Sunday, April 25, 2010
Absolutely no energy today despite intentions and lovely weather. Mr. Scale is not likely to be charitable tomorrow morning and neither will his partner, Ms. Tape-Measure. Just her name alone gives her airs beyond her station.
Whatever they say will not deter me. This is just an interlude and it will end soon.
The best thing is I am not using this day as an excuse not to stick with the water and food and logging.
I am grateful for SparkPeople, SP Friends and the fact that one day does not determine the verdict on my journey.
Friday, April 23, 2010
I won! I won! I won! No, not the lottery, not a tangible prize. What I won was the day. I felt like a slug all day. Turns out TOM is here (whew, the suspense is over) and it's as if I've timewarped back to early teen years when TOM first visited. Suffice to say I have been uncomfortable and out of sorts all day. Meaningful exercise was not possible.
During clean up, inexplicably, I opened a box of Nabisco chocolate Teddy Grahams. I've never had those before. Wow, are they small! I had six (serving size is 24). I fantasized about eating the whole box this evening.
Thank goodness I brought broccoli today and have salad dressing in the fridge at work! The lunch was free, but it was not filling and somewhat neutral nutritionally speaking. I had half of a turkey sandwich, a pile of mixed greens that passed for salad, bypassed the dressings and got my Salad Spritzer (Caesar).
Then I had a big bowl of broccoli. I was not tempted by the cookies or the other less healthy sandwiches.
Later in the afternoon, I went to another department and saw that they had doughnuts. For a few seconds, I was tempted. But, my self talk spoke loudly and clearly in my head: I have worked too hard to get where I am and I really want to reach my goal.
I ended the day feeling hungry, but having eaten within range.
More importantly, my attitude did not deteriorate. I would not say that I have completely hit the reset button from this morning, but I am not losing ground nor staying there. Yes, I am frustrated that I am not losing weight and inches as I want to. I AM eating in balance, I am drinking puh-lenty of water. Exercise is still the weakest area of achievement, but I am doing more than I have in my pre-Spark life. I am making progress, slowly, so slowly, ever so slowly.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Out of curiosity, I stepped on the scale this morning. Big mistake! I am up either a pound or up 7/10ths from last Sunday. I do not feel heavier, in fact, I feel lighter. I can also see more definition in my arms and legs, feel slightly less sag in the gut.
My first reaction is to think harsh thoughts about doing a weekend cleanse, dropping down to 1200 calories a day for a week and in every way possible punish myself for being stuck with the same few ounces/pound for more than a month.
It's probably a plateau and, intellectually, I understand that I just need to stay consistent and focus long term, but the positive self talk is not penetrating the inner rage and sense of betrayal. I really thought I had moved past this!
A few moments later, I saw a hint that TOM, who's been threatening to arrive "any day now" for more than a week, may mean it. That modified my rage, but not much.
Today is a massive cleanup day at work, perfect for my anger. I should have lots of opportunity to move and focus my anger away from the language of abuse that I usually turn on my inner self.
I also feel sad because the new inner me that is on this journey does not deserve this remnant behavior from my past, but I am not sure she is strong enough yet to prevail.
I will have to do some reading about plateaus. As I tell others, knowledge is power, and from power comes ability to do something. However, I will not be on my computer much during the day, which means at least 10 hours from now before I can really make any kind of progress.
It's not that I have decided that I want to be at 110 by a certain date, but I had hoped to be at my 10% loss mark by now or certainly by the end of the month! The long term goal is untainted and I feel free to push the date out even farther than I already have, but, for the short term, I really need some success! I have been promising myself a Spark Store shopping spree (modest) when I lose that 10%, and it delays gratification to have the needle moving the wrong way!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Thanks to my SparkFriends with their consistent advice, support and encouragement, I am starting to understand...I woke up stiff and a bit sore from yesterday's walking nearly 12K steps. Up until this week, I would have pushed myself to go up the stairs and do other things to try to burn the 375 calories the tracker says I should.
Today, I told myself I would be happy with 5K steps. I reminded myself as I skipped the stairs and took the elevator that I can do some exercise in the elevator. I am becoming a fan of wall ups! One Spark Friend left a comment on my blog yesterday about how she does Air Punches. I found that to be a great stress reliever. While the computer was compiling a page, whoop -10 overhead air punches! While in the bathroom, another 10 overhead air punches and 10 forward air punches. Side air punches were reserved for the elevator in between wall ups and hip flexors. I did not take the stairs today at all, but only once did I take the elevator and not exercise during the trip up...
Eleven cups of water, 7 different exercises, almost 7K steps. I ended the day within range in nutrition except for being low in carbs!
NOW I understand with more than head knowledge why you need a break between types of movement. I may not be able to walk 12K tomorrow, but, I will be able to move! I have to because tomorrow is office clean up day. I expect to be on my feet a lot, taking paper to the shred bin, the recycle bin or excess supplies to the redistribution corner....(I wonder if it means anything that my cube is boxed in by the shred, recycle and junk bins!)
Air punches rock!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Today started out in the same sluggish manner that the last few have. I did not feel like going to work or anything else. But...I did. Driving to work, I told myself that I would be able to get the 10K steps today because I would have class tonight. I visualized the me I want to be.
By lunchtime, without doing anything special, I had over 5K steps on the pedometer. I skipped the Toastmaster meeting, giving myself the option of walking or Sparking. The windy rain made the choice easy. While I nuked my healthy lunch (leftovers), I took a few steps back and pushed against the counter. When someone came in, I switched to the hip flexors.
School was cancelled and, much as I love class, I was relieved. Picked up BF and we went to Costco. As always, I parked a good distance away and we walked all over. I waited a very long time at the counter to have my eyeglasses tightened. While I waited, I did more wall ups, ok, counter ups against the very high counter. I am not much taller than it is high! I bet people thought I was a bit off in the head, but I did not care! I did forty while I waited, tore out my coupons from the booklet and carried on a conversation. Two people picking up contacts were waited on while I waited. My pedometer said something over 8K when we started out. The Neutrogena sun screen with a very high SPF was on sale. I bought two packages, the coupon limit. It's the only stuff I can put on my face that doesn't irritate my face. I bought two thinking that, since I am more active now (!), I'm going to use more of it! While BF ground the coffee, I did 40 calf raises.
When we got home, I saw I was still a bit shy of 10K, so we walked to Home Depot for something. I set a pretty brisk pace, but I had to sit on a bench when we got there. One leg is slightly shorter than the other, hips are dislocated (born that way), so sometimes when I walk, I get a dull ache in the lower back above the left leg. If I ignore it, everything locks up. What's discouraging is a few weeks ago, I was able to walk not only to Home Depot but all the way around the entire shopping center and home without feeling it.
Ended the day with 11867 steps. My pedometer shows more calories burned than my fitness tracker does. Some days, it's the other way around. I am going to do some more modified push ups and bridges.
Foodwise, I came scarily close to the top of my calorie range, was ok in every other metric except low in carbs, of all things. Getting this to balance is not easy! But, you know what? It's kind of fun! I don't beat myself up for not being able to do X number of Y exercise and, if I come in under on calcium, over on carbs and midrange on protein, I shrug and tell myself, I have gone as far as I can today. This is VERY different from my all or nothing, succeed or else diet attitudes! I am free (at least for today)!
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