Friday, May 04, 2012
I scheduled a doctor appointment today with a new cardiologist. I have nearly passed out two days in a row. Both days, I was in the file room, so lots of bending and standing. I am thinking that my blood pressure is dropping. But, my readings in the evening are still pretty normal, so they must be coming back to normal. I am seeing a new doctor as my old clinic has moved. Also, I didn't feel comfortable with the Nurse Practitioner. She was very nice, but I prefer someone more straight forward. Overly nice, makes me nervous. Not good when they are trying to measure your BP. LOL.
Hopefully, they will look at my blood sugar too. That part makes me nervous too. But still, I think it's better to know.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
We are back from visiting Dad in the hospital. It is about 2 hours 1 way to visit him in the hospital. He is in a locked ward in a small town. I feel so much more peaceful after seeing him. He is still very angry, with Mom, Eric and I. But that's OK, because he is where he needs to be. He is on several antidepressants and a med to improve his cognitive function. He is also cooperating with the counseling. I suppose he will be there another week. I would imagine we will begin looking for a nursing home for him on Monday. I don't think he is ready for that yet, but hopefully he will be by the time he is discharged.
Right now, I am sitting in front of a fire catching up on SP. I have joined the, "Official Spring into Shape" Bootcamp challenge. I have never joined a challenge before and am enjoying it so far. The videos are good. I am needing a little extra push in the strength training department. I am feeling a little stressed so I will definitely not miss my cardio. Not sure if it will be a video or if we will go up to the club.
I am feeling ready to break the 150 mark. I have had a mental block about it. I guess I am afraid I will begin to plateau. Makes no sense really, to self-sabotage. You know, not really doing anything wrong, but just not giving 100% to my exercise and healthy eating habits.
I guess part of it is that I am at the 1/2 point on my weight loss journey. 25 pounds gone, 25 more to go. Every pound that I lose is now on the down hill side. I've had to restrain myself from lowering my weight loss goal. I've lost weight many times before only to regain all of it and then some. I am afraid I won't be able to maintain my healthy new lifestyle. But, it's OK, as long as I love what I am doing, I won't be tempted to quit.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
I've been looking back on April, and realized that I only lost 3 pounds this month. I felt bad, until Eric pointed out that we had so much going on. OK, so if this had been a year ago, I would have been lucky to only gain 3 pounds. I haven't been able to go to the gym like I want, but I have been walking. As stressful, as this last week has been, I did find time to walk each day. Definitely, a victory. Maybe exercise is becoming a habit?
Still, I would like to continue moving forward. So, I decided to join a challenge for the first time, the Spring into Shape Bootcamp. It sounds like fun, and it should provide some help with strength training. Consistency, is something I need to work on.
With 25 pounds gone and a new haircut, I actually like the look of my face in the mirror. I had definitely gotten into a rut. It is so fun to try new things with my hair. My body is another matter. I no longer hide from mirrors. I like the way my body feels, although not always how it looks. Still, my head knows that my body looks good. It's just my heart that needs to catch up. OK, one step at a time Julie.
Right now, I am going to also focus on taking each day one at a time. It feels less overwhelming that way.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
On Sunday, we removed the battery from my Dad's car because he was driving drunk. On Monday, I phoned his doctor to express concern that his behavior was dangerous. Tuesday afternoon she called back. I am very thankful for her phone call and the timing. Dad's lung cancer, while slow growing, is terminal. My parents, have been resisting putting Dad in a nursing home, because they have been thinking that he would live longer than the long-term care insurance will pay for. My Dad will not live more than five years so, this will not be a problem. As she is not an oncologist she could not provide more definite info on the time span. Also, although the spot on Dad's lungs has shrunk a little. Dad has cancer on his kidneys. She advised taking Dad to the ER and saying that he was, self-injuring.
At the time, she said this, I thought that I would phone my Mom and we would discuss what the doctor had said. When I came home from work, I phoned my Mom. When I phoned, she said, that Dad had said that, "If he can not have the battery to the van back, he has no reason to live, and will hang himself in the sun porch. He repeated this twice to Mom. He told me this once on the phone. So, we took Dad to the ER, he is currently in the psychiatric ward of a hospital. They have placed him on a 72 hour hold.
When, I first heard my father say this, I found it difficult to believe, he would truly mean what he said. But, in the hospital, he repeated what he said. My heart is breaking for him. Home is no longer a safe place for him. I would like him, to be able to be admitted permanently to a nursing home where he could be safe, and maybe happy. At this point I do not know if this is even a possibility for him.
I believe that each day we have is a gift. I am trying my hardest, to live each day the best that I can, and to give the most that I am able.
I would like some of that for my Dad. I think, that even though he is terminally ill, he has the right to have joy each day. If you do not have joy, something is wrong, and it should change. I can't make my Dad happy, he has to do that for himself. But, right now he is surrounded with people who are trying to help him. I will try to find a long-term care facility, where he will hopefully make some friends. I will try to make his room bright and cheerful.
In the meantime, I have to continue to eat healthy and exercise regularly. I have to continue to become healthier. I have to do this for myself, and for my family who need me.
I so hope I have the wisdom and courage to help my parents make the best choices.
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