Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Thank you, everyone, for your wonderful support on yesterday's blog. I still ache for the young woman who left SP under such lonely circumstances. I know I was right to say something, and I would feel that way even without the support that I received.
I stepped on the scale yesterday after not having done so the previous week and was glad to see I'd lost 2.7 lbs. I am nervous about this week. For 3 consecutive days, I have been well under the nutritional range. Just not hungry. Quite a different feeling for me!
Today was going to be a day of getting completely back on track. By accident, I did get in over 10K steps, even without my lunchtime walk. I went to luch with a friend and, despite an unexpected menu change, managed to eat a good meal. My local KFC no longer makes their great grilled chicken salad. I had a piece of chicken, a small green salad with about a 3rd of a packet of dressing and a biscuit.
Just before lunch, the company received an email with sad news, so I was quite distracted at lunch, but did not realize until later in the day how distracted I was.
I put in more than 2 hours overtime tonight and, as I got ready to leave, I realized I did not have my car keys! A momentary panic set in. Then I remembered I have my spare key at work. I drove to the KFC, praying all the way, and, sure enough, they had my keys in the safe! Prayers of thanksgiving, I assure you!
The reason I left them there was being distracted by the email. We learned that one of my coworkers died suddenly late last week. I saw her Wednesday or Thursday and had a fleeting thought that she did not look well. The email did not say what happened, but I learned she leaves a husband and four children, the youngest still being nursed.
This is the second time I've had that sense. Several years ago, I saw my friend Pam at work. I had been working at another office for two years, been transferred back to the HQ and she was showing me her new car. As we parted, I thought she did not look well. That was Thanksgiving week and she died of a heart attack during the weekend. Seeing the email about Charlotte brought back Pam's loss front and center. I knew Pam and her father and worked with her, so the loss was greater.
I did not know Charlotte well, but we said hello in the halls and I thought she had a lovely smile. The privacy room where she would express her milk was near my office, so I saw her several times a day. We worked in completely different groups, so there was no professional interaction. But I've now missed the chance to get to know the woman behind the smile and I am diminished by that loss. My heart aches for her family, for her husband, for those children and everyone else for whom her passing is a tragedy.
One of my SP teams has a goal of practicing random acts of kindness. I think, instead of doing that now, I am going to make a point to say something nice to someone different every day. Not to assuage any guilt, but to bring some sunshine in someone else's day.
I wish I did not have such a sad reminder that we really need to share the good thoughts we have while we have the chance.
Rest in peace, Charlotte!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I just have to say this to get it off my still-ample chest.
I saw a note this morning that a SparkFriend is leaving the site in response to some really hateful comments and personal attacks for something personal that she shared in her blog. I an grieved for her pain, not just for the circumstances that gave her reason to share the blog, but I am ashamed, embarrassed that Sparkers would attack her.
First off, I am sure it took some courage for her to even share about the issue. Secondly, when she did, I can guess that she was hoping to find online the support she is not receiving in the people around her. Collectively, we let her down! Instead of offering support, she was verbally assaulted by Sparkers who chose to use the site as a platform to hammer her with their own religious views. There is a time and a place for such discourse, but I think the attacks were ill-advised.
It sounds as if the attackers were focused on the issue in an abstract sense and forgot to consider the person who was reaching out for help. As I told her, I experienced very similar responses in my earlier life and it is for those reasons I don't share my own opinions about religion, politics and.......other things. So now, what these Sparkers have done is inflicted more hurt than she was already feeling. They have driven her from the site and, in so doing, made her feel all the more isolated than she was.
The purpose of this site, as I understand it, is to give all comers a place where they can find SUPPORT on their lifestyle change journey, LEARN how to make better choices about nutrition and other aspects of life, FREEDOM of speech, within reason, to share what they are going through. It goes back to what Mother always said, if you can't say something nice, don't say something at all.
We all know that working on our food issues can have a positive impact on other areas of our life. We need to RESPECT each other enough to think before we speak. Don't focus on the issue so much that you forget there's a person behind the words to which you are so vehemently reacting. Another rule of thumb is to put down what you have to say, but sit on it for time before you send it. If you still feel that way after time has allowed cooler heads to prevail, then by all means have the courage of your convictions. But, CONSIDER the possible consequences of sending that note!
I am mindful that this blog may garner negative response. I will see who my true Spark friends are, I suppose. I came to this site with a lot of trepidation, hope and some measure of despair. I have learned and grown on this site. I have a lot more self-knowledge about my food issues and other issues, but I still have a tender heart. Say what you want to say and I will exercise my freedom to read (or not) and respond (or not). One of my values is to offer support and encouragement and to speak out when I think something has gone wrong. I am mindful that I don't know the whole story, but I also saw that the damage has been done.
My heart breaks for that young woman and I just had to respond.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I am not proud today. It was an unintentionally blown day. I had a list of things to do, including exercise, and none of those things happened. I am tired, mentally, physically, emotionally. The reserves are gone and I am not sure the Spark is even flickering.
I guess it is flickering. I would not be posting were it not. Not sure how to get the flame and passion back!
Today, my little old cat Cilantro is 14. We almost lost her 3 years ago with that tainted food scare. I spent far more money on her medical bills than I ever thought I would. The vet wanted to put her down, but Bill was not ready. (She is his cat, a real daddy's girl!). As it turned out, she rallied and we have been BLESSED to have had this bonus time with her!
Please don't think this blog is merely for points or fishing for pats on the back. No, neither is true. I am sort of thinking out loud...
Friday, May 21, 2010
Virtual Journey Update: just over a mile today, so 75 miles to Eureka.
Today was one of those dragged-out, I don't feel like moving days. I am learning that, when I feel like that, my body needs rest. I really do pay attention, this is not an old style cop out.
Uncharacteristically, I did not bring lunch today. I knew I was planning to go to Costco at lunch with a friend, which would include lunch. But, even so, I normally bring something just in case. Did not today. She was a few hours late getting to work because there was an accident on the bridge. She was not in the accident, but she was behind it. So she cancelled lunch. I had no money, so I couldn't go to the cafe and I hate to drive off campus at lunch hour. Fortunately, I had a kashi bar at my desk, but that small meal may have contributed to the energy drain.
I am castigating myself for not being prepared. I am wondering where my energy and drive to exercise has gone.
Tomorrow will be better! It has to be!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Virtual journey update: 2.5 miles means I'm only 76 miles from Eureka. I did not walk a lot, but I got something over 7000 steps. I was a little bit sore from yesterday's 14K steps, but not as sore as I would have been a few weeks ago!
I aced my midterm, which was not a foregone conclusion. The teacher is a sitting judge and the test was mostly definitions. Usually not a problem except that he grades very tightly which means I had to have a very precise definition. When I turned it in, I thought there were 2 definitions he might fault, which could have been a 20% hit, but no points were withheld!
I put in some overtime on my continuing project, but this was boxing up stuff in one office and moving the boxes into another office. My supervising attorney and her boss were effusive in their thanks. I rewarded myself by buying two books about the US Supreme Court - a splurge, but given the great week I'm having, felt great! I will have to curb that - bought the dress yesterday and the books today....
I need to get more exercise in and part of that is motivation.......I need to do more ST, more cardio....
Thanks, everyone, for the comments, the kudos, it all helps!
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