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The Old Truth is That it Would Be Easier if We Did Not Have to Eat!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

What a rough week! Not because anything sad or bad has happened, but I can't seem to find my food equilibrium. I'm almost back to eating whatever and whenever and how much ever....UGH!

It started with the migraine nausea and eating carbs to try to solve the nausea. Now it's just me making poor choices and not caring. Or at least saying I don't care. Stepping on the scale is not going to be fun.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JHADZHIA 8/22/2010 3:09PM

    Great advice from everyone here. You have been derailed, time to get back to it, one slow step at a time. Buy and put healthy foods where you have to eat them, get rid of any junk, the usual stop gap measures. With losing Sally Sue, you will down even more so its even more important not to give up now.
You can do this, you have it within you!

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ARCHIMEDESII 8/20/2010 9:36AM

    Hang in there ! Remember, you have to EAT to be healthy !! Don't try to be perfect. You do the best you can. It's all about making as many healthy choices as possible. Eat a few extra servings of leafy green veggies. Drink plenty of water. Have a piece of fruit for a snack.

You don't have to be perfect to be healthy. And my advice, don't step on the scale if you're going to tie your emotions to that number that stares at you from between your toes. Remember, there really is more to your good health than what the scale says.

So... no more beatings... the beatings must stop. they aren't productive. If you want to be productive, do your best to do something healthy today. take a walk at lunch !! That's productive. Self flaggelation is not.


-- karen

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LIBBYFITZ 8/20/2010 8:41AM

    Don't step on the scale! We are there for you, eat well today, every meal is a new meal! emoticon

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 8/20/2010 7:18AM

  Totally agree with CMRAND54 on this one. I think you are looking at the entire picture and going into panic mode. Just try to breathe ... try not to stress out so much about it. If you fall off with one meal... try to do a little bit better the next.

Good luck... I know you can do it!


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CARRAND 8/19/2010 11:36PM

    Just take it one meal at a time. Instead of focusing on calories, try to get lots of fruits and vegetables and fiber. That will help you feel full. Think about what you can eat instead of what you can't eat.

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The Spectrum of Today

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Another day of too many calories...UGH!
Over 7K steps and 8 glasses of water - progress

I did not get to take a walk at lunch today. That was because today was the at-work Toastmaster club meeting. This meeting was the Evaluation Contest. I entered the contest partly impusively and partly because this is a skill I wish to strengthen.

There were four contestants, which I did not know until the meeting started. One is Jean-Francois with a lovely French accent. Another is Erfan and I think he is from Iraq and the other is Bryan from Santa Cruz, California! All coworkers.

The test speaker was a visitor, someone none of us knew. He is the local Area Governor for Toastmasters. We all had to evaluate the same speech. We were given 5 minutes after the speech to write our comments and then, one by one, give our evaluation. The rest of the members voted to determine the winner.
I was picked first to go, which made me nervous.

Erfan's evaluation was very technical and he criticized some of the content. Bryan's was his usual effervescent style, but he lost track of what he was saying towards the end and repeated himself. Jean-Francois' evaluation covered content and delivery. I thought his was great!

But the audience voted for me! I have never won a club level contest. I was absolutely stunned! I have asked the Education VP if I may do speech evaluations between now and the Area contest. (It has not been set up yet, or at least not communicated to my club.)

Last month, I helped our senior attorney with production of documents in response to a subpoena. That was really a fun project! Today, I came in to find a box on my desk, addressed to me, from somewhere in Texas. I did not recognize the address or the sender but assumed it was the requesting attorney returning some of the paperwork. The attorney asked me to PDF something to the requestor, so, knowing she was coming to my desk, I thought I'd better open the box. Turns out it was not papers but pecan pie! The attorney in TX had sent two pecan pies to thank us for our work! Wow!

That presented a bit of a problem because I work for a nonprofit corporation and we are not allowed to accept anything over a nominal amount. So Norma reported the gift to our ethics officer. Because it's a perishable item, the company will put the monetary value of the gift into a special fund. Then Norma and I distributed the pies, one to the Finance Department (same floor as our offices) and to the Legal Department (our "home" department). The pies were gone in no time. There was one piece left and I had that tonight, sharing it with BF. I went to college in Arkansas and have been to a few other places in the South. This was the best pecan pie I have ever had in my life! I did not care what that did to my calorie count!

I need to break this "I don't care" cycle!

This afternoon was nearly consumed with a training session. I am learning how to create the financial records in our database for our contracts. The idea is that I will take over doing the government orders so that the other two people can focus on the other orders. What will happen is I will get drafted to help them at the end of the year because they will be busy and...I feel the avalanche coming. My trainer is my friend Yvonne. She is really looking forward to having me cover her desk, but she is also in a horrible mood right now, so that makes the training less than optimal...Ugh...

I still have the headache, but today was a lot better than yesterday!

The day ended on a nice note. A few weeks ago, when I was busy with the tribute page for Ruby, I learned that FB took the first one down because I used my primary email address to create it. FB takes down a second page with the same email address because they see it as a duplicate. We did a workaround and created a new tribute page with a different email address. I posted that solution on a message board. To my surprise, several people posted notes of appreciation afterwards. One was a lady whose sister had died suddenly. I replied to her post thanking her for the comment, but also expressing my condolences for her loss.
Her response? She friended me! How cool is that!

I emailed Ruby's widower and shared how our experience with her page is making other people have an easier time setting up their tribute pages. In some way, it seems fitting...

The countdown to my new kitten has begun! This kitten is named Ruby in honor of my friend.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NONIE_C 8/19/2010 2:29PM

    emoticon on winning the Toastmasters contest - and good for you for evaluating fairly and comprehensively. I'm so glad that your kitty, Ruby, is on her way home soon, and I hope your headache goes away completely today. You are doing great, just keep moving forward!

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KCLARK1355 8/19/2010 11:31AM

    How wonderful that you won that contest! I'd love to become more comfortable with public speaking! Way to go!

How long do you have to wait to bring home Ruby? Kitties are so sweet - love their curiousity!

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LIBBYFITZ 8/19/2010 10:49AM

    I am so pleased about the contest. Fantastic. Work is sounding very interesting! Bet you can't wait to get you're Ruby, what a beautiful name. emoticon

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Sidelined by Migraine, More Kitten News

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I went to bed last night with one of those combination headaches - sinus, tension and a hint of migraine (sensitive to light and sound and a touch of nausea). Woke up with the same thing, but went in to work. I knew immediately it was a mistake, but I stuck it out for 3.5 hours and then left. That just about blows my sick time for the rest of the year...Came home to my nice dark bedroom and slept for a few hours. After eating dinner, I felt much better.

I ended the day above in calories, but not badly. I ate a lot of carbs today in response to the nausea. Tomorrow, I plan to exercise more and eat lower in the range...

I learned this morning that the kitten is mine! But I don't get to pick her up until next week. The vet won't give her the initial shots until next week due to her age. So I will miss another week of seeing her grow and develop! But she is coming to her forever home!

Cilantro will hate having her at first. I don't know how Juneau will react initially, but I am sure they will get along famously.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 8/18/2010 11:57PM

    Your kitty is soooo cute. It makes me want another, but I have two cats already, and that's enough for me.

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ACIMPEGGY 8/18/2010 10:23PM

    Such a sweet baby! Now you'll have 3 fur babies!

And, honey, the Gold Medal is yours! Now it's on to Area level with your evaluations...Maybe the club will let you practice giving them at your meetings until the Area contest.

My club does an oral round robin evaluation of club winners, too, so they get more tips.

Good luck! emoticon

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NONIE_C 8/18/2010 3:55PM

    I'm glad you were able to take the time to go home and rest, even if it did eat up your sick days - you needed it and that's what it's for. I'm also soooo glad that you are getting your kitty!!! Does she have a name yet? Hope you stay pain free.

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KNITTABLES 8/18/2010 3:39PM

    Aw the kittie is so cute. Have fun with her.

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LIBBYFITZ 8/18/2010 11:33AM

    emoticonSo glad you are getting the kitten! emoticonHope you're head get's better!

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 8/18/2010 8:47AM

  Awww... congrats on kitty. :) Hope you're feeling better.


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MISSY455 8/18/2010 1:26AM

    Grats on the kitty!!! Sorry you had the headache today, hopefully the sleep did you well and you will feel tons better tomorrow.
emoticon Margie

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FITANDFIFTY2 8/18/2010 1:19AM

    I, too, get those combination headaches..ughhh,, no fun!! The kitten pic is too adorable, omg, I love it!! Hope you are feeling much better!! Congrats on the new kitten!!

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On Track and Kitten Still on Hold

Monday, August 16, 2010

I did not get the chance to walk at lunch, but when I realized that was going to happen, I made extra trips around the office. A coworker is in town from our branch office in TN, so I took the opportunity and had lunch with her. We went to the onsite cafe and I had a really good salad. Thus, I end the day within range in all nutrition metrics save for a bit low in calcium. I still feel hungry!

Eight cups of water, some strength training and something over 7K steps. The strength training was with a 5# weight, a step up from my usual 3. Not many reps, but I sure felt it!

The guy who rescued the kitten called me today. He refers to her as it or the cat or the kitten. Perhaps trying not to bond with her. He is frustrated and can't wait to give her to me, but he was going to give the mom of the family that found her one more chance. Mom was going to talk to her 8 year old son and decide tonight. They have 2 dogs, a cat, the two boys who are about 8 and 6 and a 9 month old baby. He says it's very chaotic, but I don't think he's a parent yet, so he may be unfamiliar with life in a household with young children. He wants her, the kitten, gone because their 15 year old dog does not like the cat. He spent most of the time on the phone complaining. Part of it is that he is not working as he is recovering from surgery. He took on the care of this kitten because he thought it would be a two week deal and it has been nearly six weeks.

I kept saying that when I have her, she will be in her forever home. He's going to talk to the vet about her first series of shots and if having those will be enough protection for her to be around other cats. So I should get both of the answers tomorrow. Then I will stop on the way home and get kitten food for her...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYFITZ 8/17/2010 4:00PM

    emoticonIt sounds like you are getting the kitten?

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NONIE_C 8/17/2010 1:08PM

    Sounds like a good day that ended with hope. And I hope you have that little kitty home soon!!! My two cats, Nisa and Sabine, bring absolute joy to my world, and I don't know what I'd do without them. Pet love is unparalleled.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 8/17/2010 8:57AM

  Hope things work out for you with kitty.

Congrats on staying within your calorie range and getting some exercise done. :) Excellent stuff... Keep up the great work. :)


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CARRAND 8/17/2010 12:20AM

    I hope your new kitten works out. I know you are looking forward to it. Congrats on sticking with your calorie range and getting in some exercise, too.

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MISSY455 8/16/2010 11:43PM

    I hope you get the kitten. Sounds like you have already bonded with her! Kittens are so cute, my granddaughter keeps telling me I need a pet, but I travel too much. We had two cats for over 16 years, they are funny funny creatures. They definitely rule the house!

On another note, glad you were able to fit in lunch with your coworker. Managing to eat within goal, while eating out, is a huge win! Grats!!!

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Mother and Ruby

Monday, August 16, 2010

Today was a much better day. I stayed on track with food and water. I took a short walk. My lower back started hurting during the walk and I know that's because of the weight I gained. In the last 3 weeks, I've gained 5 pounds....
I took a nap in the afternoon and feel rested for the first time in eons.

I also remembered that not taking care of that little girl inside is how I forgot to be watchful. I was so focused on the pain and fatigue that I had no energy for anything else...

It would take pages to describe my fractured family tree, but suffice to say my parents divorced and each remarried, so I have half sisters on both sides and a half brother on Dad's side. My full sibling died when we were teens. I talked to my youngest sister today (on Dad's side). I told her about my Mother's health and touched a little on the swirling emotions this touches off for me. She had never thought that I would have the feelings of emptiness surrounding my Mother. Her mother is my stepmother and she has always been good to me.

My food issues are all inter-related with all the other issues I had with Mother. There are so many levels of sorrow around this relationship. I missed knowing my other sisters as young girls, as women. I have missed out on the lives of their children. In my mind, Mother is still in her early 30s, a strong woman. It is hard to reconcile that with how she must be now. In her 70s and in ill health. I am grieved that our relationship was never able to be mended (her choice). There have always been empty spots in my heart, but that would have been true either way.

I am so glad I got to live with Dad, to be close to my youngest siblings, but the other side of that coin is the void left in not knowing my four sisters, sharing in their lives, rejoicing and grieving with them, welcoming that next generation.

Obviously, the news of Mother's ill health has stirred up a lot. It will take me a while to process this. I don't expect to hear until after the fact when she does die. There probably will not be a service and I won't know about it until afterwards so that, if I am wrong and there is a service, the family can mourn without worrying about whether or not I would appear and make a scene. How little they know me if that is the fear! This is what happened with my gramma and my aunt (Mother's younger sister) died. There are, of course, other issues...

On a positive note - it sounds more and more likely that I will get that adorable kitten who really needs a forever home. She has not completely mastered the cat box or drinking water, but she is just about 6 weeks old, and, from what I have read, she will pick this up. It will help that Juneau will be here to show her.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYFITZ 8/16/2010 3:32PM

    emoticonSo glad you are getting the kitten! emoticon

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CARRAND 8/16/2010 10:23AM

    All families have issues, so we can all relate. I'm glad you are back to tracking your food and water. Staying on track can help you both physically and emotionally. Take care of yourself. That new little kitten needs you.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 8/16/2010 8:28AM

  emoticon on staying on track with your food and water during this time in your life. It is great that you are blogging about your thoughts and feelings like this. Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us all. Congrats on getting the kitty.. and, I'm sure Juneau will do great with kitty and teach the kitty everything there is to learn! :)

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    I agree with HappyMamaw that you have a place to express yourself. I've been praying for you every day since I found out about Ruby, & I'll keep on doing so.

Oh, I hope you get that kitten! Is that the one you mentioned a few days ago? I'm so glad! Yes, Juneau will be able to teach her the skills necessary to be the best cat possible. Hugs & blessings!

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HAPPYMAMAW 8/16/2010 1:00AM

    I'm glad you posted this. Hopefully, it helps you to have an outlet to talk about what you've been through and what your going through right now with your family. I have a similar situation and haven't spoken to my mother in about 5 years. (Her choice, also.) I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my situation and maybe it will be helpful for you to know that you are not alone in your situation either. Good luck with everything and know that everthing happens for a reason!


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