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JUNEAU2010's Recent Blog Entries

A Virtual Vacation

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I've been watching "Most Extreme Airports" on the History Channel as I've been sparking. The #1 most extreme airport is Lukla in Nepal. The airport is actually named for Sir Edmund Hilary and his sherpa guide, but they call it Lukla. The program was about the hazards of these various airports - mostly weather, approach, short runways or steep approaches. But I was touched by the explanation for this airport. Of course Hilary wanted to make it easier for the hikers to get to the base of the Himalayan mountain more quickly, but he built this airport more for the people of Nepal. He needed a way to fly in books for schools for the people. Quite humbling. Even today, the people there have not seen a car, but they have seen planes.

I did not feel well all day, but I stuck it out at work. I don't have much sick time left and there's still a lot of year left. Part of it was not wanting to do some of the drudgery that awaits, but I might have eaten something or be fighting a bug. I just felt crappy in an undefined way. When I have a bad tummy, I often eat in the hopes that the next thing will help me feel better. Along with that, I had the threat of a possible migraine.

I may end the day below in calories or above, I am not sure. I took a short walk at lunch. No cut grass, yay! But my leg was giving me warnings that the planned full walk might overdo it. This was not a manufactured excuse, it was real. I listened and I shortened the walk.

I could use a nice vacation, but there's no time or money. Seeing all these airports in nice sounding places was fun. But, as I watched the Lukla segment, I was humbled, reminded how blessed I am despite my bad habit of complaint and my own struggles. I really need to watch my attitude in all things...!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 7/21/2010 8:59PM

    Hope you are feeling better soon.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 7/21/2010 9:10AM

  Sorry to hear you weren't feeling well. :( I hope you feel better soon.

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LIBBYFITZ 7/21/2010 9:03AM

    emoticonGet well soon. Here in Santiago the History channel is in Spanish, so the sooner I get learning the language the better! Sounds like a very interesting topic!

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JHADZHIA 7/21/2010 8:07AM

    So sorry you are not feeling well. I too, eat something in hopes of settling things down -my pasta actually did it. I hope you feel better soon.

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ACIMPEGGY 7/20/2010 10:57PM

    And we want to go to Hawaii, anyway. My mama went and told me of her pineapple plant tour where the water fountains spout fresh pineapple juice!

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The Call, 10 Calories et al

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I spent a couple of hours getting ready for The Call. Norma, our top lawyer (senior VP) wanted me in on the call with the requesting attorney to discuss the progress we've made in responding to his subpoena. I was very aware that this could make me or break me for future opportunities to do paralegal activities.

I went to her office just a few minutes early after an internal debate about going in earlier. She had forgotten about the call and, as I was briefing her on what I had found, the attorney called. Norma had me do most of the talking, but I deferred to her when he asked questions I could not answer. I told him we could duplicate the diskettes or burn onto CD. He asked if we would send the original diskettes to him for forensic copying after which he would return them. I was surprised, but she said that was ok.

During the call, he mentioned some other pieces of software. I recognized them, knew they were archived a long time ago. Then Norma told him that I have a lot of institutional knowledge because I have worked in the software center, the order center and am now in the legal department. As she went on, he said she'd be wise not to ever let me go. She said she doesn't intend that to happen.

I am not fooled. He's an attorney needing our help. Nothing that Norma said is cast in concrete. But, wow! That was nice to hear!

I took a short, short walk at lunch. They were cutting the grass, so I went back inside. I did end the day just shy of 10K steps, despite my tendonitis.

The day ended with me being 10 calories over, under in fat, over in carbs and....that probably is as good a metaphor for the day as any.

Thanks, everyone, for your wonderful comments on yesterday's blog. Carrying the mental image of a young girl through the day gave me a new zest. I pictured her walking hand in hand with me, skipping on the sidewalk. (I could not skip when I was little). As I drank my water, as I walked all over the campus, I told myself I was doing these things because I was taking care of her.

It was a good day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAKEANDNELLIE 7/21/2010 11:42AM

    Having your hard work and expertise validated and acknowledged is so wonderful! I'm so proud of you and all you have accomplished since we first became friends.
Continue making your good choices and walking forward on this journey!
Stay positive!
Sheila

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JHADZHIA 7/21/2010 8:10AM

    Its always great to hear you are valued in your work! What a high!
You are doing so well to get that many steps in when you are still hurting!
You are just awesome!!

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ROX2013 7/20/2010 9:00PM

    So glad your meeting and research when so well! Of course we all know you can do it and will always do it well! emoticon

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 7/20/2010 8:14PM

  Good stuff. :)

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TEENY_BIKINI 7/20/2010 6:19PM

    You are awesome.

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SHOSHANADP 7/20/2010 6:13PM

    I hope that they follow through on the comment and keep you a long time (presuming that is what you wish). Sounds like you are a very valuable employee.

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CARRAND 7/20/2010 2:07PM

    Wow, great job! You do sound like a really valuable employee. You have every right to be proud.

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NONIE_C 7/20/2010 1:34PM

    Congratulations on a successful moment in your new role!!! That must've felt so good!!! And well deserved too. And great job getting those steps in, even w/ the tendonitis - you're doing a fantastic job taking care of that little girl!
Hope you have another day filled with big and little successes today!
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LIBBYFITZ 7/20/2010 9:35AM

    emoticonWell done! emoticon

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CAROLYNINJOY1 7/20/2010 3:10AM

    Good job taking care of yourself on the job. Way to go.

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BEAR_GURL 7/20/2010 1:16AM

    What an interesting day! I'm SO proud of you for making good food choices; keep movin that gorgeous body, spreading the Spark and best wishes throughout your journey, sweetie: )


HUGS,

Melissa

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Carbo Load, Walking Wounded Little Girl and Admitting I Need Help

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I did not blog yesterday. I did not have much to say and I was so tired, I could hardly keep my eyes open. I didn't want to go to sleep, but I had zero energy.
We had pizza last night from Little Caesars. I ate four pieces, yes, four! It was as if I were watching me do that. Talk about mindless eating. I DID log it in and was stunned when I saw the calories.

Small wonder that the scale told me I gained nearly a pound this week. I was not surprised, I was not especially upset, but I did find myself getting angry over nothing later, so I guess that means there was some anger...

Then, today. I did not sleep well last night. I forgot that pizza sometimes gives me strange dreams. We had things to do but did not leave the house until 2:45 pm! Breakfast was a whopping 763 calories! Pancakes with 1% milk instead of water, banana and flaxseed in the batter and two turkey sausages. No syrup. Instead, I had canned pears blended to a sauce. I thought virtuously that I would eat carefully the rest of the day and end the day on target.

BUT

We went to Dairy Queen for lunch/dinner. I have not been there in decades. The grilled chicken sandwich was ok, but I would have asked them to leave off the mayo had I thought about it. The bread was "dead bread", the white bread with no value. I had some french fries even though I did not want them. I did not finish the serving, but that was not because I had suddenly regained my Spark. We split a medium chocolate super chocolate blizzard. I forget the name of it, but it was like a chocolate mousse and I had no business ever knowing what that tasted like. In years past, whether WW or Dr Phil, whatever food log I was using, I would not have put this in my log. But I did. I was amazed how much food I put away today!

I mentioned this in an email to a special sparkfriend. I said that I would have characterized this as a "transgression" in the past. I don't know how to characterize it now, but I refuse to call it "bad" or use any other negative terms. I am not a bad person and I will not live my life with "diet" thinking. Bless her heart! She answered me with comments that reminded me of something very important.

She used the analogy of taking care of a child. That reminded me that, a few years ago, I looked deep inside myself. The little girl inside me was not loved. She still craves love and attention. When I was doing things to nurture her, I was more confident, more positive and I treated me better.

So I will "act as if until it is." I will exercise, I will eat wisely, I will make choices as if I have rediscovered the Spark. I will do what I need to do for that unloved girl inside me. In doing those things, I am showing her that she is loved, that she is valuable, that she is worth the investment. By making these choices, I am validating her. In so doing, I am validating me. This gives that little girl inside permission to let go of all that crap and become the strong woman that I carry in a fragile way now. I have not worded this well, but fatigue is creaping in again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JHADZHIA 7/21/2010 8:16AM

    I am glad you had that friend to work through this! Visualization is very important to realizing. You have done very well expressing it in spite of being so tired. Heal the inner child and watch yourself grow. A lot of people need to do this. How we are shaped is how we were as children. I am going to love watching you grow.
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ROX2013 7/20/2010 9:05PM

    You are amazing!! Remembering but not beating yourself up over it is the hardest lesson anyone has to learn! emoticon emoticon

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007JERSEYGIRL 7/19/2010 11:07PM

    I think, in spite of all your food challenges, that you have come to a very powerful and useful and important conclusion about taking care of yourself! So all the power to you on your journey to take care of that little girl!!
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007JERSEYGIRL 7/19/2010 11:06PM

    I think, in spite of all your food challenges, that you have come to a very powerful and useful and important conclusion about taking care of yourself! So all the power to you on your journey to take care of that little girl!!
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CARRAND 7/19/2010 10:32PM

    Thank you for this wonderful blog. You had some really good insights along with all the food! You'll be back on track soon, I know. You are an inspiration to us all.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 7/19/2010 8:31PM

  Good going for not being hard on yourself. :) You have such a great attitude.

Thanks for sharing.
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OUTDOORSWOMAN 7/19/2010 3:41PM

    You are worth it!! Keep loving yourself!!

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VICD25 7/19/2010 9:54AM

    Your perspective is TERRIFIC! I applaud you for recognizing your own growth! I love your message about you watching yourself eating the pizza. Sometimes I feel the exact same way.

I hope you feel loved here! WE are all here to support your choices.

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LIBBYFITZ 7/19/2010 9:53AM

    For someone who was tired that was a very well worded blog! emoticonYou worked out where you went and where you want to go. emoticon
emoticonfor opening up you're heart and allowing us on you're journey. emoticon

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JUST_SIMONE 7/19/2010 6:20AM

    Thank you for reminding me of the "act as if" which has been really helpful to me. I act as if I am not shy, I act as if I am confident, and I hope that they will become the truth.

Take care of that little girl in you and nurture her.

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NONIE_C 7/18/2010 11:51PM

    You are beautiful!!! I am so grateful to have you as a Spark Friend, and I am so glad we get to share in this journey together. Take it one day at a time, and remember that it is not a transgression because you are continuing forward; it is simply a minor slip-up. It is part of what you must do to learn and grow. And you are so right not to be mad at yourself, or feel guilty. You are perfect and wonderful, and deserve only support and encouragement...especially from yourself.
emoticon Nicole

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ACIMPEGGY 7/18/2010 11:33PM

    And you will get back on tract, but you will still overdo it another day, someday. We are human. We do deserve a treat day now and then.

I read a success story blog recently that told of a lady at goal (pretty young lady, too) who gave herself one day every week to, in her words, "eat what I want."

And she was at goal.

So the next time this happens, please enjoy every bite, only eat those bites you do enjoy...if the enjoyment ends quit immediately AND KEEP LOVING YOURSELF.
Do not feel guilty.

You know I am on A Course in Miracles, too. I feel we are children of God, created in His image...You are, too. And You are a beautiful, wonderful person...no matter what!

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NADJAZZ 7/18/2010 11:04PM

    I'm glad to see a happy ending to this blog! I've always believed in the philosophy of "act as if until it is", but never thought of it as nurturing the little girl inside. Your last paragraph is very deep and insightful! Thank you for sharing.

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NANNER2121 7/18/2010 10:56PM

    You have spoken loud and clear to the little girl inside of me. Guess mine also was crying out for attention. Thanks for opening up - and right in time for me too!
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KISSATESSA 7/18/2010 10:46PM

  Your words are very inspirational. Good for you for not being too hard on yourself after your day. Keep up your great attitude.

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LILPAT3 7/18/2010 10:46PM

    We all have to live a little and so you have...and perhaps too much. The beauty is, tomorrow is another day and you can do tomorrow what you put off doing today. emoticon

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It Probably Was Emotional Eating

Saturday, July 17, 2010

I was over on calories by about 200. This evening, after work, BF and I went to test drive a newer used car. I liked the car but did not love it. Then, when it got to talking numbers, turns out I could not afford this car if I want to keep my payments at my chosen number. The hits kept coming. My credit score has fallen by 60-80 points in the last 2-3 years. Then, I saw the CarFax on my car and learned, to my absolute shock, that the odometer was rolled back about 9K miles before I bought the car! So that decreased the trade in value tremendously!

They wanted to talk me into another test drive with a different car, but BF was hungry! So we left and went to taco bell. His choice - he won the baseball bet a couple of weeks ago. Nothing healthy so I ordered mindlessly. It didn't taste as good as I remembered and nothing tasted good tonight anyway.

I am tired, drained, but don't want to sleep yet...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOTIC-KITTY 7/17/2010 12:02PM

  *HUGS*

200 calories is not very much. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Comment edited on: 7/17/2010 12:03:33 PM

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LIBBYFITZ 7/17/2010 10:57AM

    emoticon

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CARRAND 7/17/2010 9:12AM

    Taco Bell is hard. They are probably my favorite fast food, but I've been avoiding them because they don't have much that's healthy. Because I'm gluten intolerant, I can't eat the soft tacos or burritos. That just leaves the crunchy tacos and the nachos. (Yum) Going over once in a while isn't bad.
Sorry you got bad news about the car. I hate car shopping, but you will find something if you're patient. Hang in there.

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JHADZHIA 7/17/2010 8:38AM

    Wow! I thought it was illegal to roll back the odometer!! It is too bad you couldn't have checked this CarFax thing and found out about it before you bought it :((. 200 calories is not all that bad considering where you ate. I hope things look better for you tomorrow.
Hugs.

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NISA-JOE 7/17/2010 5:04AM

    Yea... I've been over by more than 200 calories... 1000 once. It was emo-eating, of course. But cheer up, tomorrow's another day. Hope you feel better tomorrow! emoticon

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BEAR_GURL 7/17/2010 3:17AM

    Don't beat yourself up, sweetie; we're human--we all make mistakes (at least you're honest!). Stay positive and I hope you have an AWESOME weekend: )


HUGS,

Melissa

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JUST_SIMONE 7/17/2010 1:11AM

    200 calories over isn't so bad. Don't beat yourself up about it, but it's great that you recognized it was emotional eating and didn't taste so good. Tomorrow will be better.

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Treading Water

Friday, July 16, 2010

I'm not really progressing. More or less on target with food, not enough exercise but I'm trying to keep the tendonitis at bay. I completely forgot about yoga class today! Monday is the day I get to meet with the requesting attorney and my supervising attorney to talk about how well the material I found meets with the subpoena requirements. I'm a tad nervous about this first paralegal call, but very excited. I am aware that my performance on this project can make me or break me for the chance to do more of this kind of work. This kind of work is far more interesting than my contracts job, so I want to exceed expectations by a long shot!

My sister has decided she will go back to using her maiden name. I believe that's a good thing because it will tell her subconscious mind that she is free to become the person she wants to be...

I jumped off the food carefulness at the tech event today. They had these little cracker type things. One had an edamame paste which was yummy. The other had something else that did not taste good, so I didn't finish it. The cut watermelon was yummy. So was the oatmeal cookie...It was as if I were watching myself eat this stuff which is not my new normal. I am too tired to think a lot about what this means....!

Good night!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 7/16/2010 6:39PM

    Good luck with your paralegal call. I'm sure you'll be great! Mindful eating is a good thing. I find myself doing that, too.

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JHADZHIA 7/16/2010 10:25AM

    You are doing just fine. You can't worry about the exercise until you are sure you are fully healed. Unfortunately, those injuries take a lot of time. All you can do is be careful with your food choices.
I am positive you will rock your first paralegal call. You have shown you are a very intelligent hard working person!
Way to go for your sister. I have always hated that when a woman gets married she completely loses her identity and from that day forward she is Mr. and Mrs. John Henry. Everything is about the man's importance. All too often the first born son is given the father's first name. The woman means nothing. When you get out of a relationship, by all means take back your identity and more power to you!!
Hope you have a good Friday!

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LIBBYFITZ 7/16/2010 10:17AM

    emoticon

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NISA-JOE 7/16/2010 2:04AM

    I get that sometimes. I eat stuff I used to eat without much thought "consciously". My mind is telling me enough of this or that and some times even though I know I have room in my tracker for an unhealthy treat, my mind is telling me "It just ain't right".

It should be a good sign? I guess... emoticon

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