Sunday, December 19, 2010
This morning, I discovered that I made an error when I entered my weight last week. When I recorded it this morning, an email from my friend feed showed I had lost over 1K pounds! I went back and looked. I had forgotten a decimal! Unfortunately, the correction created a different error. The tracker says I lost a pound when the scale says I gained a pound.
Nonie_C saw her beloved Nisa cross the Rainbow Bridge yesterday. I lost my Bug 2 years ago right before Thanksgiving. I can still feel him resting against my shoulder while I am on the computer and sleeping on my hip at night. He was 19.5 when he died and I'd had him for about 18 years. My BF's cat, Cilantro, will be 16 next May and we know her days are numbered. My heart is with Nonie_C because I know how that loss of a beloved cat feels.
I spent most of the day working on something that has a court-imposed deadline. I am only halfway through it but I had to stop for the day. My brain could not handle more! So I logged off and spent a while working on my Christmas cards. I usually have them done long before now, but this year it has not worked out that way. And I am going to bed early so I can start tomorrow early and get to the Post Office before they close tomorrow evening (package notices).
I did not feel well today and was a couch potato. Not only that, I ate. I was stunned to see I had eaten over again today........GRRRRR!
I am already thinking about my New Years resolution(s). I am going to make it something about strength training. Exercise is still the weakest of the elements of my SP journey. But I actually feel good about this resolution. I had stopped making them because they had no teeth behind them. This time, it is something I need to do. I need to exercise for me. For my other goals. For my health. For my life. I must implement this change and not play around with it.
I also need to think about how I blew the sky off my calorie limit today (& 2 other days last week). I have been on the edge of a depression and I am not sure why. Writing my cards did not help because there are so many new names in my address book that I cannot send cards to because they died this year...I was not prepared for the reaction of seeing the names there...
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Tonight was TNT's broadcast of the digitally enhanced version of The Wizard of Oz. I did not see all of it, but what I did see was gorgeous. Every time I see it, I get something more out of it. It's hard to believe that it was first released in 1939. My parents were not even in school yet!
Before SparkPeople, I was the Cowardly Lion. I did not think I could lose this weight again. Even now, I am still sometimes not sure. But I will celebrate my SparkVersary on January 27, 2011 and that will be like receiving the medal of courage. While I have not lost as much as I wanted to or thought I "should" have by now, what I have gained and learned has been worth more than the number on the scale. What have I gained? Knowledge about nutrition, exercise, life. Confidence that, if I have a rough day, I do have coping skills that do not include stuffing my face. Confidence that I can reach this goal.
I was also like the Tin Man. I had the heart and compassion, but not the validation. In my SparkPeople community, I find that. When I have rough days, at least one of you will pick me up. And at least one of you will remind me to be grateful for my situation because your challenges are greater than I could handle. I have been amazed, moved to tears, laughter and day-long joy as I celebrate your victories with you. I pray for you and I think of you often. I carry thoughts of you in my heart and, as I go through my day, whether walking at lunch or choosing my lunch. Your interactions with me help me think. "What would ___ say if I blogged about this choice?" "What would _____ choose?" You help me be accountable for those choices and, most of all, you have opened my heart in ways in which I could not have imagined.
While the Lion is my favorite character, I have always identified with Scarecrow. Before I started school, I had to take an aptitude test of some kind. Back in those days, children did not usually read much if at all before first grade, so the test was mostly something based on eye-hand coordination. I did not have much of that so I scored very low. Mother believed the results that said I was retarded. That was her favorite name for me. There. I said it. Even now, decades later, I can't breathe. But my first grade teacher did not believe it. (She had been my brother's teacher the year before, so she knew the family a little.) She refused to put the test results in my permanent file and told the principal that, if she did, it would follow me all the days of my life. I am not the smartest person in the world, but, like the Scarecrow, I have reserves heretofore untapped. My SP journey is revealing a freedom I could only vaguely imagine.
In my SP journey, I am learning to integrate those Wizard of Oz characteristics into the new me. As I said in a previous blog, the chrysallis is cracking and the butterfly will emerge.
Friday, December 17, 2010
MY LIFE FEELS UNBALANCED WHEN I DON'T take a walk every day
IT ALSO FEELS OUT OF BALANCE IF I EAT too little vegetables and too many carbohydrates - any time I eat out of balance.
MY BIGGEST CHALLENGE RIGHT NOW IS BALANCING everything. I've never had a life in balance.
IN ORDER TO CREATE BALANCE IN MY LIFE THIS WEEK, I WILL get 8 hours of sleep every night. I need that energy in order to tackle everything else.
ONE ACT OF KINDNESS I WILL DO FOR MYSELF THIS WEEK IS: I traded in my cellphone for a new one that works!
THE QUESTION OF THE WEEK IS:
WHICH BOOK, ARTICLE, MAGAZINE, ETC., WOULD YOU RECOMMEND TO SOMEONE WHO NEEDS HELP, INSPIRATION, OR MOTIVATION TO BEGIN LIVING A HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE? IN OTHER WORDS, IS THERE ONE THAT HELPED YOU, AND HOW?
(SPARKPEOPLE IS A GIVEN...JUST SAYIN')
[For me, I had the chance to recommend Steven Covey's "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". A coworker was really stressed and I told her the biggest tip I got from the book. Picture 3 concentric circles. The smallest one contains those things that you can influence or control. The next one contains those things you may be concerned about but either cannot influence or it's not the right time to do so. The largest circle contains everything else, especially those that you have no control over. When something worries you, figure out whether you can fix it now, later or ever. If not now, don't spend energy on it!
At work, I am the only one in my department who works in a different building. My boss used to work on this floor, but he moved to Knoxville 2 years ago. The rest of the floor is the finance department. Today, they had a send-off for a contractor who has found a full time job. When the executive admin is there, she makes sure the entire floor is included. But she is off on Fridays, so it was left up to the A/P manager. She left me out. She looked right at me and away and rounded up the rest of the floor. I worked very closely with the departing employee on tax exempt questions FOR HER DEPARTMENT! It had nothing to do with the bagels and everything to do with respect and appreciation. That was why I slipped into a bit of a pity party today. It felt justified and yet, I hate feeling like that!
Today was also the departure day for one of my supervising attorneys. I was not there for her farewell party so I was not tempted by the tiramisu (don't like it anyway!). I left early because I moved wrong yesterday and hurt my back. I stayed for most of the day because of meetings, but I suffered! She understood why I left early and we managed to say our best wishes without tears. I still feel them, though.
Surprisingly, I got in over 9K steps, 3 miles and 42 minutes! I ate within range, but just barely. It was another HUNGRY day. I also ate some crackers when the pain made me nauseous. TMI, I am sure!
The storm has not yet arrived. It has been raining lightly, but not the downpour that was forecast.
Something weird is going on at work. I am quite nervous. Every day, another one or two people leave. I have gotten some weird responses to some routine questions, so I feel a bit anxious about my status...That does, however, fall into the second circle. I am concerned, can't do anything about it, so...........Move on, brain!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
13,257 is what my pedometer says I did today! I walked as much as I could today knowing that it is going to be very stormy for the next few days. I looked for every opportunity to move that I could! I took two bags of food to donate to the food drive, I walked to the cafe for the free fruit, all kinds of back and forth while working, fast walking at Costco at lunch and fast walking through Sears and every inch of the drug store (only a small exaggeration there).
Nonie_C's blog today is a victorious blog, not only for her successful week while on a business trip, but for the retrospective - the choices she's making that are different from before her SP journey.
So where am I at nearly 11 months in? Hmmmm.
Not as far as I thought I would be in terms of weight loss ("only" 25 pounds) and I will take it! I hit a long plateau in the spring and I still do not have exercise fully integrated in my lifestyle.
I have always had breakfast, so that has not changed. What has changed? Instead of pop tarts or muffins, I relish my heavy duty high fiber cereal. I have also switched from 2% to 1% milk for it.
White rice is replaced by brown and I really want to try black rice. Beef is history (but I LOVE it!) and I very often have meatless meals and days. Portion control is inconsistent, but doing much better. Monterey jack, pepper jack and sharp Cheddar have been replaced by lowfat mozzarella and portions are much smaller!
My tape measure has disappeared, so I don't know how many inches I've lost. But I walk a lot more, the hills are not as noticable, I don't begrudge walking more than I have to.
I've started doing some strength training, not enough to get excited about, but that is starting to change and will definitely change this coming year. Looking forward to the new year, making resolutions that I am actually going to keep - this anticipation is new!
Eight hours of sleep is still elusive sometimes, but I am doing much better. I do have cycles of insomnia, but they seem to be less severe. Overall, my energy level is improving.
Instead of guzzling diet soda, I am very consistent about eight glasses of water
And I am mostly at peace with the idea that it is going to take another year or more for me to drop the rest of this tonnage.
The chrysalis is starting to crack. The butterfly will emerge!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I forgot to wear my pedometer today! I hate it when I forget it. I had to estimate what I did.
Work is completely nonstop. I have not even had time to address my Christmas cards because I come home completely exhausted. But it has had good moments. Today, our top attorney asked me to find a US Supreme Court case (my favorite thing!). It's actually not a case yet, but it was announced last week that the Court would hear the oral arguments next year. She wanted me to find the filings associated with the case. It took me moments to find the docket number, but, since the case is not yet before the Court, I had to hunt for the documents. I found them and was thrilled. She was amazed that I found the docket number so quickly. The letter about the case that she received did not contain the docket number and that surprised me because it came from one of our outside counsel firms. It may be that the docket wasn't assigned when the letter was drafted and did not get updated when it was done.
Our legal department director supports my interest in mediation, thinks I will be good at it and was impressed that I have a support letter to the county court already lined up.
Yvonne's boss has yet to express any appreciation for my work for his department. His emails have been very high and mighty which makes me react very negatively. I have to watch that! He sent an email to my boss about something else, some sort of contemplated system upgrade and wanted to know all about our department's internal workings. He has probably been tasked to spearhead the effort, but the tone of his email was very rude and condescending. UGH. He was my boss for a few months and, while we were civil, we just did not click.
I had the opportunity to spread the Spark today. Two people wanted to know how I had lost 25 pounds this year and I was happy to answer the questions...! Next year, I need to do a lot more! It may take close to 3 years to lose this tonnage and I keep telling myself that that is ok because I am learning very good habits while on the journey.
My internet connection is unreliable, so I will log off for now and beg indulgence for not thanking y'all for comments and spark goodies.
Cyberhugs to all!
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