Monday, June 17, 2013
I could not concentrate at work this afternoon. BF called to tell me a box had arrived. Puzzled. I have not ordered anything, did not expect anything. Then he read the name and return address.
My heart stopped and I almost reached for my nebulizer. My brain stopped thinking and it was as if all of my thoughts were in a mental windstorm, blown about and impossible to connect.
The box is from Mother. She sent me to live with my dad at the end of 7th grade and, other than a wonderful surprise of seeing her at my high school graduation, we've had no contact in about 40 years.
Despite the canyon she put between I us, I have always yearned for things to be different. The broken relationship, the cycle of abuse and neglect have never changed that.
Is there a note? What could it be?
I have not looked through all of the contents, so there could be a note, but it does not appear likely. The box is stuffed with hundreds of postcards. Last fall, my eldest younger sister contacted me through FB, said Mother asked if I still collected postcards and wanted my address. I answered affirmatively though I did not expect anything to come of it.
I am amazed that she remembered I collected postcards in grade school and am floored to receive this treasure. The postcards belonged to gramma (yes, that's how she wrote it). Some were her dad's. Now I know what my grandfather's handwriting looks like as well as my great grandfather's. The cards are from exciting familiar and unfamiliar places. Some have writing I can read, some are blank and some are faded beyond legibility. I've found two relatives I never knew existed!
I will send a card, but only after I compose, discard and recompose until I achieve just the right words and tone. Is this the last time I get to send her a card that she might actually read? Is it a door ajar for a bittersweet final attempt at healing our long-severed relationship? As near as I can guess, she is in her late 70s and, before my aunt died, she said Mother was in failing health. I have to assume it's the smoking because she smoked even before I was born and, to my knowledge, never quit.
Even if all I have is this tangible legacy handed down through generations, I am humbly grateful.
Wednesday, June 05, 2013
Late yesterday, I learned that my eldest cousin is back in the VA hospital. He has prostate cancer, the same thing that killed my dad. The latest news is that he now also has T-cell leukemia. I am devastated. Please pray for Jack, Norma and the caregivers.
I actually lifted my KBs for a few minutes today. Back to beginner status since I have not been doing anything for so long. It felt good. I am following the advice I keep reading about starting small, doing what is do-able.
BF made a fantastic salad for my lunch today. Chicken, bacon, kale, spinach, red bell pepper and broccoli slaw. I ate half of it for lunch and the rest at dinner. Paleo works for me and it will work even better as I make better choices (still learning).
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
I told several people my hilarious and true story about eating cat treats last night (see my previous blog if you missed it). A coworker said "meow" as she walked past my desk and said she meant to pick up catnip for me on her lunch hour. BF asked me this evening if I wanted wet cat food on my salad. It was fun! I have not laughed that hard or that often in a very long time.
In a quiet moment, though, I thought about it. I suppose eating a few cat treats and not realizing I've done so until the taste buds' message to the brain told me those were not peanuts in my mouth is the ultimate example of mindless eating. Really?! I thought I had gotten past that! Introspective thought on this point will continue...(Thanks, SP! Before SP, I never knew of the concept of mindless eating.)
I recently started making more Paleo choices and have been amazed at the differences some rather small choices have made. One of my Sparkfriends is _Ramona and she is blazing a wonderful Paleo path and has been generous in sharing her knowledge and experiences. Her comment about my cat treat experience was truly mind-blowing. She said her pets are on a Paleo diet. It never occurred to me to do that with my cats, but, in a broader sense, it sure makes sense.
That is just one small example of _Ramona's contributions to my SP journey. She has shared from her heart, her experiences and her knowledge - she embodies the spirit of SparkPeople. It is not a hyperbolic statement when I refer to my "SparkFamily". My heart is full. (My tummy is also full - I had a glorious salad for dinner: kale, spinach, broccoli slaw, chicken and bacon.) My taste buds are satisfied and have (mostly) forgotten the cat treats.
Thank you, SparkFamily!
Monday, June 03, 2013
I returned to my mostly Paleo diet today after being miserable the last few days. I had all kinds of digestive issues and nearly left my job on Saturday. I was irritable and moody. I had decided I would save money by eating what I have in the house (a year's worth of cereal, months of beans, rice, lentils).
The financial situation is not improving. Thanks to some financial abuse, it's actually worse this month than it was before. But I need to take care of myself in some ways! My mental acuity was back today and that is confirmation that I am doing the right thing. The digestive issues are history.
I was so busy today, I forgot to eat an apple or banana for an afternoon snack. I was starving when I got home. I headed for a handful of peanuts (no almonds in the house), unscrewed the jar and threw a small handful in my mouth and discovered they were the oddest peanuts ever.
My two cats love Taste-tation cat treats. I do not.
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