Monday, April 16, 2012
I have updated my photo gallery with new photos. It's hard to believe that it has been 3 months since I began my weight loss journey. The new photos show me at 24 pounds lost. I also colored my hair this weekend and tried a new hair cut. I was also feeling pretty confident, so I tried my black dress that I haven't been able to wear in quite some time. Amazingly, the dress fits. So, cool I can wear it to Cassie's confirmation. By the time I reach my wedding anniversary, I think I might need to go shopping for a new one.
So, tell me what you think. Can you see the difference? I really like the new haircut, it seems to suit my face better. Definitely, not sure about the rest of me. Maybe, less lumpy.....
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I find it hard to believe, but I am actually beginning to look forward to weigh in day. It is the day I used to dread and anxiously anticipate. It's on Wednesday, because that is as far as I could get it from the weekend. Yep, don't do so well in an uncontrolled environment. But, bad or good, Weigh In Wednesday, has simply become the beginning of a new week. Doesn't matter how good or bad I did the previous week, in the new week, I need to try to lose another 2 pounds.
On Weigh-In Wednesday, I also track my BP and for the first time in a long time it is below 120/80. It's what my doctor expects it to always be with meds. I feel so much lighter, and happier after that reading. I didn't realize how much this worried me.
Just like my weight loss, one spike up or down doesn't matter as much as a general downward trend. I am so hoping that I can reduce or eliminate my BP med. I felt like such a failure when they doubled it and my BP never dropped. They simply tell you it is your fault and that it would be far worse if they hadn't increased the med. While, this may be true, it isn't all that helpful when a person is struggling. Oh well, that's done and over with. Eventually, I will walk into that office at my goal weight and then I hope I will not need the med again.
Cassie is having her surgery June 28th. So, we have a little time to prepare. In the book about spinal fusion it recommends walking 3-5 times a week. So, I have gained a cheerful, talkative walking partner in the evenings after work. It's so fun to go walking with her and to hear about her day. Today I took a walk with my husband during lunch at work and another after work with Cassie. This meant I walked just over 5 miles today. My calves are mooing, but I feel good.
Most of the weight I carry is in my stomach area. When I first started SP, this meant doing aerobics and running felt like exercising with a weighted ball attached to me. I felt so awkward. It is so much easier to exercise with 20+ pounds gone from my body. I never really realized that just walking to the treadmill was a warm up. Now, I have to push myself to get to that same place.
I think I begin to see how people can end up running marathons after losing weight. If you are able to exercise when you are over weight, exercising after losing weight must be so very easy. It simply doesn't take as much effort to move 180 pounds as opposed to 150 pounds. So, at a certain point, I think so many possibilities open up. The question then becomes, what do I want to do? Long bike rides, probably..... Long hikes....definitely!!!! Swimming.....maybe, a dance class, hmmmm, maybe.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
It has been quite the day today. Most of it was spent at the doctor's office. They ran two additional sets of x-rays at the office. It was neat that we were able to view them immediately in the exam room. I think it probably saved us several visits. It is just a rather large amount of information to absorb. Cassie has two curves in her spine, both 58%. So, she does need surgery. The plan is to fuse the upper part of the spine. This should help to correct most of the curve in the lower spine while allowing her to retain more flexibility. She should indeed be at least an inch taller after the surgery. However, this also means 5 days in the hospital. She will need pain meds for about two weeks total. So, now we are waiting for the nurse to call to schedule a time. We would like to have the surgery as soon as we can. Eric is going to work on finding out if insurance will cover the surgeon, hospital, etc. I am going to work on coordinating school work and finals with her surgery.
I called my Mom afterward to let her know about Cassie. Her first response is, then I can ride with you that day. I told her no. The surgery will take 3-4 hours, I don't want to have to worry about anyone but Cassie that day. She asked me if she could visit Cassie, I said yes.
About 30 minutes after I called, she called back to say that, Dad wanted his second set of keys to his van back at Easter or he wouldn't go. I said, "No". So, we will not be celebrating Easter with my parents. It was an instinctive reaction, said without even thinking. However, I think it is the right one. First off, Dad has a set of keys to the van, and in no way can I stop him from driving. So, if I give him the second set of keys, I am saying he is safe to drive. My Dad is an alcoholic and definitely does not belong behind the wheel of a car.
I think my Dad is angry with both his doctor and I. His doctor said she would give him one more chance, and if he behaves as he did last time, she will not sign him out of the nursing home next time. As much as I am glad Dad has a chance to go home, I think he will end of back again.
I feel so sad, my heart is breaking. My Dad is only 77 years old. He still has life ahead. I know with everything he has gone through there might not be a large amount of time. But each day we have should be treasured. Where I see possibilities he sees none. Where I see opportunities for happiness he sees none. As much as I love him, happiness is something we each must find for ourselves.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
This week has been such an odd week. I was so glad for Weigh-In Wednesday to come and just log that I was up a pound. It felt good just to be done with it. I had struggled the previous week with getting enough sleep due to nightmares. Something was off and I just couldn't seem to fix it. I finally figured out that I was back, doing the negative self-talk. Realizing it, made it easy to fix. Getting the needed sleep helped too. It's much easier to be positive after a full night's sleep.
Wednesday evening my daughter's pediatrician called to tell us that she has severe scoliosis. I had been expecting a diagnosis of mild scoliosis, but definitely not severe. I can't tell you how bad I felt. I so wish I could have done something to prevent it, as at age 15, I am concerned that her options are limited. We have an appointment made with Gillette Children's on April 3rd. So, if she needs surgery, she will be at the best place I can find.
This probably sounds strange, but Thursday, we picked up a copy of her x-rays on disk. I felt relieved to see the x-ray of her spine. I had thought that the scoliosis was in her upper back, as I can see one shoulder isn't level. But, the scoliosis is actually in her lower back. It's kind kinked, 80% if I heard her doctor correctly. Although, she isn't in pain now, I want to do what ever we need to do to make sure she has a healthy, pain-free life. Also, after looking at her x-ray Cassie wanted to know if she would be taller. If they straightened out her spine, would she be maybe, 2 inches taller? Currently, she is 5 ft 5 inches tall to my 5'2". It's kind of funny to imagine me having a tall daughter of 5'7". The credit for the tall genes would definitely go to my Dad and my husband's Mom. I have so many questions, but I am trying to keep my mind open to all possibilities. I am afraid, though that she will need surgery.
Also, I have been checking my weight and it looks like I might be down 20 pounds on the next weigh-in Wednesday. I am definitely not counting it now, as weekends are not easy times for me. Even though, I weigh everyday it is always a surprise on weigh in day what I will weigh.
Today, I was outside raking the lawn for about 1 1/2 hours. A year ago, I would never have lasted that long and would have accomplished a quarter of what I did today. I also would have felt totally wiped out. Today, at the end I felt like singing, and to my son's embarrassment did! It makes me feel so good to know that the exercising I am doing is paying off.
The lesson learned this week is this: I need to spend less time focusing on the things I can not change, and more time focusing on new opportunities and what I am able to change.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Friday evening, while at Lifetime Fitness, I received a phone call from my Mom. She called to let me know that Kevin, a childhood friend, who I haven't seen since we were teenagers, had died. Apparently, Kevin had 3 heart attacks and had stopped breathing. Also, his blood sugar was 900. How can that be correct? If a borderline blood sugar is 103 and a high blood sugar is in the 250's. That number can't possibly be correct.
I met Kevin and his family because our fathers worked together. Every summer, over the July 4th week, my family, Kevin's family, and Lily's family would each rent a cabin on a lake in Kenora, Ontario. Kevin, was a cute, sweet, chubby boy. He was always happiest when surrounded by his family.
There used to be four of us, close to the same age, me, Kevin, his brother Doug, and Lily. Lily, committed suicide while still a teen. So, now it is just Doug and I. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much, I haven't seen Kevin in over 20 years. I guess, it's that, other than a few choices I've made, I could see what happened to Kevin, happening to me.
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