Sunday, October 07, 2012
This week, I joined the Overeaters Anonymous team on SP. (Does that make me not anonymous?) I have never properly dealt with my emotional issues surrounding food. This is modeled after the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, so the first step is to take a fearless inventory and admit that I am powerless over this. I did that earlier this week and have been thinking about what it means to be "abstinent" in terms of food. One cannot go without all food after all.
Subject to change, I think abstinence will mean different things to me depending on a given situation. Thursday, it meant walking past the chocolate cake. Success. Friday, it meant not eating the less-than-the-best food choices my friend offered to share with me. Partial success.
Since learning that my LDL ("bad" cholesterol) is slightly higher than it should be, I have determined that I will really work on losing this tonnage. I am closely watching sodium (and I blew it today even without having a diet soda!) and I am cutting way back on animal protein and cheese for the next couple of weeks just to see what happens. I love cheese and I am having a caffeine shortage headache to boot! Coffee and tea do not take the edge off in the same way a soda does.
In my mind, the OA thought process and the LDL discovery dovetail nicely. The LDL number is like a kick in the rear. I walked today for over 30 minutes. I walked to the local Home Depot to pay my bill. It took me 14 minutes to walk there and and 14 back, even though I walked faster on the way back. That meant I needed to do a little more walking to get to my 30 minute minimum. I ended up walking 36 minutes. My lower back was sure sore and the last bit was really a challenge. Walking is not always this hard. Blame it on the weight. That step, distance and time total did not include the grocery shopping in the morning. The step count is not what I want, but I obviously need to work back up to 10K on a daily basis. I have to because I don't want to cut my life short nor do I want to lose any more abilities just because I am not taking care of this body of mine!
Thank you, SP family, for your support. It has been a rough journey for a while now!
Saturday, October 06, 2012
To my surprise, I had good numbers on all of the test results except for one. Some of the numbers were better than good. Whew!
The one that is higher than it should be is LDL. So I have some work to do!
Thursday, October 04, 2012
This morning, I went to Kaiser for what turned out to be 5 appointments. I have never before been able to schedule everything on the same day, let alone all on the morning. First was the fasting blood test. I have terrible veins that collapse easily, so I’ve experienced lots of “fishing expeditions”. No problems this morning. I knew I would be hungry afterwards, so I brought a granola bar and a banana. I sat outside in the garden area and enjoyed both along with the beautiful weather.
Next up, I thought, would be the flu shot. But that clinic would not be open for another hour. I took a walk for most of that time. So proud of myself for that! When I got back, it was a short wait (I thought I should have walked longer and was also amazed that my lower back did not object.) and I was finished with that in seconds.
Then was the physical with my new doctor. The appointment was in the same building, but more than an hour later. I registered anyway and was called in almost immediately. For me, the purpose was to get her signature on a paper from my company attesting to the fact that I’d had a physical. I had no complaints and the company has offered a $50 incentive to be paid in December for taking care of ourselves this way. My numbers (BP etc) are excellent. I know she was surprised to see that because my weight is so high. I need to lose 74 pounds!
Then was the booster vaccine (same building, but another clinic, so another registration and another wait). They tell me I will be very sore tomorrow (I am already!) Both shoulders (they did not want to do both on the same shoulder.)
The squish test was in a different building so I got some more steps in. I was very, very early for that appointment and it looked, at first, as if I were going to have to wait until that time came. When they called me back up and asked if I were aware of the time, I said I was, but I hoped to get in early so I could get to work. One person was training another and I heard them discuss the fact that they had only one machine. My heart sank. But they took me early! The technician complimented me for allowing her to manipulate me as she needed for the scans. She said most women flinch at being touched. Well, I don’t enjoy this test, but I’d rather the technician got a good picture the first time and that she sees all the tissue. I was surprised to learn I now have to have this annually...(age)
While I was walking around the complex, I saw an elderly man walking. He was hunched over at the waist, his trunk completely parallel to the ground. He walked with a cane and one foot thumped loudly with each step (I walk that way also, but not as pronounced.). I could not see any reason for the heavy footfall, but I was stunned at his posture. I think he would have stood about 6 feet were he able to stand tall. Very sad. I surmised as I watched him that he is probably a veteran and it’s a shame that he cannot stand tall at this point in his life. Seeing him and some of the other patients reinforced my determination to take care of myself.
On the other hand, after watching last night’s debate, reviewing my financial situation and receiving bad news in the mail, I am completely discouraged about my future. In the next few days, I will be reviewing my options, such as they are. Bankruptcy is abhorrent to me, but it is an option. Look for a better paying job or a second job, talk to my creditors (scary!) and other thoughts. Not wanting to face the facts is not productive – an interesting parallel to my SP journey, but not one I will delve into here today. But this issue does impact the rest of my life. It’s hard to work, hard to feel positive…We’ve all struggled like this. I am not the only one.
I took most of the day off, but I did go in to work so that I could join in the celebration for an employee who is retiring tomorrow. He is so excited! I am sorry to see him leave. He is someone I like and respect and enjoy. They had a huge yummy looking chocolate cake. I walked away as it was being cut. I knew better than to get near it. At this point, I cannot make exceptions for “special” events. I won’t drop this tonnage.
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
What a day! The Oakland Athletics clinched the division, so my hopes for an OAK-SF World Series are still intact.
A friend loaned me some money and insisted on buying lunch out. I went with her thinking I knew what I was going to have, but found the menu had changed. I was stumped. I ordered what I thought was the most reasonable item but...then there were the chips and salsa. As I chomped on the chips, I had a nagging thought that stopping that would be what food abstinence means. I did stop, but not soon enough. I had to guess on the food values for what I ate (the restaurant does not have nutrition info posted in the place or online). I could have done better, but I also could have done worse.
I was still very stiff today and did not walk much. But I will make that up tomorrow when I spend the morning at Kaiser getting ALL of my routine appointments done. I am looking forward to seeing that number on my pedometer!
This afternoon, my cellphone rang. It was one of the girls and she put Mom on the phone. We had a chance to talk. She is not herself. The strokes have robbed us of a lot of her, but it was absolutely fantastic to talk with her. I am so grateful that I got to tell her how much she means to me. I know she knows, but I really am so thankful that I got one more chance to say it. I hung up and cried. That could have been our last conversation. If yes, I will treasure it!
Monday, October 01, 2012
Thank you, Spark Family, for your support! You made the difference today! At certain times of the day, it was almost as if you were with me, talking with me, helping me think before I made a food choice. My attitude is what is better today.
Oddly, I have had almost no appetite, so I am way off on food. I was ok in most respects yesterday. I am not going to worry about it. It is unseasonably warm today and will be tomorrow as well. The pendulum will swing.
I got almost no sleep last night. BF was not sleeping well because of his restless leg syndrome, so I came out to the couch, not an easy place to sleep. Plus, one of the twins texted me and asked if I wanted Mom Angell's hat and a scarf. Yes, of course, but...I wish she could live forever and keep wearing them herself. Thinking of her and the looming airline ticket and her funeral did not help me fall asleep.
Somehow, I made it through the day and actually got some work done.
My aging cat seems to be doing better.
Yes, I probably need therapy, but I don't have the money or the time.
I did something great for me last week and the final piece came together today. Thursday, I will be getting all of my scheduled exams at Kaiser. The physical, the "squish test" (you ladies know!), the vaccine booster and my flu shot. Doc says there will be no conflict between both shots. I usually put this kind of thing off because the logistics are awful. Amazingly, the wait to see my doc and to schedule all the other things was not astronomically long. To get them all scheduled on one day is remarkable! Good for me for taking care of myself! BUT I did get more pushback from the office than I expected when I asked for half or perhaps a full day off (I have the sick time and vacation time available.) One test might make me feel lousy, so that was why I wanted the option to take the full day. That one test is a fasting blood test (first thing in the morning!). I am nervous about those results for sure. I am morbidly obese, I don't exercise much, I am no spring chicken and I fear the result will include a diagnosis of diabetes. Manageable, to be sure, but still. I am making changes to avert that diagnosis but it may be the classic case of too little too late...
Sleeping on the couch again (it's cooler) and going soon.
Good night and thank you!
Get An Email Alert Each Time JUNEAU2010 Posts