JUNEAU2010   165,429
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Sleep is the Key

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I stayed within range for most nutritional metrics, did not walk as much as I thought I would.

It was a sluggish day. The day dragged on and I was TIRED.

I am discovering that sleep really is more important than the way I live it.


Tonight, to bed earlier and tomorrow should be more productive!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIBURONA 6/18/2010 3:17PM

    Lack of sleep wrecks havoc your hunger and stress hormones. Couple that with the fatigue from not resting and one sets themselves up for some less mentally & physically productive days.

Beyond nutritional and exercise metrics, quality sleep is one key to a healthful lifestyle. Be sure to get some every night.


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CHAOTIC-KITTY 6/18/2010 1:07PM

  need to zzzz a lot to have great days. ;) i try to get 7 each night... but, usually end up with 6. zzzzz. hopefully you got enough sleep to make friday a great day for you! :)

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SSCHULTZ59 6/18/2010 11:54AM

    NaNight.. sweet dreams.. emoticon emoticon

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MOM2PACO 6/18/2010 11:44AM

    Sleep tight! 7-8 hours hopefully!

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JHADZHIA 6/18/2010 7:35AM

    I know sleep is important to a healthy lifestyle. I probably wouldn't have to work quite as hard as I do at maintaining if I could only ever get a good night's sleep. 3-4 every day just doesn't cut it. It sure made it slow for me to lose weight in the first place as well.
I hope you can get a good sleep. Sweet Dreams!

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ROX2013 6/18/2010 1:19AM

    emoticon Sleep of 7 hrs or more is what I am finding I can't live without! Sleep tight!

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VICD25 6/17/2010 11:20PM

    Nighty Night!

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DJ4HEALTH 6/17/2010 11:15PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NISA-JOE 6/17/2010 10:35PM

    Sleep well! emoticon

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So Thankful to Be Home!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I was hungry most of the day and ended up at the top of almost all nutritional metrics, but not over in anything...

I had some short walks during the day and the usual lots of walking at school. I will have to make some deliberate choices with school ending in order to keep moving! I ended up with just over 11K steps...

It was so hot at class that we were all sleepy. The judge cut the lecture short and that meant that I was driving home much earlier than usual. The sun was at the wrong angle. I COULD NOT see the road for large chunks. I probably should have pulled over, gone and had a coffee or something, even gone for a walk, but I had gone a different way and I don't know the area well. So I crept, slowly, praying. Made it home, but I will plan it better for next week!

Ironic that this last class has included negligence and there I was risking negligent driving. UGH! Not smart.

I am so thankful that nothing horrible happened and I am home! My eyes feel burned (even with my HD sunglasses, it was super intense!). No one got hurt, no property damage...Thank you, Lord!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHARLOTTE1947 6/17/2010 5:50PM

    I know what you mean about that low sun on the horizon. We've all tempted fate in that way.

11k steps??!! That's fantastic! Keep it up!

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    Glad that you made it home OK! emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 6/17/2010 11:22AM


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JAKEANDNELLIE 6/17/2010 10:08AM

    I'm glad you made it home safely!
You've had a hard week, but your classes are over now and you can relax a little bit.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 6/17/2010 8:55AM

  good to hear that you made it home okay!!

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JHADZHIA 6/17/2010 7:41AM

    Wow, that is scary! Pulling over would have been a good idea. glad you made it safely home. Lesson learned, I trust. Its amazing how much walking you are getting in at school, it will be the challenge to keep that up for sure. So you will have to plan for it now. Maybe you can go for walks before breakfast, lunch and dinner to break it up and set up a regular pattern for you to follow..
Hope your day is better today!

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ROX2013 6/17/2010 12:53AM

    Glad you made it home ok! I dislike driving early in the morning when the sun is coming up because it makes it so hard to see. Have a good Thursday!!

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MUSIC66 6/17/2010 12:29AM

    sounds like you had a hard day.

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I Survived, So Far

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Thank you, SparkFriends, for your support! I posted a status note this morning that I was feeling on edge. That was because of the stuff at work. I really appreciate the support my SP community has given me.

I had the follow up meeting with the attorney today. This afternoon, she was all gentleness and professionalism, as if a light switch had been turned. I still feel as if the other shoe will drop. When I first asked for help on this issue months ago, her boss who used to be my boss, told me to see her. She kept putting me off. It started in February. We talked yesterday and she told me to do two things and that she was going to talk to outside counsel. Today it turns out what she meant was, since she was going to talk to outside counsel, I should hold off on those two things. ARGH. So not only did she talk to outside counsel, after we had our meeting this afternoon, she talked to our CFO. Steve is a wonderful guy and he came and asked me for the background on the situation. I really appreciated his very low key and practical approach!

The ultimate deal is, I think they are going to do what I suggested 2 years ago. That suggestion fell on deaf ears. I am not an attorney, I am very low on the hierarchy so of course it was not noted.

But I still get to deal with the fallout. The VP of Legal is the mercurial one and I do not want to get called into his office for another "coachable moment", especially since he does not investigate first and, in this snafu, I don't think I am in the wrong. We shall see...

I did not quite get my steps in today - I would have had I walked at lunch. But I thought I would want to walk after the meeting (midafternoon). But I was tasked with a ton of stuff, almost as if the attorney decided to clear some items off her to do list. I should not complain, I am glad to be busy, to be working, but I would dearly like to feel appreciated!

Food was within range except for low in calcium. I felt like chowing down, stuffing my face. Part of it is the stress and part is the threatened TOM. That may also contribute to the stress over the last two days at work. If so, it will pass! I am less afraid of being fired, but I am very worried about the office politics. I am already isolated from the rest of my team (both by reassignment and by proxmity or lack thereof). This situation could easily become even more untenable.

To answer a comment on a blog from a few weeks or days ago - I am taking the advice and backing down on everything I can just to get through the next 3 weeks. Tomorrow night is my last class lecture. We will take home the final
and turn that in next week (the 23rd). Graduation is the 26th and my party is July 7. Yesterday, several people made a comment about how skinny I am getting. That surprises me because I have not lost that much and I have so far to go, but it was nice to hear.

One person who commented is my good friend Yvonne. She has been gaining weight, partly because she is unhappy and partly because she is on steroids. She is not ready to embark on a journey such as I am, so all I can do is live the example.

The day ends with the sad news that a young former coworker has died. He was 24 and we worked together at a car dealership (I worked there part time for 15 years until the end of October last year). I don't know what happened, but he was only 26. Rest in peace, young Ray!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICD25 6/16/2010 12:37PM

    Sorry re: co-worker. But way to handle your stress without a feeding frenzy. You've come a long way, baby!!


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SSCHULTZ59 6/16/2010 9:29AM

    Sorry for the loss of your friend.
Work Politics are just that.. WORK...
keep your head up and a smile on your face.. stand your ground with a smile.. it makes the others feel uncomfortable, when you are in control and not afraid.
never worry about the fall out.. if some thing happens the job was not meant to be... as god closes doors new ones open, dont be afraid of things you cannot change. he will open doors for you.

Best of Luck..

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LIBBYFITZ 6/16/2010 9:05AM

    How sad about Ray. Work poitics can be very mentally taxing. hope it all starts to get resolved soon. emoticon

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ROX2013 6/16/2010 1:42AM

    SNAFUs are a nightmare if you are the messenger! Office politics just make it more stressful. Sounds like they are starting to listen to you. I know how being the low man on the totem pole feels. I had a boss that was considerably younger than me and when I would say CSRs should document customer instructions in writing he said that it was unneccssary and just slowed the process down, well to make a long story short it ended costing the company 10,000 of thousands of dollars because the client said one thing and realized after the job was done that it wasn't what they wanted. He did start to listen to my ideas somewhat after that but I decided that it wasn't worth the stress any longer and moved to TN. Hang in there!! Good luck on your final!!! emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 6/16/2010 12:59AM

    So sorry about the loss of your former co-worker...so very young. Rest in peace Ray!! You will be missed...Prayers for you, his friends and family.
Praying for you that the stress level will be tolerable.

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MELLYBEANS0919 6/16/2010 12:27AM

    Sorry to hear your co-worker passed away. That is very sad. RIP.

I know firsthand how stressful work can be. I hope your situation improves!

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Flag Day

Monday, June 14, 2010

My morning status note was "Happy Birthday, Diane". What I did not articulate was that, if she were alive, today she would be 55. We met when I was 18 and were hot and cold friends through the years, roommates a couple of times, and both times ended badly, but our friendship was repairing.

The weekend before my 39th birthday, we went out to scout apartments for her in a new town. She was being transferred, not happy about it, but glad to still have a job. We found some good options and made plans to get together the next weekend.

She did not call me on my birthday. While I noted that, I was not worried because we were going to see each other a few days later. The next day, her mother called me to say that Diane had died that night. Long story short - they think it was a blood clot that broke loose in her leg and killed her.

Diane had very little self esteem and, while only a few inches taller than me, was probably more than 200 pounds overweight. Seeing the pain that her early death caused should have been enough for me to change my life. But it, alone, was not enough.

I have lost several friends due to health problems related to weight issues.

I always remember that today is/was her birthday. This year, it did not make me stiffen my resolve to work harder and do better at this lifestyle change thing. My recognition was more passive.

In the afternoon, the proverbial stuff hit the fan and all thoughts about such routine things disappeared. I am innocent, but, given office politics, I am very nervous about the looming interrogation, verbal attacks and whatnot. I prayed all the way home that I do not lose my job over this snafu. The attorney I am dealing with now has a very belittling manner of speech when things are not straightforward. I bit my tongue when the thought came to mind "Should I resign?" Her boss, who used to be my boss, will either react reasonably, almost too calmly or he will erupt.

The other factor is the announcement earlier this month of the new CEO who takes the reins in late September. People are nervous about changes...

No walk today, but almost 10K steps. I stayed within range foodwise except for the usual low in calcium and, get this, low in fat!

The interesting thing is, and I just realized this, I would normally have started stuffing my face when the attorney called me about 6 times in 20 minutes. I have not done so and I won't...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 6/15/2010 9:08PM

    Hang in there & try to stay out of office politics. I hope things improve at work. At least you are getting your steps in and eating healthy.

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VICD25 6/15/2010 8:42PM

    Flag Day was the day my dad died. I wonder if I would remember the date (like you seem to for all your loved ones) if it hadn't occurred on this date. . .

Congrats on 10K AND your ability to manage through the abuse at work. . .

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ACIMPEGGY 6/15/2010 7:59PM

    It is so sad when we lose someone we love. I can only offer you this poem by Mary E. Frye:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

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JAKEANDNELLIE 6/15/2010 6:40PM

    Good luck and stay strong through the turmoil at the office. That's one thing I definitely do not miss since I retired!
Don't you think your striving for a healthier life style honors Diane and your other friends who passed from weight-related issues. I do - they have helped you see how you need to improve your life and you are doing so.
Congrats on not turning to food - that's a true sign of your progress!
Stay positive!
Sheila emoticon

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JHADZHIA 6/15/2010 1:24PM

    It is a shame that Diane can't provide you with more motivation. But on the other hand, if you didn't binge when under stress, maybe there is, deep down, some motivation that you don't want to travel the same path she did.. You want to live a healthy life. Its there, in the back of your mind, you can do this. You can stick to it. 10,000 steps is pretty good for not taking a walk. Lol. Keep up the great work!!

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 6/15/2010 8:47AM

  That's so sad about your friend, Diane. It's great that you remember her on her birthday like that.

Sometimes I'm low in fat too. Like *OMG* .. me low in fat? *LOL* Silly isn't? ;)

emoticon on not turning to food when the attorney called you so many times in such a short period of time. You are doing amazing!! :)

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BEACHFIT10 6/14/2010 11:38PM

    That is so sad about your friend. That is wonderful that you keep her in your memories on her special day.

Good luck with work- office politics are never fun, but you learn more through each experience. Great job keeping control of emotional eating during a stressful time, though. I really admire your self control, I struggle with that big time during times of stress.

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WINGSONME 6/14/2010 11:13PM

    Abig eye openner Thanks for sharing

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What Am I Doing? Where Am I Going?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I gained 1.5 pounds this week. I should not have been surprised,but I am disappointed. Some of that was coming off of the colonoscopy. I did not expect to have trouble eating food AFTER the procedure and, after dropping 2 pounds because of the diet and fast, I should have expected to put some of that back on.

What else happened this week? I did not walk as much, I did not do much weight training (still hate it) and I was at the low end of water for several days. And there ws the pizza Friday night.

But this is all indicative of the larger problem. I have lost some of the drive with which I started this program. I am bored with the whole thing. At the same time, enough has changed within that I am not going to give up. Going back is not an option, but I need to rekindle the Spark in order to move forward effectively. It is not so much about the scale, though I should not be having this much of a problem when I still have 60+ pounds to lose!

So this week:
I am going to backpedal just a bit in order to keep moving forward.
8 glasses of water daily
5K steps every day
5 servings of fruit and vegetables
spend time on the motivational pages every day

To take some of the stress off -
work on my final paper draft today
(I wrote the first draft Friday and am letting it simmer in my mind before looking at it again)

I will do one thing every day on the mental list of things to do for the party
(most of that means buying gift cards)

Revisit the speech for the party and start working on that.

Plan food and wardrobe for the week this afternoon.

I need to think about what I am doing on SparkPeople and codify some of that, make it more concrete and manageable. I have been avoiding setting concrete goals because I don't want to fail again.

And now, it is time for me to get going with my day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ACIMPEGGY 6/14/2010 1:22PM

    Ok, gf, we're all helping you, I hope, get motivated again. Part of SP is FRIENDSHIP. We'll get you Sparkly again, if you let us!

Great good luck on the speech. I'm sure your Toastmasters training will help there!

Complain to us, cry to us, then decide no more tears - just smiles and living in the moment. Imagine how good you'll look!


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BZYBOYSMOM 6/13/2010 11:46PM


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ROX2013 6/13/2010 11:38PM

    I have basically started over after having to stop all exercise so the Dr. could try and figure out what was going on with my blood pressure. I was having really bad headaches and eyesight problems. He has increase my meds and had me not do anything all week to give it time to work. I started on my treadmill today I am only allowed 2 hrs a day and no more than 2.5 miles. But it is a start. I have reaffirmed my goals, log in food plan each day, walk each day, drink 8 glasses of water (this is the hardest one for me) and get my salt intake down to 2300 mg or less a day. I almost decided to give up when this problem hit but now I am more determined to push forward than I was. Hang in there!! emoticon emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 6/13/2010 10:25PM

    I have been reading all the previous comments and I agree, if you don't feel like eating try having a smoothie instead. I don't do any strength training at the moment I am concentrating on exercise amd tracking my food and fluids accuratley. Do you track you're measurements? That helps as the weight may not move much but you're measurements will! I find that is what keeps me motivated! Hope this helps.

emoticon emoticon

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MISSY455 6/13/2010 10:11PM

    Part of the weight gain could be just water weight. If you feel like you need to go back and reconfirm goals, go for it. You will be successful, because you know you are worth the effort. Keep the faith and do what you can (no stressing!)

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 6/13/2010 3:37PM

  maybe you need to shake things up. just don't give up .. because you are worth it girl... and, you will succeed in everything you do because of who you are. :)


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CARRAND 6/13/2010 2:47PM

    You need to get back to basics. Reset your goals and stick with the calorie range they give you. Set up a realistic exercise plan that you can stick with. I only started exercising after I'd been doing the food tracking for 3 months (because of my broken ankle) and I only started strength training after I lost 50 pounds, 5 months after I started exercising. Now I love the exercising and the strength training, too. It's better not to try to do everything at once. I'm close to my goal now, and I've hit kind of a plateau, but I'm sticking with it. I am confident you will, too. You've come too far to give up on yourself now.

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JAKEANDNELLIE 6/13/2010 2:07PM

    I did that = I went back to Stage 1 and am carefully reading and thinking about/internalizing all the articles sent me.
As you know, I was stuck on a plateau - I had been losing steadily at 1500-1800 calories per day and then my doctor suggested I drop to 1250-1400. Of course, I took it to heart and ate at the low end of that range. Everything stalled, although I continued exercising daily. I finally changed it back to 1500 - 1880 a week ago today and ate around 1500 most days - everything else stayed the same. I lost 4 pounds this week! I've also discovered that it's extremely important for me to get the fat count in my range - I feel much better when I do.
I've saved the article that tells how much carb, protein, and fat you need at various calorie ranges if you want to make any changes in your nutrition tracker (they don't automatically change if you change the calories).
A lot of what you're going through is probably related to all the stress you've been experiencing too - work, school, medical. I finally quit stressing and obsessing about the scale not moving, and that's when it did.
Be kind to yourself - let your life settle down, get through graduation and the party and enjoy yourself.
You are a wonderful person and deserve only the best!
Stay positive,
Sheila emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/13/2010 2:08:01 PM

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BANKER-CHUCK 6/13/2010 12:20PM

    It is good that you are still sticking to the your program. However you sound bored. Maybe you need a change in your diet and routine, your workout etc. Maybe throw in more fun things!

One of the biggest items I see where you may be getting discouraged is your calorie intake. I looked at your food log and it appears you are not eating enough. Plus some days you don't even get over 1000 calories. From all my readings women need 1400 calories for BMR and men need 1500 calories. That is the minimums calories needed for your body to function properly.
Calculate your BMR and see where you should be.

Comment edited on: 6/13/2010 12:32:54 PM

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