Sunday, April 14, 2013
A little tired, but not as tired as I usually am.
But I am still committed to moving forward!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
I ate corn (mixed vegetables) a few times this week. I had a couple of meals that were definitely not Paleo and that served as an interesting contrast. I learned tonight that I am probably eating too much fruit which is problematic. Fruit is usually my snack and is an easy grab for those unexpected times when a meal must be postponed...
I am not exercising.
But what are this week's results?
I lost 4 pounds - the most I have ever lost in less than 7 days. (more than I usually lose in a month!)
I felt full / satisfied most of the time. What a novelty!
I cannot drink coffee sans sweetener.
I felt more energetic throughout the day.
I slept better.
Some days I forgot to take my over-the-counter allergy meds and did not miss them.
After the few (2-3) meals that were not on plan, I felt bloated and sluggish, a confirmation that I am
finally on the right path.
This last fact has given me what I need to stick with it (I hope I did not just jinx myself!)
Because I felt sluggish etc., that made it easier to turn away from the bagels at work, the fried rice and doughnuts BF brought home.
Food has become fun again!
I work my 2nd job on Saturdays and, because I have a long lunch hour and have no way to refrigerate anything, I allow a lunch out. I went to Subway and had a double chicken chopped salad to which I had them add two scoops of avocado (I probably could have stopped at one, but this is part of the education), red wine vinegar and olive oil as the dressing. No cheese! What?! No cheese? In truth, I have not missed it that much and that amazes me.
I do miss beans. I do miss peanuts. But I am learning to value every single one of the 5 almonds I have at a time (not every day).
I even looked in the mirror a couple of days ago and was thrilled to see that I could confirm the weight loss I felt. It shows in my face. You read that right. I looked in the mirror for more than a fleeting moment.
Soon I can donate my PXL slacks. I will never need them again!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
In my late high school years, physical education classes were as challenging as math classes, but I tried harder. I got my leg brace off on Valentines Day the year I turned sixteen. I loved my phys ed teacher! I pushed myself harder because I wanted her approval. In the spring of my senior year, we had swimming lessons at the local pool. I am not a strong swimmer and I have a love/hate relationship with water. I love the ease of movement in water but my older brother drowned while saving another boy. I am a bit afraid of deep water and definitely of heights.
Miss Gill offered extra credit for any student who dove from the high board. I had trouble with the lower board and was absolutely terrified of the high board. As the semester wore on, the other girls racked up their extra credit and, by the last class, I was the only student who had not taken that plunge. I watched the clock anxiously, trying to screw up the courage to climb that ladder and walk that plank.
When there was almost no time left, I climbed out of the pool and walked on the edge. I walked past the low board and headed to the ladder. Wow! It still looks just as high up in the rafters as it does from the surface of the pool! I slowly, slowly, slowly climbed to the top. The board looks so long! That is a long walk! I wanted to turn around about halfway, but Miss Gill would not let me. My classmates were busy doing their thing and seemed unaware that I was facing one of my greatest fears. (Sorry for the mix in case)
I was committed since a U-turn was not permitted. A jump off was all I needed, Miss Gill said. I decided about halfway down to try to do a beautiful dive. I hit the water so hard, I was red from head to toe on my front, completely winded, and Miss Gill had to pull me to the edge where I struggled to start breathing again.
A week later was graduation week. Sunday was the Baccalaureate service. Monday through Wednesday was finals week, packing to leave the school (boarding school) for the last time and all kinds of other last time tasks. Friday morning was our Honors Breakfast. I sang in the choir and I played a solo on the piano. The Honors Breakfast was the chance for the teachers to award students for GPA, attendance and the like. Dad was there, the only time he ever heard me play the piano. One of the awards I received stunned the entire room. It turned out, to everyone’s disbelief, that I had received the highest grade in PE! Me! The student who did not do anything successfully! Miss Gill kept me in place after stunning me with that one because she was not finished. She then gave me (remember Dad was there) the one I still treasure to this day - the “I Can” award. Because I never gave up, because I never said I could not do something, she announced that “I can’t” is not in my vocabulary.
I thought about that high dive belly flop today. This week has been an experiment in a mostly Paleo diet. I’ve lost 3 pounds and have an amazing amount of energy. Today, life intervened. A coworker brought her homemade lasagna (ground turkey) and I did not say no. Monday, she said something about a friend who was always trying some weird diet. I said nothing, thinking she would put Paleo in the same category. She’s a great cook and is someone I care about, so I did not want to risk hurting her feelings. I had the lasagna and enjoyed it.
It puts me over on calories and carbs, but…the reminder of that belly flop cropped up. I am not in the “screw it, I’ve sabotaged myself today and I might as well continue.” I feel so good right now doing Paleo that I picked up where I left off at dinner tonight.
Monday, April 08, 2013
I was amazed to feel satisfied and more energetic today by eating a mostly Paleo diet. But, I was way over on protein and far far far too high in cholesterol. I have a lot to learn.
Feeling satisfied is such a rare feeling for me. I marveled at it almost all day.
Sunday, April 07, 2013
I rediscovered carbs the last couple of weeks. I totally binged on cereal and granola bars. I even had a maple scone at Starbucks yesterday. I have felt bloated, enormous and negative.
I have been overwhelmed by everything in my life. My living situation, my financial situation, are both in a very poor state. I cannot easily change either.
We just went through the personnel review process at job #1. My job has completely changed this year thanks to our new enterprise-wide software system. I feel as if I am a brand-new employee with all the excitement and fear that entails. I have been given very nebulous guidance about what I need to do to earn the promotion, title and raise that I strongly want. It turns out the money may not come with it. If you look at the labor statistics for "paralegal", they are generally broken down by the salaries in San Francisco vs the salaries in San Jose. I work nearly midway between and there is no specific breakdown for the midPeninsula. My company, of course, chooses the lower range (San Jose) and tells me that, because, by virtue of my service and past raises, my salary is already in range.
Part of the review process includes a ranking. The ranking scale was changed at the end of the review period so that no one can earn an "exceeds expectations" rating. Couple that with the lack of a raise in my future, I am deflated by this review.
Family and friends are clamoring for me to visit. There is another high school reunion, my adopted mom is failing, a dear friend has been asking me to come see her for a few years - a long list of trips. I can afford none. This year, I could take the time, but cannot afford to do anything.
I just spent over $1K on my car and need to spend about 3 times that soon. I cannot afford to replace it - car payments and increased insurance would be an even greater burden.
Lots of stress.
I am not sleeping well. Seasonal allergies, seasonal asthma and migraines have laid me flat.
I have nothing to lose by starting my paleo experiment. It will have to be done on the cheap. I am ignoring the huge bin of cereal, of beans, pasta and rice that I have in the house. This will be a challenge, but I need to make a positive change.
I had egg substitute and sausage for breakfast along with 2 cups of coffee. The coffee included nonfat milk and artificial sweetner - an imperfect start, but a start nonetheless.
I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight for my health, for quality of life, so I can get a new wardrobe, so I can feel good about myself, so I can move forward. I feel frozen in so many ways.
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