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Tired, Hungry, Making Progress & Day 4 of Cosmic Joke

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I woke up this morning feeling as if I had never closed my eyes. I found myself thinking about food and trying to convince myself that if I ate something, I would not be tired. The thoughts continued even after a good breakfast and snack.

Lunch was a bit haphazard because of the meetings, but I made a great food choice at the school cafe for dinner before class. Very proud about that! I am getting better about flying blind without nutrition info!

I gave myself mental brownie points for that self-awareness. Fatigue was not a stuff-my-face trigger. I have been hungry today, but I am not sure it's true food hunger. I ended the day completely within balance in all the nutrition metrics.

Sore and stiff today, really feeling my age, but I walked every chance I got despite my crazy schedule. Racked up over 11K steps! I did take the elevator twice when my knee balked, but I used that time to do some squats and hip flexors.

The funny thing was: I brought 24 cupcakes to work today, a coworker brought coffee cake and I had none of it! Today was the 98th birthday of the man who founded my company. (he died 3 years ago Saturday). Doris made a sign that I asked her to make: "Happy Birthday, Chauncey, in heaven". He was the smartest man, had the longest vision of anyone I've ever known, a true giant of a man even though he was as short as I am!

I used bits of Chauncey's life as my springboard for today's Table Topics questions in our Toastmaster meeting and got very great feedback for my choices. Toastmasters is an international public speaking organization and my company sponsors a club. Table Topics is where you get to practice the skill of thinking and speaking on your feet. An example: my favorite quote from Chauncey is "If you don't love what you are doing, you need to be doing something else." I read that quote and asked one of the members to say what they should be doing if they lived that quote. (She came up with running a microbrewery!)

When I had my morning visit with Mr. Scale, he gave me a number 2.4 lbs less than yesterday, proving once again that daily weighing is too capricious to be reliable. My clothes did not feel as loose as yesterday, but I did not focus on that either...NO MATTER WHAT the tape measure or the scale says on Sunday, I know this was a very successful week.

Now, if only I could get some more exercise in...
(yes, I said that and yes, I think that as I drive home or to work!)
I'm discovering that exercise IS a stress reducer!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOSINGCATHY 4/15/2010 9:34PM

    I felt like i was hungry all day too!! but i managed to stay with in limits, even with order dinner out!
Sounds like you work for a great company. I've always said you should love what you do!
Stay determined!! emoticon

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ISHIIGIRL 4/15/2010 3:50PM

    You were probably hungry because your body was producing grehlin. When you don't sleep well you may feel more hungry and your body produces grehlin to make up for it. Make happy food choices today and make sure to get plenty of sleep tonight. You are making good choices and kudo's on not eating the cupcakes. Those are one of my big trigger foods. Have a great day and TGIF tomorrow!

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/15/2010 2:31PM

    Great work you. The cupcake challenge seemed tough to me. But you stayed focused ;)

And the walking is impressive - walking is fantastic execise. Kudos to you.

Hang tough. When my schedule is crazy (like now) it is hard to get the sleeping thing right _ I am never getting enough.

Great job on you focus and being so self aware. Woot!


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ROX2013 4/15/2010 11:53AM

    Make sure you are getting enough water. Remember 11,000 steps is like walking approx 6 miles. So you need the water and you also need good protein and carbs during the day. Sounds like the gentleman who founded your company deserves alot of respect, he sounds like he had his head on straight about what is really important in life. Take it easy on your knees. Have a great day!

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 4/15/2010 11:06AM

  I'm with JHADZHIA on this... did you have enough water? Drink it up. ;)
Wow.. cupcakes... how could you write about food like that? (kiddin') ;) Congrats on Mr.Scale showin' you less numbers!! :) You are doing great... now, remember - DRINK water... don't become dehydrated on us. :)


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JHADZHIA 4/15/2010 2:21AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Great stuff! Are you getting enough water in? When you feel hungry or tired, might try guzzling some. Remember, you do need more when you exercise, not just the basic eight which just covers daily needs. 11K is a lot of steps!!
Sounds like you have a great company founded by an inspirational man!
It must be a pleasure to work there!

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Falling in Love and Day 3 of the Cosmic Joke

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The scale this morning showed I gained .2 from yesterday. I almost laughed! I am not believing any of the numbers (see my blog from yesterday and the day before). TOM is threatening, but must be planning a big entrance because late is the word! (and, no, I am not in danger of expecting - just age and looming menopause)

As I did yesterday, I walked all throughout the day, but did not have a chance to take a walk of dedicated time. I got over 10K steps in and, as I went up and down the stairs (even with the rice krispy sounding knee) or down the halls, I realized I like feeling stronger, I like the way my body moves and I love the feeling that I am standing taller. Being under 5 feet, that is a novel feeling!

I'm starting to get a bad vibe at work about the overtime project. I guess they thought I'd have a magic wand or something. No, I think what happened is the supervising attorney went to the VP and asked for more time for me and was told no. She was rather abrupt with me when I asked a question about the project. I thought she would answer affirmatively to my question, but the answer was an unexpected one. I am earmarking the OT dollars for a certification class this fall and am thinking that I will get only a portion of what I will need. Disappointing.

My coworker and friend who is helping with my party sent me a long email telling me everything she needs from me sooner than later because of her schedule, which is, on it's face fine. But she should not have volunteered if she didn't think she could deal with it. There are some facts I won't have until late May and some of the information has to do with the actual graduation ceremony. More than anything else it was the tone of the email, about accommodating her schedule. I bristle! Tuesday is the evening when I do homework because I have class on Wednesday. I did not need that stress today! I did, however, reply. She asked for my mailing list and I had told her just a few days ago that I had most of it together, but needed to confirm some information before I sent it. She already knew about the delay in information from the college. But she's getting her carpet done in mid-May and has a reunion at the end of June.

It isn't just this - it's her very selfish focus. Any time I raise something with her, there's a reason why she did or did not do something and, if I stop sharing with her because she's emotionally fragile, I get a load of guilt for not trusting her.

OK. That was enough of a vent for now. I find myself not breathing!

Despite all that, it was a really good day! I have just started wearing size 14 slacks and they are getting really baggy already! For me to realize I like how my body feels as I walk briskly down the stairs or the hall, that was a huge paradigm shift! Lifestyle change, indeed!

There was a lot more I wanted to say, but it's past lights out and tomorrow work starts early so I can get to school on time...

Thanks, EVERYONE, for the great comments over the past few days! I am surviving the speedbump from Mr. Scale! Woohoo~!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 4/14/2010 7:39PM

    Venting is healthy. I love venting. Hang in there, gorgeous.

You can do it.


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JHADZHIA 4/14/2010 2:24PM

    The things you should be focusing on is the baggy pants and how you feel, not the scale, and especially measuring in such tiny increments is a little over the top! You have done well, and you are still doing well! Sometimes the scale takes its meandering time to show you the proper numbers!
Maybe you need to tell this friend you have priorities too! You need to clear the air and tell her you were unhappy with the tone of her e-mail. Sometimes people write faster then their brains think.
Enjoy your day!

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ROX2013 4/14/2010 10:28AM

    Awesome blog!! and venting is ok that is what we are here for too. Sounds like you are really beginning to enjoy your new lifestyle. And it is always fun to have clothes get baggy. Sounds like your party planning is in full swing, this next month will get busier the closer you get to graduation so remember to take some time for yourself. And take deep breathes and count to 10 (or more) when the stress level starts getting to you. Have a great week! emoticon

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 4/14/2010 2:00AM

    Congratulations on that wonderful feeling of loving your new body and your new life!!
Sorry about your coworker and all the stress. You seem to be handling it all very well though. I hope it gets better. Just relax and keep breathing!!
You are doing such an amazing job and your journey is indeed inspiring proof that we CAN and WILL do this!!

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350 Calories Burned PLUS! And Cosmic Joke Continues...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

One of my teams is the One Day Challenge and team leader SHANFANNIN comes up with great challenges. Some are fun, some are exercise or food related. Today's was one of those that made me think there was no way I could do it when I read her post. But I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!

I had lots of reasons to walk around the campus at work today and used the stairs every chance I got. When I stepped out for my lunchtime walk, it was barely sprinkling. Not long into the walk, the Juneau-type sprinkle became a big fat raindrop Arkansas kind of rain. I don't mind rain at all! But, before I could finish, the wind blew off my hood. I got pretty soaked and my ears got cold. (I can't afford to get sick!). I started laughing and giving thanks! The worsening weather made me move even faster, making me burn more calories, so I won!

My intention was to try another scary machine at the company fitness center, but life intervened. I needed to get home by a certain time which I did not know until I was well into some overtime...I had an errand to run before I could get home. At Target, I still parked at the opposite end of the parking lot, grabbed a cart and hustled through the store. I ended up with 1o,039 steps!

At home, I did some strength training, trying a few exercises I've never done before. For some of my "regular" exercises, I did more reps. It's kind of fun seeing my progress by counting how many more I can do...Never thought that would happen!

Yesterday, I was so unhappy with the scale results - a 3.9 gain that took me all day to deal with. I decided not to cut back on nutrition but to ramp up my exercise. We'll see how long I can follow through on that intention (LOL).

This morning, I stepped on Mr. Scale again. I usually weigh just once a week, but I thought I would try to understand what happened. As I thought, this is a fluctuation. Possibly TOM, but he has not appeared yet. This morning, I was down 2.4 from yesterday. When life presents a cosmic joke, all you can do is laugh and enjoy the ride. It will end soon one way or another.

Pre-Spark. I would have given up long before now and, had a scale stuck out his tongue like this to me then, that would have been the end of that diet attempt! Even though I am losing weight so, so, so slowly, I am definitely changing! Thank you, SparkFriends! My success is a reflection of your generosity towards me by sharing, encouraging, educating,,,,Thanks to you, I'm like a road explorer - I just can't wait to see what's around the next bend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMBER409 4/13/2010 6:29PM

    emoticon emoticon
Keep up the good work!

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MEGANC1988 4/13/2010 5:13PM


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CHAOTIC-KITTY 4/13/2010 3:58PM

  emoticon on all that you've accomplished. :) you are doing really great. don't let that mean scale *EVER* win! u will always have such a great support on here :) ...


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NONIE_C 4/13/2010 11:51AM

    Yay!!!! I'm so excited that all it took was 24 hours for you to realize that things are rarely as bad as they seem. The only way to go is forward, and you, my friend, are most assuredly going in the right direction!

Thank you for the stability ball goodie and the heartfelt encouragement. You are so very precious to me.
emoticon Nicole

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 4/13/2010 1:47AM

    You are inspiring!! It is so wonderful when we reach that moment where we know we are in this for the long haul and that this time is unlike all the other times we tried to lose weight and didn't make it. It's amazing what happens when we realize that this is truly a lifestyle change and that phrase starts to mean something to us!
Keep up the awesome work! You are doing a fantastic job!

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JHADZHIA 4/13/2010 1:37AM

    Sounds great, that team! Very well done to push yourself to new frontiers! Not only will this challenge you and your body, you can't say its boring! I have walked in soaking rains too. As long as its warm, and you have something dry to change into if you got wet, you will be fine. News flash! You don't get sick from being too cold or caught in bad weather. You get sick if your immune system is run down (from being overtired or improper nutrition), and you catch someone's virus! The weather here is bad a lot of times, especially in the winter and I have never gotten sick even though I have experienced being bone chilling cold many a time! I never weigh myself more than once a week, because it really does fluctuate so much. Its how you feel that is important. Its when you notice the clothes are easier to get into, etc.
Keep up the great work!
emoticon emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 4/13/2010 12:52AM

    doesn't it feel good to accomplish something you never thought you could and it didn't seem that hard after all either

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ROX2013 4/13/2010 12:29AM

    You have come so far in your journey and it is great to hear that laughter is playing a part in your day. It has been so nice here without rain..but I know it won't last so I am going to enjoy every minute of great I can. It was 80 degrees here today! emoticon

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A Treadmill Adventure (and Other Thoughts)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

This blog interrupted for some thank yous. Ponderthis, CMRAND54, VICD25 snf JOYSGARDEN - thank you for encouraging me today! Thank you, also, to MISSY 455, PONDERTHIS, NITZARAQUEL, IXCHEL23, GATOR12 and NANNER2121 who all helped me turn the page on yesterday's calorie faux pas.

I stepped on the scale and pulled out the tape measure. Sunday is the morning when I do this. To my shock, I gained 3.9 pounds! I forget what the tape results were, but equally bad. I did not get much exercise in last week and, because it was due to the Achilles tendon, I should have thought to revert to the auto settings that sparkpeople had given me when I started in late January, but I didn't think of it.

For those of you who missed it, I started a 10% experiment a few weeks ago. I have been exercising more than I ever have in my life and found that I was far too sleepy at work. Increasing my calorie range and other nutrition metrics by 10% solved that problem and I was continuing to lose pound fragments until this week.

Yes, it could be because TOM might be coming. I am of the age when it is very unpredictable. Overeating yesterday did not help. Succumbing to the Achilles tendon did not help and neither did the schedule which ate into my lunchtime exercise.

In any case, following the shock was strong disappointment, discouragement and anger. I kept telling myself all the positive things I've learned on this journey. It would be a lie to say that has completely removed those negative feelings, but it has helped. Yes, this is a journey and, no, it is not a diet. I realize that the negative thinking is "diet" thinking and not part of the positive language of my new lifestyle.

Some of the disappointment was that I had decided that, when I reached 10% body weight loss, I would reward myself with some coveted items from the Sparkpeople store. That gratification has been delayed...!

My first thought was to scale back on the nutritional settings but I rethought that. Doing so would be like punishment. The other side of that coin is to get more serious about exercise.

This morning, while doing laundry at the laundromat, I had a couple of short brisk walks. The sprinkles made it very refreshing. While waiting the last few minutes for the washer and, later, the dryer, I read a few more pages of the Spark book.

Then I went to work, not to work, but to get away from the tv and get some personal stuff done. I planned to study, but did not get that far. I worked up the bulk of the invitation list for my Mahalo party, worked up the music list so my coworker can set up the songs, balanced my checkbook and paid bills. It always feels good to be current on my bills. I just wish I could pay them off!

By this time, the storm had begun in earnest. I had a few errands to do on the way home, but I deferred them for another day and went to the company fitness room. Rows of weights for weight machines, a fitness ball wedged in a corner (I couldn't see how there was any room to use it as there was no open floor space), exercise bikes, stairmaster, a couple of machines I could not identify and two treadmills.

I've never been on a treadmill. I figured out how to set it by following the instructions and trial and error. I could not figure out how to hook up the heart monitor, but, the thing was moving! So I figured I should. I had set it for 10 minutes. I wasn't sure if I should run or walk, so I walked most of the time. Before I knew it, over two minutes had elapsed. Then 3 and then, at 5 minutes, the halfway memo popped up (as if I could forget). I made it have a small incline and jogged for 15 seconds every minute. At 8 minutes, I seriously considered hopping off, but I didn't want to waste the electricity! It doesn't sound like much, but I completed the 10 minutes! Imagine my surprise when it started a cool down session! I thought I was done! But I stayed on until it stopped.

I was SO glad there was no one there to see me clumsily using the machine! My heart rate was up for a long time afterwards! I am very, very, very tired and will be going to bed early tonight. The machine said I completed .15 miles and burned 26 calories. It sure felt as if I did more than that!

The intention is to get up early and check out the stair machines before work starts.

This does not relieve my bad feelings about today's results; it means I am compartmentalizing those feelings, not dealing with them right now and focusing on moving forward. We'll see how intention can turn into action...

Thanks, Sparkfriends! I would not be plugging onward without your participation in my journey. I truly love and appreciate you!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NONIE_C 4/12/2010 2:32PM

    I say, ignore the scale for now, and simply focus on all the wonderful things you are doing for you: like overcoming any fear of awkwardness you had and getting on that treadmill, like reaching out to spark friends when you were feeling down, like owning your calorie faux pas. You are a super star, and you're doing great. Just don't forget that.
emoticon Nicole

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NANNER2121 4/12/2010 12:31PM

    TOM is mean and I don't miss him at all!

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ROX2013 4/12/2010 1:04AM

    Sounds like you are still on track and doing great!! I walked so much this weekend in Dayton I may have to take a couple of days off the treadmill. Did the ceramics show (8.5 miles total) and then today to kill time to we were meeting someone for lunch We did 8 miles in the Air Force Museum at Wright Patterson Air Force Base. My ankle started acting up at Wright so I am going to have to take a break from walking for a couple of days too. You are doing great!!! emoticon

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VICD25 4/11/2010 11:51PM

    Keep it up! You are doing great!

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 4/11/2010 11:32PM

  Wow... congrats on doing 10 minutes on the treadmill... Try not to let the 3.9 pounds worry you too much. You are doing great. Have a great sleep!

Comment edited on: 4/11/2010 11:33:48 PM

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Calorie Faux Pas

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Today was a cool, grey, overcast day and it was perfect for a walk. I was surprised to discover that my long brisk walk did not aggravate my sore Achilles tendon. This was a deliberately long roundtrip walk from home to the local market. I did feel some twinges further up on the leg, but I did not allow that to deter me.

Then I did a little bit of strength training, first time all week.

But I forgot a fundamental thing for dinner. BF made dinner and I ate all of it! It was good, but it was far too high in calories. I am over goal by 300 calories! YIKES!

Tomorrow, I am going to work, not to work, but to get some quiet time to do some study and party planning. I have a US Supreme Court opinion to read and brief before Wednesday. I have to work up the music list and mailing list for the party.

I have some workout clothes in a locker at work so I hope to try out the mini gym with all those scary pieces of equipment.

Tomorrow morning is weigh in and I regret that I was not more vigilant today!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANNER2121 4/11/2010 11:10AM

    300 seems like a lot but you can burn that off in no time at all. We all overindulge at times: I think it is healthier for you than constantly depriving yourself and giving up completely.

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GATOR12 4/11/2010 10:17AM


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IXCHEL23 4/11/2010 9:20AM

    It's in the past, the dinner, forgetta about it! Great news on your walk and AT not bothering you!! Hope there's someone at the gym to help show you the machines. Good luck on getting your work done quickly!


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NITZARAQUEL 4/11/2010 2:07AM

    yeah today was just A day! if u dont get where u wanna be tmw, then soon ok? keep ur chin up

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PONDERTHIS 4/11/2010 1:09AM

    Congratulations on the walk and the increased health of your legs. :) You are going to have a great day tomorrow, right back on track with calories. Yay!

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MISSY455 4/11/2010 12:32AM

    The good news is...tomorrow is a new day. Add to that the nice walk you had today and strength training are both pluses emoticon

Good luck at the mini gym and show those machines who's boss!!!


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