JUNEAU2010   160,369
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Didn't Move, Didn't Eat Today But I am OK

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I did not exercise a whit today. I just didn't feel like it.

I also did not eat much. I felt really hungry early in the day, but did not give in. I am ending the day without eating more than about 600 calories. I feel fine, just not like eating or moving.

I should have gone to the high school graduation for a friend's daughter, but I did not feel like driving that far. I sent the graduate a check earlier in the week.

I have been staying up too late, avoiding sleep because the my first waking thoughts are of Charlotte's children and other unsettling thoughts.

I did do some of my homework today, but that is the only productive thing I did all day.

I'm supposed to have lunch with a fellow paralegal student tomorrow. A third was going to join us, but cancelled. She sent an email later saying she'd discovered her husband had been unfaithful and her world has just fallen apart. I kept waiting for a "just kidding" note (she does tease), but none was forthcoming. I can't wrap my head and heart around this.

I know what I need to do, but I can't seem to find any motivation! BLEH!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/30/2010 11:47AM

  GIRLIE!!! 600 calories in a day is NO good. You don't need ME to tell you that! If you want to lose weight, eating 600 calories in a day will not help you out at all. :( It's not healthy *OR* safe to be only eating 600 calories. Don't starve yourself. I don't want you getting sick or weak. :(

You have a lot on your plate right now. What do you do to relax? You need to find something to do to escape from the stresses in your life. Do you have a consellor at work you could possibly talk to about your feelings about your co-worker dying? Because you thinking about Charlotte a lot is keeping you from sleeping.. and, that is not good! You need to talk about your feelings to someone in person.

*big* emoticon

I worry about you... you are such a sweet person... and you've been there a LOT for me since the start of my journey. I hope you *DO* know that I do care about you!!

Love ya! xx

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LIBBYFITZ 5/30/2010 10:27AM

    It must be hard as you are feeling pain for the people around you who are hurting. Please eat more 600 calories is not enough. Do you like almonds? They are agood source of healthy fat and will boost you're calorie count. what about a fruit smoothie?

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VICD25 5/30/2010 7:50AM

    I feel for you. It's awful being awakened by your own internal thoughts. BUT that said, control what you can control and do not ruminate on those you cannot.

It's easy for me to say, but I think I sleep better if I've had at least some exercise, especially if I got outside. I'm not talking about 1 hour on the treadmill. I mean 5 min. outside in the sun.

As your other friends have added, take CARE of yourself. Don't let yourself spiral down. .


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NISA-JOE 5/30/2010 2:35AM

    Your health is what's important. I hope you feel much better tomorrow. Please take care of yourself.

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SHMILY928 5/30/2010 12:36AM

    Take it one day at a time. Try to at least get in your minimum calories tomorrow and aim for a 10 minute walk.


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FRIENDOFBACH 5/30/2010 12:13AM

  600 calories is too little, you need to eat a reasonable amount or your metabolism will change and you will find it really hard to lose weight. Also, calories that low can do physical damage if you do it over a period of time.

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Charlotte, Average Day and Jury Duty Thoughts

Saturday, May 29, 2010

I have to figure out how to better cope with loss. I am still really rattled by Charlotte's sudden death last week, even though I hardly knew her. I have trouble sleeping and I wake up finding myself thinking about the needless death and the permanent loss for her children.

With that on my mind, the pollen in the air and the fact that I was very active earlier this week, I started having shooting pains in my right arm and shoulder. I came home early to get my BF, intending to go to Kaiser. He was not home and I had mislaid my cellphone earlier this week (part of that distraction), so I was stuck until he got home (we no longer have a landline - cost saving).

When he got home, he gave me my phone (he had found it and charged it). I called the advice nurse and, in talking with her, we realized I was not having a serious problem, that the pain was probably from my carrying boxes, moving files earlier in the week. I had completely forgotten about that! Too much going on.

Glad it was not serious, glad I did not have to spend the bulk of the afternoon at Kaiser. I am not one to go to doctors or anything often, but, knowing that Charlotte had some undiagnosed heart issues but knew something was wrong and did not go to the doctor. I am older than she is and, even though I don't have children, there are nieces and nephews. I must take care of myself in order to enjoy their lives. In my new SP lifestyle, taking care of myself includes paying attention and doing things I don't really want to do (such as go to the doctor).

Very often, I skip medical and dental stuff because of cost. Even though I have insurance, I sometimes can't or don't want to spend the money on the copays. The dental coverage is almost useless. I am working towards finding the self worth to take the time off from work and pay to go....sigh.

I came home to find I have to report for jury duty again. There are I don't know how many people who live in this county. I have lived in this county since the end of 1986 and I get summoned every year! I have never been chosen, but I still have to go through the game. Don't get me wrong. I am about to be a paralegal, so I love the law. I am interested in the process. But, what I have experienced has been inefficient use of time, dead time and needless disruption to my routine. The other thing is that I live at the extreme southern end of the county, less than a block to the county line, and I usually get summoned to the farthest distant court at the other end of the county. The county does not pay for the first day and they pay something like $5 per day after that. The money is not the point. I resent the time and the gas that it takes, though I might feel differently if I ever got chosen for a jury.

In California, they crossreference the voter rolls and the DMV lists and it's from those that they choose the jury pools. By statute, I can be called every 12 months. For years, I have received summons almost exactly to the day! And I know lots of people who have never been summoned!

Not much walking today, something over 5K. I got another mile closer on my virtual journey. I am ending the day within range nutritionally except 1 gram low in fat and a bit low in calcium again...Got in the water and feeling pretty good. I know I need to do more exercise...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/30/2010 11:36AM

  *big* emoticon. its good to hear that your pain wasn't more serious. but you really do need to take better care of yourself girlie. ;) (i know you know that.. i just like buggin' ya about it!) *giggle* ;)

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JLITT62 5/29/2010 10:00AM

    I hear you on the jury duty.

God, I hated being called up for it every 3 years like clockwork when I lived in TX -- and I was always chosen, too (altho only had to actually sit in judgement once).

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Glad to hear it was not serious and no Dr. visits were involved. I hear you on the uselessness of dental coverage. I wonder if you can cancel it? I couldn't, and pay $700 a year for..... $1000 worth of coverage, much of which isn't covered. Pretty glad that I am getting laid off, and can go have 'poor people's' care at Tufts University! That rocks!

Hang in there!

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KAKIPOPUP 5/29/2010 5:44AM

    And more emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 5/29/2010 5:00AM


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Turtle Progress

Friday, May 28, 2010

Virtual journey update: 60.3 miles from Eureka. I did not walk a lot today (just over 8K steps), but this is a good thing. I have been able to walk every day this week! Sure I have been sore and stiff, but neither was a deal breaker. This is real progress, albeit very slow progress...!

Now if I could replicate that with strength training and something a bit more aerobic. In time.

I was hungry off and on today, but stayed within range except for my usual low in fat and low in calcium...

Today was a good day at work, for the most part. A very productive day! The sad part was saying goodby to a wonderful student. She is leaving the company. She graduates tomorrow, even though she has to take 2 or 3 hard classes this summer. She figures she cannot work through the summer and take the classes. She does not yet have another job, so that hurts for her. She is having to move, too. She's a very bright industrious young woman and will do well wherever she goes....My company's loss and a personal loss for me.

It was a week ago today that my coworker died and I keep thinking about her and the loss her passing represents. She did have unrecognized symptoms of heart problems. It's just such a shame! I take it as a lesson to be more vigilant of my health. Not looking forward to the colonoscopy early next month, but I for sure won't skip it. It would be hypocritic for me to do so after I tell friends to take care of themselves! And, fundamentally, it is the desire for health and quality of life that brought me to SP.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYFITZ 5/28/2010 11:00AM

    Well done to keep moving. I have had a colonoscopy, and not as bad as it sounds, you are in a very relaxed state of mind during the procedure. Very sad about you're co-worker. emoticon

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CARRAND 5/28/2010 10:10AM

    Good for you for taking care of yourself. The walking is awesome! The colonoscopy won't be bad. They give you good drugs so you don't even remember it afterwards.

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PENNEYV 5/28/2010 8:23AM

    Great job. Slow and steady get it done! emoticon

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NISA-JOE 5/28/2010 3:01AM

    Great job with the walking! Turtle progress is still progress and that is what matters. emoticon

I'm sorry about your losses. It is refreshing to see that you are taking it all in a positive way. All the best!

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TUDI4480 5/28/2010 12:21AM

    It sounds like there's a lot going on in your life now...lots of unexpected losses. That can be tough. But, good for you that you are taking away the positives for yourself and others. It's great that you are doing your walking everyday. Keep on keeping on.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Follow-up News on Recent Blogs and The Measure of Today

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Virtual Journey Update: 63 miles from Eureka. Today being a school night is usually a day when I get over 12K steps, but I woke up feeling really sore from yesterday's walking. I decided to take it easy today. I still walked and was on my feet a lot, but I shortened the walk at lunch. Even with that modification, I got in 10,015 steps. Amazingly, the stiffness did not last all day, but the soreness did.

I ended up eating within calories, but over on carbs and under on calcium and fat. I am surprised whenever everything is within balance. It's a work in progress!

The one day challenge today was to be calm and relaxed in the face of irritating drivers and other situations like that. I started the day, before I even read the post, with that mindset and it carried through the entire day! What a piece of heaven that was!

I found out my coworker Charlotte died Thursday morning from, probably, an undiagnosed heart condition. Her youngest is not even a year old. I don't know how old the other 3 children are, but their loss is incalculable. I emailed her husband, introduced myself, made a few comments about Charlotte, offered help and said he does not need to respond unless I can help - I didn't want him to feel any more burdened.

Yesterday, I mentioned the school a few blocks away from my house that was vandalized. My company is sending $1000 towards an alarm system, the admin council is working on sending copy paper and the IT and legal teams are discussing whether we can donate older laptops. I have been given the awesome opportunity to work with my coworkers for any other donations. I have dreams of getting some of our technical staff to go to the school (probably next fall) to do a career fair - something to show these students what they could do, what they could become. The school is a magnet school for science and I work at a science think tank. The school teaches the basic English, history, math and science, but in all the coursework, the focus is science. I am hoping the career fair would ignite some possibility thinking for these youngsters. (Kindergarten through 8th grade). I told the VPs who approved all this that I could not feel more ecstatic were this for my benefit. I am just so thrilled to help out this very poor school!

My class was short because the judge is the duty judge this week and he had to go sign a search warrant. He gave us 3 cases to read over this coming long weekend, so I can add that to the other 3 cases to read for the paper I need to write. I'll be stuffing my mind with no time to stuff my face this weekend! HA!

What a great day! Made all the better by the comments and feedback from you, my Spark family!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BREW99 5/27/2010 2:17PM

    Sounds like you are so busy! Keep up the good work and don't worry about the values of each day. Tomorrow will come again for a new chance at getting it closer.

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CARRAND 5/27/2010 2:00PM

    Way to go with both the steps and the community involvement. You're a great lady.

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JAKEANDNELLIE 5/27/2010 10:48AM

    I am so proud of you for your involvement in getting your company to help the school!
You have truly done a wonderful thing!
I'm also glad to see how happy and positive you have become!
You have made incredible progress!

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/27/2010 9:51AM

  nice that the company you work for is sending money to help out. :) you are a very nice person for emailing your coworkers husband and introducing yourself to him. i can't imagine what he is going through right now with their kids. :( so very *very* sad. :(

hope you have a great thursday

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JHADZHIA 5/27/2010 9:26AM

    Way to go on your steps! Awesome job getting on helping that school out! You are wonderful for doing that!! You are a very caring and considerate person, I am so lucky to have you as a Spark friend!
I too, struggle with my nutrient ratios, as I am perennially low on fat. Fruits and veggies just don't have that in them!
Keep up the great work!

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LIBBYFITZ 5/27/2010 3:19AM

    emoticon emoticon

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ROX2013 5/27/2010 1:18AM

    Way to go!!! You are a true wonderperson. I love the idea for the school donations and that you are getting involved in outside projects. Sounds like it is going to be a weekend of reading alot, but it does get you closer to your final goal. It is going to be quiet around here this weekend ( I hope). My one nephew who was laid off from where he worked for the last 10 yrs called him back this week, I am so glad he is back to work he is not a person who handles idle time well. I think my sister and I may have a cookout Monday but she wont be home till Saturday or Sunday so we may just have a quiet weekend. Have a great holiday weekend!!! emoticon

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15K, Reviewing, Loving My Community

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Virtual Journey Update: Over the past 3 days, I've logged in something over 8 miles, so I am now 67 miles away from Eureka. So much has been going on, I've forgotten to keep up....

Today was no exception. I was on my feet all day, off and on. I took a longer walk at lunch and thoroughly enjoyed it. I marveled that this was the longest distance yet and I STILL had time to eat and Spark before the hour was up. I walked for 25 minutes! When I started this journey, 5K steps a day seemed insurmountable. Today was 15445 and tomorrow is my day when I get a lot of steps normally (school tomorrow night). A long way to go, but I have come a long way. Walking is becoming a daily event and I can feel myself getting stronger.

I saw a news article today that the school a few blocks away from my home was vandalized for the second time. I live in a very poor part of a rich part of Silicon Valley. I sent a note to my Sr VP of Legal asking if my company could do anything and she told me to call the school, find out what they need and the company would make a donation. It probably won't be a big one, but when our experts get paid a speaker fee for a seminar, that money goes into the charitable fund and that's what she is authorizing for a donation. I called and asked for the principal after I found the phone number and her name. She was not in, but, when I told the receptionist why I was calling, I could hear how overwhelmed she was, so grateful!

This is a technical charter school and I'm also wanting to find out what they focus on. If it's an area in which our scientists have expertise, maybe I can persuade them to do a career day for these children. As Plutarch said, (paraphrasing) A mind is not something to be filled, it is to be kindled. That would make some good come out of the damage. Every classroom (13) was vandalized - stuff was broken, stolen and even plants that the chilren were growing were distroyed!

I had a big lunch today after having half an egg and cereal for breakfast. I've noticed when I have protein at breakfast, I usually don't get quite so hungry. The lunch was big in terms of calories, but not extravagant. I still have plenty for dinner. I did not have my usual 2 snacks, didn't need them.

As I think about the past few days, it has been rewarding to look at all the support you have given me. I was pretty close to giving up late last week. You kept me going. My Sparkfriend was verbally abused and left and I still feel horrible about that, but y'all supported me in my blog comments about that. My coworker died suddenly and you all shared in my sense of sorrow for her family - how could I be anything but grateful?! emoticon or, more to the point, I LOVE my SP community!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/26/2010 3:41PM

  You are doing so amazing. :) I noticed that also about the protein for breakfast - makes me feel fuller for the rest of the day. :) Now, that I know that... I will eat a lot of protein in the morning for breaky. :)

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LIBBYFITZ 5/26/2010 9:55AM

    You are one amazing woman and I am pleased you decided to stick with Sp. emoticon emoticon

So sad to hear about the vandalism, some very angry people out there. Love the thought of giving the children work experience.


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MEGANC1988 5/26/2010 12:17AM

    I love that you're making a difference with your neighborhood school, and all that walking is AWESOME! Keep it up!

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NONIE_C 5/25/2010 11:46PM

    I'm so excited for you and the progress you've made (are making). It makes me smile to hear of your successes. I'm also glad you are feeling the love and support of your SP community, even as another member had the horrible misfortune of seeing the darker side of Spark. I wonder if there's a way to report people who abuse. There should be. And, finally, I am so moved by your motivation and gesture to help out the school in your neighborhood. That is just wonderful! You are just wonderful!
Hope you have a great night, take care of those sore dogs of yours, and get 'em ready to do some hoofin' tomorrow. Have a fantastic Wednesday.
emoticon Nicole

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ROX2013 5/25/2010 11:38PM

    I spent 3 hours helping my niece pack and move boxes to be loaded on the truck tomorrow to go to her new place. I have found muscles I forgot I had today! Hopefully, we will finish tomorrow!

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JHADZHIA 5/25/2010 11:17PM

    Good for you getting so much walking done!! That is awesome!! I am glad you are feeling stronger, that is such good news!!
What an excellent idea helping that school out, glad they will do it! That is pretty awful destroying children's work, how low can they sink to??
You have had a pretty upsetting week. I love this community and hate to hear about someone being forced to leave :( because people are being mean. That is not what Sparks is here for and the people doing it should be given the boot.
I am here for support, not judgement. We all are.

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