Sunday, December 23, 2012
I was about to say I failed…
I have not been blogging regularly. I have not been logging food. I have not been exercising.
No, I am not surprised that my weight is about what it was when I joined SP nearly 3 years ago.
For a long time, I have been more or less “marking time” on SP. Earning points, minimally interacting with my SP family, going through the motions…As I read blogs, I made small comments. Humbled, thinking I have nothing to contribute since I am not walking the SP journey the way I know I need to be doing.
I am off from my full time job until January 2 except for one day this week. I decided I was going to cross a lot of things off my to do list, including errands and some professional development. I also decided I am going to get back into my kettlebells. My Christmas present to myself is a new KB DVD (not here yet). I have a rebate check for REI and I will probably use it towards a higher weight KB.
Even so. I am disappointed with myself for allowing life to get in the way of taking care of myself on my SP journey. I am very unhappy with my weight, I hate the way I feel, I hate the way I look and I really wonder if I have what it takes to start anew AND to stick with it and succeed.
I read blogs from _Linda with her battles with RA and sleeplessness. Exercise is her drug of choice (her words). There are days when I feel as if I can hardly move and her day begins with kickboxing or zumba or…I am humbled.
LDRICHEL is a swimmer and a runner and shared a wonderful blog about reevaluating her fitness journey, choosing balance. Recognizing there are other elements in her life, she is scaling back on her running regime in order to invest the time to maintain relationships. I could use such balance!
KNITTABLES is struggling financially, has a ton of stuff on her shoulders and still remains committed to her health and wellness. I am in her fan club, helpless to offer anything but words of encouragement.
TEENYBIKINI is just awesome. I love her turn of phrase and I am convinced that we would get along wonderfully if we met in real life.
CHICCHANTAL is another gifted wordsmith. She also shares wonderful pictures of her part of the world (I dare you to get her started on Cornwall!). I would love to meet her some day, too, but I cannot imagine I would follow her into the mud!
CMRAND54 is getting used to being retired. She and Sheila have been faithful SP friends almost from day one. They know what to say to keep me plugged in.
PIXILICIOUS faithfully posts on my SparkPage. I cannot match her for quantity of inspiration!
I read a comment from one of the SP employees on an email last week that said something about having the confidence to succeed. That is what I don’t have and have not had for a while.
Then I read a blog from ABA101, one of those blogs I found by clicking “blogs” from the banner. She asked for willpower to succeed. I usually flinch when I see “willpower” because, in my life, that word becomes a club with which I beat myself and feel a failure. So I commented on her blog that I wish her time. Time to think before she chooses….the exercise DVD over the cooking show, the water over the caloric drink…etc. She appreciated my comments and we are now SP friends.
That got me thinking. Outwardly, I am not making progress. But certain elements are becoming internalized. Subject of another blog will be thoughts about everything else in my life, but tonight’s is a musing about the community, the power of my SP family. Were it not for the fact that I really care about my SP family (including those not mentioned above), I would have given up and left long ago. Instead, I find myself reaching out and thinking of starting anew.
The title of my blog is a tribute to my grandfather. When my aunts and dad were children, they would egg their parents on about being anxious for Christmas. Bestifar (Grandfather in Norwegian) invented "Little Christmas Eve" to kind of let some steam off of the enthusiasm. Dad and my aunts were allowed to open a present from a friend on December 23.
Friday, December 07, 2012
I was not alive when December 7, 1941 came. I cannot explain why this anniversary has always been an emotional day for me. For more than a decade, I have taken the day off, but could not this year. I wore a pin for USS Arizona and went to work in the morning.
Today was our department Christmas lunch, one of those "important to attend" events. But my boss excused me so I could get my annual eye exam. I had FSA dollars that had to be spent and, with working 7 days a week, time for the appointment was going to be a real challenge.
I left when everyone else left for the lunch because I'd decided to run some errands. One of those was to get my hair cut. I parked at the far end of the parking lot from the eye doctor's. Only then did I remember that SuperCuts is a few blocks away. Traffic was so awful I decided to walk. That was glorious!
The eye appointment went well. Doc was very pleased. He's the best eye doc I have ever had. He has taken the time to figure out how my odd eyes work, he spends time with me and he reviews my charts in great detail. It was a full 2 hour exam. At the end, I learned that the cost for the appointment and the special test matched to the penny the last few dollars I had in my FSA account! I was thrilled! For those who don't have the Flex Spending Account: the funds set aside as pretax dollars have to be spent in that calendar year or the person loses the money.
Our young intern attorney commented today that soon Pearl Harbor Day will not be observed. By that, he meant that there are so few people still alive who remember the actual day. My thought was, it will be remembered as long as I am alive.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Four years ago tomorrow, I lost my wonderful Russian Blue boy cat named Bug. That morning, I spoke to him as I headed out to work. I could not reach him - he was curled up on a shelf right next to the door above my head and out of reach. Little did I know that was the last time I would see him. It took over two years for my BF to 'fess up that Bug died that day and he is buried somewhere in the back yard (don't get me started!). We have two other cats, but I still miss my boy!
I feel huge! I saw my picture on the video webcast during our team meeting and was horrified. I am so fat! I cannot move without pain, I feel stiff all the time and.......
Working two jobs and seven days a week is a real challenge. I got my first check on Saturday and it was nice to pay more than minimum on two bills and to get some groceries! I have a long way to go, but this sure felt good!
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