Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Thank you, SparkFriends, for your feedback on yesterday's blog. I am realizing that I may not be able to meet the cardio requirements every day. My body seems to need more time to rest than I want to give it. In the past, that was enough for me to stop attempting to exercise, to lose weight and get fit. Not so this time. All it means is that I need to step back and listen to my body, not in a giving up sense but in a taking the long view sense. If I want to continue moving forward, I need to do so more gently. I don't like to concede anything to my physical limitations, but, realistically, I must. I took half a day as vacation day because I realized the exhaustion was unchanged. Not sleepy, but tired physicaly and mentally. I came home, got on SP for a while and then went to sleep for about an hour and half.
I had a healthy dinner and ended the day within range except that I'm low on fat again.
I started the day feeling really stiff and sluggish, so I had decided I would aim for 5K steps. I ended up a little over 3K. The 1 Day challenge for today was to exercise upper, lower and core. I counted the steps as lower, did 10 modified pushups, lying adduction and 40 bridges. I've never done 40! I need to get more consistent on the pushups - I have done more in the past.
The funny thing was, I had just commented on another Sparkpeople blog about exercise. She said she did not feel like exercising. I said I did not either, but I wanted the reward for exercising more than I wanted to give in to that feeling. That made me get off my butt and do what I really didn't want to do. Let that be a lesson to all of us. When we share the low moments as well as the high moments, those words can help another and inspire, motivate and uplift the reader.
So, while I did not hit the treadmill (sorry, Chaotickitty, I WILL get there), today was an important one. I am slowly learning to put some priority on my needs and am admitting that a step backward to reflect, a scale back on movement - these are the tools that will help me continue moving forward. I am acutely aware that I could so easily use that as an excuse and go back to my couch potato life, but I am stronger in other ways and think that is less likely to happen.
I have my SparkFriends to help me stay on track, holding me accountable. I have more of an idea what my new lifestyle is becoming and I love the feeling after activity. All serve as incentive and motivation to keep me going forward.
Monday, April 19, 2010
I woke up, fully and suddenly just before 5:30 and did not have that "I need 30 more minutes fo sleep" feeling. I started thinking about my day, visualizing success. Success eating in balance, exercise, water and life.
After I got to work, during a break, I logged in and saw a note from Chaotickitty and NonieC. They both encouraged, uplifted and in a cyber way, carried me. I have received so much support through my Sparkfriends this week that I just cannot believe it. Support like this does not happen in my life! I don't take it for granted, either. Cyberhugs to all of you!
About a month ago, I struggled with fatigue in the office and launched a 10% experiment - raising my nutrition metrics at the upper end by 10%. No for fatigue, or at least significantly reduced. But, not much movement on the scale.
After last week's weird weight gain and loss, I decided to knock it down by 5% and see if I can nudge that scale down.
At the same time, I also know I need to move more. I told Chaotickitty that I would get on the treadmill and do each step in honor of her because she inspires me so much. I had that intention, but life intervened. After running errands and having accumulated over 11K steps, I was done. Fried. Exhausted mentally and physically. I did some strength training, but not a great deal.
I feel like crying, not for myself, but for others. I read a blog today by someone who is really, really going through some of the ugliness that life can bring. My heart breaks for her. My youngest sister, the one I am the closest with is having a rough time and.........on and on. I feel powerless to help anyone.
Except myself. I must keep moving forward!
Tomorrow will be better and, I hope, I can keep my word.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I'm going to end the day under food target, on target for water and almost no exercise. I still feel absolutely run down for no particular reason.
I lost 3 lbs this week. As I told some SP friends, it's as if I relost those pounds because I am still .3 over where I was two weeks ago. Waist is smaller than last week but almost everything else is bigger.
I can tell I am sliding backwards and don't have the energy to address it. I don't feel like moving, even though I know that's what I need to do. I'm not discounting the loss, well, maybe I am....
Not in a great frame of mind, I am tired of this journey and I want to make progress. I am not giving up. But maybe I'm taking a time out.........
I am still logging in my food even though the voice in my head says I don't need to, that it doesn't count because this is not food, it is medicine to make me feel better. So far, I am not falling in that trap. I may go to bed just to avoid giving in!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
The 1 day challenge today was to get 10K steps. When I read that last night, I thought, no problem! But, it did not happen, not even close! I feel like a slug today. I jog/walked early this morning but it felt as if I were running through a wall of mud.
I went to the dollar store to look for table cloths for my party, walked all around the store and completely forgot to look for them!
Found some water bottles and will use those as prizes for the games, dovetailing with the corporate focus on well being. In fact, I'll use that angle in suggesting people bring foods that are healthy and, because there are vegetarians, that, too.
I spent a ton of money at the Grocery Outlet, but we had not been there in a couple of weeks. I was thrilled to find lowfat plain soymilk there. I blend that with 2% milk so that I can hack the flavor of soy and cut the calories of the milk. It is the kind of place where you buy it when you see it because it may not be there next time.
BF has finally warmed up to having and using the slow cooker I bought a few weeks ago. Our dinner tonight is yummy! Note to self, drink more water because it sure tasted salty.
Today is summed up with: not enough exercise, not enough accomplished, but I ended the day within nutrition range...TIRED, TIRED, TIRED.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
I hardlly know where to start. I have been really tired this week and overslept a little this morning. I was hurrying out the door and BF asked for $20. Long story short, but I never have money at home because he'll either take it or badger me until I give it.
One of the rules is that he can't ask me for money at the last minute. This morning, when he asked, I emphatically said no. But he does not respect that and kept on. Long story short - we had an argument and that was an awful way to start the day. (I'm leaving out a lot)
I was really shaken and it made it hard to focus at work. In the past, that would have been enough for me to start stuffing my face, but the thought did not occur to me. I was so angry and so hurt!
BF did call and apologize and I accepted it, but I don't know how much of it was real and how much of it was a manipulative effort to get back on my good side so he could still get what he wanted.
I didn't walk a lot today, even though it was a gorgeous day. I still feel very stiff and sore and the tendon is tentative. I got just over 8K steps. The longest walk happened when I came home. As I feared, the angling for $20 started before I got in the door (2 messages on my cellphone while I was driving -- I don't use the phone in the car, even with the earpiece.) I finally caved but we walked to the store and I set a brisk pace because I was so angry. The fear is that if I don't give in, he will sell something of mine for far less than it's worth...
This is really off point and probably something I'll be embarrassed that I shared tomorrow, but.....
I cannot afford to move out and, under state law, cannot evict him, so I am stuck.
It is absolutely amazing that I ended the day within range in most respects (over on calcium, under on fat) AND gotten some exercise in. That is a far cry from my past coping mechanisms!
I still feel huge and dispair that the scale and tape measure will show anything for my efforts (Sunday morning). But that is nothing to dwell on tonight...
I am going to play a computer game and then head to bed for what I hope will be 8 hours of sleep!
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