JUNEAU2010   162,289
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Cookies and Cream Klondike Bar and Letter Carrier Food Drive

Saturday, May 08, 2010

I woke up feeling very, very, very stiff. I had hoped to do 12K steps today. I took a walk this morning for something over 5K. Just before I left the house, I turned just a little and gave myself a slight groin pull. I moved very carefully and managed not to make it worse. Coming home from the walk, I could barely make it up the stairs to the house. My knee was worse.

I stayed within my calorie range and was even able to have a Klondike bar for dessert. It was a treat, but not one I will have often at all. A neighbor gave us two,

My one day challenge team was to do something that we had been procrastinating about. It dovetailed nicely with my plan. I had already planned to rearrange the pantry because today was the Letter Carrier Food Drive. I intended to gather 16 pounds of food to signify the 16 I've lost. I've never donated that much at once before and it ended up being something over 20. Not to brag on what I did, but I was just so glad to help fight hunger. My own food insecurity could be the subject of a number of blogs!

So it was not the most productive day, but not a wasted day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JHADZHIA 5/11/2010 2:07AM

    Sorry about your knee! Hope you feel better soon! Way to go on the great food donation!

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/9/2010 10:59AM

  I am really sorry to hear that your knee is hurting you. :( I hope your knee gets better soon. Congrats on the food drive. :) Sounds like you had a good day. :)

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JAKEANDNELLIE 5/9/2010 10:47AM

    I'm sorry to hear that your knee is still giving you problems. I've had to adjust to shorter, more frequent walking times lately due to mine, although it is doing better since I've concentrated more on strength exercises for my thigh muscles.
I put a large bag of items out for my letter carrier and he drove right by them! Of course, it was pouring down the rain and spitting sleet so I can't really blame him too much. I brought them back in and will take them to the local Good Neighbors food pantry on Wednesday. It's only a few minutes away.
Stay positive,

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MISSY455 5/9/2010 1:09AM

    emoticon donation. What a great way to combine two goals. I hope your knee starts feeling better soon. Try to enjoy the rest of your weekend!!


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JILLSMYTH 5/9/2010 12:21AM

  emoticon Fantastic donation! And GREAT job on your loss!

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WHITEANGEL4 5/8/2010 11:57PM

    Thats a wonderful donation. We filled our bag and put it in the mailbox for the carrier. So many need right now

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ETTEZEUS 5/8/2010 11:53PM

    OUCH!! Hope the knee gets better quick!
I LOVE Slim-A-Bear Klondike bars!!
Great job on the food donation!

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Burnt Out, Nervous and Amazed

Saturday, May 08, 2010

I woke up this morning feeling really lousy in a nonspecific way. I called in sick, which I did not want to do, but I just knew had I dragged in, I would have wasted the time at work. I missed out on the overtime, but I guess that falls into the category of taking care of myself. It still feels uncomfortable and selfish.

I slept a lot and ate a lot of carbs which seems to have settled my stomach. I felt like throwing in the towel and eating whatever I wanted, telling myself I didn't care what it would do in my nutrition tracker. The internal debate as to whether or not I'd log in the food raged for a while. Ultimately, I did log it all in and was astonished to discover that I stayed within range in all categories, except for beinga smidge low in calcium! I was surprised that I logged in the food, not sure what that means. What has changed in my attitude? Maybe it's indicative of the changing relationship with food. That's another blog, for certain!

However, I cannot say the relationship is entirely changed. I commented on a blog today about emotional eating. I joined the EE team shortly after I joined SP and, somehow, in acknowledging the triggers, I lessoned the strength of those triggers. Or so I thought.

Honestly, I have to say that today was the SP version of emotional eating. While I was home today, my cellphone rang which is rare. It was a number I did not recognize and I almost didn't answer it. Good thing I did. Turns out it was someone from Kaiser calling to follow up on the referral from my doctor. I am two years behind schedule on getting the baseline colonoscopy done. It will be June 7 and I am nervous! The lady said I'll get info in the mail and told me briefly that I won't be able to eat fruit or fiber or a whole lot of other things before the test. I have to take some tablets about 2 days before and then drink some stuff after I start the fast. I can't imagine how that nutritional change will impact my week on SP. I read online that I won't be able to drive home from the test. I'll probably have to take a cab roundtrip.

I've been putting this off for two years, knowing better. There are lots of stories, both within my family, and elsewhere about people putting off tests only to find out later that they really should not have waited. I don't expect anything from this except being uncomfortable, but I do have to live my words and do what I always encourage others to do.

The burnout comes from life in general. Work is not interesting, homelife is less than ideal and my motivation with SP fluctuates. Not sure what the answer is, but I need to keep moving forward, doing what I know to be the right thing.

What did I learn today? I'm not so far down the road with emotional eating as I thought, but I have made significant progress. I need to do something to restore the energy in my life in all ways. Lastly, my commitment to my SP journey is stronger than I thought. I have to stay with it, warts and all. Today was a zero day for exercise and modestly successful in onthers. The great thing is that tomorrow is a new day unencumbered by history. As a friend of mine said once, Success must be earned every day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JHADZHIA 5/11/2010 2:04AM

    You did well in spite of being down, you stuck with it! Its interesting, but when my stomach is giving me problems and I get the runs too often, I find a good feed of pasta stops it right up. I also discovered Beano (thanks to a Spark buddy's suggestion I try it) helps me and now I am doing okay. Turns out I was having trouble digesting all those complex carbs and it was affecting my digestive tract in a very bad manner. Now I take two or three tablets just before I eat my raw veggies and fruit and I do just fine! I wish you all the best with your colonoscopy.

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/8/2010 5:33PM

  Wow! This is how *I* am feeling right now. Not been a good day for me. Feeling like I'm going backwards instead of moving forward. It is good to know that others feel the same way sometimes. You are doing great.


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RIPPEDPAUL1 5/8/2010 9:33AM

    emoticon emoticon

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UNIBOK 5/8/2010 8:58AM

    You are making so many good decisions, my friend. Logging, even when you don't want to. Answering the phone, even when you don't want to. Taking care of yourself, even when that seems wierd.

Good for you! I'm glad you are staying with us here at SP. We need your inspiration!

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TOMWDCSKC 5/8/2010 4:49AM

    Backsliding is normal but don't get discouraged. I had colonoscopy about a year ago and it was as RNSHARON said "a breeze". I had to have my older sister (now deceased) drive me home. Sticking with Spark is a good thing. Perhaps there are some local Spark people around you who get together they can help alot plus you get to meet some really neat people. I don't socialize but one of my workmates does. DINY123 meets and walks with some of the Spark people. Good Luck on your journey. YOU CAN DO IT. emoticon emoticon

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ROX2013 5/8/2010 12:34AM

    You are doing just what you probably needed today! Everyone stumbles and most like you get back on track right away! Colonscopy is bad but the cleaning out is a hassle. You will do fine!!! Have a great weekend!!

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RNSHARON 5/8/2010 12:27AM

    Great job sticking with SP; we all have setbacks - but what great learning you've achieved!

Just had my colonoscopy - it was a breeze. The clean out is the worse part.

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Balance is Elusive

Friday, May 07, 2010

I got over 7K steps today without working at it. My knee is really sore, so I skipped the stairs and used the elevator. I chafe at this because this week is just gorgeous: clear sky, light breeze and cool enough to walk at lunch. I savor every moment like this because I know summer is coming. Summer is too hot for me so I will have to start getting up EARLY and getting my time in then.

Today was supposed to be strength training and I did not follow through. I am so tired and sore that I was afraid I'd set myself back further if I did not take the day off.

Tomorrow is another 12K step day. I'm fortunate to have the hills for the days when my knee doesn't want stairs.

I'm hungry, but I have not given in to the urge to overeat this evening. I'm not sure why I had such thoughts tonight. I was ready to eat anything even though I had already had dinner.

And now I have stayed up too late AGAIN! I'm still not where I should be in any aspect of this journey! But I do like the progress I have made and am not giving my heart those old negative messages of failure that I used to. The mental silence is deafening! But I should be able to sleep better tonight than I did last night!

Thanks, SparkFriends, for your comments on my activity, Goodies, blog comments and page comments! I have not had time to respond individually, but I appreciate the smiles and votes of confidence more than I can adequately express.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NONIE_C 5/7/2010 12:04PM

    You say that you are not where you should be in this journey, but YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU SHOULD BE!!! And don't you forget it. You may not be where you WANT to be, but that's a whole different story. The fact of the matter is that you are taking the necessary steps (and slip-ups) to be successful. You may not want to even have those slip-ups, but they are part of the process. You are unlearning and relearning, and no matter how you slice it, that's some tough work. You are exactly where you're supposed to be, and you're doing an amazing job. Listen to your body, take care of it, and celebrate your successes! You're amazing!!!!
emoticon Nicole

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JANLEEW 5/7/2010 11:52AM

    Just walking help with a sore knee, back etc. Just a little will help (unless injured or severe pain). You are doing great. You are where you should be right now. You will get where you are going, patience is a necessity! Keep moving, keep tracking!

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Thursday, May 06, 2010

A month or so ago, on the one day challenge team, the suggestion was to create a visual representation of either pounds lost or of pound to be lost. I decided to do both. I gathered up a bunch of those paperclips that are covered in colorful plastic. I took two big ones and hooked strings of 10 to one. At that point, I had lost 10 pounds, so I put one string on the other. The week after that, I lost a pound, so I moved one clip over. And there it sat for a few weeks. Long story short, I now have 16 clips on the lost side. A little down about that, I thought it was far too slow. I have been so focused on wanting to lose 10% (old WW goal) that I lost sight of where I am. The 16 pounds lost, gone forever, means I have lost 20% of what I need to lose! Perhaps I should let go of the old goal and reward myself now for this new milestone. Hmmm.

This week has been going very well, sort of. I decided to back off on the 10K steps per day and aim for 12K on alternate days and, on the days I do what passes for strength training 5K. That has worked very well so far! Over 13K on Monday and over 12K today. I was careful not to use the stairs yesterday and moved gently. My weaker leg and knee appreciated that. My knee was still sore today so I skipped the stairs, but managed to walk anyway. I like backing off of the all or nothing thoughts I had. Telling myself to be gentle with reminders to take care is a novelty.

I know I need to do a lot more in terms of exercise and strength training. Little by little, I learn a new exercise or find I am walking faster, with less pain or have more endurance.

The scale and the tape measure are not agreeing with my self-assessment. My clothes feel looser, my body moves more easily, I almost feel as if I stand taller. Of course I want the tonnage to be gone now, of course, I want to be strong and beautiful now.

Sidebar: yesterday, I saw a blog here where the lady is a fit model. I really wanted to add her picture to my page to serve as an inspiration. Not that I want to work quite that hard, but I would like to look somewhat that fit. Perhaps inspiration is not the word because I didn't feel as if I would light the world on fire and do what she has done. Admiration is probably more accurate. I will be who I am, I will be stronger, I will be more healthy. Along with that comes the mental strength and emotional balance to see myself clearly and to value myself appropriately. No vanity, but appreciation of the total person. I'm not saying this eloquently, but I can already tell that this journey is creating a whole person inside and out.

I've been getting that crazy message about me working out more than my calories again. Last time I monkeyed with that, I started a plateau. I'm going to leave it be for a bit and see how I feel. I've been hovering at the high end of calories the last couple of days. I will probably end the day slightly over. I still feel a bit hungry, but not enough to chow down.

I don't think I aced the midterm, but I came close (I hope). There were two definitions that I did not answer precisely and that may cost me. I hope I get a chance to do some extra credit! I planned to spend my lunch hour studying and was not going to take a walk thereby risking my step goal. But I went walking first and studied while I ate lunch. It was much cooler than Sunday and that made for perfect walking. Absolutely gorgeous! I loved my walk! I walked faster and with more ease up and down the hills. I took the elevator back up and used the ride to stretch. I am starting to experience some benefits from exercise. I enjoyed the walk, I enjoyed the chance to clear my head and I loved the post-exercise feeling - sitting tall at my desk and mentally sharp.

I am sure I could blather on for a long time, but I have not been exceptionally consistent about getting 8 hours of sleep, so........Good night, Spark Friends!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROX2013 5/6/2010 2:25PM

    The paperclips are a great idea!! I am glad you do well on your midterm, having something like that going on can make you lose sight of what is important. But you are staying focused on keeping up your exercise, meal plan etc. Awesome that you are listening to your body and doing the alternate step days. Have a great Friday!!! emoticon

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JHADZHIA 5/6/2010 12:13PM

    Good idea with the paper clips. When you are feeling better exercising, that is great news. Feeling your progress is wonderful! Listening to your body is essential too. It will let you know when its time to rest, sleep and eat. Make sure you are getting enough water too!
Keep up the great work!

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 5/6/2010 8:37AM

  that paper clipping is a great idea. :) congrats on deciding to do 12k on alternate days. good luck in getting your 8 hours of sleep .. or getting back on track with it. :)

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TUDI4480 5/6/2010 1:42AM

    I like the way you are finding ways to enjoy everyday. The walk sounds...effortless...fun!
emoticon emoticon

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MAESTRACH 5/6/2010 1:28AM

    Love the paper clip idea! That's awesome!!!

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Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Came home to find BF not home. That means dinner was not ready. I wasn't hungry, so that was ok for a while. Hours later, I made something quickly. Not the most healthy thing, but not the worst (no junk in my house). Feeling guilty for being lazy.

BF is supposed to do all the house stuff because he does not work. I work and go to school. Wind out of my sail - did not feel like studying for my midterm......I hope I don't pay for it tomorrow. That's the thing about choices, even when made knowingly.

I did some strength training, but I always know it's not enough....

Going to bed early. Getting 8 hours sleep would be the smartest thing I've done in hours.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEGANC1988 5/5/2010 11:07AM

    It may be time to sit down with him and ask him to let you know if he's not going to be home, at least see if he could make something that you can heat up quickly since you're so tired after all your responsibilities.

good luck with your midterm!

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JHADZHIA 5/5/2010 12:54AM

    Being well rested is best for an exam. Last minute late night studying never worked for me. Good luck with it!

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MISSY455 5/4/2010 11:21PM

    Sometimes you have to pick the better of two evils...you have put a ton of studying into your midterm and sleep is very important. Hope you get a good nights sleep, it always makes the next day go so much smoother.

Good luck on your midterm...you will knock it out of the park!!!

emoticon Margie

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