JUNEAU2010   162,289
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Not as Up as Yesterday

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

This morning started off wonderfully in terms of SparkPeople contacts! I received some very nice comments on my recent blogs! I was really touched!

That wonderful sunshine feeling did not sustain me very far through the day, however. Another night of not sleeping well made for a sluggish day. The kind of fatigue that I experienced today is becoming all too routine. It makes it so hard to concentrate at work, to do the kind of work that I'd be proud to add above my name. I work with the backdrop of the ever-present possibility that I'll be laid off, so I cannot complain about having work! I am fortunate and I know it, but the stress of looking over my shoulder is exhausting.

In the past, I would have overloaded on sugar and/or carbs in an effort to muster the energy to function. I did not do that today. I did get some exercise in, but not as much as I would have hoped. I walked a longer walk today and it took less time, so that monkeys with the time/calorie metric.

My head is full of "shoulds". I should go take a walk, I should do some strength training. I should do the housework that the BF is ignoring and I really should do my taxes. On the other side of that dialog is a bone-weary tiredness and the barest beginnings of a sore throat.

My walk today was interesting and challenging. The day has been "changeable" - raining like crazy for the morning commute, overcast and blue sky mix. When I walked, it was cool, damp, grey+blue sky. I walked down the hill to the street and walked up the street to the next driveway. Along that short walk, I saw some plants I've never seen before. I want to go that way again soon and see what kind of flowers will appear. When I walked up the next driveway, I was not out of breathe! The last time I walked up that driveway (at least 2-3 years ago, maybe 5!), I was nearly crawling by the time I reached the cafe! To discover that I was only slightly winded was a wonderful surprise! I grabbed a banana and walked the rest of the way up the hill to my desk. All that walking was only 16 minutes!

So, do I follow through on the "shoulds"? Do I, in the name of taking care of myself, take the rest of the day off? Or is that a convenient sliding back into putting off the rest of today's exercise? I am choose to believe that the growth I've experienced, am experiencing, the support of SparkFriends, etc. will help me stay moving forward after this respite. I will not slide back into the couch potato that I was........

I am frustrated by the fatigue, by the minimal exercise, by the betrayal of my body! And I don't like ending on such a note, but I am too tired to be lucid!

Thank you, SparkFriends! I really need you! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEGANC1988 3/3/2010 12:47PM

    Try making a plan for yourself for the day: I can let myself veg and relax for this 30 minutes, then I'm going to get up and start on my list of to-do's. Before you know it your list will be done and you'll feel so productive!

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An Off Kilter Day & "Outed" as a Person Interested in Losing Weight

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

I started the day as per my new normal with SparkPeople. I begin the day with a lot more energy than I used to. It's still not much, but it is a noticable improvement. But, as the morning wore on, I just felt tired. I didn't feel like walking, it was hard to stay focused at work.

I was supposed to meet a coworker for lunch to talk about running. We're both in Toastmasters and she'd inspired me with a speech about how she began running last year. But I postponed it because a friend said she was going to be around the corner from me and wanted to get together. We had not firmed up a time and so I felt tethered to my desk. I took a shorter walk at lunch than I wanted to just because I thought I saw her car and did not want to miss her.

It was a good thing that I brought some food because the meet never happened. I used to be shy or embarrassed about using my food scale. That's not true any more! People see me using it and it becomes a conversation starter, some times...
I mentioned last week that I'd put a want ad in the company newsletter asking for a pedometer. A friend said that, if she can find hers, I may have it...We'll see.

Oddly, I found myself wanting to eat sugar and salt this afternoon, not literally, but I was thinking about pretzels, chocolate, cookies - all things I would not want to put in my nutrition tracker! I ended up eating half a banana with some chunky peanut butter. It did not satisfy, but, as I was eating it, I realized that I was not "hungry", that I was stressed, bored and tired. I pondered that for a minute, recognized and acknowledged the situation and moved on. This was not a victory, per se, but it is a step forward. I finished the water quotient early in the day.

This evening, I went to school and thought about eating. I had an apple and a small package of trail mix. The trail mix had fewer calories than my usual meal bar, which I had forgotten from my first week on SP.

It turned out that class was cancelled. This means another week's wait to find out about my midterm... I came home, did some chores and made a wonderful dinner. I ended the day within range in all categories. I also had a couple of shorter walks, so, cumulatively, I did get the time in. I did not burn as many calories as I wanted to - my goal this month is a 10% increase over last month.

I saw a SparkPeople blog early this morning that contained a link to a site where a company is matching pounds pledged to money for a food bank. I forget the name of the site, but I signed up and pledged a 30 pound loss. Before I really thought about it, a link was posted on my Facebook page. Astonishingly, I had almost immediate feedback from a couple of people! I guess that means that my losing weight journey is no longer my secret! Part of me is uncomfortable with that, but I am also a little bit freed by being "outed" as it were. Perhaps this is just another aspect of SP and it's not one that I anticipated. Caught by surprise, this will take a bit to absorb, process and integrate into my new self.

Perhaps these are building blocks or baby steps for my inner self. Could it be that getting my life back in shape radiating from food and exercise outwards will enable me to tackle the relationships in my life that are not working, to make the other courageous changes that seem to hover about me?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEGANC1988 3/2/2010 12:02PM


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NONIE_C 3/2/2010 1:28AM

    Great blog! And I do indeed think that making positive changed in one area of your life inevitably affects other areas in a positive way. In fact, it's one of the tenets that SP is based on. Do you have the book? I'm only on chapter 2, but it's really wonderful. Anyway, it sounds like even in the face of emotionally fueled cravings you made good choices, and even if you didn't quite meet your walking goal for the day, you still got out there and did some (as opposed to couching it), so all in all, you are doing great. And remember, even if you have a day where you don't get any exercise, and eat something not so healthy, you are STILL on the path to a healthier you...
it's sometimes a windy path is all emoticon (he-he)
But today was not THAT day. Today was a day where you made good, healthy choices in the face of adversity and you even had to deal with an event that caught you off guard and you gracefully took it in stride. You've been outted!!! And you are proudly owning it - pounds for food is a wonderful cause and, even if it was not your intention to let everyone know about your journey, you may find unexpected good will come of this. You may inspire others to do the same, or you may find support in places you wouldn't have expected it. But, like I said, and what truly matters, is how you faced it - with grace. Go you!!!!!

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ANNE1123 3/2/2010 1:06AM

    Wow, that was really reflective, thanks for the post, it helped me think, I hope the rest of your week goes well, thanks again!

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1 Month Sparkversary!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Yesterday was my one month Sparkversary! My life has changed in the most amazing ways in just a month. Ten pounds GONE An equivalent match food donation is going to Second Harvest Food Bank, and I'm HAPPY to do it! I got that idea from Canned Fat Drive team and I love it. The idea of a two-for-one has always appealed to me. I've also lost about 5.5 inches, probably more because I have not been measuring everything.

But there are MORE numbers: 643 fitness minutes! And I know that's underreported because I don't know how to track everything. Today alone was a 40 minute walk on the baylands, which was fabulous! A gorgeous blue sky day, cool breeze, dry path (I hate mud and it has been rainy). I have been doing all of my exercise myself, so it was a treat to walk with my partner. We saw a pair of huge brown jackrabbits, a couple of cranes or egrets, lots of geese (both flying overhead and in the water), a pair of unidentified hawks and, glorious, a redtail hawk!

We walked in one direction until my lower back started to object. Then we turned around and walked back to the car. I was still in great shape when we reached the gate. The last time we did that walk, I was practically crawling by the time we were in sight of the gate, so I was really pleased. Then we went shopping and I did my usual park-in-the-far-end of the parking lot and walked all over the place. I was walking faster than he was - and he is at least a foot taller than I am!

As we walked, I shared a deepening realization - Diet is no longer a good word in my vocabulary. This is a life change for me. If it were a diet, I would be deprived, negative and planning on going back to the old habits. Not so! I have not arrived, I have a long way to go, but I am not longer impatiently straining to reach the end.

Thanks to the enrichment and participation of my new SparkFriends and the education on the site and in the community, I've stuck with it and am developing the tools I need (both in resources and internally) so that this does become a lifestyle and not just another passing attempt.

More than that, with my SparkFriends connection, I am able to tap into the reservoir of humanity that has been stifled. I am able to reach out when I need to and also able to (hopefully) share some of the sunshine and encouragement that I have received. My heart is softened and grows with each new SparkFriend.
I am humbled by their lives, encouraged by their accomplishment and inspired by their stories. Their example keeps me going when I think I cannot possibly face one more minute of exercise, another glass of water or find the energy to plan a healthy meal.

Realistically, this journey is not a straight line. I cannot expect that every week or every month will be like these have been. I will hit plateaus, I may have days when I don't make the best decisions, I may even gain weight. I expect there will be days of soreness when I don't exercise, but none of that will make me throw in the towel.

My days of couch potato, of living as a spectator, of choosing the easiest or shortest route are ending. Just as I love to go to work because I can't wait to see what happens next, I can't wait to see what's around the bend on this journey! It won't end when I reach my goal weight, this journey does not end until I stop breathing. It is no longer about what the scale says, what the clothing tag is. Those metrics are important, but they no longer define me.

Let's see what the next 30 days bring!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEGANC1988 3/1/2010 1:07PM

    Congrats on your first month! You're doing awesome!

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JAKEANDNELLIE 2/28/2010 10:51PM

    I am so proud to be your friend!
This blog truly inspires and encourages us all to continue on this journey with you.
Thank you for sharing this story. It has resonated with many of us.
Stay positive!
Sheila emoticon

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PONDERTHIS 2/28/2010 10:48PM

    Fabulous blog, fabulous report!!!!! Congratulations on all counts. Thanks for the idea of Second Harvest Food Bank. Keep up the good work. You are an inspiration to me.

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IXCHEL23 2/28/2010 9:35PM

    emoticon blog!! emoticon on your first month! You're doing great! I love that you're on this journey, we all here on SP are going to help you, you're not alone! Glad you love SP as much as I do!


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NONIE_C 2/28/2010 9:12PM

    I am smiling ear to ear for you right now!!! This is a fantastic blog and you are in a fantastic place!!! Go You!!!! Such wisdom, such foresight, and at only one month!!!

You inspire me, and I'm so proud of you, my dear Spark Friend. Keep up the good work, keep moving forward, and celebrate every little success!!!!
emoticon Nicole

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 2/28/2010 8:27PM

    Great blog! Congratulations on all your accomplishments, mental and physical! Glad you had such a great month - here's looking forward to another wonderful month to come.

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KRICKETBELLE 2/28/2010 8:10PM

    Ahhhh!!! I'm so proud of you!!! What a great month...keep up the great work.

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MICHCLEARY 2/28/2010 8:09PM

    What a great blog!!!! So glad you had such a successful month. I'm starting month 7 now and can't imagine life without spark. I love the lifestyle change.

Keep up the great work and make March one for the record books! You can do it!

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Gratitude and Planning

Saturday, February 27, 2010

My friend in HI is on high ground and doesn't have to evacuate in preparation for the tsunami. My friend's family in Chile is safe, as far as we know. My brother in Japan is not yet having to do anything in preparation for a tsunami. That changes today's perspective, for certain.

But I have a lot to do:
reorganize the pantry
walking / explore exercises with resistence bands
possible purchase of running shoes
study for school next week

I am really looking forward to weighing and measuring tomorrow....


Good Food, Good Fellowship, Still Under on Food and a Day Off From Exercise

Saturday, February 27, 2010

After spending a couple of days studying the online menu for dinner tonight with my friend, eating very conservatively all day "just in case", I was still stumped because I was missing two bits of information: the nutritional information did not capture protein and I don't know exactly what "fat"means in the nutritional tracker on SP. Is it just Trans, Saturated, Mono, or a combination?

So I prepared myself and had a couple of ideas picked out before we got there. Oh, surprise! The menu at the restaurant did not match the menu online. I ended up having salmon (grilled) and had them hold the butter-lemon glaze, the veggies were supposed to be steamed, but I think they were sauted, the rice was supposed to be wild, but was white. A green side salad with a really yummy dressing on the side, which I hardly touched.

Feeling virtuous, I logged everything in when I got home and now understand why I feel hungry! I am still way under in every category. Time for a "fourth meal", but not as advertised.

But - I didn't give up and just order anything. I didn't go over because that would have been easy, I am proud of my preparation. I think that helped me make a good choice even with the menu curveball.

I felt very sore, stiff and unable to move all day. I walked around the office throughout the day, but did not burn a lot of time or calories doing so, so I did not log it in. Tomorrow is a new day and I will move!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERRY666 2/27/2010 12:41PM

    Good job on being prepared for the restaurant.......... I don't eat out that much because of all the problems I've had with them........ But your doing great........even though the place didn't have what you planned for online..........you still stuck to the rght eating plan......... emoticon

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STAROFD00M 2/27/2010 12:44AM

    If you're getting sore and stiff after workouts, a protein shake within a half hour of working out can do a lot to help alleviate that. I swear it helps, especially after lifting weights :D

That is awesome job on food monitoring. I always find it so difficult to keep myself in check at restaurants!

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 2/27/2010 12:27AM

    Congratulations on being so prepared! Eating out can be such a challenge you should be proud of yourself for working so hard toward your goals!

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