Thursday, June 17, 2010
I was hungry most of the day and ended up at the top of almost all nutritional metrics, but not over in anything...
I had some short walks during the day and the usual lots of walking at school. I will have to make some deliberate choices with school ending in order to keep moving! I ended up with just over 11K steps...
It was so hot at class that we were all sleepy. The judge cut the lecture short and that meant that I was driving home much earlier than usual. The sun was at the wrong angle. I COULD NOT see the road for large chunks. I probably should have pulled over, gone and had a coffee or something, even gone for a walk, but I had gone a different way and I don't know the area well. So I crept, slowly, praying. Made it home, but I will plan it better for next week!
Ironic that this last class has included negligence and there I was risking negligent driving. UGH! Not smart.
I am so thankful that nothing horrible happened and I am home! My eyes feel burned (even with my HD sunglasses, it was super intense!). No one got hurt, no property damage...Thank you, Lord!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Thank you, SparkFriends, for your support! I posted a status note this morning that I was feeling on edge. That was because of the stuff at work. I really appreciate the support my SP community has given me.
I had the follow up meeting with the attorney today. This afternoon, she was all gentleness and professionalism, as if a light switch had been turned. I still feel as if the other shoe will drop. When I first asked for help on this issue months ago, her boss who used to be my boss, told me to see her. She kept putting me off. It started in February. We talked yesterday and she told me to do two things and that she was going to talk to outside counsel. Today it turns out what she meant was, since she was going to talk to outside counsel, I should hold off on those two things. ARGH. So not only did she talk to outside counsel, after we had our meeting this afternoon, she talked to our CFO. Steve is a wonderful guy and he came and asked me for the background on the situation. I really appreciated his very low key and practical approach!
The ultimate deal is, I think they are going to do what I suggested 2 years ago. That suggestion fell on deaf ears. I am not an attorney, I am very low on the hierarchy so of course it was not noted.
But I still get to deal with the fallout. The VP of Legal is the mercurial one and I do not want to get called into his office for another "coachable moment", especially since he does not investigate first and, in this snafu, I don't think I am in the wrong. We shall see...
I did not quite get my steps in today - I would have had I walked at lunch. But I thought I would want to walk after the meeting (midafternoon). But I was tasked with a ton of stuff, almost as if the attorney decided to clear some items off her to do list. I should not complain, I am glad to be busy, to be working, but I would dearly like to feel appreciated!
Food was within range except for low in calcium. I felt like chowing down, stuffing my face. Part of it is the stress and part is the threatened TOM. That may also contribute to the stress over the last two days at work. If so, it will pass! I am less afraid of being fired, but I am very worried about the office politics. I am already isolated from the rest of my team (both by reassignment and by proxmity or lack thereof). This situation could easily become even more untenable.
To answer a comment on a blog from a few weeks or days ago - I am taking the advice and backing down on everything I can just to get through the next 3 weeks. Tomorrow night is my last class lecture. We will take home the final
and turn that in next week (the 23rd). Graduation is the 26th and my party is July 7. Yesterday, several people made a comment about how skinny I am getting. That surprises me because I have not lost that much and I have so far to go, but it was nice to hear.
One person who commented is my good friend Yvonne. She has been gaining weight, partly because she is unhappy and partly because she is on steroids. She is not ready to embark on a journey such as I am, so all I can do is live the example.
The day ends with the sad news that a young former coworker has died. He was 24 and we worked together at a car dealership (I worked there part time for 15 years until the end of October last year). I don't know what happened, but he was only 26. Rest in peace, young Ray!
Monday, June 14, 2010
My morning status note was "Happy Birthday, Diane". What I did not articulate was that, if she were alive, today she would be 55. We met when I was 18 and were hot and cold friends through the years, roommates a couple of times, and both times ended badly, but our friendship was repairing.
The weekend before my 39th birthday, we went out to scout apartments for her in a new town. She was being transferred, not happy about it, but glad to still have a job. We found some good options and made plans to get together the next weekend.
She did not call me on my birthday. While I noted that, I was not worried because we were going to see each other a few days later. The next day, her mother called me to say that Diane had died that night. Long story short - they think it was a blood clot that broke loose in her leg and killed her.
Diane had very little self esteem and, while only a few inches taller than me, was probably more than 200 pounds overweight. Seeing the pain that her early death caused should have been enough for me to change my life. But it, alone, was not enough.
I have lost several friends due to health problems related to weight issues.
I always remember that today is/was her birthday. This year, it did not make me stiffen my resolve to work harder and do better at this lifestyle change thing. My recognition was more passive.
In the afternoon, the proverbial stuff hit the fan and all thoughts about such routine things disappeared. I am innocent, but, given office politics, I am very nervous about the looming interrogation, verbal attacks and whatnot. I prayed all the way home that I do not lose my job over this snafu. The attorney I am dealing with now has a very belittling manner of speech when things are not straightforward. I bit my tongue when the thought came to mind "Should I resign?" Her boss, who used to be my boss, will either react reasonably, almost too calmly or he will erupt.
The other factor is the announcement earlier this month of the new CEO who takes the reins in late September. People are nervous about changes...
No walk today, but almost 10K steps. I stayed within range foodwise except for the usual low in calcium and, get this, low in fat!
The interesting thing is, and I just realized this, I would normally have started stuffing my face when the attorney called me about 6 times in 20 minutes. I have not done so and I won't...
Sunday, June 13, 2010
I gained 1.5 pounds this week. I should not have been surprised,but I am disappointed. Some of that was coming off of the colonoscopy. I did not expect to have trouble eating food AFTER the procedure and, after dropping 2 pounds because of the diet and fast, I should have expected to put some of that back on.
What else happened this week? I did not walk as much, I did not do much weight training (still hate it) and I was at the low end of water for several days. And there ws the pizza Friday night.
But this is all indicative of the larger problem. I have lost some of the drive with which I started this program. I am bored with the whole thing. At the same time, enough has changed within that I am not going to give up. Going back is not an option, but I need to rekindle the Spark in order to move forward effectively. It is not so much about the scale, though I should not be having this much of a problem when I still have 60+ pounds to lose!
So this week:
I am going to backpedal just a bit in order to keep moving forward.
8 glasses of water daily
5K steps every day
5 servings of fruit and vegetables
spend time on the motivational pages every day
To take some of the stress off -
work on my final paper draft today
(I wrote the first draft Friday and am letting it simmer in my mind before looking at it again)
I will do one thing every day on the mental list of things to do for the party
(most of that means buying gift cards)
Revisit the speech for the party and start working on that.
Plan food and wardrobe for the week this afternoon.
I need to think about what I am doing on SparkPeople and codify some of that, make it more concrete and manageable. I have been avoiding setting concrete goals because I don't want to fail again.
And now, it is time for me to get going with my day!
Get An Email Alert Each Time JUNEAU2010 Posts