Tuesday, September 21, 2010
All day long, I have been composing a blog in my head. I used to blog every day, but have now fallen into an old lifestyle habit. My family knows when I go silent that things are not going well. So it is now. I don't have the energy to type it all out now.
Suffice to say I have rediscovered food as a bandaid of consolation. That begets the whole cycle of eating to punish me for eating in the first place. The few good choices I have made this week were when I had the thought front and center that I was making a good choice for that wounded little girl inside.
I am completely overwhelmed at work and, the worse it gets, I perform less so it makes things even worse. UGH! This is not me!
Today, I had my weekly meeting with my supervising attorney. She chewed me out (followed by an apology) because I had not followed through on something to its' logical conclusion. This is the 3rd time with her when I have presented partial work. Yesterday I asked my boss a question that, had I thought about it, I would not have asked. He said, "Well, let's think about that..." and I immediately wanted to get away. My supervising attorney said she knows I can do the work, but I keep failing and she finds it "interesting".
I am mentally tired. I am emotionally fragile. I am so beaten down, I don't have the energy to turn things around.
There's a lot more I could say, but......I don't have the energy and y'all don't need to hear a pity party (not going there).
Thanks to all who have commented on my feeds, touched my page and my increasingly infrequent blogs. YOU are treasures!
Friday, September 17, 2010
09/17/1789 - the day the US Constitution was signed! That was the highlight of the day.
I have felt lousy most of this week and have been inhaling carbs in an effort to make me feel better. I don't think I will weigh tomorrow...
My tendon is very, very sore.
I hope to take a nice long walk on the baylands tomorrow. We shall see. This is a week that is a setback, but it is not a defeat.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Today was the first All Hands meeting with our new CEO. I usually sit in the front of the room so I can hear and see. But I knew everyone would expect me to do so and I wanted to send a message that the change of CEO is not something I take lightly, so I sat near the back of the room.
I'm going to reserve judgment for a while - see how things play out. I won't allow myself to get caught up in the rumor mill or the speculation about what everything he says or does not say. At least not outwardly!
There is still a ton of snack food from the picnic. I hit up the pretzels again even though I know the salt will be an issue. And more...ACK! I need to get a grip on this. Halloween is coming, Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming. I sit and work with two groups that are always bringing food in.
Surprisingly, I got in almost 9K steps today! It was a gloriously perfect day today!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Our new CEO started the week with an over-the-weekend email. He has promoted one VP to take his old position, created a new VP position and moved some departments to now report to a different VP. My take away is that he wants to hit the ground running (a good thing) and that this may be the first of a series of changes (a good thing IF I don't get laid off!).
He held meetings in Charlotte and Knoxville today and will hold his California "All Hands" meeting tomorrow. Everything is up in the air.
Late in the afternoon, the picnic committee put out the candy, chips, cookies and other snacks out. I grabbed a handful of pretzel bits, but skipped the oh-so-tempting chocolate chip cookies! Thinking about them makes me hungry!
I got in 7636 steps but am still feeling the after effects of the concussion, so I did not push it.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
California's state mollusk (or something) is the banana slug, so called because it is often BRIGHT yellow. I guess the yellow is so bright because it gives the false message that the creature is poisonous. I felt slow, sluggish and nonspecifically yucky all day.
I am still banged up from the fall on Friday and my tendon is sending warning twinges. So I was, for the most part, a couch potato. I ate sparingly, even though I am hungry. I am not sure if the hunger is real or if it is bordom. I have covered the water and I feel good about that.
Friday at the picnic, an executive admin told me that she knows big changes will start this coming week. We have an all-hands meeting with the new CEO on Tuesday. Rumors abound, but I try not to put stock in them. Even though some of the past rumors have been later proved to be true, I cannot spend my energy on that. I am nervous. It is a bad time to be laid off and I am not young. So we shall see...
I wish I had lost the tonnage I need to so that, if I have to job hunt, I would look more employable instead of like a potential drain on a health plan. I am very healthy, but my weight is a real concern for the long term (if I don't make some changes, which I am doing, but ooooooooooohhhhhhh so slowly!)
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