Sunday, April 07, 2013
I rediscovered carbs the last couple of weeks. I totally binged on cereal and granola bars. I even had a maple scone at Starbucks yesterday. I have felt bloated, enormous and negative.
I have been overwhelmed by everything in my life. My living situation, my financial situation, are both in a very poor state. I cannot easily change either.
We just went through the personnel review process at job #1. My job has completely changed this year thanks to our new enterprise-wide software system. I feel as if I am a brand-new employee with all the excitement and fear that entails. I have been given very nebulous guidance about what I need to do to earn the promotion, title and raise that I strongly want. It turns out the money may not come with it. If you look at the labor statistics for "paralegal", they are generally broken down by the salaries in San Francisco vs the salaries in San Jose. I work nearly midway between and there is no specific breakdown for the midPeninsula. My company, of course, chooses the lower range (San Jose) and tells me that, because, by virtue of my service and past raises, my salary is already in range.
Part of the review process includes a ranking. The ranking scale was changed at the end of the review period so that no one can earn an "exceeds expectations" rating. Couple that with the lack of a raise in my future, I am deflated by this review.
Family and friends are clamoring for me to visit. There is another high school reunion, my adopted mom is failing, a dear friend has been asking me to come see her for a few years - a long list of trips. I can afford none. This year, I could take the time, but cannot afford to do anything.
I just spent over $1K on my car and need to spend about 3 times that soon. I cannot afford to replace it - car payments and increased insurance would be an even greater burden.
Lots of stress.
I am not sleeping well. Seasonal allergies, seasonal asthma and migraines have laid me flat.
I have nothing to lose by starting my paleo experiment. It will have to be done on the cheap. I am ignoring the huge bin of cereal, of beans, pasta and rice that I have in the house. This will be a challenge, but I need to make a positive change.
I had egg substitute and sausage for breakfast along with 2 cups of coffee. The coffee included nonfat milk and artificial sweetner - an imperfect start, but a start nonetheless.
I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight for my health, for quality of life, so I can get a new wardrobe, so I can feel good about myself, so I can move forward. I feel frozen in so many ways.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Yesterday marked a crossroads for me. It was my birthday. I chose not to care what I ate, but that is nothing new. I am still not committed to making the lifestyle changes I need to make, but that MUST change. My life depends on it and I know that.
Still it's not all doom and gloom. I did walk a lot yesterday because we were out and about doing errands. I can tell I really need to lose some weight because my lower back and knees strongly object to this tonnage.
I was surprised yesterday to find that my local sports gear shop had SF Giants World Series t shirts marked down big time. They list at $25, had been marked down to $11.97 and I bought one for $5.98. I won't tell you the size. It's too big for me, but not by much. I walked around the store looking at all the cool fitness gear and came home with the shirt. BF wanted one. (He's not even a Giants fan - he grew up near Oakland, so he's an Oakland A's fan)
As it happened, we had to go to the hardware store next door for a part and some fertilizer for the yard. I really hate looking at hardware, especially on my birthday, but we get little time together, so I tried to make the best of it. We walked next door and grabbed the shirt. While we were there, we walked around the store and he looked at all the cool fitness gear. I showed him the huge kettle bells in the corner. I cannot even lift them!
Then he wanted to look at the other weights. Weights are like hardware to me except Kettlebells.
They always seem to be having a sale on weights - 20% off. All of the kettlebells are marked up. The smaller ones have the colorful vinyl covers and they all had black marks on them. They had 3 15# KBs that are solid black. They all had torn vinyl covers and one was dinged even more than that. I don't like things that are banged up, but we asked the manager if we could get a better discount on one of these because they are in such less-than-new condition. She gave us an additional 25% off.
$39.99 down to $23.99! I cannot swing the 15# weight yet, but I will soon! I am looking forward to building that strength! BF does not think I want to build the strength to do more than that, but I tell him the women who do REAL KB work start at 17#! (I forget what that translates to in kg, but that's how the KBs are generally measured.)
I finally have something in the world of physical activity that I like! Who would have guessed it would be KBs?!
BF has been trying to get me into boxing. He has the knowledge and the tools. I even have a pair of pink (think cancer pink) gloves that I bought on super sale when the local Sears was being torn down. We tapped some of the weight bags at the store last night and I was surprised I liked it.
Monday, March 11, 2013
My "baby" brother celebrates a birthday today. He lives in Japan with his wife and son.
Today marks the 2nd anniversary of the earthquake and tsunami that led to the nuclear accident at Fukushima Dai-ichi.
Today I learned that Joel Lee Compton's application for parole was denied. In 1983, he killed Officer Jerry Cline of the Albuquerque Police Department. Jerry's wife was my history teacher and they were both leaders of the Explorer Scout troop that I participated in for two years. When Jerry's killer was convicted, he was originally given a death sentence. Later, an outgoing governor commuted all of the sentences of those men on death row. The governor now says he did not think any of those men would ever come up for parole. What that commutation of sentence means is that, now, every two years, Jerry's widow, family and friends have to try to persuade the parole board that his killer should not be given freedom. It keeps that wound from ever healing. I am in my 50s, Jerry's widow and friends are older than I am and I think it is a cruel twist of fate that they get to spend their last decades continually reliving Jerry's murder and the pain of that trial. The most painful thing for them is that his killer has not expressed any remorse for killing Jerry.
Speaking of pain - day two of migraine. Great way for me to spend my "staycation". I learned today through a coworker who emailed me at home that layoffs have started. About a dozen people were on the list of people leaving the company. Some were already gone on Friday. I know one guy is retiring this Friday, but I suspect most of the rest are layoffs. I know at least 3 are.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
I can't remember what I did on Friday in terms of moving my fitness forward. What a week it was!
Yesterday was Saturday. Saturday is my longest work day. I work part time at a car dealership. The work is usually really boring, but I can't complain - the work is easy, the pay is ok and I am grateful to have the job. The length of the day is broken up by the luxury of a 2 hour lunch break! I can run errands (I shop near there all the time), take a nap or, gasp, exercise!
Yesterday was a beautiful blue-sky day. Cool and gorgeous, perfect for walking. I have not been walking regularly, so when I do, my lower back tightens up. Losing weight will help with that. I walked from the dealership to my car, grabbed my fruit and walked over the slough to the strip mall, past it to Subways and bought an oven roasted chicken sandwich with tons of veggies. Walking to Subways, I had to sit twice. On the way back, I chose to sit outside and eat my sandwich.
When I crossed the slough the first time (bridge), I found someone had put some religious pamphlets on a post. Some had blown down onto the ground and others were headed towards the water. I rounded them all up and recycled them. Littering does nothing to enhance whatever message the depositor was trying to share. C'mon! The ducks, geese, coots and other birds and wildlife that call the slough home cannot read and don't need the paper clogging things up. YUCK!
When I returned over the slough, down the other side, the city crews were spraying something. Their truck was partially on the sidewalk and all kinds of cordage added to the need for me to step carefully. I was starting to resent the workers and the situation when they turned off the sprayer and said hello. We exchanged cheerful greetings and they waiting until I was out of spray range before resuming their work. I am so glad that was the exchange instead of what was in my head!
My pedometer says the walk, slow as it was, was about 45 minutes and something over 2 miles. I am a turtle and that is ok for now. At least I moved!
I was supposed to meet a former fellow paralegal student for coffee this afternoon, but I woke up with a migraine and canceled. I was not thrilled about spending the time and gas doing this anyway, but it would be nice to see her again. The time was going to be smack dab in the middle of the afternoon, so it would have created logisitical issues anyway. We're going to meet up and it will be wonderful, but I am relieved it's not today.
If the headache allows, BF is going to give me a boxing lesson. He found a punching bag and stand that someone was throwing away and lugged that home yesterday while I was at work. A couple of years ago, I bought some Cancer Awareness pink boxing gloves at the local Sears when they were at a clear-the-shelves price. The Sears store was closed and torn down, putting a few hundred people out of work in the name of real estate development...I hope, not just for the fitness, but also for the relationship, that I like boxing. BF loves it. His dad boxed semi-professionally when he was young, so he grew up around it.
So, my first week on the "Firecracker" challenge is a bit uneven. I did "something" on 5 of the 7 days. Great start. I need to have longer and more consistent sessions, but that will come with time. For the first time since I don't know when, I actually feel good about my activity level.
What really helped was wearing a talisman to support a cause every day. For the past two days and through the next few, I am wearing a red and white and a white and red cause bracelet "Hope for Japan". Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary of the earthquake and tsunami that led to the nuclear accident at Fukushima's Dai-ichi plant. My brother, sister-in-law and nephew live in Japan. I worry about the long-term effects of the exposure on my nephew, so this cause is very near to my heart.
Thursday, March 07, 2013
Yes, I skipped a day. Yesterday was a scheduled vacation day that was planned to be spent doing laundry at the laundromat, walking and doing other errands. But a migraine changed all that.
This evening, I took a short walk. It started sprinkling lightly (I love rain) and the temperature started to drop. My lower back cramped up so that was it.
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