Thursday, August 19, 2010
What a rough week! Not because anything sad or bad has happened, but I can't seem to find my food equilibrium. I'm almost back to eating whatever and whenever and how much ever....UGH!
It started with the migraine nausea and eating carbs to try to solve the nausea. Now it's just me making poor choices and not caring. Or at least saying I don't care. Stepping on the scale is not going to be fun.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Another day of too many calories...UGH!
Over 7K steps and 8 glasses of water - progress
I did not get to take a walk at lunch today. That was because today was the at-work Toastmaster club meeting. This meeting was the Evaluation Contest. I entered the contest partly impusively and partly because this is a skill I wish to strengthen.
There were four contestants, which I did not know until the meeting started. One is Jean-Francois with a lovely French accent. Another is Erfan and I think he is from Iraq and the other is Bryan from Santa Cruz, California! All coworkers.
The test speaker was a visitor, someone none of us knew. He is the local Area Governor for Toastmasters. We all had to evaluate the same speech. We were given 5 minutes after the speech to write our comments and then, one by one, give our evaluation. The rest of the members voted to determine the winner.
I was picked first to go, which made me nervous.
Erfan's evaluation was very technical and he criticized some of the content. Bryan's was his usual effervescent style, but he lost track of what he was saying towards the end and repeated himself. Jean-Francois' evaluation covered content and delivery. I thought his was great!
But the audience voted for me! I have never won a club level contest. I was absolutely stunned! I have asked the Education VP if I may do speech evaluations between now and the Area contest. (It has not been set up yet, or at least not communicated to my club.)
Last month, I helped our senior attorney with production of documents in response to a subpoena. That was really a fun project! Today, I came in to find a box on my desk, addressed to me, from somewhere in Texas. I did not recognize the address or the sender but assumed it was the requesting attorney returning some of the paperwork. The attorney asked me to PDF something to the requestor, so, knowing she was coming to my desk, I thought I'd better open the box. Turns out it was not papers but pecan pie! The attorney in TX had sent two pecan pies to thank us for our work! Wow!
That presented a bit of a problem because I work for a nonprofit corporation and we are not allowed to accept anything over a nominal amount. So Norma reported the gift to our ethics officer. Because it's a perishable item, the company will put the monetary value of the gift into a special fund. Then Norma and I distributed the pies, one to the Finance Department (same floor as our offices) and to the Legal Department (our "home" department). The pies were gone in no time. There was one piece left and I had that tonight, sharing it with BF. I went to college in Arkansas and have been to a few other places in the South. This was the best pecan pie I have ever had in my life! I did not care what that did to my calorie count!
I need to break this "I don't care" cycle!
This afternoon was nearly consumed with a training session. I am learning how to create the financial records in our database for our contracts. The idea is that I will take over doing the government orders so that the other two people can focus on the other orders. What will happen is I will get drafted to help them at the end of the year because they will be busy and...I feel the avalanche coming. My trainer is my friend Yvonne. She is really looking forward to having me cover her desk, but she is also in a horrible mood right now, so that makes the training less than optimal...Ugh...
I still have the headache, but today was a lot better than yesterday!
The day ended on a nice note. A few weeks ago, when I was busy with the tribute page for Ruby, I learned that FB took the first one down because I used my primary email address to create it. FB takes down a second page with the same email address because they see it as a duplicate. We did a workaround and created a new tribute page with a different email address. I posted that solution on a message board. To my surprise, several people posted notes of appreciation afterwards. One was a lady whose sister had died suddenly. I replied to her post thanking her for the comment, but also expressing my condolences for her loss.
Her response? She friended me! How cool is that!
I emailed Ruby's widower and shared how our experience with her page is making other people have an easier time setting up their tribute pages. In some way, it seems fitting...
The countdown to my new kitten has begun! This kitten is named Ruby in honor of my friend.
Monday, August 16, 2010
I did not get the chance to walk at lunch, but when I realized that was going to happen, I made extra trips around the office. A coworker is in town from our branch office in TN, so I took the opportunity and had lunch with her. We went to the onsite cafe and I had a really good salad. Thus, I end the day within range in all nutrition metrics save for a bit low in calcium. I still feel hungry!
Eight cups of water, some strength training and something over 7K steps. The strength training was with a 5# weight, a step up from my usual 3. Not many reps, but I sure felt it!
The guy who rescued the kitten called me today. He refers to her as it or the cat or the kitten. Perhaps trying not to bond with her. He is frustrated and can't wait to give her to me, but he was going to give the mom of the family that found her one more chance. Mom was going to talk to her 8 year old son and decide tonight. They have 2 dogs, a cat, the two boys who are about 8 and 6 and a 9 month old baby. He says it's very chaotic, but I don't think he's a parent yet, so he may be unfamiliar with life in a household with young children. He wants her, the kitten, gone because their 15 year old dog does not like the cat. He spent most of the time on the phone complaining. Part of it is that he is not working as he is recovering from surgery. He took on the care of this kitten because he thought it would be a two week deal and it has been nearly six weeks.
I kept saying that when I have her, she will be in her forever home. He's going to talk to the vet about her first series of shots and if having those will be enough protection for her to be around other cats. So I should get both of the answers tomorrow. Then I will stop on the way home and get kitten food for her...
Monday, August 16, 2010
Today was a much better day. I stayed on track with food and water. I took a short walk. My lower back started hurting during the walk and I know that's because of the weight I gained. In the last 3 weeks, I've gained 5 pounds....
I took a nap in the afternoon and feel rested for the first time in eons.
I also remembered that not taking care of that little girl inside is how I forgot to be watchful. I was so focused on the pain and fatigue that I had no energy for anything else...
It would take pages to describe my fractured family tree, but suffice to say my parents divorced and each remarried, so I have half sisters on both sides and a half brother on Dad's side. My full sibling died when we were teens. I talked to my youngest sister today (on Dad's side). I told her about my Mother's health and touched a little on the swirling emotions this touches off for me. She had never thought that I would have the feelings of emptiness surrounding my Mother. Her mother is my stepmother and she has always been good to me.
My food issues are all inter-related with all the other issues I had with Mother. There are so many levels of sorrow around this relationship. I missed knowing my other sisters as young girls, as women. I have missed out on the lives of their children. In my mind, Mother is still in her early 30s, a strong woman. It is hard to reconcile that with how she must be now. In her 70s and in ill health. I am grieved that our relationship was never able to be mended (her choice). There have always been empty spots in my heart, but that would have been true either way.
I am so glad I got to live with Dad, to be close to my youngest siblings, but the other side of that coin is the void left in not knowing my four sisters, sharing in their lives, rejoicing and grieving with them, welcoming that next generation.
Obviously, the news of Mother's ill health has stirred up a lot. It will take me a while to process this. I don't expect to hear until after the fact when she does die. There probably will not be a service and I won't know about it until afterwards so that, if I am wrong and there is a service, the family can mourn without worrying about whether or not I would appear and make a scene. How little they know me if that is the fear! This is what happened with my gramma and my aunt (Mother's younger sister) died. There are, of course, other issues...
On a positive note - it sounds more and more likely that I will get that adorable kitten who really needs a forever home. She has not completely mastered the cat box or drinking water, but she is just about 6 weeks old, and, from what I have read, she will pick this up. It will help that Juneau will be here to show her.
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