Friday, May 10, 2013
Thank you, SP family, for your supportive comments on my short blog yesterday. I felt your hugs, love and concern and you really do help!
Having dampened the gloom and doom spirit for now, I can also say thank you to those of you who prayed and sent good wishes for my youngest sister. She's a teacher in Colorado, last hired in her school and the first laid off. Her job ends on her birthday, June 3. She IMed me a few minutes ago to share the news that she has received an informal job offer at another school, a smidge farther from home than her current one, for about the same amount of money (a little less). She won't have to move, she won't have to go to court to resolve a custody issue and her 3 children can stay in their school next year.
On top of my blue depression, I came home after work last night afraid that my boss was going to chew me out today and it turns out that I had done the right thing! Someone else came unglued via email and how I handled the situation was right. Validation is rare and so appreciated!
I have not been eating in response to this latest bout of depression and my knee is starting to feel better. I walked for a very few minutes today. The knee felt great, my balance seemed right and the breeze was cool. It was lovely!
I know I need to be vigilant about this depression and not slip into the depths. Thank you, my SP family! You have no idea what good you did!
Thursday, May 09, 2013
I've been silent. Too much going on. Too much stress. Too many burdens. Too much work.
Not enough fun. Not enough money. Not enough time. Not enough self-love.
I don't even have the energy to write a blog about it.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
What a Day
Karma is a *&*&)&)*
Falling off the Paleo Wagon
Grateful for the Kindness of Strangers
This week, I fell two times at work. Kind of like giving myself a mild case of whiplash. One side on one fall, the other on the second. I have this balance problem and, when I lose or gain weight, the change throws off my center of balance. I've lost over 9# in 3 weeks doing imperfect Paleo.
Today was my part time job at the dealership. It was not the best day. I had two customers who were irate. One was exceedingly rude, condescending and just mean. I ended up transferring him to the sales manager on duty and the manager backed me up, telling the guy there was no reason to be so abusive. The other was a lady who's been a customer for years and is quite used to getting her way by being demanding, loud and overbearing. When she called, her sales rep had just started a test drive with another customer, so I took her info. When he had a break, he asked me to give the message to another sales person, which I did. Later, she called back and I transferred the call to #2. She then came in and was screeching at everyone. Apparently #2 did not call her back and, when they finally connected, he told her something different than what she was told yesterday. It was a long and loud conversation, very uncomfortable to listen to.
I was still rattled by the rude guy when I took my lunch break. I walked to Subway and had their yummy double chicken salad. I walked to K Mart and bought some almonds and a favorite coffee. On the way out, there was a line of cars pulling into the parking lot. A driver about four cars back started honking and I hollered "take a chill pill!". Don't know what made me do that - I don't normally voice my opinions. Karma got me next.
A few steps later, I hit an uneven and rough patch of asphalt and fell. Both hands, arms and knees. I could not get my weak leg under me. A couple of young people approached me and I took the young man's hand and was able to finally stand up. Whew. I was in pain the rest of the day!
I took some anti-inflammatory, but was still tightening up. The afternoon was VERY slow, which is unusual the last weekend of the month, so I left early. I am still very sore, but very glad to be home!
When I got home, I was unusually hungry. I ate something on plan but was still really hungry. This is where I fell off the Paleo wagon. TWO pieces of combo pizza! A taste of peanut butter! I am still hungry! I have waited more than 20 minutes and the food gong is still sounding....
Monday, April 22, 2013
I've sort of lost track, but I think I just finished my 2nd week doing what I called modified Paleo. In those two weeks, there have been 3 or 4 meals that were off plan, though I ate with as much care as I could while out with friends. I have not made a big thing about my massive food change and I viewed these meals out as part of the whole experiment. How can I make food choices when presented with less than optimal choices? The important thing is that I did not avoid the social occasion (I've done that more times than I can count). I did not give in and eat the same thing as everyone else. (I have done that even more times!). Most of all, I have not berated myself for making (fill in your label here) food choices and I have not allowed my inner voice to speak negatively to me about it.
While this has been happening, I have been dealing with a very cranky knee and the feeling of being off balance, so my exercise, minimal at best, as been nearly absent. But, the other morning, I woke up slowly drowsily dreaming of using my kettlebells.
I dreamed a positive dream or had a positive visualization about exercise!
Here are the things I did not expect during my Paleo experiment:
I actually love food more than I ever have. I am enjoying, savoring every bite.
Eating less has not triggered feelings of deprivation or food insecurity.
That nagging desire to chew all day long is GONE! I now know, for the first time in my life what it feels like to be satisfied. I lack the words to express how significant that is.
Some of you know that I have struggled with food all my life. Mother's favorite form of many punishments was for me to go without food. Food insecurity and that feeling of deprivation has ruled my life for decades. Now I know how to quiet those inner monsters/triggers.
I'm sleeping better. I have more energy throughout the day. My perspective is becoming even more sunny. Nothing else in my life is going very well, but this change makes me feel less underneath the avalanche of circumstance.
I am impatient for this knee to feel better!
By the way, without exercise, I have lost eight (8) pounds!
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