Wednesday, June 02, 2010
I had nothing to say, profound or otherwise, so I skipped blogging, knowing I was leaving points on the table.
I did not feel wonderful, not bad, just not good. I ended up eating a lot of carbos- that's the only thing that helps when my stomach hurts like that for no real reason. Today was like that as well. I cut short my walk today. But I made it through the day. Having instant mashed potatos tonight. I am sure I'll be back on track tomorrow...More than likely over on carbs and calories. I did not feel like eating for about 3 days and, since starting SP have had fewer than 5 days going over, so I am not going to beat myself up about it.
I hope so! I am tired of behaving like a couch potato!
The stomach issues are probably due to nerves, albeit unacknowledged. I am dreading Friday through Sunday as I do the prep for my colonoscopy....ugh!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thank you, Spark Friends, for your encouragement! Today was more on target than yesterday...
I got a short walk in today. I am SORE from it, but it was ok. I was at a large open shopping center. I walked all over instead of driving. At one point, I very nearly tripped over a crack in the sidewalk as I got close to the traffic light. I am sure I looked really funny with arms flailing as I avoided falling. What the drivers waiting for the light to change could not know is that, pre-Spark, I would have done a face plant! My balance is improving!
So I am 2 more miles closer to Eureka on my virtual journey!
I am still under in nutrition, but I refuse to eat just to eat. I am pretty close to minimum in calories, low in carbs, fat and calcium as usual.
The scale showed I did not gain and I did not lose this week. My body says I've lost just by the way it feels and acts. I've mentioned before that, when I lose weight, I can feel the change in my center of balance every 5, 7 or 10 pounds. it makes me a bit off balance for a few days. Then it readjusts and I am fine until I get to another point.
Lunch at Chilis with my school friend was nice. The visit was great, the food was edible. I carefully ordered some grilled chicken with black beans and rice. The black beans and rice tasted better than the chicken! My friend is looking for work and quite stressed. I told her about SparkPeople when I started and we talked about it briefly. She has gained about as much as I have lost, but acknowledges she can't really cope with her weight issues until she lands a paying job. She is doing an internship (no pay) with the county DA's office, but there is no chance that she'll get hired because, like the state, the county is not hiring.
I colored my hair this morning and don't like it. I chose a color a couple of shades darker than usual. I had to hide the white/grey! I'll get used to it. I will have to color it again before graduation even though that's just a month away. We'll see what I find on sale closer to that date. I still need to get it cut, but think I'll do that after midmonth payday.
The day started after a glorious 8+ hours of sleep and I should head to bed so that tomorrow can start the same way! I have a paper to write and tributes to pay to honor those who have served, thank those who are serving and give thanks that my brother is home safely!
Some day, I will make it to Arlington to pay my respects to Frank L. Toner III. He was killed in Afghanistan 03/28/09. He was my brother's roommate and coworker. Our families are forever joined by this loss. RIP Frankie! May God comfort his parents, siblings, family and widow...and his service buddies who saw this happen.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
I did not exercise a whit today. I just didn't feel like it.
I also did not eat much. I felt really hungry early in the day, but did not give in. I am ending the day without eating more than about 600 calories. I feel fine, just not like eating or moving.
I should have gone to the high school graduation for a friend's daughter, but I did not feel like driving that far. I sent the graduate a check earlier in the week.
I have been staying up too late, avoiding sleep because the my first waking thoughts are of Charlotte's children and other unsettling thoughts.
I did do some of my homework today, but that is the only productive thing I did all day.
I'm supposed to have lunch with a fellow paralegal student tomorrow. A third was going to join us, but cancelled. She sent an email later saying she'd discovered her husband had been unfaithful and her world has just fallen apart. I kept waiting for a "just kidding" note (she does tease), but none was forthcoming. I can't wrap my head and heart around this.
I know what I need to do, but I can't seem to find any motivation! BLEH!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
I have to figure out how to better cope with loss. I am still really rattled by Charlotte's sudden death last week, even though I hardly knew her. I have trouble sleeping and I wake up finding myself thinking about the needless death and the permanent loss for her children.
With that on my mind, the pollen in the air and the fact that I was very active earlier this week, I started having shooting pains in my right arm and shoulder. I came home early to get my BF, intending to go to Kaiser. He was not home and I had mislaid my cellphone earlier this week (part of that distraction), so I was stuck until he got home (we no longer have a landline - cost saving).
When he got home, he gave me my phone (he had found it and charged it). I called the advice nurse and, in talking with her, we realized I was not having a serious problem, that the pain was probably from my carrying boxes, moving files earlier in the week. I had completely forgotten about that! Too much going on.
Glad it was not serious, glad I did not have to spend the bulk of the afternoon at Kaiser. I am not one to go to doctors or anything often, but, knowing that Charlotte had some undiagnosed heart issues but knew something was wrong and did not go to the doctor. I am older than she is and, even though I don't have children, there are nieces and nephews. I must take care of myself in order to enjoy their lives. In my new SP lifestyle, taking care of myself includes paying attention and doing things I don't really want to do (such as go to the doctor).
Very often, I skip medical and dental stuff because of cost. Even though I have insurance, I sometimes can't or don't want to spend the money on the copays. The dental coverage is almost useless. I am working towards finding the self worth to take the time off from work and pay to go....sigh.
I came home to find I have to report for jury duty again. There are I don't know how many people who live in this county. I have lived in this county since the end of 1986 and I get summoned every year! I have never been chosen, but I still have to go through the game. Don't get me wrong. I am about to be a paralegal, so I love the law. I am interested in the process. But, what I have experienced has been inefficient use of time, dead time and needless disruption to my routine. The other thing is that I live at the extreme southern end of the county, less than a block to the county line, and I usually get summoned to the farthest distant court at the other end of the county. The county does not pay for the first day and they pay something like $5 per day after that. The money is not the point. I resent the time and the gas that it takes, though I might feel differently if I ever got chosen for a jury.
In California, they crossreference the voter rolls and the DMV lists and it's from those that they choose the jury pools. By statute, I can be called every 12 months. For years, I have received summons almost exactly to the day! And I know lots of people who have never been summoned!
Not much walking today, something over 5K. I got another mile closer on my virtual journey. I am ending the day within range nutritionally except 1 gram low in fat and a bit low in calcium again...Got in the water and feeling pretty good. I know I need to do more exercise...
Friday, May 28, 2010
Virtual journey update: 60.3 miles from Eureka. I did not walk a lot today (just over 8K steps), but this is a good thing. I have been able to walk every day this week! Sure I have been sore and stiff, but neither was a deal breaker. This is real progress, albeit very slow progress...!
Now if I could replicate that with strength training and something a bit more aerobic. In time.
I was hungry off and on today, but stayed within range except for my usual low in fat and low in calcium...
Today was a good day at work, for the most part. A very productive day! The sad part was saying goodby to a wonderful student. She is leaving the company. She graduates tomorrow, even though she has to take 2 or 3 hard classes this summer. She figures she cannot work through the summer and take the classes. She does not yet have another job, so that hurts for her. She is having to move, too. She's a very bright industrious young woman and will do well wherever she goes....My company's loss and a personal loss for me.
It was a week ago today that my coworker died and I keep thinking about her and the loss her passing represents. She did have unrecognized symptoms of heart problems. It's just such a shame! I take it as a lesson to be more vigilant of my health. Not looking forward to the colonoscopy early next month, but I for sure won't skip it. It would be hypocritic for me to do so after I tell friends to take care of themselves! And, fundamentally, it is the desire for health and quality of life that brought me to SP.
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