Sunday, April 04, 2010
The storm front I felt days ago has arrived, but it is underwhelming. It is windy and very cold, but the rain changes by the minute - dripping, pouring, sprinkling. "I don't want to slip." "I don't want to risk getting sick." How easily those excuses came back. No walk today, at least not much of one.
Not sleeping again and just feel like a slug!
Had a fabulous salad for lunch! As I told someone in my comments on their blog, it seems as if the tastebuds need variety just as our bodies need a variety in exercise. I recently discovered sunflower seeds. I sprinkled a few on my salad and thoroughly enjoyed it!
Watching the new Discovery series "Life" gets my mind off the desire to munch mindlessly. Something about watching African vultures eating bone takes the edge off. Seriously, the photography is gorgeous! Vicarious traveling is all I can afford now, but that will not always be the case.
I visualize myself slender, strong, healthy and being active. I MUST get out of this anti-exercise rut. But I'll procrastinate one more day and get some sleep.
It's supposed to be rainy tomorrow, but not as much. I welcome the absence of joint pain and welcome the ability to move again!
Happy Easter, SparkFriends!
Saturday, April 03, 2010
We ate out this morning at IHOP. BF wanted to go out for fast food and I wanted to make a more intelligent choice. I had read on SP a few weeks ago that IHOP had revamped their menus to include fit and friendly choices. I was thrilled with the changes! I had a whole wheat french toast combo for 470 calories and loved it! The scramble was with egg substitute, which I have used for years and now prefer to real eggs, they gave me two slices of turkey bacon. I liked it (it's fun finding new things), but, if I were as into bacon as I was when I was younger, it would not have been an acceptable substitute. The french toast was done so well that I think it's the best I've ever had. Sometimes, french toast is either soggy or eggy. This was neither! It was garnished with banana slices, something I never would have done. It was so good, I didn't even chase the waiter for the sugar free syrup.
To my surprise, BF chose the fit and friendly version of the incomparable harvest grain pancakes. Served with the same scramble, blueberries in the pancakes (2 instead of the 3 on the fully loaded platter) and banana slices. He covered it in syrup, not as much as he usually uses. I think his breakfast was considerably lower in calories than his usual choice. Had he not used the syrup, it would have been 570 calories. I was so proud of him for making a better food choice! I told him so, too.
I stayed within range in food and water, but zero exercise. I felt sore, stiff, tired, a bit rundown. All day long, I kept telling myself I needed to get moving, but I just didn't or couldn't.
I'll probably regret this when I step on the scale tomorrow morning, but even that prospect is not enough to get me moving...
Friday, April 02, 2010
Next to no exercise today. I knew the barometric pressure was changing before the clouds rolled in and the local weather reported the arrival of the storm. Almost every joint, almost every muscle is stiff, sore and unwilling to move! Most weather storms don't have this strong an effect on me.
Last night, I forgot to mention that I lowered my goal weight. I had originally picked a number that was familiar. That had been my goal weight every other time I attempted to drop tonnage. My new goal weight (110) is more in range with the charts I've seen recently. It's just a number and I don't expect to reach it until next year. And I am ok with that, sort of!
I started the day on the wrong foot. I didn't think I had enough milk+soy blend at work for my usual Kashi cereal, so I had oatmeal with the splash of blend. Still hungry, I headed to the cafe and bought an egg and a whole wheat English muffin. By the time I added the almond butter on the muffin, I had a hefty breakfast and I was still hungry!
I got to leave work early, so it almost feels as if I had a day off! I am SO glad the weekend has arrived!
Now, it is after dinner and I ended up within range in everything except calcium (low) and cholesterol (high). And I am still hungry!
My sister called early this morning and we chatted for just a moment (I was already at work). She was heading to ABQ with her 3 to meet up with a cousin's boy and assorted other relatives. Her stepfather's birthday is tomorrow and one of her son's birthdays is Tuesday. Tomorrow is the party and it includes a trip to Rio Grande Zoo with all the little people. Just imagine how many calories I would burn playing with my nephews and niece!
Thursday, April 01, 2010
One of the things I did not mention in my blog last night was my primary reason for feeling blue. A coworker, someone I trust, told me her boss said that management went through every employee's name last year when they laid off a large number of people and, when they came to my name, the word was "move on." The reason, however, is not a positive one. The reason is because they chose to lay off people who are not deemed to react by filing suit. Apparently, I am viewed as a threat and the company is afraid I would sue if I were laid off. A year or two after I started working at this company, I had a horrible fall down two flights of outdoor concrete stairs. Rainy, slick rail. I was pretty sore for weeks and had physical therapy for the neck. Last year, my shoe stuck to the carpet and I banged my head on the floor or the wall. Great concussion. I love to read and I could not read for about 2 weeks because I could not understand or retain any information. It took at least a month before I felt normal! A few weeks after that, the same thing - shoe stuck to the carpet and I narrowly missed a glass door with my head.
I would rather be retained because I have value.
She said not to take it the wrong way. I am not sure how that could be avoided!
I have spent my whole life trying to function in spite of my very minor handicap.
Perhaps this is why I felt as if I were dragging tons of iron! I had a pretty productive day at work, broken up by a lunch out with a group of people I used to work with directly. The restaurant did not have a nutritional post on their website, so I had to guess on the nutritional values of what I ate. I feel proud about that.
When I left work, I felt very, very, very tired. I had an errand to run, so I came home. On the way home, I realized I was thinking "I need to walk today." I was amazed to realize I was thinking that! I didn't want to walk, but I knew I needed to move!
But, I still felt as if I could hardly move. My lower back started hurting on the walk and that has not happened for about a week. This was not the longest walk I've done recently, so I don't know what the deal was. I finished the walk, but it felt as if I had gone back in time, before I started SP, when every step of "exercise" was excruciating. Then, even if I could do something, I did not want to and would use any excuse not to start or to quit if I did. As I was walking home, I couldn't decide if my sluggishness was a retro "I don't want to do this/"or if it was something genuine.
I am still not exercising as much as my SP friends share that they are doing. I want to lose weight a little faster than I have been, so I know I need to do more, but, every few days, I seem to hit some sort of wall...
It feels as if this is Friday evening, but it's not. Yawn!
Thanks to all my SparkFriends for their kind words over the past two weeks. This has been unreal!
Thursday, April 01, 2010
I moved to the Bay Area in late 1986 and immediately found a job at a small privately held services company. I ended up working there for nearly 15 years during which time I held 7 or 8 jobs. In a sense, I grew up in that company. I left that company in early 2001 to come to my present company, a nonprofit research company (more about it in a moment). Today was the final day for my first company. There were still 23 employees (the peak was about 350) and I had worked with more than 10 of them. I am so sad for my friends, sad for losing a piece of my own history.
Couple that with last week's family stuff and what's going on at my present company and that's how I find myself in a blue mood. When I came to company B, it was one of those can't turn it down kind of opportunities. Three years later, they laid me off and immediately rehired me for another position at a huge pay cut. Two years later, they laid me off from that position and I got hired into another position almost 2 weeks later. Since then, I have been in 2 other positions and layoffs continue to occur. This week, a couple of friends got laid off and another friend is leaving, moving clear across the country and has a dream job waiting. One of the layoffs was done so that they could shuffle resources and hire someone in a slightly different position for a different office. That new position is one I am not eligible for now, (I don't have the experience or the skills), but it is one that I have been working towards. I don't feel secure! On the good side, I get to clear out one of the desks and figure out what to do with the unfinished work which means a bit of rare OT.
I did not get to walk at lunch time because I had a role in the Toastmaster meeting. In the morning, I took my break outside. I walked downstairs, outside, down more stairs, walked over and up some more stairs and across the breezeway and back up the stairs to my office. I intended to do that loop in the afternoon, but I was so rattled by something that came up at work that I didn't. I had planned to run some errands this evening on the way home which would have meant more walking, but I was so drained, I just came home.
I jumped on SP and, after a while, decided to walk over to the office to drop off my rent check. The skies opened up so I walked in the rain. I didn't run because I was afraid I'd slip. I took a longer way around coming home and should have done a little more. I got in almost 9500 steps, not enough. I came home, kicked off my shoes and picked up my weights. A tiny bit of upper body strength training. Not enough. That short walk sure felt good!
I felt like eating everything! But I didn't. I stayed within range in most respects.
Tomorrow is a group lunch which could present the opportunity to eat unwisely. I am nervous about that. Friday is another lunch out at KFC with a good friend. I wish I did not like biscuits! I'm going to have to keep focused.
I just want to cry! Yet, I know I have reasons for which to be grateful. I need to remember those, too. On that list is my SparkPeople community! Thank you for your support! A good night's sleep begins in a few minutes and that will help!
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