Sunday, March 28, 2010
Surprisingly, I did not sleep well last night. I should have after that glorious hike! When I did get up, I was STIFF! My right arch hurt for most of the day and it was just hard to move at all. My plan to do a bunch of errands was torpedoed, partly by that and partly by a marathon on tv.
On the good side, I have not been eating everything in sight all day!
When I first got up, I stepped on the scale and it had a great number! But, I was not sure I had set up the scale level, so, when I stepped on it again later, it was not so exciting. But, if I take the long view, the 1.7 pound loss is quite acceptable. The inches on my tape measure results were quite mixed. Lost a bit on the waist, gained in the hips and arm...I don't get it.
I am very relaxed today, a rare feeling!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I hardly know where to begin. Do I post at all? Do I share only about my activities today? Or do I dedicate today in memoriam? Or shall I attempt to cover everything that today was?
Today was the planned delayed birthday day with my partner and my very good friend and coworker. Today also happens to mark the one year anniversary of the death of a young Navy man in Afghanistan, Frankie Toner IV. I am not related to Frankie, nor did we ever meet. My brother was his roommate in Afghanistan and had also trained him for his last job. While my family is grateful to have my brother back safely, our hearts are broken for the loss of this young man and the empty place in the Toner family. Some day, I will go to Arlington and pay my respects.
My birthday celebration with Bill and Yvonne was a trip to Pinnacles National Monument, south of Gilroy, east of Monterey. Yvonne had never been there and she is a photographer in her other life outside of work, so I always try to pick something that she will enjoy. Bill and I had not been to Pinnacles in a few years. I had forgotten how rugged the "easy" trail was. The Bear Gulch trail is about 1.4 miles roundtrip, but the mileage is deceiving. It was a total body workout for me for the two hours! Balancing on narrow trails with people in all directions, scaling rocks and steps cut into rocks, ducking down through the caves and sliding on loose soil. I did not make it to the reservoir, but we were only yards away when we turned back. The last stretch involved squeezing through a crevice in the dark and I didn't think I could do it, especially knowing I was still going to have to walk back! I did slip and slide a little; there were a few spots where I sat down and worked my way down a rock or a deep step that way, but I did not fall and have only two minor scrapes to show for the day! At the end of the hike, I felt as if I had crossed a finish line! (I wanted to reach the resevoir so I could think for a few moments and honor the sacrifice that Frankie made and to pray for his family and friends, including my brother, who are still hurting today.) From all accounts, he was the kind of guy who would give you his last shirt. In fact,in the days before he was shot, he had been gathering clothes and shoes for the Afghanis who lived near their base. I hope my thoughts of him interspersed through the day serve as the fragrant prayer and honor him as I wanted to do, though he deserves much more.
Dinner was at Black Bear Diner and, as nearly as I can calculate, was a huge portion of today's calories, even though I ate mostly carefully throughout the day. (I did have one piece of macadamia nut/chocolate/coconut candy and that probably tipped me over in the fat category!)
Today was tinged with sadness, the saddest day of a very sad week.
Today was a personal victory in that I had a very successful hike.
Today was a surprise in that I stayed mostly within the nutritional goals despite not planning the day or tracking throughout the day.
Today was relaxing. I have not felt this relaxed in months, literally!
Today was a reminder, at the end of the day, when I finally logged in to SP, of the power of the people who are on this site. I received some wonderful comments, great support and encouragement, dare I say love, from SparkPeople this week and today. Thank you.
Friday, March 26, 2010
This morning, I sent an email to my friend asking if our rescheduled-from-last-week ;unch date was on. She responded affirmatively and then called me to tell me that a former coworker died yesterday after a very, very, very long battle with breast cancer. Why she chose to tell me over the phone in the middle of the morning instead of waiting until we were together at lunch? Knowing her, the answer is multifaceted. She wanted to give me time to absorb the news in a way in which she would not have to deal with whatever my response would be. She is also someone who always, always wants to be the first to share news, good or bad. And, my dear friend is one of those people for whom the other shoe is always fallen, has just fallen or is about to fall. I cannot fault her. Nonetheless, the news was quite a distraction.
The lunch destination was a surprise to me, so I did not have the chance to look at a menu online and prepare myself. I ended up having a very tasty grilled chicken sandwich and, when I got back to work, guesstimated on the measures.
No real exercise today, but we're going hiking tomorrow at Pinnacles National Monument.
When Val and I had lunch, she told me her brother has cancer. I used to have strong feelings for him, so that was another blow during a week of blows. We hugged as we parted and it was truly wonderful to be back in touch with her, even if it is always a one-sided conversation!
Today, for the first time in several, I ended the day in balance in all the nutrition measures. That felt good!
Tomorrow, even though the hike and dinner out are a delayed birthday celebration, my heart will be heavy. One year ago tomorrow is when my brother saw his roommate killed in Afghanistan. Our familiy is shredded in sympathy for his. At Pinnacles, once you go through the small cave, there is a spectacular view and I hope to do, say or think something appropriate to honor a young man who's buried at Arlington.
I am so thankful for my sparkpeople community. Their kind support has carried me through this week. Words fail to adequately express how much that means to me.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Thanks to you SparkFriends who commented on yesterday's blog. Your support is deeply appreciated! I fell into an old habit last night: I stayed up too late because I was not tired. Perhaps I was not tired because I did not want to go to sleep. I wanted to avoid the inevitable restless night and flood of memories.
This morning, of course, I did not want to get up. I woke up with a very sore left heel. Great! Just what I have been so afraid of, why I had not started running until a few days ago. (The pain passed soon after I started the day). I did not walk at lunch time because I thought I'd rest my legs in the hopes that my next run will be more productive.
I was within range on food but just barely. I wanted to eat a whole lot more than I did and this was one of the first days when I've felt that way since being on SP,
at least that I can remember...
Near the end of the work day, I ran out of energy, mentally and physically. I sat there looking at my work and just could not muster the energy to function. I really hate that!
When I got home, I kicked off my shoes and picked up my free weights. I still have so far to go in this area! Twenty five reps of 3 different arm exercises and I was done. Nothing to get excited about.
Yes, a blah day. But it was not a wasted day. I ate right, I did a smidge of exercise. I did not even walk around the building much and I used the elevator when I needed to. While I was in the elevator, I did hip flexors and other stretches. Our elevators have a bar on the back wall and I grip that to do a modified squat. Those are hard! But every time I do these elevator exercises, I can tell I am getting stronger.
I hope this is the worst performance day of my SP life.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Today was my cousin Kirsti's birthday, her second in heaven. She would have been 45 today. She died in a solo car wreck on her way to work December 30, 2008. The youngest of my generation, she should not have been the 2nd to go. She left 3 children, two of whom are teens and her baby was not quite 3 and, as I later found out, a wonderful young man who loved her very much.
What I did not know until the end of the day was that my sister had to put one of her dogs down. Delilah, a black Lab, had been part of the family for almost 14 years.
In a couple of days, it will mark a year since my brother's roommate in Afghanistan (they were both on loan from the Navy to the Army) was killed on the base in front of my brother and other members of the team. Someday, I will have to bring flowers to Arlington to honor this young man. Frank L. Toner IV.
His family hurts so badly and, as I told them, their hurt is also our family's. It was just so incredibly close! Thankful I have my younger brother, but the loss of Frankie is as if he were also my brother.
The cumulative grief is hard to deal with, but one does what has to be done. It feels rather automatic.
It was almost funny this morning, though. I had posted on my social page that I was going to honor Kirsti today by wearing a hot air balloon pin and eat cheese. I remembered how we ate cheese, but I had no intention of having any today. It was not on my radar or in my menu. I walked in to put my lunch in the fridge and get my Kashi cereal ready and found someone had brought in a tray of cold cuts, cheese, black olives, lettuce and bread with a note for us to enjoy because it was leftover from a party. WITHOUT THINKING (and that's the scary part), I snagged one olive, a slice of roast beef and a slice of cheese that turned out to be two after I'd removed it. I rolled up the roast beef and cheese and STUFFED it in my mouth! As I realized what I was doing, I saw that I had fallen into an old habit. Shoveling food in my mouth so no one would see. I thought I was past that...
I faithfully logged it in. In a past life, I would not have. Later, all that was left was one slice of cheese and all of the lovely lettuce. I left the slice and took the lettuce!
Last Sunday was my first run, such as it was, and all week, I'd been looking forward to tonight's run. I planned to leave work at a certain time and a senior VP needed something at the last minute. No problem. The stress was hard, but I was happy to assist her. Stress - can I get this done as soon as she needs it and can I do it right? On her heals came two other requests. By then, I felt snarly! I realized I had not gotten to eat all of my lunch and inhaled some while I finished working and rushed out the door.
My run was shorter than Sunday's, which was not my goal! 3/10ths of a mile of run/walk today. I was less winded when it was over. My BF ran with me and kept reminding me to breathe properly. My pedometer had cleared out all the steps just before the run, so I can only guess how many steps I'd had...I was disappointed to miss the data.
Yesterday I got an email from SparkPeople saying it was time for me to transit to the 3rd stage. I am not sure I am ready and commented about it on one of the message boards. A Sparker said I should stay where I'm comfortable and SP Coach Denise said I can switch when I am ready. It's not about comfort. If it were comfort, I would not have started this journey! I am still working to find balance nutritionally and consistency in exercise. So I will stay in stage 2 until I feel this is more integrated into the new me.
I posted a comment on another message board today about exercise. The question was something about what is my attitude about exercise. I said:
This is something I have to do. I don't like thinking about exercise, thinking about making time for exercise. Sometimes I don't like the exercise while I am doing it, sometimes it hurts or is uncomfortable. A few exercises I like, enjoy, look forward to and miss when I can't get it in (walking now, running maybe soon) but I always love how I feel when I've done something! That is progress! This from someone who has spent decades being convinced that exercise is a four letter word that got stretched.
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