Wednesday, February 17, 2010
This morning, I huddled with some teams with "I need support". I have been amazed by the responses! I have not reached out successfully before (preSP). When I posted that, I didn't know what to expect. I am humbled by the generosity of people who don't even know me!
Last week, I exercised more than I have in a long time, which is not to say much because I have been a couch potato for a long time. I was so sore this weekend and discouraged because I wanted to burn those calories!
I took yesterday off from work to study for a midterm that I took last night. The midterm represents 50% of my class grade. This was supposed to be my final class before graduation. Last week, when I saw the study guide, I felt as if I'd been beamed into another class. Nothing looked familiar! I did have most of the info in my notes, I reread those, the entire reading assignments and practiced the formulas. Last night, I had the same feeling - my brain felt sluggish! I left in tears!
Today, a fellow student pointed out that I still have time to drop this class and take another class from the same group next quarter. That would mean wasting the fees for this quarter and delaying my last day of school. Given how tired I am, I don't know........I hope to get the results next week. I really want that 4.0 on my transcript! I was a slightly above average student when younger, but have had a 4.0 my entire time in this AA program and really want to keep that.
Lots of stress at work and at home. So, today, it all came together and I fell back in the diet thinking trap. I wanted to eat whatever I wanted, not be accountable and just take today off. I kind of did that, but not really.
I have to credit SparkPeople friends for helping me through a very bleak day! I look forward to paying it forward for someone else! I am amazed at the power of their kindness and generosity!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Last week, I walked every day at work (5 days straight). Every day I added time or increased difficulty. The campus has steep hills and stairs. Saturday, I intended to do some weight training, even though I am still clueless on that point. I did nothing. Sunday, I was still very sore and did nothing. Yesterday, I walked and went up and down the stairs. My knee felt very good for most of the day, but I was still sore, so I didn't burn enough calories because I didn't spend enough time.
Today, I am still really sore and tired. Mentally, I'm fighting boredom with the whole thing, even though I could not wait to get onto the website this morning. I feel a bit discouraged that I may not be able to meet the threshold fitness goals, not just daily, but........ever.
I am tired in every way imaginable and I have a critical midterm exam tonight!
Monday, February 15, 2010
I discovered yesterday that the nutrition info on SparkPeople in terms of portion size is different (smaller) than a diet I had used before and was using as a guideline here. Today was my first day of really measuring according to the package directions instead of my old guideline. I have already been surprised! A cup of something is really very small! My partner looks at my measured food and laughs!
But he has been supportive and surprised that I have been sticking with it. As I was looking at article on SP last night, he was reading over my shoulder and, at one point said, "Maybe I should do that." He's just learned he's diabetic and has a heart condition and is really struggling with those life changes. I told him what a great experience SparkPeople has been for me so far. All I can do is be consistent in working my program, live by example as it were, and, eventually, he may come around and decide that this is a great deal for him, too!
Today was the kickoff at work of the Wellbeing program and I was honored to help. I wish I had a SparkPeople shirt - that would have been the perfect opportunity to share!
That is not to say that I have my act together! Oh, no...Despite good intentions, I did not exercise yesterday and have done less than normal today. At least moving at all is becoming normal! THAT is progress! But my body is really barking at me!
I borrowed a yoga picture book from one of the ladies who's running the Wellbeing program. Maybe I can do some of those exercises. I have to figure out where I have enough room to lay out a mat.....Sigh. It will all work out. I am NOT going to use that as an excuse not to make an attempt!
I had mentioned SP and emailed the link to a friend at work. I saw her at the Wellbeing launch party, but did not get to talk to her. I so much want to encourage her to join! But I know that no one can do anything until they are really ready, so I won't push.
Pushing is what I need to do to myself in some ways!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
This morning was my weigh-in and measure morning. During the week, I had stepped on the scale out of curiosity and REALLY liked the number, but I didn't count it. I said at the time that I didn't put stock in the number, but, based on my disappointment this morning, I guess I did!
I gained about 4/10ths and I lost, overall, 3 inches. Surprise is only one reaction.
Now I remember how I've always hated the up-and-down part of any metrics. I never liked amusement parks as a child, I really don't like metaphysical ones now. However, I also don't quite know how to react to these results.
What my reaction is NOT is to throw in the towel, nor is it to drastically change what I am doing as if casting about for an instant fix. Showing, on a new level, how these metrics do not rule me as they used to, I still am convinced that I had a good week. I exercised every day except yesterday. My body asked for a day off and I listened! I did not make perfect decisions with respect to food, but I made better ones and was within range (or below) on all those numbers for most days. Water consumption is becoming routine.
I woke up this morning thinking about making a batch of food to take for lunch at work this week - planning for health. To have that thought before stepping on the scale is a different focus and, I hope, indicative of the life-changing impact of SparkPeople. I imagine that my SparkFriends will reinforce my thinking, offer some suggestions and help keep me focused on the bigger goals.
Yesterday, I discovered a group of over-50 SparkPeople who have the focus of a turtle - slow and steady wins the race. I have always been a turtle and am thrilled to find that thread!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Five years ago today, my dad died from prostate cancer that metastacized into bone cancer. I held his hand as he died, the hardest thing I've ever been through, but I had to be there. My Navy brother held his other hand, and my very pregnant sister could not be with us except in heart.
So what has happened in those five years? At the time, I was 10-15 pounds away from my goal. But I lost focus after Dad's funeral and, over time, all the weight came back on. I knew that, when he died, I would never be the same again, but I didn't realize how true that would be!
I got laid off months later, but, fortunately, the unemployment was short. The company rehired me for a different position and I have been in 3 positions since then. I am about to earn my AA in Paralegal Studies.
Dad left 2 grandsons when he died, a third was born a couple of months later and a niece the following year. So his descendants increased. My brother spent a year on loan from the Navy to the Army in Afghanistan, life has continued for my sister and her family.
Were it not for the work life and education, I would almost say that time has stood still for me. Yet, here I am on SparkPeople! While I have not been a member for long, the changes in my daily life (exercise!) and attitude are a source of continual amazement. Years ago, I had a LIBRARY of self-help books. so I know about positive talk, etc., but the impact of the SparkPeople community goes far beyond that. I lack the ability to articulate it completely.
So, yes, I am almost as large as I have ever been, but I am on a new journey. I will reach my weight goal and, along the way, I will make lifestyle changes that will be permanent. In the end, I will be more fulfilled, more enriched and, I hope, a better citizen on planet earth! I am being renewed daily and I LOVE it!
See you in Heaven, Dad!
Love without end...
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