...
Get An Email Alert Each Time JUNEAU2010 Posts