JUNEAU2010   163,775
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JUNEAU2010's Recent Blog Entries

Take Every Chance to Share Love and Kindness (RIP Charlotte)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Thank you, everyone, for your wonderful support on yesterday's blog. I still ache for the young woman who left SP under such lonely circumstances. I know I was right to say something, and I would feel that way even without the support that I received.

I stepped on the scale yesterday after not having done so the previous week and was glad to see I'd lost 2.7 lbs. I am nervous about this week. For 3 consecutive days, I have been well under the nutritional range. Just not hungry. Quite a different feeling for me!

Today was going to be a day of getting completely back on track. By accident, I did get in over 10K steps, even without my lunchtime walk. I went to luch with a friend and, despite an unexpected menu change, managed to eat a good meal. My local KFC no longer makes their great grilled chicken salad. I had a piece of chicken, a small green salad with about a 3rd of a packet of dressing and a biscuit.

Just before lunch, the company received an email with sad news, so I was quite distracted at lunch, but did not realize until later in the day how distracted I was.

I put in more than 2 hours overtime tonight and, as I got ready to leave, I realized I did not have my car keys! A momentary panic set in. Then I remembered I have my spare key at work. I drove to the KFC, praying all the way, and, sure enough, they had my keys in the safe! Prayers of thanksgiving, I assure you!

The reason I left them there was being distracted by the email. We learned that one of my coworkers died suddenly late last week. I saw her Wednesday or Thursday and had a fleeting thought that she did not look well. The email did not say what happened, but I learned she leaves a husband and four children, the youngest still being nursed.

This is the second time I've had that sense. Several years ago, I saw my friend Pam at work. I had been working at another office for two years, been transferred back to the HQ and she was showing me her new car. As we parted, I thought she did not look well. That was Thanksgiving week and she died of a heart attack during the weekend. Seeing the email about Charlotte brought back Pam's loss front and center. I knew Pam and her father and worked with her, so the loss was greater.

I did not know Charlotte well, but we said hello in the halls and I thought she had a lovely smile. The privacy room where she would express her milk was near my office, so I saw her several times a day. We worked in completely different groups, so there was no professional interaction. But I've now missed the chance to get to know the woman behind the smile and I am diminished by that loss. My heart aches for her family, for her husband, for those children and everyone else for whom her passing is a tragedy.

One of my SP teams has a goal of practicing random acts of kindness. I think, instead of doing that now, I am going to make a point to say something nice to someone different every day. Not to assuage any guilt, but to bring some sunshine in someone else's day.

I wish I did not have such a sad reminder that we really need to share the good thoughts we have while we have the chance.

Rest in peace, Charlotte!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TUDI4480 5/28/2010 12:26AM

    I'm sending lots of positive healing light to Charlotte's family. And to you. emoticon emoticon

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/25/2010 10:37AM

  I am really sorry of your co-workers passing. My prayers go out to Charlotte's family.

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JAVALOVERTOO 5/25/2010 10:21AM

    Prayers for Charlotte's family.

emoticon for you...

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LIBBYFITZ 5/25/2010 2:40AM

    Very sad, thinking of all the people who pass away. I met a cousin in Holland 10 years ago and always intended to go back and visit, he has passed away. I am grateful for the fact that my daughter and I had the opportunity to meet him, a very lovely man. Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 5/25/2010 2:14AM

    Praying for Charlotte's family. May God protect and comfort them in their grief.

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JHADZHIA 5/25/2010 1:55AM

    That is tragic to say the least :( Here is to sharing good thoughts while we have the chance!

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NURSEJEANNIE 5/25/2010 1:03AM

  I love the way you said that, "we really need to share the good thoughts we have while we have the chance. "

My grandma used to say, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all... but if you CAN think of something nice, then for Pete's sake, SAY IT!"

Thank you for the reiminder, to say & do all the good we can, while we can.

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NONIE_C 5/25/2010 12:58AM

    My thoughts and prayers go out to Charlotte's family. I hope her passing was peaceful. And I know what you mean about sharing good thoughts while we have the chance. It makes me think about something I've been coming back around to in my world - the idea of being present, doing things now and not putting them off.

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Stop! Think! (I'm Just Saying...!)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

I just have to say this to get it off my still-ample chest.
I saw a note this morning that a SparkFriend is leaving the site in response to some really hateful comments and personal attacks for something personal that she shared in her blog. I an grieved for her pain, not just for the circumstances that gave her reason to share the blog, but I am ashamed, embarrassed that Sparkers would attack her.

First off, I am sure it took some courage for her to even share about the issue. Secondly, when she did, I can guess that she was hoping to find online the support she is not receiving in the people around her. Collectively, we let her down! Instead of offering support, she was verbally assaulted by Sparkers who chose to use the site as a platform to hammer her with their own religious views. There is a time and a place for such discourse, but I think the attacks were ill-advised.

It sounds as if the attackers were focused on the issue in an abstract sense and forgot to consider the person who was reaching out for help. As I told her, I experienced very similar responses in my earlier life and it is for those reasons I don't share my own opinions about religion, politics and.......other things. So now, what these Sparkers have done is inflicted more hurt than she was already feeling. They have driven her from the site and, in so doing, made her feel all the more isolated than she was.

The purpose of this site, as I understand it, is to give all comers a place where they can find SUPPORT on their lifestyle change journey, LEARN how to make better choices about nutrition and other aspects of life, FREEDOM of speech, within reason, to share what they are going through. It goes back to what Mother always said, if you can't say something nice, don't say something at all.

We all know that working on our food issues can have a positive impact on other areas of our life. We need to RESPECT each other enough to think before we speak. Don't focus on the issue so much that you forget there's a person behind the words to which you are so vehemently reacting. Another rule of thumb is to put down what you have to say, but sit on it for time before you send it. If you still feel that way after time has allowed cooler heads to prevail, then by all means have the courage of your convictions. But, CONSIDER the possible consequences of sending that note!

I am mindful that this blog may garner negative response. I will see who my true Spark friends are, I suppose. I came to this site with a lot of trepidation, hope and some measure of despair. I have learned and grown on this site. I have a lot more self-knowledge about my food issues and other issues, but I still have a tender heart. Say what you want to say and I will exercise my freedom to read (or not) and respond (or not). One of my values is to offer support and encouragement and to speak out when I think something has gone wrong. I am mindful that I don't know the whole story, but I also saw that the damage has been done.

My heart breaks for that young woman and I just had to respond.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    KUDOS to all you said! I literally JUST sent a message to a Sparkfriend saying how lucky we've been to not have faced negativity and back-biting on our teams. I read about others' experiences, and my heart breaks for them.

I sure hope there's a way to stay in touch with her?! In time, perhaps she'll see that the majority of Sparkers do NOT act in harsh, hateful and judging ways.

Most important, there are so many helpful tools and resources on Spark, I wish I could suggest that she drop out (for as long as she wishes) as far as blogs and message boards, but stay with Spark for all the other positives.
Best wishes~ emoticon

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    Honestly, I too have had issues with people making ugly remarks. As you said you told her, you don't share your own opinions about religion, politics and.......I don't either due to the issues. But I had ugly remarks on other things the site is for: weight-food-etc. I have just deleted the comments! But it does hurt-I too thought we were here to support each other. When it happened to me I had posted status of my hurt, "if you have negative opinions, don't read my blog or just leave blog-no comments needed!"

I agree with someone who suggested you're friend come back under a different name and just have a few GOOD friends who will support her! She can add me, I will give support! Maybe she will consider this choice!

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LIBBYFITZ 5/25/2010 3:41AM

    I was saddened to read this blog about the friend who felt a need to leave the site. I naively thought this site was and is all about support, this is so not on! I agree with someone who suggested you're friend come back under a different name and just have a few friends she can trust. emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 5/25/2010 2:11AM

    I am so sorry for what you friend went through...I do not know who you are talking about, but I am praying for her.

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JHADZHIA 5/25/2010 1:54AM

    That is sad that this would happen on Sparks :( I have found it to be such a wonderful, supportive community. Its a real shame people must impose their religious views on someone else. Unfortunately, that is why, so often wars occur. One country/ faith thinks their God is the true one and must wipe out all the unbelievers, etc. Spark should be a totally open place where any one can have a say, within reason, about what ever moves them and not be open to personal attack. If you don't like what they are saying, fine, you don't have to read it, let alone comment. This isn't about religion, its about a healthy lifestyle change, what all our goal should be. How we get there, what we believe in, should be up to us without judgement by others! I too, had a Spark buddy, who withdrew because of a negative comment. She gradually came back, but only to a select few and now keeps her page private. That is not Spark's intention. Its sad it has to happen!

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ROX2013 5/25/2010 1:18AM

    I have been off line lately with my sat dish problem. So when I read this blog today it broke my heart. If it was someone who knew and because of being offline missed being there to be supportive. I am a christian, but I was raised to live by the golden rule and also that we will all face God on judgement day and will answer to him for judgement. As it says "let he who has no sin cast the first stone". I may not agree with someone's actions, politics etc but if I disagree than I don't respond one way or the other. But I never use that disagreement as a right to put someone else down, to judge them or to pass on my beliefs as the only right one and treat someone else without respect and courtesy. I am saddened that there are those on Spark as well in the world who can judge others harshly but not look inward at what they do in the same way. I hope your this lady comes back.

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NONIE_C 5/25/2010 1:03AM

    HERE, HERE to everything you posted, and to all the wonderfully supportive replies. This site is/should be all about support. And that's that!!!
I'm sorry this woman was abused into leaving the site; it really breaks my heart.

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    I actually posted a message board thread on this very topic. There is a group of sparkers that hunts together. They look for weak woman who are in victim mode and they attack. Of course, they don't see it as an attack but the poor woman with the bleeding heart does. It's horrid to see people so incapable of tact and compassion. I hope your blog opens some eyes.


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SHANTRA 5/24/2010 3:40PM

    Great blog and well said. I have no idea what this is about but I have been through something similar and all I wanted to do was run and hide too. Hopefully she will come back.. block the people who hurt her and hold her head up that she is NOT like them.

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PONDERTHIS 5/24/2010 2:33PM

    A great blog - it is the sort of thing we hoped to all have learned in kindergarten: do unto others as we would have others do unto us. Mean people are everywhere, and it is so awful when they cloak their meanness as their "belief system". What I love about my computer is: it has a very functional delete button. I have deleted any messages to me that I felt were not supportive. If I don't show up on SP, it's because of my own delinquency, not that of someone else. Mean people, begone!
That being said, I am so sorry for your friend's experience. Maybe she can come back with a different identity and use the trackers, etc. There are great tools here, as well as great people, like you.
Thanks for your blog.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/24/2010 1:27PM

  well, that's horrible! :( i hope you keep in touch with her even though she left the site.

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FURANGEL 5/23/2010 5:46PM

    I don't know of the person or details of what you are referring too. But I do agree that Spark should be a forum for support and understanding.... negative a hurtful comments should not be a part of this social network...period. We are here to get and give support. 'nough said.

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JAVALOVERTOO 5/23/2010 2:17PM

    I don't know who you are referring too, if it's someone I do know I am even more saddened that I was not there for her. This is ridiculous and beyond sad and not right. I am so sorry for this woman who reached out and got smacked in the face. I pray for her...

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KAELIE 5/23/2010 2:02PM

  I'm glad you posted this. I am so saddened by her decision, but I do completely understand it. I had sent an email to her, because I have lived through a very similar experience, and I related to her what helped me through the crisis, and some compassion and virtual hugs. I hate to think that it was completely overshadowed by all of those other people who were not supportive or compassionate and actually hateful to her :(

That is one of the things I despise about social networking. People easily forget there is a living, breathing person on the other side of that blog/page/etc. I try not to personalize when someone offers advice or an opinion (everyone loves to offer up their two cents, and I'm very guilty of it myself) - but I always try to be positive, compassionate and encouraging, because I don't believe there is nearly enough of that in people's lives. I am going to be thinking of and praying for her.

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    Sorry! Long comment, but what you wrote makes me mad because I hate to see anyone upset or hurt or damaged in any way by the actions & comments of others. I can understand getting upset, but show someone some support instead of condemnation!

I have an idea of whom you speak, although I don't know of any of the things said to her. This breaks my heart, though, that someone would be attacked here on SP! I have no idea what the issues are that she wrote about, but, whatever they are, people should've offered her support. If they disagree with her, fine. However, as you said, they should've thought very carefully before commenting on anything & sought to be there for her. If a person disagrees with another or has something to say that doesn't go with what another agrees, fine. I've come across many instances like this in my life because of some of my own views that go against the majority. However, because I've also been around people who, for the most part, have agreed to disagree with me & accepted me nonetheless, I've rarely come across antagonism. Perhaps it's because I've mainly stated them in smaller circles.

That doesn't matter! Aren't we all adults here? Shouldn't we all have learnt by now that everyone matters & that everyone counts & that everyone needs support?

The part that bothers me the most in what you wrote is that it was mostly people whose religious views seemed to be offended who were the most vehement attackers. At least that's what I got. I'm a Christian who believes that everyone deserves love & support, not condemnation. It's up to God to judge if He will. I certainly don't see why people who are so-called religious think it's their place to put someone down for any reason. Disagree with what another says or with how they live - yes, that's fine, but don't put the person down. Each person needs love & support & respect, & it really angers me when people go & put someone down just because of what they say.

Let's show each other support & love here on SP - that's what the site's for, not putting others down. Many people already come here feeling low to begin with. Why not try to boost someone & to give a helping hand up instead of putting someone further down?

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    Excellent blog! We all seem to be here for support, and I agree with you about offering POSITIVE support. So sad to hear that someone who already feels isolated now gets to feel even more isolated. My experience has been better in that I've just focused on teams that focus on my (very) particular life experiences and interests, and keep a circle supportive freinds -- and keep my energy concentrated there.

Thanks for telling it like it is!

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MISSY455 5/23/2010 12:59PM

    I am not aware of the instance you are describing, but in MHO, I agree that if you can't say something nice,or at least supportive, don't say anything at all. There are plenty of blogs that I read every day, and don't respond too. Either because I can't think of something positive to say, or I can't relate to what has been written about. We are all on our own journey here and don't need additional judgements made about us. In most cases, we get plenty of that in our day to day lives.

Thanks for speaking up Juneau!

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Burnt Out

Sunday, May 23, 2010

I am not proud today. It was an unintentionally blown day. I had a list of things to do, including exercise, and none of those things happened. I am tired, mentally, physically, emotionally. The reserves are gone and I am not sure the Spark is even flickering.

I guess it is flickering. I would not be posting were it not. Not sure how to get the flame and passion back!

Today, my little old cat Cilantro is 14. We almost lost her 3 years ago with that tainted food scare. I spent far more money on her medical bills than I ever thought I would. The vet wanted to put her down, but Bill was not ready. (She is his cat, a real daddy's girl!). As it turned out, she rallied and we have been BLESSED to have had this bonus time with her!

Please don't think this blog is merely for points or fishing for pats on the back. No, neither is true. I am sort of thinking out loud...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FURANGEL 5/23/2010 5:55PM

    Don't beat yourself up. We all need a break from everything.
I give myself Saturday, I eat what I want, I exercise in the morning, only if I feel like it. I go shopping and try not to be too productive.....I need that. I recently started adding a 2 hour break on Sundays to hang out at the pool or book store, or whatever, to decompress. I'm Worth it, and so are you. You can't go at 100% all the time...believe me I've tried and I was stressed out all the time. Don't forget to Take Care of Yourself.


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    It's totally ok to revamp your goals. Revisiting them once in a while is a good thing. Maybe that's all you have to do. When Life gets beyond overwhelming, I just commit myself to exercise, and don't obsess on the food. Sometimes you have to give yourself just little healthy goals.

As long as you avoid goals like, "Try very hard to an extra pound of chocolate today."

Happy Birthday to Cilantro! I hear you... cats are extra special, and more like friends and family than some people, LOL!

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/23/2010 11:06AM

  emoticon That is so great that you didn't put your kitty down.. it's nice that she is still going strong today. :) Happy Birthday, Cilantro! :)

You know what? I have had *those* kind of days when I have missed exercising and wondered if the spark was still sparkling. Days that I have just wanted to give up. You just have to believe that your spark is still alive and you will succeed in whatever you need/or want to do.

Hope you have better days....


Comment edited on: 5/23/2010 11:14:47 AM

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IXCHEL23 5/23/2010 9:42AM

    You're not alone, I often times feel that way every day even but I can't be perfect and I'll get more stressed and depressed if I start to obsess on those things. If you're tired physically try to get to sleep earlier, do something relaxing even if it's for 15 minutes. Tomorrow is always a new day to start over and get resparked.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Cilantro!! Love that name, maybe b/c I love to eat cilantro.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Feel better soon and sending you emoticon

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IXCHEL23 5/23/2010 9:42AM

    You're not alone, I often times feel that way every day even but I can't be perfect and I'll get more stressed and depressed if I start to obsess on those things. If you're tired physically try to get to sleep earlier, do something relaxing even if it's for 15 minutes. Tomorrow is always a new day to start over and get resparked.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Cilantro!! Love that name, maybe b/c I love to eat cilantro.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Feel better soon and sending you emoticon

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UNIBOK 5/23/2010 8:25AM

    I hear you, Juneau! Your honesty speaks to many of us.

Remember, it's okay to back off on some of the goals for a while when you need to. Let go of some of your high expectations, and embrace doing well enough to get you through the day. I was so saddened to read KLEE's and JPROARK's withdrawls from SP this week -- they both got overwhelmed with having to do all of this all of the time. It really doesn't have to be that way, and we don't need to burn ourselves out. We can all give each other permission to lighten up on ourselves, and just do the best that can be done in this moment.

So, that is my wish for you: take these moments, and let them be whatever they are, whatever they need to be.

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ANDASI 5/23/2010 7:06AM

    It is hard to have a spark when we are tired so give youre self some rest. Im happy youre cat is doing well. We need to speak what is on our mind it helps. I myself was severly sleep deprived yesterday it was tough but i knew why i felt the way i did. I do feel much better this morning.

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DSUBIOPROF 5/23/2010 6:30AM

    We all have those times! Here's hoping your tiny spark becomes a flame again really soon!

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ANNEMAC5 5/23/2010 3:23AM

    Good blog, thinking out loud and been honest is great.

Nice to know there are normal SP who have days like me when they make a plan and then nothing happens

Anne emoticon

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Taking Care of Me - Sort Of

Friday, May 21, 2010

Virtual Journey Update: just over a mile today, so 75 miles to Eureka.

Today was one of those dragged-out, I don't feel like moving days. I am learning that, when I feel like that, my body needs rest. I really do pay attention, this is not an old style cop out.

Uncharacteristically, I did not bring lunch today. I knew I was planning to go to Costco at lunch with a friend, which would include lunch. But, even so, I normally bring something just in case. Did not today. She was a few hours late getting to work because there was an accident on the bridge. She was not in the accident, but she was behind it. So she cancelled lunch. I had no money, so I couldn't go to the cafe and I hate to drive off campus at lunch hour. Fortunately, I had a kashi bar at my desk, but that small meal may have contributed to the energy drain.

I am castigating myself for not being prepared. I am wondering where my energy and drive to exercise has gone.

Tomorrow will be better! It has to be!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANDASI 5/22/2010 11:24AM

    I find i allways have to have extra food with me. When i dont i do get in trouble end up paying for it somewhere somehow.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/21/2010 11:51PM

  Tomorrow WILL be better. Thank goodness you had that kashi bar. It's good to rest your body when you feel like you need it... try not to feel to guilty/bad about that. It's better to rest up .. save your energy..then when you are ready to go again - you will do great! :) I hope tomorrow is a better for you.


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JHADZHIA 5/21/2010 11:08PM

    You can't help what happened to your friend that caused her to miss lunch. I don't understand why you didn't have any money whenyou knew you were going to Costco to have lunch, what did you expect to pay for your meal with?
Perhaps what you are feeling is a little distress that your friend came that close to being in an accident? Also, having a plan blow up is never fun, it causes stress.
You have a very busy work and school life. You have chosen a very tough field and I would imagine are under a lot of strain. This is not good for your mind or body health. You have to cut yourself a little slack. I would say you do pretty darn well with the little spare time you have.!!
I wasn't able to continue with University myself as the stress caused my health to bottom out (Another nasty thing RA can do to a person -very bad anemia). So now I have to be careful about not taking on anything too stressful.
So just be patient and you will be all over it again!!

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NANNER2121 5/21/2010 11:04PM

    No need to castigate, just a lesson to be prepared!!

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SPIRITCATCHER 5/21/2010 10:24PM

    Everyone needs a rest now an then. You are taking the right approach looking at it as just that. Tomorrow, new day, sunshine and success.


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ROX2013 5/21/2010 10:23PM

    You were somewhat prepared! You did have the Kashi bar. I keep a Thomas thin bagel in a baggie in my purse now so if I am gone longer than planned and may have to eat before I get home I have something. It has 110 cals, 4 gm fiber and I believe 4 gms of protein.

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DSUBIOPROF 5/21/2010 10:09PM

    Oh I know, I hate those days when you don't pack food, then need it!

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Midterm, Overtime and Not Enough Exercise

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Virtual journey update: 2.5 miles means I'm only 76 miles from Eureka. I did not walk a lot, but I got something over 7000 steps. I was a little bit sore from yesterday's 14K steps, but not as sore as I would have been a few weeks ago!

I aced my midterm, which was not a foregone conclusion. The teacher is a sitting judge and the test was mostly definitions. Usually not a problem except that he grades very tightly which means I had to have a very precise definition. When I turned it in, I thought there were 2 definitions he might fault, which could have been a 20% hit, but no points were withheld!

I put in some overtime on my continuing project, but this was boxing up stuff in one office and moving the boxes into another office. My supervising attorney and her boss were effusive in their thanks. I rewarded myself by buying two books about the US Supreme Court - a splurge, but given the great week I'm having, felt great! I will have to curb that - bought the dress yesterday and the books today....

I need to get more exercise in and part of that is motivation.......I need to do more ST, more cardio....

Thanks, everyone, for the comments, the kudos, it all helps!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSY455 5/21/2010 1:33PM

    Isn't it great to realize that things that would have made you sore just a short time ago don't? Awesome job on the midterm!!!
You are doing wonderful.

Hope you have a great weekend and get some time to enjoy a good walk outside. Our weather down south is supposed to be decent hope yours is too.

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VICD25 5/21/2010 12:39PM

    Woo Hoo!

Steps are steps. Doesn't have to be "exercise". How much exercise did you do in the boxing up stuff?

You are doing great!

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JAVALOVERTOO 5/21/2010 10:25AM

    emoticon On the midterm!!! emoticon

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JHADZHIA 5/21/2010 8:41AM

    Way to go with your exam!!! Sometimes life gets in the way of getting exercise! You just have to make sure you eat at the lower end of your calorie range when that happens. You will be fine!
Keep up the great work!

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UNIBOK 5/21/2010 8:16AM

    Yay Juneau! You have so much to celebrate!

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NISA-JOE 5/21/2010 1:06AM

    Congratulations on your midterm! emoticon
14K steps! Wow!!! You're doing so great.

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ROX2013 5/21/2010 12:27AM

    Way to go on your midterm! Congrads. Sounds like you are working your plan and it is working for you. There are going to be times that exercise takes backseat because of other things that have to be dealt with first. Just remember exercise is always there when you want to step it up. Sorry I haven't been on line this week, sat dish problems, between the weather and they think the dish needs to be aligned again. So be back up to full power Saturday. I apologize if this posts twice.

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