Monday, February 20, 2012
Typically, Mondays are my most dreaded day of the week. Today looking back wasn't bad. I slept last night with no early morning waking. I think this is the first week in several. I think writing about my Mom helped.
I am feeling stronger and even a bit thinner. Although, the scale does not always agree with me, I am sure it will catch up to my brain sooner or later. I am having one of those weeks where the scale wobbles up and down. It's a bit like russian roulette and I am definitely no gambler. So, I am looking forward to Wednesday Weigh In. Can't wait to see what the scale decides.
I went for my walk/ jog today and even managed to do average a 13 min/ mile. I saw two hawks circling near each other. It seems so unusual to see two together. Maybe there will be more little hawks. I had an asthma attack about an hour after exercising. This one wasn't the most fun, I really wanted more than two puffs on my inhaler. I find it frustrating to make progress and then have that happen.
So, I will need to rethink running outdoors. Maybe, I need to slow my pace, at least during work hours. Also, I need to carry the darn inhaler with me when I go out and during all workouts. I hate how I feel when I use the thing, kind of like a cat on a hot tin roof or someone dragging their fingernails across a chalkboard.
I guess what I am debating between is this. One of my goals is to reduce or eliminate the need for BP meds. My other is to run for 30 minutes on a treadmill next to my husband. If I use my rescue inhaler, it will increase my BP. Maybe, very slowly and very gradually increasing my speed would work best. I am hoping that my lungs will get stronger along with my heart.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
I have been trying to visualize what I would look like thinner, but am having a difficult time. I found a website called, mybodygallery.com. You are able to search for photos of real women, based on height, weight and body type. It's interesting. It's the first place I've found that has photos of real women. I played around a bit. As much as I hated what I looked like at my starting weight. I think all of the photos of women at my height and starting weight are beautiful.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Three days after Easter 2011, I received a phone call from my Dad at work. The conversation went something like this, "Julie, your Mom is insisting today is Saturday and we both know it's Wednesday, right?" Me, "Yes, Dad you're right today is Wednesday, call 911 and have Mom taken to the hospital, I think she's had a stroke." My mom absolutely refused to go to the hospital, after all she wasn't the one with the memory problem, my Dad was. And on any other day of her life, my Mom would have been correct, because my Mom is a very sharp lady. So, for this very with it lady to get the date wrong, something was terribly wrong .
When, the ambulance arrived, my Mom passed all the stroke tests. She could raise both her arms and legs, she even seemed coherent. But still, they brought her to the hospital. After various tests, we learned that the bleed was in the left front of her brain. It turned out that we were very lucky, because the rate of death for someone with the type of stroke my Mom had is higher than the usual stroke. When the nurse asked my Mom why she was in the hospital she said, "Because I was argumentative." Everyone in the room laughed and the nurse's response was, "Well, if that were true there would be more of us in the hospital.
So, why am I writing about it? It doesn't really seem to be something weight related, right? This is some of the emotional baggage (and weight) that I've been carrying around for almost a year now. I haven't until now, been able to figure out why her stroke bothers me so much. But here it is, I'm not sure if I can express this right.
But, when Mom had her stroke, we were truly lucky and blessed that she didn't die. But on the other hand, in many ways, the woman who raised me was gone over night. I guess I felt, like she died that day. That sounds so wrong when I write it that way. But it's truly how I feel, because she doesn't remember large chunks of my childhood, and quite simply she isn't the same person she was before that day.
With this realization, I feel peaceful. It feels like a burden has lifted. I think this is what acceptance feels like. I love my Mom with all my heart. She is truly a very special person. She has so much moxy and determination, that when she puts her mind to something, just try and stop her. My money will be on her every time. She's changed, but it's OK, because I love the new person she's become. I hope someday that she will learn to accept the new person she has become as well.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
It was a nice, quiet day today. I started out feeling sick from the food yesterday. I stayed in my calorie range and somehow within my carb allowance. But, I did learn that I would rather skip the food and not feel sick. I drank lots of water and had a high fiber day in attempt to flush the nasty stuff from my system. I am also learning that exercise is a good pick-me up and pain reliever. I certainly need all the healthy pick-me ups I can find.
We went to the store and I bought a belt to keep my pants from falling off. Then, we visited the bookstore and had coffee. I checked out the exercise videos, but felt overwhelmed at the variety. I will need to do a little research to find out what I might like.
What are your favorite exercise DVD's? I have the 28-day SP video, so I was thinking something dance oriented. I need easy since I am not real coordinated.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Today was a beautiful sunny day. It was a perfect day for a long drive, which is great since we spent 4 hours in a car. We took a different route today than usual, and it was much prettier. Normally, in Minnesota we have a foot of snow on the ground, but this year there is barely any. So, today instead of grey skies and snow there were golden grasses, red twig dogwood, and an eagle. Also, not all the lakes and streams are frozen. It was beautiful with the sunshine.
At my Uncle's birthday, I had the opportunity to speak with my cousin Kim, who is living in Kentucky. My Uncle's 93-yr old mother-in-law. Boy, is she an inspiration. She still lives in her own home by herself and walks about a mile up to the store once a week. She has recently had a boyfriend but had to break up when she needed more space. If that's what old age looks like, that would be wonderful.
I packed the sandwiches and fruit. I had a piece of my Uncle's birthday cake, and managed to stay within my calorie range. Planning out apx what I was going to eat gave me a good idea of what I could spend the remaining calories on. However, even though I bought healthy, relatively high fiber pre-packaged foods, I am still hungry. The food just isn't as filling as what I would usually pack. Also, although I stayed within my carb budget, the foods seem to make me hungrier.
After, my Uncle's birthday we picked my Dad up at the hospital and brought him to the nursing home. The official diagnosis is overall poor general health and early pneumonia. They don't sound real sure about the pneumonia and will be doing more x-rays to make sure the antibiotics do the job, and the spots on his lung clear. With lung cancer I find spots on his lung scary. Dad did not want to be in the nursing home, although he did have a say on where he went and even enjoyed his stay last time. I am hoping that after a few days there he will begin to adjust. I would like him to have the chance to be healthier and happier than today.
Although, I am feeling down and would really like a pint of chocolate ice cream with something marshmallow like. I don't need it, I am just sad and tired. I am stronger, smarter and just plain better than that. Also, if I had more energy I could think of something far more interesting. So, I will continue writing for the moment.
Reflecting on my day, I guess I have a choice. I can focus on the sadness I feel about my Dad or I can focus on the happiness I feel at speaking to people I haven't seen in quite a while. Also, the 93-yr old spunky woman. She is my happy thought today. She had so much more energy and was so much more with it than many people years younger than her. What an amazing possibility. Maybe, if I am lucky, have my share of good genetics, and take excellent care of my body, I too have a chance at growing old like her. Add sassy to my list of things I want in my life.
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