JULIETTECAKE
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Dr. Appt.

Friday, May 04, 2012

I scheduled a doctor appointment today with a new cardiologist. I have nearly passed out two days in a row. Both days, I was in the file room, so lots of bending and standing. I am thinking that my blood pressure is dropping. But, my readings in the evening are still pretty normal, so they must be coming back to normal. I am seeing a new doctor as my old clinic has moved. Also, I didn't feel comfortable with the Nurse Practitioner. She was very nice, but I prefer someone more straight forward. Overly nice, makes me nervous. Not good when they are trying to measure your BP. LOL.

Hopefully, they will look at my blood sugar too. That part makes me nervous too. But still, I think it's better to know.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMYTRIPP 5/7/2012 9:18AM

    I hope the appt goes well. I'm glad you're so proactive with your health.

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WILDLOTUS16 5/5/2012 7:47PM

    O wow, I know what you mean with the "too nice" people. They seem so fake! Anyway, feel better!

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LGAR519 5/5/2012 3:53PM

    Hope everything works out with the new doctor!

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CRYSTAL_MOM 5/5/2012 2:13PM

    I trust you find your answer. Let us know.

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RICOCHETBEAR 5/4/2012 10:19PM

    That symptom sounds like my buddie's hubby when he lost weight and his blood pressure dropped.... Thats wonderful for you if that is it, I will keep my fingers grossed for you. Hope you like the new medical people!

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CAKEMAKERMOM 5/4/2012 9:13PM

    I hope they help you figure out what's causing your problems. Good luck trying to get the tests, it doesn't hurt to ask for a specific one.

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Visit with Dad

Saturday, April 28, 2012

We are back from visiting Dad in the hospital. It is about 2 hours 1 way to visit him in the hospital. He is in a locked ward in a small town. I feel so much more peaceful after seeing him. He is still very angry, with Mom, Eric and I. But that's OK, because he is where he needs to be. He is on several antidepressants and a med to improve his cognitive function. He is also cooperating with the counseling. I suppose he will be there another week. I would imagine we will begin looking for a nursing home for him on Monday. I don't think he is ready for that yet, but hopefully he will be by the time he is discharged.

Right now, I am sitting in front of a fire catching up on SP. I have joined the, "Official Spring into Shape" Bootcamp challenge. I have never joined a challenge before and am enjoying it so far. The videos are good. I am needing a little extra push in the strength training department. I am feeling a little stressed so I will definitely not miss my cardio. Not sure if it will be a video or if we will go up to the club.

I am feeling ready to break the 150 mark. I have had a mental block about it. I guess I am afraid I will begin to plateau. Makes no sense really, to self-sabotage. You know, not really doing anything wrong, but just not giving 100% to my exercise and healthy eating habits.

I guess part of it is that I am at the 1/2 point on my weight loss journey. 25 pounds gone, 25 more to go. Every pound that I lose is now on the down hill side. I've had to restrain myself from lowering my weight loss goal. I've lost weight many times before only to regain all of it and then some. I am afraid I won't be able to maintain my healthy new lifestyle. But, it's OK, as long as I love what I am doing, I won't be tempted to quit.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RICOCHETBEAR 4/30/2012 11:08PM

    I am glad too for your peace of mind and heart you are feeling right now. I can hear it come through in your words.

Do not let yourself start to talk you into things that will lead to self sabatoge. Do not dwell on past weight loss failures.
Stay positive.... you are coming up on some hard times and you will be vulnerable. Keep yourself aware of that, then you will be able to fight off the temptations to stray off course.

Your dad is in the best place for him right now. They will care for him and maybe he will be having a change of heart when he is sober for a few days.'At least you could hope so ,,,,
take care
hugs

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7356WILMA 4/30/2012 10:34PM

  I to am glad that you are at peace with your decisions, I know how hard they are to make.

You can keep up this journey, you are doing such a great job!!

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AMYTRIPP 4/30/2012 8:23AM

    I'm glad you're dad is where he needs to be. That has to be a weight off your shoulders.

I joined the Boot camp, too. I don't really do any strength training (bad me!) so I figured this was a good way to get into it.

This time, hun, the weight will stay off because you're changing your lifestyle and you have a whole community of support right here at Spark.

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FENWAYGIRL18 4/28/2012 11:20PM

    make sure u go online to look for a good nursing home, they have how they are rated on there. good luck!

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BARBARAHOBBIT 4/28/2012 10:41PM

    So glad to hear that your Dad is getting the med support he needs, and that you are feeling better about things.

I am sure you will do very well at your challenge, and that the second part of your journey will be fine. I think because we have failed in the past to keep the weight off, we almost talk ourselves into failure when we get anywhere near to target again. The difference this time is that you have already made a lot of lifechanging eating habits, and you have all of us to support you when you are on your maintenance programme. So onward to the healthier and happier you.
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CAKEMAKERMOM 4/28/2012 9:14PM

    I'm glad you're at peace with the decision. You're doing the right thing, I hope that you find a compatible nursing home for him.
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I hope you are able to get past that mental block and gain momentum in your journey.
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Thursday

Thursday, April 26, 2012

I've been looking back on April, and realized that I only lost 3 pounds this month. I felt bad, until Eric pointed out that we had so much going on. OK, so if this had been a year ago, I would have been lucky to only gain 3 pounds. I haven't been able to go to the gym like I want, but I have been walking. As stressful, as this last week has been, I did find time to walk each day. Definitely, a victory. Maybe exercise is becoming a habit?

Still, I would like to continue moving forward. So, I decided to join a challenge for the first time, the Spring into Shape Bootcamp. It sounds like fun, and it should provide some help with strength training. Consistency, is something I need to work on.

With 25 pounds gone and a new haircut, I actually like the look of my face in the mirror. I had definitely gotten into a rut. It is so fun to try new things with my hair. My body is another matter. I no longer hide from mirrors. I like the way my body feels, although not always how it looks. Still, my head knows that my body looks good. It's just my heart that needs to catch up. OK, one step at a time Julie.

Right now, I am going to also focus on taking each day one at a time. It feels less overwhelming that way.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMYTRIPP 4/27/2012 6:20AM

    Three pounds down is a victory. Be proud and happy with all the work you've done and know that you're still moving in the right direction.
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RICOCHETBEAR 4/27/2012 2:02AM

    Just one day at a time hon, just remember that. You have more stress coming up for you, with your daughters surgery. So that you have been handling your stressful times and not gaining, just remember to keep doing what you are doing.

Your mind and heart will catch up, just give it some time. It has not been very long yet, for your terrific weightloss! emoticon


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7356WILMA 4/26/2012 10:14PM

  You'll love the challenge!! And you have done great, remember it's the small steps the life style change!!

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Dad

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

On Sunday, we removed the battery from my Dad's car because he was driving drunk. On Monday, I phoned his doctor to express concern that his behavior was dangerous. Tuesday afternoon she called back. I am very thankful for her phone call and the timing. Dad's lung cancer, while slow growing, is terminal. My parents, have been resisting putting Dad in a nursing home, because they have been thinking that he would live longer than the long-term care insurance will pay for. My Dad will not live more than five years so, this will not be a problem. As she is not an oncologist she could not provide more definite info on the time span. Also, although the spot on Dad's lungs has shrunk a little. Dad has cancer on his kidneys. She advised taking Dad to the ER and saying that he was, self-injuring.

At the time, she said this, I thought that I would phone my Mom and we would discuss what the doctor had said. When I came home from work, I phoned my Mom. When I phoned, she said, that Dad had said that, "If he can not have the battery to the van back, he has no reason to live, and will hang himself in the sun porch. He repeated this twice to Mom. He told me this once on the phone. So, we took Dad to the ER, he is currently in the psychiatric ward of a hospital. They have placed him on a 72 hour hold.

When, I first heard my father say this, I found it difficult to believe, he would truly mean what he said. But, in the hospital, he repeated what he said. My heart is breaking for him. Home is no longer a safe place for him. I would like him, to be able to be admitted permanently to a nursing home where he could be safe, and maybe happy. At this point I do not know if this is even a possibility for him.

I believe that each day we have is a gift. I am trying my hardest, to live each day the best that I can, and to give the most that I am able.

I would like some of that for my Dad. I think, that even though he is terminally ill, he has the right to have joy each day. If you do not have joy, something is wrong, and it should change. I can't make my Dad happy, he has to do that for himself. But, right now he is surrounded with people who are trying to help him. I will try to find a long-term care facility, where he will hopefully make some friends. I will try to make his room bright and cheerful.

In the meantime, I have to continue to eat healthy and exercise regularly. I have to continue to become healthier. I have to do this for myself, and for my family who need me.

I so hope I have the wisdom and courage to help my parents make the best choices.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBARAHOBBIT 4/26/2012 6:08PM

    My heart goes out to you my friend - you are a very courageous, brave and caring person. I truly hope that you can find him a residential home where he can be happy and cared for. None of us ever wish to have to make this choice for our parents, but sometimes it is the best for everyone that it happens. Your Dad needs specialist care and support to enable him to spend the last of his days peaceful and happy, and your Mother needs the peace of mind.

You are strong, and you will suceed in your striving for a healthier lifestyle. Just remember you have many people who care for you here at SP, we are by your side, making this journey together. emoticon emoticon

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AMYTRIPP 4/26/2012 9:17AM

    Hun, you've already shown your wisdom and courage. You should have no doubts that you have it.

I think just getting your dad comfortable and safe is the best thing you can do. If he's threatening to kill himself at home, then home probably isn't the place for him anymore.

My grandma has spent the last several years in a nursing home and she loves it. She loves the activities and the care she gets. She has friends around her all the time and visitors whenever we can. I hope your dad can find that, as well.

Just keep doing what's best for you. emoticon

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CAKEMAKERMOM 4/26/2012 8:55AM

    I'm glad that he has people to care for his well being. It's hard for a person to be losing their sense of freedom, but it's also his choice to be drinking and therefore causing himself to be losing his driving privileges. Thank you for looking out for the general public because of his behaviors.

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LGAR519 4/26/2012 8:41AM

    You are a very brave person. I will be praying for you and your family! You have a very sad situation. Don't neglect your spiritual well being!

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Horrible Evening

Sunday, April 22, 2012

We went to visit my parents tonight. Eric and Quinn were sweeping out the garage and Dad wanted to watch and supervise. Dad fell and hit his head against 100 yr old metal trunk. We took Dad to the emergency room where he needed 6 stitches above his eyebrow.

Dad was drunk and slurring his words. The ER doctor could smell it on him. The neighbors are scared of his driving. He recently was visited by the sheriff as someone driving behind him complained about his driving. I'm afraid he'll hurt himself or another person. We asked Dad for his keys, but he refused. So, Eric disconnected the battery to his van. Dad called the police. I was relieved when the sheriff showed up. The filed a report and will have someone investigate to see if he is a fit driver. I will call his doctor on Monday, and let her know what happened.

I had to tell my Mom not to let her keys out of her sight. Unfortunately, I am afraid my Dad will take the battery out of her car or will just buy a new one. My Dad needs to get treatment but refuses to even admit he has a problem. He needs to be in a nursing home, where he can be safe.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBARAHOBBIT 4/23/2012 11:00AM

    My heart goes out to you, and your Family. You are doing the right thing, taking control of a very difficult situation, and supporting your Mom, who must be feeling very distraught at the moment.
Your Sparkfriends are all here, wishing well for you, and ready to support you when you need it.
Be strong, I know it can be very distessing when you realise the roles have now reversed, that you now need to step up and take control when one or both parents are unable to cope alone.
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Comment edited on: 4/23/2012 8:33:09 PM

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AMYTRIPP 4/23/2012 10:02AM

    emoticon

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's so hard when a child has to go into the parent role for one of their parents.

It was such a blessing for us when my alcholic dad lost his truck for failure to provide insurance on it. We were all so glad he wouldn't be on the road anymore, so I know how you feel.

Hopefully the police will decide your dad isn't a fit driver and you won't have to keep playing the 'bad guy'.

My thoughts are with you, hun.

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LGAR519 4/23/2012 9:20AM

    So sorry you have to go through all this. Glad you love your Dad enough to try to help him!! HUGS!!

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CAKEMAKERMOM 4/23/2012 8:15AM

    I'm glad he has someone like you guys to keep an eye on him and hopefully you'll get the backup on his driving with this last call. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.
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BELLE0308 4/23/2012 3:02AM

    My thoughts are with you. This is VERY tough. Even if they are able to pull his license, I would imagine it would be a difficult time for you.

I went through something similar with my Grandfather when he had Parkinson's so bad it was affecting his driving. He agreed to give up his license and his doctor put in a medical request to have it revoked but he STILL got in the car one day and drove and ended up in another state!

My Grandmother was a similar story only hers was from alzheimer's. We disabled her car and she had a mechanic fix it. During the time we were waiting to get guardianship of her, she fell and hurt herself a few times. We worried constantly about her getting in her car and hurting someone else or herself or getting lost.

I feel very badly for you and your family. Such a really hard thing to handle but you are doing the right thing to be concerned and to make an attempt to do something. Not everyone feels the weight of that responsibility. You would be surprised how many people just ignore a situation like this because of the difficulty.

Thank you!
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CRYSTAL_MOM 4/22/2012 10:28PM

    I am sorry that you are going through such rough stuff with your dad. I am glad that you wrote about it. Things have been difficult since my dad was diagnosed with dementia. He drives and gets around but what about the day when one of us has to take away his keys or restrict him?

I hope you can relax this evening.
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RICOCHETBEAR 4/22/2012 10:24PM

    oh how awful for you. and not to mention, painful to witness.

You have all done the right thing because I am sure you would never forgive yourself if you did nothing and your dad hurt or killed someone else as well as himself. I hope your mom is a strong woman and hangs on to her keys, and I pray your dad doesnt even think about other batteries... I am glad that he was not hurt more than he was.

Hugs to you, for your bravery to do something about it, for having to go through this and most of all, just because I think you need one.

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FRAN0426 4/22/2012 10:21PM

    I agree that it is by far a good thing that someone will be checking to see if you dad is fit for driving. You do knowtho that even if they take his license away, he may still continue to drive if he can get by doing so. It is a very difficult situation for your entire family, and a tough one to have to enforce he doesn't drive if he is found ubfit to drive. Thank goodness that up till now he hasn't injured anyone with driving drunk. Hopr it all works out and you all can have peace of mind over the situation.

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