JUNEAU2010   160,309
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Four Years Ago Tomorrow and Other Musings

Monday, November 19, 2012

Four years ago tomorrow, I lost my wonderful Russian Blue boy cat named Bug. That morning, I spoke to him as I headed out to work. I could not reach him - he was curled up on a shelf right next to the door above my head and out of reach. Little did I know that was the last time I would see him. It took over two years for my BF to 'fess up that Bug died that day and he is buried somewhere in the back yard (don't get me started!). We have two other cats, but I still miss my boy!

I feel huge! I saw my picture on the video webcast during our team meeting and was horrified. I am so fat! I cannot move without pain, I feel stiff all the time and.......

Working two jobs and seven days a week is a real challenge. I got my first check on Saturday and it was nice to pay more than minimum on two bills and to get some groceries! I have a long way to go, but this sure felt good!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 11/24/2012 10:12AM

    Awww.... that is so awful. I am so sorry. My condolences.

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_LINDA 11/21/2012 1:25AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
That is so sad about your cat :(
Videos always add more pounds to anyone. But we never see ourselves in an objective manner. I rarely get my photo taken, but when I do, I truly look awful and not because of what I weigh. Some people just aren't photogenic.
I don't know how you expect to look after yourself properly working two jobs, but I hope the extra money will allow you to at least buy nutritous, healthy food. You will need the proper fuel and energy to make it through your long days.
I really feel for you having to work so very long hours :((

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CARRAND 11/20/2012 8:23PM

    emoticon

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CATLADY52 11/20/2012 6:00PM

    I feel so happy for you. I have been there and done that before and it isn't nice. That is just another piece of the feeling 'huge' as you put it.

So sorry for the loss of your cat. I know how hard that can be.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving if you can. emoticon

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BYEFATNANNY 11/20/2012 10:55AM

    Sorry about your kitty. I have a 17 year old dog I adore, and I'm dreading the day. Teary eyed just thinking of it. OH I hate pictures of myself and it's getting worse...maybe because I'm getting worse! I need to take one of "those" pictures and put it on the frig I think. I used to live in Carmel (high rent) like your area. I worked 2 jobs for 5 years, finally I realized I needed to move and I came up to Sacramento and what a difference it made. I hope you don't have to do this too long, it is wearing, I know. Hang in there and enjoy getting those bills paid down.
Best wishes. emoticon

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GAYLLYNNE 11/20/2012 7:07AM

    I am so sorry for you loss. Sometimes one particular animal just takes a special place in our heart and we grieve a little more. Just remember he will always be in your heart and in your memories. You can't lose that. :)

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SEAWILLOW 11/20/2012 6:33AM

    My condolences on the loss of your cat.
Working two jobs is no easy feat. Be kind to yourself!

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KTRIBE808 11/19/2012 9:33PM

    Such a sad anniversary! May sweet Bug visit you in your dreams. Remember, the love is forever.

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Update

Friday, October 26, 2012

Copy and Paste into your own blog, change the answers to suit you. It's really hard to only use one word answers.

(Copied from _Linda)

Where is your cell phone?
pocket

Spouse?
none

Your hair?
erratic

Your mother?
unknown

Your father?
heaven

Your favourite thing?
one?

Your dream last night?
jumbled

Favourite drink?
B-52

What room are you in?
living room

Your hobby?
law

Your fear?
wheelchair

Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Eureka

Where were you last night?
WS

Something that you aren't?
unloyal

Muffins?
bran

Wish list item?
enough

Last thing you did?
shop

What are you wearing?
clothes

Your pets?
cats

Friends?
Sparkpeople

Your life?
unfulfilled

Your mood?
calm

Missing someone?
yes

Drinking?
water

Your car?
Bug

Something you're not wearing?
shoes

Your favourite store?
outlet

Your favorite color?
rainbow

When is the last time you cried?
dunno

Where do you go over and over?
work

Five people who email me regularly?
Sparkpeople

Favorite place to eat?
Mexican

Favorite place I'd like to be right now?
beach

I start my part time job tomorrow. Between both jobs, I'll be working 7 days a week for about a month, longer if the temp job is extended. The kicker is the job is at the car dealership where I worked part time for about 15 years. The new business manager laid me off 3 years ago to the day (by phone no less). Shortly thereafter, she was laid off. It's a luxury car dealership, so business has been slow. They've rehired me to talk to customers and find out why they're leaving without buying. That will take my Toastmaster skills for sure!

Going to be tired, but this job is an answer to prayer. I can pay my property tax and add a few pieces of clothing to my wardrobe. It was not fun looking for clothes to wear to work. I HATE being this fat!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYFITZ 11/12/2012 5:34PM

    Good luck with the extra job!

Sounds challenging! emoticon

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CARRAND 11/4/2012 4:54PM

    I hope things are going well for you.

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CATLADY52 10/28/2012 7:14PM

    You will be greqat at it. emoticon

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ERINMARIE424 10/27/2012 10:01PM

    Congrats and good luck with the new job! It will be nice to be able to cover your expenses and get a couple new things too. Make sure to drink your water and eat enough, you will need your energy!

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CARRAND 10/27/2012 6:56PM

    Your new job sounds interesting. Good for you! I hated buying clothes for work, too, even after I lost weight it wasn't as much fun as shopping for my retired life style!

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ISHIIGIRL 10/27/2012 10:06AM

    I am glad you found something to help out. Maybe the extra hrs will help you shed some weight and you can get back into your other clothes. Sending positive vibes and prayers your way!

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SEAWILLOW 10/27/2012 8:43AM

    Be kind to yourself! You are priceless $

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MISSY455 10/27/2012 2:23AM

    I understand needing to work two jobs for awhile. Like Linda said though, please try to plan your time so you are taking care of yourself. If you are laid up sick, you will be missing work time at both jobs.

Also, thanks for sharing the one word answer survey with us.

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_LINDA 10/27/2012 1:40AM

    Congrats on the new job, but boy that is long hours to deal with when your full time job already has you working long hours :( I hope you don't burn out or aggravate your condition :(( It will be vital to look after yourself, eat well, get good sleep, whatever exercise you can squeak in.
Save money on clothes by looking through second hand and thrift shops -sometimes you can find really nice stuff there. There are lots of other people with weight problems that have to shop -you are not alone there..unfortunately, its easier to get larger size clothing these days..
I am sure you will do well and look good for your new job -you will wow them with your wizardry of words!!
Have a great weekend -look after yourself!
{{{hugs}}}
Linda

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Streak - Not Yet

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

My Sparkfriend CHICCHANTAL challenged people who read her blogs to start a streak. Hers was a mix of food, exercise, water etc. I thought that sounded like a good idea so I sort of endorsed it with as much enthusiasm as I can muster right now. Today was going to be the first day of me exercising and eating within range.

Did not happen. I did a lot of running around, but not to the extent that I can honestly call it exercise. A new employee started today so her boss brought in doughnuts. Someone else brought in a chocolate cake. Another person brought in a bundt cake. I walked past all of that! Woohoo, me! But...

I was the Toastmaster of the Day for our club's open house today. I knew the food was going to be Quiznos sandwiches and I brought my own lunch planning to eat that. But I did not.

I was still on track for food. Yay, me! But....

I had the chance to work a smidge of OT (YAY! NEED THAT!). Came home hungry and ate two small Quiznos sandwiches and THAT is what put me over.

I was given some of the leftovers and they do stretch my budget. But that does not mean I need to eat them all now!

Still stunned about Bundy's death, still bummed not to get the cat, but so grateful for the peaks and valleys of the day. I am alive! I can celebrate many things and I will survive the others.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELTEAGUE 10/25/2012 9:59PM

    Good for you for walking past the sweet stuff!
What I do to avoid getting to hungry is keeping a little baggy or ziplock of nuts and seeds with me to snack on whenever I need to. It works for me!
Being too hungry is not a good thing for your blood sugar in general!

Have a great night!

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CATLADY52 10/19/2012 8:15PM

    You are working on it and that is going a long way. Just remember that for every time you have a slip-up just take two steps forward. emoticon

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ANNESYLVIA 10/17/2012 7:53PM

    I read her blog too. Really wanted to do it but fell apart. So, Kudos for you for trying!

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CARRAND 10/17/2012 3:33PM

    You did pretty well, I think. We all have lapses. Every day is a new day.

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SEAWILLOW 10/17/2012 8:34AM

    We succeed by learning from our mistakes! And you , my dear, sound like a winner! I am sorry for the loss off your friend ..has anyone taken the cats in?

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_LINDA 10/17/2012 1:45AM

    Well done passing on the sweets Mali, that is huge! I won't do so well with the upcoming Life Master Party and Rookie Master game -running on empty and nerves and stress that all will go well and everyone will have a great time -its all on my shoulders to make these special events a success :P Some incredible daities will be up for grabs and those little treats add up if I can't keep away from them :((
Its a shame you wasted the Quiznos left overs eating them all at once (unlike Subway, their products are very high calorie), but certainly understandable. Not many people can control stress eating on top of being hungry.
Tomorrow is another day and you can do this!!
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LYNNA1968 10/16/2012 10:45PM

    today is only one day you are lucky enough to get a do over as soon as you wake up! emoticon
head held high & you will do fine!

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Straight Into the Arms of Food

Monday, October 15, 2012



I felt like crap all weekend. Saturday, I stayed pretty much on track with food, but I was also a total couch potato. Yesterday, did what I had to do and was on track until the nausea hit me hard. I sought comfort in crackers. Lots of crackers.

Then, shortly before I went to bed, I learned that a friend died suddenly on Saturday of a massive heart attack. He was only a few years older than I am = far too young to die! But, despite whatever the coroner's report might say, I know, in my heart, he died of a broken heart. His wife, Ruby, was my very good friend/coworker/former boss who died suddenly just over 2 years ago.


They are reunited in heaven, I am sure.

There are two cats who now need a home. BF will not let me take one (we would then have 3). Part of it is because he is home with them all day (he does not work) and he does not want another cat to take care of. The other thing is that his cat is 16 and she will not want another cat around. But Juneau is only 6 and she would love a buddy! These two cats will be put down if they don't find homes! I would love to have the one I used to hear Ruby talk about when he was a runt of a kitten!

I did not stuff my face today, but it was really hard to concentrate and stay focused at work.

Tomorrow is the Toastmaster Open House and I am the emcee for the meeting. A bit nervous about it because I have not done it in a while, but it will be fine.

I may not be - ever again!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHY-SPARK 10/17/2012 11:11AM

    So sorry to hear about this. I hope the two cats find homes. Best wishes to you.

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CATLADY52 10/16/2012 6:32PM

    Having a friend pass away is hard to deal with, but haaving him go suddenly is really bad. emoticon
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CARRAND 10/16/2012 4:12PM

    Sorry about the cats, and for the loss of your friend.

I got a dog once, and my husband hated her. (She ate our dinette set, destroyed his record albums, and crapped on his pillow.) So my husband said, "Either the dog goes, or I do." I thought about it for a minute, and gave the dog away. I think I made the right choice. There are compromises in every relationship.

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SEAWILLOW 10/16/2012 9:37AM

    My thoughts and prayers are with you!

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MISSY455 10/16/2012 2:19AM

    So sorry for your loss.

Good luck on your emcee duties. I am sure you will do fine. Sending positive thoughts your way.

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_LINDA 10/16/2012 1:27AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon so sorry you have lost another friend :((
Take care of yourself. Its especially important when you are down. You don't want to get sick.. Hope those cats can find homes.
my thoughts are with you, sending comforting hugs and healing energy.
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JUDYHELP 10/15/2012 11:09PM

  emoticonsorry for your loss. Hoping things go better for you. As for the crackers stress often makes us not think. Glad you regrouped on Sunday. As for being emcee you can do it. emoticon sending some sunshine your way. Hang in there. emoticon emoticon Judy

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CAROL494 10/15/2012 10:53PM

  Just hang in there. You will do a great job at emcee! emoticon

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Still Sore But Holding My Own

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I am so glad I participated in the Toastmaster show last night. It was a lot of fun! As sore as I was, I still got in some steps before the taping. Still, I was glad that we got through it quickly and I got home earlier than I expected.

This morning, my knees were really sore, my shoulders and neck felt as if I'd been in a car accident, so I was not very active today. I did walk a little ever couple of hours to keep the stiffness from setting in.

Still working on finding balance in food. On target in most categories, low in others. Not worried. I am feeling better every day, less food obsessed. Calmer, more centered inside.

The SF Giants won! The Oakland As won! My dream of them playing in the World Series, while still a long shot, is still alive.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATLADY52 10/11/2012 7:26PM

    So glad you are feeling better. Falls can be scary. emoticon

Today's baseballs results were super great! Looking forward to the Championship games! emoticon

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DEBBYNATION 10/11/2012 8:28AM

    Yeah! U were sore after a busy day & still did fitness walking! Awesome! :) emoticon

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CARRAND 10/10/2012 3:28PM

    Good for you - you're still working towards good health.

I'm watching the Nationals lose for the second time in the playoffs. Of course, it's not over 'til it's over, but they are down 5 to 0.

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_LINDA 10/10/2012 2:18PM

    So glad you enjoyed the Toastmasters show! You needed to have some fun!
So sorry you are feeling worse now :( Do try some icing of those knees..
That is awesome you are doing so well with the food!! Half the battle is getting the attitude under control. Food is fuel. Food is fuel. Food is not comfort. Repeat. Being calm and more centered -that is gold!
Keep up the great work!
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