JUNEAU2010   160,520
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JUNEAU2010's Recent Blog Entries

Eating Out Wisely, Skipping Exercise and Staying Relaxed

Saturday, April 03, 2010

We ate out this morning at IHOP. BF wanted to go out for fast food and I wanted to make a more intelligent choice. I had read on SP a few weeks ago that IHOP had revamped their menus to include fit and friendly choices. I was thrilled with the changes! I had a whole wheat french toast combo for 470 calories and loved it! The scramble was with egg substitute, which I have used for years and now prefer to real eggs, they gave me two slices of turkey bacon. I liked it (it's fun finding new things), but, if I were as into bacon as I was when I was younger, it would not have been an acceptable substitute. The french toast was done so well that I think it's the best I've ever had. Sometimes, french toast is either soggy or eggy. This was neither! It was garnished with banana slices, something I never would have done. It was so good, I didn't even chase the waiter for the sugar free syrup.

To my surprise, BF chose the fit and friendly version of the incomparable harvest grain pancakes. Served with the same scramble, blueberries in the pancakes (2 instead of the 3 on the fully loaded platter) and banana slices. He covered it in syrup, not as much as he usually uses. I think his breakfast was considerably lower in calories than his usual choice. Had he not used the syrup, it would have been 570 calories. I was so proud of him for making a better food choice! I told him so, too.

I stayed within range in food and water, but zero exercise. I felt sore, stiff, tired, a bit rundown. All day long, I kept telling myself I needed to get moving, but I just didn't or couldn't.

I'll probably regret this when I step on the scale tomorrow morning, but even that prospect is not enough to get me moving...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FOCUSEDDIANE 4/4/2010 7:54PM

    Way to choose! Don't sweat (no pun intended) not exercising today. Enjoy and relax for today. You can jump back into your full program tomorrow.

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/4/2010 7:33PM

    Awesome call on the IHOP choice - I would have never thought they would offer healthy choices.

Now I can go back! :)


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ROX2013 4/4/2010 12:26AM

    We all take a day off now and then! We are going to try IHOP for breakfast next weekend while we are out of town. I know what you mean about turkey bacon, if I am going to have bacon then I figure in the extra fat and calories. Its really in the fat that you get the extra calories. Thanks for the tip on the french toast, that is what I usually have and wasn't sure about how the whole wheat one would be. Have a happy easter..relax and enjoy the day!! emoticon

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Body Pretzel, Goals, Good Friday and Hungry!

Friday, April 02, 2010

Next to no exercise today. I knew the barometric pressure was changing before the clouds rolled in and the local weather reported the arrival of the storm. Almost every joint, almost every muscle is stiff, sore and unwilling to move! Most weather storms don't have this strong an effect on me.

Last night, I forgot to mention that I lowered my goal weight. I had originally picked a number that was familiar. That had been my goal weight every other time I attempted to drop tonnage. My new goal weight (110) is more in range with the charts I've seen recently. It's just a number and I don't expect to reach it until next year. And I am ok with that, sort of!

I started the day on the wrong foot. I didn't think I had enough milk+soy blend at work for my usual Kashi cereal, so I had oatmeal with the splash of blend. Still hungry, I headed to the cafe and bought an egg and a whole wheat English muffin. By the time I added the almond butter on the muffin, I had a hefty breakfast and I was still hungry!

I got to leave work early, so it almost feels as if I had a day off! I am SO glad the weekend has arrived!

Now, it is after dinner and I ended up within range in everything except calcium (low) and cholesterol (high). And I am still hungry!

My sister called early this morning and we chatted for just a moment (I was already at work). She was heading to ABQ with her 3 to meet up with a cousin's boy and assorted other relatives. Her stepfather's birthday is tomorrow and one of her son's birthdays is Tuesday. Tomorrow is the party and it includes a trip to Rio Grande Zoo with all the little people. Just imagine how many calories I would burn playing with my nephews and niece!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROX2013 4/2/2010 11:18PM

    Sounds like you stayed mostly on track today. I am always pushing up into highest cholesterol level when I have a scrambled egg (1 large). I can't have two or I will definitely go over. I have started adding a egg white (no cholesterol) to beef my breakfast up. I tried some whole wheat muffins and they tasted like straw so I am checking around to find one that has good numbers and some taste to it. I usually have cheerios or shedded wheat and a glass of orange juice then a snack of my Thin cut bagel (half the calories etc) and coffee. Thanks for the e-mail and have a fun Easter weekend!!

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MOM2PACO 4/2/2010 10:48PM

    Munch on some healthy veggies and some fresh fruit through out the day to keep you from feeling hungry. A leafy green salad even. I hope you have a great Easter weekend and I hope you burn a ton playing with the kids. Get right on the floor and play at their level :-) I hope you have a blast!! New day tomorrow ~ you can do it! emoticon

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I Am Not the Token Cripple and Other Thoughts

Thursday, April 01, 2010

One of the things I did not mention in my blog last night was my primary reason for feeling blue. A coworker, someone I trust, told me her boss said that management went through every employee's name last year when they laid off a large number of people and, when they came to my name, the word was "move on." The reason, however, is not a positive one. The reason is because they chose to lay off people who are not deemed to react by filing suit. Apparently, I am viewed as a threat and the company is afraid I would sue if I were laid off. A year or two after I started working at this company, I had a horrible fall down two flights of outdoor concrete stairs. Rainy, slick rail. I was pretty sore for weeks and had physical therapy for the neck. Last year, my shoe stuck to the carpet and I banged my head on the floor or the wall. Great concussion. I love to read and I could not read for about 2 weeks because I could not understand or retain any information. It took at least a month before I felt normal! A few weeks after that, the same thing - shoe stuck to the carpet and I narrowly missed a glass door with my head.

I would rather be retained because I have value.

She said not to take it the wrong way. I am not sure how that could be avoided!
I have spent my whole life trying to function in spite of my very minor handicap.

Perhaps this is why I felt as if I were dragging tons of iron! I had a pretty productive day at work, broken up by a lunch out with a group of people I used to work with directly. The restaurant did not have a nutritional post on their website, so I had to guess on the nutritional values of what I ate. I feel proud about that.

When I left work, I felt very, very, very tired. I had an errand to run, so I came home. On the way home, I realized I was thinking "I need to walk today." I was amazed to realize I was thinking that! I didn't want to walk, but I knew I needed to move!

But, I still felt as if I could hardly move. My lower back started hurting on the walk and that has not happened for about a week. This was not the longest walk I've done recently, so I don't know what the deal was. I finished the walk, but it felt as if I had gone back in time, before I started SP, when every step of "exercise" was excruciating. Then, even if I could do something, I did not want to and would use any excuse not to start or to quit if I did. As I was walking home, I couldn't decide if my sluggishness was a retro "I don't want to do this/"or if it was something genuine.

I am still not exercising as much as my SP friends share that they are doing. I want to lose weight a little faster than I have been, so I know I need to do more, but, every few days, I seem to hit some sort of wall...

It feels as if this is Friday evening, but it's not. Yawn!

Thanks to all my SparkFriends for their kind words over the past two weeks. This has been unreal!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 4/2/2010 7:28PM

    Work is just a b*tch sometimes and that's all there is to it! Hang in there. Try to keep positive thoughts. You wanted to walk and you did, and that's a good thing. I don't overdo the exercise myself, I try to walk or garden or do heavy cleaning 4 times a week, but not every day. I've improved my health and fitness a lot with just that amount of exercise. You can do it, too.

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MEGANC1988 4/2/2010 3:05PM

    It is possible that she's just making a generalization so that you feel you have job security, because I know that even if some one says I'm great and I'm necessary and I'm valued, it's harder to believe than "we have to keep you". Don't let it wear you down. emoticon

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NANNER2121 4/2/2010 11:38AM

    I read the first paragraph with interest and I would like to just say that sometimes those whom you think you can trust, you can't. Is there another way that you could verify that info if it is weighing on your thoughts? You are not responsible for the accidents, not are you responsible for what others think or do. Don't take that on as your problem because it's not.
I was terminated from my job a year ago after being professionally sabotaged by the newly minted but completely unprofessional and inept manager who looked me in the eye, hugged me and pledged her support and friendship. While I saw it coming, I did not quit, abuse nonwithstanding, as employment in this small town is hard to find. And that's why sometimes people get away with treating you poorly, because they know you're "captive." I kept records and when I was terminated simply walked away.
I did get legal advise during and after and now that a year has passed filed suit against my former employer yesterday. While I know it is not going to be a pleasant experience I must follow through. They thought I'd simply walk away and I did: just until I was mentally prepared to continue onto the next step.
So now please give yourself a break - don't let others take away what you have built up: your health, your sanity, your fitness.
And by the way I am proud of you for the exercise you are doing in these tough times. That shows a lot of moxie my friend.
Slow and sure wins the race, right?

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ROX2013 4/2/2010 12:29AM

    When things are in an uproar at work it can be so draining. From you post last nite it sounds like they had not hesitated to lay you off before. That could be the issue more than the falls. If they laid you off and kept someone else maybe with less seniority they are afraid you would sue. Remember if one door closes another will open! I don't know how good a friend you co-worker is but she also maybe feeling very insecure also. I would be superised if her boss would have said that to her about her and open himself to a reprimand or the company to a suit off personnel information being discussed with another employee who is not part of HR or part of the decision making process for layoffs without the consent of the employee they were discussing. Don't like yourself get to flustered at work just do the great job you have always done and help out as you can with the slack the layoffs may cause. I know when my depression kicks up its ugly head it is really hard for me to keep putting on foot in front of the other and every spot I have had surgery or broken something over the years hurts. Especially my legs where I broke them. I finally decided to give myself premission to shorten my exercise if need be but not stop altogether. The exercise helps me to overcome the depression and I know that I accomplished something useful and can then see the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. emoticon

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Slippery Slope Towards Depression But Not Using Food as Medication

Thursday, April 01, 2010

I moved to the Bay Area in late 1986 and immediately found a job at a small privately held services company. I ended up working there for nearly 15 years during which time I held 7 or 8 jobs. In a sense, I grew up in that company. I left that company in early 2001 to come to my present company, a nonprofit research company (more about it in a moment). Today was the final day for my first company. There were still 23 employees (the peak was about 350) and I had worked with more than 10 of them. I am so sad for my friends, sad for losing a piece of my own history.

Couple that with last week's family stuff and what's going on at my present company and that's how I find myself in a blue mood. When I came to company B, it was one of those can't turn it down kind of opportunities. Three years later, they laid me off and immediately rehired me for another position at a huge pay cut. Two years later, they laid me off from that position and I got hired into another position almost 2 weeks later. Since then, I have been in 2 other positions and layoffs continue to occur. This week, a couple of friends got laid off and another friend is leaving, moving clear across the country and has a dream job waiting. One of the layoffs was done so that they could shuffle resources and hire someone in a slightly different position for a different office. That new position is one I am not eligible for now, (I don't have the experience or the skills), but it is one that I have been working towards. I don't feel secure! On the good side, I get to clear out one of the desks and figure out what to do with the unfinished work which means a bit of rare OT.

I did not get to walk at lunch time because I had a role in the Toastmaster meeting. In the morning, I took my break outside. I walked downstairs, outside, down more stairs, walked over and up some more stairs and across the breezeway and back up the stairs to my office. I intended to do that loop in the afternoon, but I was so rattled by something that came up at work that I didn't. I had planned to run some errands this evening on the way home which would have meant more walking, but I was so drained, I just came home.

I jumped on SP and, after a while, decided to walk over to the office to drop off my rent check. The skies opened up so I walked in the rain. I didn't run because I was afraid I'd slip. I took a longer way around coming home and should have done a little more. I got in almost 9500 steps, not enough. I came home, kicked off my shoes and picked up my weights. A tiny bit of upper body strength training. Not enough. That short walk sure felt good!

I felt like eating everything! But I didn't. I stayed within range in most respects.
Tomorrow is a group lunch which could present the opportunity to eat unwisely. I am nervous about that. Friday is another lunch out at KFC with a good friend. I wish I did not like biscuits! I'm going to have to keep focused.

I just want to cry! Yet, I know I have reasons for which to be grateful. I need to remember those, too. On that list is my SparkPeople community! Thank you for your support! A good night's sleep begins in a few minutes and that will help!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Your still making good choices as far as keeping up the exercise and not letting your mood rule your eating. Hang in there..you are right..there ARE many things to be grateful for. Sorry you are having such a hard time at work...just keep your head up and the answers you need will come to you in time.

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SCRAPPYLADYV 4/1/2010 9:28PM

    emoticonHey friend, you are going through a hard time right now, but it will pass and you will come out on the other side stronger than before. For your meals out just try to plan what you will have and fit that into your day.

You do have a lot of reasons to be grateful - but sometimes too a woman just needs a good cry. Sometimes I feel the need and nothing is really wrong but once I give in and let the tears come I feel refreshed. I think of it as my emotional tank getting full and needing a release to make some room. Don't know if that makes any sense but I can't think of how to say it better.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon emoticon

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CARRAND 4/1/2010 8:53PM

    You do seem really down right now, with some reason. You need to try to focus on the positives. You still have a job, and friends, and you are making positive life changes in your diet and exercise routines, and that's a really good thing. I'd say 9500 steps is great, so you should feel good about that. Hang in there.

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NANNER2121 4/1/2010 1:54PM

    emoticon Way to focus!

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MEGANC1988 4/1/2010 1:28PM


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COLE771 4/1/2010 11:10AM

    Good job, Juneau! It's so easy to give in when you're feeling low. I too am going through a nightmare at work. Some are being laid off and the ones who stay are receiving mandatory 20% pay cuts through July (and maybe for good). It's hard to stay positive about everything when everyone around you is mad, sad or furious. I was glad last night was just a strength training night for me because I knew I didn't have the motivation to pull off a run for my C25K!
Hang in there - I'm with ya!!!

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DLT007 4/1/2010 1:52AM

    emoticon your mind is focused on what you need great job.

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MUSIC66 4/1/2010 12:49AM

    glad your not using food as medication.

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Swirling Brain Means Diminished Focus

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Today was a very strange day. Over the past few days, I have received boxes at home, but had not had a chance to open them until today. Turns out my brother sent books to me for my birthday! One was a book I really wanted and the other two would have been had I known they existed! I was thrilled! At the same time, I felt guilty because his birthday was 9 days before mine and I could afford to do nothing.

The day started with the news that a student in my department was laid off yesterday. He was laid off so the company could hire another employee in a different position. The different position is in my work group and I am very nervous about what this means for my position. Complacent, I am not!

Couple that news with the knowledge I already had that a couple of other people have been laid off and a handful of others have "retired" and I'm almost skittish!
A friend saw me in the senior vp's office and wanted to know what was going on. I deflected her nosy query because I did not know if the layoff was public information and I was not about to be called into his office for violating a confidence, even if he did not say it was confidential! I was a bit irritated that she asked...

I stayed within range in nutrition except I was over on cholesterol and under on calcium. I intended to lift weights tonight, but just could not get the focus or energy to do so.........BLAH

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 3/31/2010 9:18PM

    Happy Birthday. Books are always a pleasure from someone who knows your taste. I hope everything goes well with you at work.

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MEGANC1988 3/31/2010 3:38PM


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ROX2013 3/31/2010 1:38AM

    Sounds like your brother knows you really well, especially if he can pick out books for you. I am sure he knows that you wished a Happy Birthday! The layoff situation at work is always tough especially if you have advance notice. All you can do is be there for the ones laid off. And you are right not to get complacent, things are changing so fast now. Hang in there. emoticon

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