JUNEAU2010   165,250
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Not the Day I Intended

Saturday, April 17, 2010

The 1 day challenge today was to get 10K steps. When I read that last night, I thought, no problem! But, it did not happen, not even close! I feel like a slug today. I jog/walked early this morning but it felt as if I were running through a wall of mud.

I went to the dollar store to look for table cloths for my party, walked all around the store and completely forgot to look for them!

Found some water bottles and will use those as prizes for the games, dovetailing with the corporate focus on well being. In fact, I'll use that angle in suggesting people bring foods that are healthy and, because there are vegetarians, that, too.

I spent a ton of money at the Grocery Outlet, but we had not been there in a couple of weeks. I was thrilled to find lowfat plain soymilk there. I blend that with 2% milk so that I can hack the flavor of soy and cut the calories of the milk. It is the kind of place where you buy it when you see it because it may not be there next time.

BF has finally warmed up to having and using the slow cooker I bought a few weeks ago. Our dinner tonight is yummy! Note to self, drink more water because it sure tasted salty.

Today is summed up with: not enough exercise, not enough accomplished, but I ended the day within nutrition range...TIRED, TIRED, TIRED.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 4/18/2010 9:00PM

    It sounds to me like you had a pretty good day, and got a lot done. Hang in there.

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HIGHLY-FAV 4/18/2010 8:55PM

    Hey, you stayed in your calorie range, emoticon! To me that's even harder than exercising!
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.”

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JHADZHIA 4/18/2010 1:35AM

    You did better than you think, staying in your Nutrition range is important!
If you are tired, you must have done enough moving around at those stores to get enough exercise to make you tired! Tomorrow is another day and a fresh start! Go for it!
I don't drink any dairy milk at all. I use my plain soy milk in a fruit shake so I don't notice the flavor or I mix a vanilla flavored protein supplement in it when I have it by itself.

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LAURIE_S_07 4/18/2010 1:29AM

    doesnt it seem in a way no matter how much you walk you wont reach that goal, i recently got a new pedometer even gone on a few walks through out the day not including just walking around the house and according to it i was only around 6500. it makes me thing that there's something wrong with the thing. is there a certain brand pedometer you use?

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SSCHULTZ59 4/18/2010 1:04AM

    not the day you intended but still a good day. you accomplished alot even if it was not everything you wanted. make a list and try and try to accomplish more of your goals each day until you get them all, you will find you will be more realistic in your goals as you go along. there are always changes and bumps in the road but you will find you are more successful than you think. we are usually our own worst enemies.
Take heart tomorrow is another day.

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ROX2013 4/17/2010 11:51PM

    Sounds like you had a full day and did accomplish alot. You got the stuff you wanted at the food outlet, stuff for the party and now you have a idea for a theme of healthy and wellness. And had dinner with BF, that sounds like you were pretty busy and you still walked this morning. I can not use soy because of my breast cancer, I use soy sauce sometimes but never had the milk. Have a great Sunday!!! emoticon

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 4/17/2010 11:48PM

  well, at least you got *some* exercise done. :) i'm sure you'll sleep great tonight with all that stuff that you did. that soy milk sounds good... i'm nervous to try it.. i've always wanted to try it. maybe i will one day. :)


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NANNER2121 4/17/2010 11:42PM

    Wow, I kinda had the same day, if you get a chance read my blog.
Have you tried almond milk? 40 cals per 8 oz for the unsweetened and it really tastes good. I cannot have soy because of receptor positive results with my breast cancer diagnosis (even if I could stand the taste) and do not like the calories in regular milk. I read an article about almond milk and tried it. Hooked! It is expensive, but I think worth every penny (I don't use that much as I don't drink milk as a rule and only use it if I have a little granola or somehing that requires a little milk.)

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The Emotional Eater in Me Did Not Take Over Today

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I hardlly know where to start. I have been really tired this week and overslept a little this morning. I was hurrying out the door and BF asked for $20. Long story short, but I never have money at home because he'll either take it or badger me until I give it.

One of the rules is that he can't ask me for money at the last minute. This morning, when he asked, I emphatically said no. But he does not respect that and kept on. Long story short - we had an argument and that was an awful way to start the day. (I'm leaving out a lot)

I was really shaken and it made it hard to focus at work. In the past, that would have been enough for me to start stuffing my face, but the thought did not occur to me. I was so angry and so hurt!

BF did call and apologize and I accepted it, but I don't know how much of it was real and how much of it was a manipulative effort to get back on my good side so he could still get what he wanted.

I didn't walk a lot today, even though it was a gorgeous day. I still feel very stiff and sore and the tendon is tentative. I got just over 8K steps. The longest walk happened when I came home. As I feared, the angling for $20 started before I got in the door (2 messages on my cellphone while I was driving -- I don't use the phone in the car, even with the earpiece.) I finally caved but we walked to the store and I set a brisk pace because I was so angry. The fear is that if I don't give in, he will sell something of mine for far less than it's worth...

This is really off point and probably something I'll be embarrassed that I shared tomorrow, but.....

I cannot afford to move out and, under state law, cannot evict him, so I am stuck.

It is absolutely amazing that I ended the day within range in most respects (over on calcium, under on fat) AND gotten some exercise in. That is a far cry from my past coping mechanisms!

I still feel huge and dispair that the scale and tape measure will show anything for my efforts (Sunday morning). But that is nothing to dwell on tonight...

I am going to play a computer game and then head to bed for what I hope will be 8 hours of sleep!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JHADZHIA 4/17/2010 2:30AM

    I am glad you overcame this! Unfortunately, it sounds like this BF is a real loser and needs to be dumped! Not something you should need to deal with :((
Really sorry you are so trapped :( I came very close to having a BF once, but when he showed signs of becoming obsessive, I called it quits. Too many horror stories out there of women being taken advantage of, stalked and abused (either mentally, physically, or both).
I hope your weekend goes better for you!

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PONDERTHIS 4/17/2010 2:08AM

    Hooray for you that the emotions didn't rule the day! emoticon I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

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Cosmic Joke Demoted and An Odd Day

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I had my morning visit with Mr. Scale this morning as part of my cosmic joke week. He gave me another 1.2 pounds. I have decided daily visits are not for me. Mr. Scale gets to see me once a week. I know there are others who weigh every day, but I cannot. Maybe it's like gambling or investing, I don't have the risk tolerance to meet with Mr. Scale every day. It robs me of my positive energy and weighs down my attitude.

The other day, a coworker who is younger, shorter and heavier than I am asked me to start walking with her. This is the same coworker with whom I shared the Spark a few weeks ago. She was not ready then, but I got very excited about walking with her. I woke up prepared to take a slower and shorter walk and was primed to encourage her. I came up to her desk at the agreed upon time today and saw that she was not wearing walking shoes. Delia said she wanted to eat first and would come get me. The lunch hour elapsed. I should have gone walking by myself. I ended up not taking a lunchtime walk, but that was probably ok because the tendon is twinging again and I still feel really, really tired.

A few of you commented on my blog yesterday with the observation that I may not be getting enough water. I just recently learned that the 8 is the minimum water for the day, but I don't get more than that consistently yet. I am sure I need to increase it!

Being very tired, I am running out of coherent thought...Good night!

I forgot to share good news. I mentioned last week that my former employer went under last week and all my friends were laid off. One of them just got another job! Yippee!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 4/16/2010 7:21PM

    I agree that you need to announce what time you are walking and then go for it, even if your friend doesn't show up. It sounds like she is not quite as ready as you are. For my recent adventures with the scale, read my latest blog.

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MEGANC1988 4/16/2010 2:30PM

    Glad to hear you have a walking buddy! Now get some rest over the weekend :)

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JAKEANDNELLIE 4/15/2010 11:48PM

    I've had the same thing happen with friends making plans to walk and then not showing up. I now just tell them when and where I'm walking - if they show up, fine - if not, that's okay, too. I'm doing this for me and it's important for me to be consistent in my daily walking. I've discovered that I really like walking alone, anyway.
I've upped my water - between 9 and 12 eight ounce glasses a day. I bought 2 thirty=two ounce Rubber Made water bottles and keep one with me and the other in the fridge. I always put about 2 inches of water in one at night and put it in the freezer. I fill it the next morning and it stays cold a long time. My water bottle goes everywhere with me!
I hope your tendon problem is soon better. It's probably good that you gave it another day of rest.
Stay positive,

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Tired, Hungry, Making Progress & Day 4 of Cosmic Joke

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I woke up this morning feeling as if I had never closed my eyes. I found myself thinking about food and trying to convince myself that if I ate something, I would not be tired. The thoughts continued even after a good breakfast and snack.

Lunch was a bit haphazard because of the meetings, but I made a great food choice at the school cafe for dinner before class. Very proud about that! I am getting better about flying blind without nutrition info!

I gave myself mental brownie points for that self-awareness. Fatigue was not a stuff-my-face trigger. I have been hungry today, but I am not sure it's true food hunger. I ended the day completely within balance in all the nutrition metrics.

Sore and stiff today, really feeling my age, but I walked every chance I got despite my crazy schedule. Racked up over 11K steps! I did take the elevator twice when my knee balked, but I used that time to do some squats and hip flexors.

The funny thing was: I brought 24 cupcakes to work today, a coworker brought coffee cake and I had none of it! Today was the 98th birthday of the man who founded my company. (he died 3 years ago Saturday). Doris made a sign that I asked her to make: "Happy Birthday, Chauncey, in heaven". He was the smartest man, had the longest vision of anyone I've ever known, a true giant of a man even though he was as short as I am!

I used bits of Chauncey's life as my springboard for today's Table Topics questions in our Toastmaster meeting and got very great feedback for my choices. Toastmasters is an international public speaking organization and my company sponsors a club. Table Topics is where you get to practice the skill of thinking and speaking on your feet. An example: my favorite quote from Chauncey is "If you don't love what you are doing, you need to be doing something else." I read that quote and asked one of the members to say what they should be doing if they lived that quote. (She came up with running a microbrewery!)

When I had my morning visit with Mr. Scale, he gave me a number 2.4 lbs less than yesterday, proving once again that daily weighing is too capricious to be reliable. My clothes did not feel as loose as yesterday, but I did not focus on that either...NO MATTER WHAT the tape measure or the scale says on Sunday, I know this was a very successful week.

Now, if only I could get some more exercise in...
(yes, I said that and yes, I think that as I drive home or to work!)
I'm discovering that exercise IS a stress reducer!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOSINGCATHY 4/15/2010 9:34PM

    I felt like i was hungry all day too!! but i managed to stay with in limits, even with order dinner out!
Sounds like you work for a great company. I've always said you should love what you do!
Stay determined!! emoticon

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ISHIIGIRL 4/15/2010 3:50PM

    You were probably hungry because your body was producing grehlin. When you don't sleep well you may feel more hungry and your body produces grehlin to make up for it. Make happy food choices today and make sure to get plenty of sleep tonight. You are making good choices and kudo's on not eating the cupcakes. Those are one of my big trigger foods. Have a great day and TGIF tomorrow!

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/15/2010 2:31PM

    Great work you. The cupcake challenge seemed tough to me. But you stayed focused ;)

And the walking is impressive - walking is fantastic execise. Kudos to you.

Hang tough. When my schedule is crazy (like now) it is hard to get the sleeping thing right _ I am never getting enough.

Great job on you focus and being so self aware. Woot!


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ROX2013 4/15/2010 11:53AM

    Make sure you are getting enough water. Remember 11,000 steps is like walking approx 6 miles. So you need the water and you also need good protein and carbs during the day. Sounds like the gentleman who founded your company deserves alot of respect, he sounds like he had his head on straight about what is really important in life. Take it easy on your knees. Have a great day!

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 4/15/2010 11:06AM

  I'm with JHADZHIA on this... did you have enough water? Drink it up. ;)
Wow.. cupcakes... how could you write about food like that? (kiddin') ;) Congrats on Mr.Scale showin' you less numbers!! :) You are doing great... now, remember - DRINK water... don't become dehydrated on us. :)


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JHADZHIA 4/15/2010 2:21AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Great stuff! Are you getting enough water in? When you feel hungry or tired, might try guzzling some. Remember, you do need more when you exercise, not just the basic eight which just covers daily needs. 11K is a lot of steps!!
Sounds like you have a great company founded by an inspirational man!
It must be a pleasure to work there!

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Falling in Love and Day 3 of the Cosmic Joke

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The scale this morning showed I gained .2 from yesterday. I almost laughed! I am not believing any of the numbers (see my blog from yesterday and the day before). TOM is threatening, but must be planning a big entrance because late is the word! (and, no, I am not in danger of expecting - just age and looming menopause)

As I did yesterday, I walked all throughout the day, but did not have a chance to take a walk of dedicated time. I got over 10K steps in and, as I went up and down the stairs (even with the rice krispy sounding knee) or down the halls, I realized I like feeling stronger, I like the way my body moves and I love the feeling that I am standing taller. Being under 5 feet, that is a novel feeling!

I'm starting to get a bad vibe at work about the overtime project. I guess they thought I'd have a magic wand or something. No, I think what happened is the supervising attorney went to the VP and asked for more time for me and was told no. She was rather abrupt with me when I asked a question about the project. I thought she would answer affirmatively to my question, but the answer was an unexpected one. I am earmarking the OT dollars for a certification class this fall and am thinking that I will get only a portion of what I will need. Disappointing.

My coworker and friend who is helping with my party sent me a long email telling me everything she needs from me sooner than later because of her schedule, which is, on it's face fine. But she should not have volunteered if she didn't think she could deal with it. There are some facts I won't have until late May and some of the information has to do with the actual graduation ceremony. More than anything else it was the tone of the email, about accommodating her schedule. I bristle! Tuesday is the evening when I do homework because I have class on Wednesday. I did not need that stress today! I did, however, reply. She asked for my mailing list and I had told her just a few days ago that I had most of it together, but needed to confirm some information before I sent it. She already knew about the delay in information from the college. But she's getting her carpet done in mid-May and has a reunion at the end of June.

It isn't just this - it's her very selfish focus. Any time I raise something with her, there's a reason why she did or did not do something and, if I stop sharing with her because she's emotionally fragile, I get a load of guilt for not trusting her.

OK. That was enough of a vent for now. I find myself not breathing!

Despite all that, it was a really good day! I have just started wearing size 14 slacks and they are getting really baggy already! For me to realize I like how my body feels as I walk briskly down the stairs or the hall, that was a huge paradigm shift! Lifestyle change, indeed!

There was a lot more I wanted to say, but it's past lights out and tomorrow work starts early so I can get to school on time...

Thanks, EVERYONE, for the great comments over the past few days! I am surviving the speedbump from Mr. Scale! Woohoo~!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 4/14/2010 7:39PM

    Venting is healthy. I love venting. Hang in there, gorgeous.

You can do it.


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JHADZHIA 4/14/2010 2:24PM

    The things you should be focusing on is the baggy pants and how you feel, not the scale, and especially measuring in such tiny increments is a little over the top! You have done well, and you are still doing well! Sometimes the scale takes its meandering time to show you the proper numbers!
Maybe you need to tell this friend you have priorities too! You need to clear the air and tell her you were unhappy with the tone of her e-mail. Sometimes people write faster then their brains think.
Enjoy your day!

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ROX2013 4/14/2010 10:28AM

    Awesome blog!! and venting is ok that is what we are here for too. Sounds like you are really beginning to enjoy your new lifestyle. And it is always fun to have clothes get baggy. Sounds like your party planning is in full swing, this next month will get busier the closer you get to graduation so remember to take some time for yourself. And take deep breathes and count to 10 (or more) when the stress level starts getting to you. Have a great week! emoticon

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 4/14/2010 2:00AM

    Congratulations on that wonderful feeling of loving your new body and your new life!!
Sorry about your coworker and all the stress. You seem to be handling it all very well though. I hope it gets better. Just relax and keep breathing!!
You are doing such an amazing job and your journey is indeed inspiring proof that we CAN and WILL do this!!

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