Monday, July 22, 2013
I don't even know where to begin. I'm sure like many members, the effort and desire to work towards our goals waxes and wanes throughout time. We're doing really well, and then all of a sudden something happens, we don't have as much time as we used to, we slip up, and 1 day turns into 1 week, 1 week turns into 1 month, and 1 month turns into 1 year....and you're lucky if it stops there. I feel like that happens to me all the time. Sometimes I think I'm happy. People say I don't look like I weigh as much as I do (and shocked when they find out the exact number!), ice cream tastes good, and I'm gosh darn tired after working for 11 hours. What's the point? Why can't I be happy how I am? I would say I am happy - to a point. I will not say that I am miserable. I do enjoy eating, I have a fulfilling life, good friends and a loving family, finances are really tight, but I make things work. But I know that I can do more. I know that I can be healthier. How much happier and successful would I be if I didn't get sick all of the time? I know I can look better. It pains me to think that I'm not getting asked out on dates because of my weight. Part of me thinks that if a guy really liked me and was worth anything, he would see me as a beautiful person and wouldn't care. The other part of me thinks that while guys may think I'm a good person, they're not attracted to me in that way, so I never get asked out. It's frustrating. I am afraid the truth may hurt.
But - here I go again. I have promised myself "this time will be different" so many times. I want this time to be different, but will it? There is always that fear. But I know this time will not be different if there is never another "this time". Besides, whatever progress I do make is important and worthy of praise and better than it never happening at all. Acting upon a fear of failure will only guarantee your goal is not met.
Saturday, June 02, 2012
So I read about a nifty little strategy to develop greater self-discipline by doing things everyday. That is, get a calendar, and put a big "X" through each day that you do that thing. This, at least for some, will be a visual motivation to keep going because you don't want to break the chain of X's. (Of course, I will also keep track of these goals using the "other goals" on SparkPeople as well )
Here's the thing though - like for example, my professor who's working with me right now to get into a PhD program after I graduate wants me to study my French 2 hours a day this summer. I'm sorry, but that's A LOT! It's not I'm not willing to do that, it's just it's a big commitment and it will challenge me. I'm such an all or nothing person that I fear if I just mark off the days where I do all 2 hours I will find myself frustrated. Solution? Even if I don't get all 2 hours in, I will still acknowledge that I worked on it that day. The "X" will be a different color - I DID NOT fully meet my goal, but effort was put forth - and you know what? Some days 2 hours of French simply WON'T happen, and I know my professor knows that and he knows that I know that. But I don't want to get trapped into the "I must do 2 hours or it doesn't matter" because that will turn into "I won't be able to do 2 hours today, so what's the point of doing 45 minutes?"
I'm just finding for me that's so important. I'm not going to be perfect all of the time, and I know that anyone who has been on their journey here for any extended amount of time or has previous weight loss attempts in the past will agree with me. It's just so important though, I feel, to celebrate the victories - even when we do "fall short".
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
So, I have the most wonderful friend in the world who surprised me with a very generous belated birthday present - a $166 dress that I fell IN LOVE with to wear for my vocal recital this fall, but could never afford. I really can't believe that she is willing to do that, but I can't complain!
So here's the deal...not only do I want to look good in it, I want to lose weight so I can be a size that doesn't cost extra! The main thing is losing enough to get my waist size down....10 inches. Can I do that by the middle of September when it needs to be ordered? Is that enough time???
I carry most of my weight in my waist (the least healthy place, of course!), so I do have to lose some inches in my waist and chest, but my guess if I can get my waist down 10 inches, the rest will follow. Oh my heavens...and to top it all off, I'm limited in what I can do for exercise because of back and leg issues. They are doing better, but still - makes it challenging.
(except it's a red dress with short sleeves )
Sunday, April 22, 2012
So, not gonna lie, my goals have been thrown by the wayside recently, and my weight has reflected that. I did really well last summer after I joined, and I was very proud of my progress. Sure, I had some setbacks, but I took them in stride and learned from them. Then school started back up again in September, and I kind of lost it. Started off "okay", but didn't have the "time" to track my eating, and that was a mistake. I began physical therapy for my back condition - which was a GOOD thing. The only problem was is that resulted in me buying junk food as a "reward" for myself, because I live in the middle of nowhere and had to drive 45 minutes for my physical therapy and they have my absolute favorite convenience store there that I don't have where I live. Wow was that bad...I kind of don't even want to think about that. lol Then I went home for Christmas. REAL FOOD! I'm a poor college student, and all of a sudden I had not only holiday treats, but real food my mom cooks. So, I go back to school after the holiday - realize "I gotta change" and get back on track for a few weeks. Then I fall off that wagon...AGAIN! Between stress eating and "social eating" (eating at unhealthy places because that's where I go to hang out with my friends) I have gained back every single pound I have lost while on Spark People and that is just not okay. While it is not okay, I still can change - I have to change. Otherwise I have to buy a new $70 choir dress because mine is on the very brink of being too small because I weigh 25 lbs more now than when I got it. I'm embarrassed to wear it. The good news is - I have the power to change.
I have literally been sick since the 4th of April - first with a cold, then with bronchitis, and now with walking pneumonia. I have felt like crap this entire time, and my eating has followed suit. I'm becoming restless - just wanting to do something - anything - because when I do, I start feeling sicker. That's okay though - I can still track my eating, and when I can exercise again, I will.
I'm going to be taking a class during the May term, but I've decided to take an easy 1 credit class (that I have to do anyway) to give me some time to rest to get better, instead of a more intense 3 credit class (biology). I'm hoping that this time of relative R & R will allow me some time to really mentally regain focus and get my footing again so that I can add the challenges back in, hopefully successfully this time.
Oh so the other parts - I was a music major, but I decided about a month ago that it wasn't the right thing for me, so I changed my major to liberal arts, with my primary emphasis in philosophy and also history and english. This week I found out that I have to stay another year, because yeah - I failed French, which added another year to my graduation. It would in theory possible for me to work really hard over the summer and test into French 3 instead of retaking French 2 next spring, but I decided to add the year. But guess what - I'm NOT sad about it, in fact I am really excited. I originally was going to be graduating from the school in 3 years, but my scholarships are available to me for 4 years. Yes, it will still cost me extra money, but I only get to be in undergrad once! Plus, the 3 year graduation was complete with a schedule that would "kill me", so I'm glad I can take some time to stop and smell the roses a little bit. I'm also adding a 2nd major (kind of), and making a full out 2nd major in philosophy - which is good, because the classes I take in philosophy will count towards both majors. I will have to take more than I would have to without the 2nd major, but it won't be as much extra work as it may sound. Also, I would have been 1 class away from completing a music minor, but because I'll be here an extra year, I've decided to finish it.
So, bottom line - I'm happy! I'm excited! I have some great things on my horizon. I had my original goal (as of May of last year) to lose 100 lbs by my graduation date (originally end of April of 2013.) So I've had a rough past year, so I decided to move it back WITH my graduation date - 100 lbs by the end of April in 2014. Much more realistic for me where I'm at now.
I can do this - not without set backs, but I can do this. I'm going to learn from my past mistakes, and move forward.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
This is rather silly, I realize, but I wanted to know how much the cat weighed. (Got her as a kitten a number of months ago, and has definitely grown A LOT) She doesn't weigh enough for the scale to register her weight (nor does she like sitting still). So.......I decide I would hold her and weigh myself, and then re-weigh myself without holding her, and the difference is how much she weighs. She weighs nearly 7 lbs now! Wow!!! Then I realized - I lost more than an entire cat! (in weight!!!) Having that visual of "this cat and more has been removed from my body" is oddly inspiring. I don't think I give myself enough credit for small victories. I now know to think of the cat when the numbers seem small. :)
Get An Email Alert Each Time JULIE4287 Posts