Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I was addicted to Taco Bell, Wendy's and Burger King. It was easy, fast, cheap and I'd eat in the privacy of my own home (or car). I had heard of the movie "Supersize Me" where, under doctor's supervision, a man eats McDonald's for every meal for 30 days....and the doctors monitor his weight and do regular blood work. Watching that movie really helped me realize how BAD fast food is for you. I know I'd heard it a million times, but I guess watching one person go through some very bad changes to his life hit home. I benefitted from the man's comments on how he was feeling (sluggish/depressed) and how he didn't even really "taste" the food after a while....
I think of that movie EVERY TIME i am tempted by a fast food joint. So spending the 2 hours watching it was worth it !
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
"Good" food is expensive. Chicken, fish, berries, avocados, nuts, fresh produce, fresh fruit.... I used to NOT spend the money on those things, with the mindset that I "couldn't" spend that kind of money on stuff that would disappear down my throat. But NOW after a year of shutting up about it and JUST DOING IT...I realize several things.
1. My budget hasn't even noticed the extra 'expense' of quality food to put inside my body. Because I'm treating myself to these beautiful, natural, God-made, colorful foods, I am more appreciative of it, I eat less, and I do not "blow" other money on Taco Bell, Wendy's and Burger King drive thrus. I'm worth so much more than that.
2. Even if I had to cut out something else in order to "afford" an extra $40/week on fresh produce/fish at the grocery store, it would be so worth it. So many people comment on my skin now...how it "glows" and it so "clear". What do you use? they ask. I use any old moisturizer from Avon...but the key is the fresh fruit and veges, and especially my avocados, which I love. I eat 1/2 avocado just about every day and that = clear, creamy skin :)
3. I would have argued these points last year BEFORE I TRIED IT. Now I KNOW. Now I won't ever go back to putting any crap in my grocery cart! If you told me over a year ago that I wouldn't be relying heavily on LeanCuisine and Weight Watchers for lunches...I'd have said well, what do you expect me to eat? Fast food? Nope...now I take a little time planning meals and lovingly making them for a very special person....me! Whole wheat pasta w/ veges, lots of salads, homemade sushi...just to name a few. Yummy.
4. I treat myself better every minute of every day BECAUSE of how much thought, money, time I put into my "machine" (my body). If you buy an expensive car...you wanna take care of it, right? I am so much nicer, calmer, happier, quick to laugh, than I was a year ago. Who knew?
5. For way too long I was overweight, unhappy, depressed...but too unmotivated to do anyting about it. Because yes, it is work. BUT, it is the work of your LIFE. And now that I've jumped right in....I love swimming!
6. I think I learned that I could either stay pitiful, or get powerful. But not both. Now, I am powerful. What about you? You have to either put up, or shut up.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
So I run across this book called "Eating, Drinking, Overthinking: the Toxic Triangle of Food, Alcohol and Depression and How Women can Overcome..." and something in me just CLICKED....
I think I have been OVERTHINKING all my food/body/weight issues to death. I mean, we are all intelligent people, but do we over-analyze and try to FIGURE things out too much? Talk them to death? Live w/ them every day hoping for a breakthrough thought to come "save" us ... finally?
Maybe we should focus on JUST BEING. Be present in each moment. Not judgmental. Not analytical. Just be the beautiful hearts that we are. And watch. And wait. And marvel at the awe of what we see, feel, hear. The book "eat, pray, love" (one of my favorite books of all time) picks up on this exact same thing.
I truly believe that the harder YOU try to FIND something, the more elusive it becomes. Leave it to your "higher power" (as they say in Overeaters Anonymous) and let it come to you.
You know...all is pretty darn RIGHT in my world. I want to be more grateful for who I am, what I am (imperfect yes but still awesome) and yes what I look like. It could be much much worse. My children could be chronically ill; I could be addicted to drugs or alcohol; my parents could be dying. Much of the stress in my life is caused by MY anxiety and MY overthinking. No one has the power to stop that but ME.
By FOCUSING on weight loss, body image, what I eat or don't eat and the surrounding guilt/shame, clothes size, comparing the size of my ass w/ everyone else's....aren't I setting myself up to obsess about just those exact things? How bout we get our minds off of them and focus on ANYTHING ELSE, EVERYTHING ELSE! I find that the less I think about my weight (and thoughts about my weight come w/ negative self-talk and beating myself up)...
For me, I find that the the LESS I THINK/OBSESS about that stuff, THE LESS I EAT! and of course then the LESS I WEIGH. Mind you, I will always have to be "vigilant" when it comes to what I put in my mouth and getting myself to the gym, but I don't need to ruminate and overthink it either; I find that hurtful rather than helpful.
I'm making a pact to get focused on all of the OTHER STUFF that makes stirs my juices, makes me joyful, and brings me no shame or guilt: for me, its art, jewelry, beads, glass, photography and creativity. I've pushed this to the back burner for most of my adult life. I'm re-discovering the little things that make me happy and I'm NOT ignoring them anymore: scented lotions; going to the library to look at magazines and books for free; keeping my bills organized; listening to classic rock on my iPod while I do the dishes...
Don't push what makes you happy down and smother it inside yourself...get it out, let it breathe, take it for a walk, show it a good time. Ten bucks says your obsessions with negative things (food, self-hate) will fall away fast.
All of this is biblical-based, which is where I ran across it last year; in all my "Battlefield of the Mind' readings (truth: we are our own worst enemies). The Bible tells us to "cast down and refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ. (II Corinthians 10). " I have to stop letting my mind take me on little guilt trips because nothing my mind tells me during those trips is true; its all LIES designed to keep me down, keep me away from Christ and His Perfect Love. I also think "theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing" means any faith I put in my own self and my own thoughts that I think can solve my own problems...we're supposed to put 100% of our trust in Christ and what he's taught is true: i.e., he loves us exactly as we are, he's coming back for us, we're forgiven, etc. Again this is reinforced w/ Overeaters Anonymous 12 Steps, except they call it turning everything over to your "higher power" because you finally admit you are helpless to overcome the eating addiction alone. And "eat, pray, love" is more about getting in touch w/ the positive power within yourself but to clear your mind, stop thinking and just start living and being.
So TO SUM IT ALL UP, MY FRIENDS, I OFFER THIS :
Let's get the focus off of how depressed we're feeling, how much we ate today, how disappointed we are with such and such, how much so-and-so is driving us crazy ---
Let's each find some thing that really excited us and gives us joy and LETS FOCUS THERE most all of the time!
Wouldn't this world be an awesome place if we were all HAPPY?!
Sunday, July 06, 2008
I screwed up BIG TIME last night, overeating in massive quantity, alone, in the privacy of my home. "Why" I did it was a crazy reason...I was feeling "happy" yet had nothing to do last night, no plans, no one to be with, so I decided to "celebrate" with a party in my mouth. I stopped at the grocery and picked out nachos, cheese, salsa and since Ben & Jerry's was on sale 2 for $5, what the heck. It was all gone within an hour. My stomach hurt until 3am. I went to bed, dejected.
If I had an Overeaters Anonymous Sponsor, last night would have been the time to call! Dear Mr. Therapist: Why do I think self-sabotage is a way to "celebrate"?
The reason for blogging today is this: I am feeling guilty of course, but--the good news is that for the first time in my life (finally!) I am realizing that I DO NOT HAVE TO LISTEN to the all-or-nothing voices in my head that try to tell me that I should just give up now, I can't change, I'm destined to overeat and be overweight, etc.
I GET TO START OVER...every day. AND FOR TODAY...I will make better choices than I did yesterday. FOR TODAY...I will choose to forgive and forget yesterday (I can't change it anyway). FOR TODAY...I will tell myself what I would tell my girlfriends (or SparkFriends) if they did the same thing: Everything is as it should be; you are exactly where you need to be right now; you are safe and loved; you are unconditionally supported; and you are beautiful for being exactly who you are; and you are capable of making responsible choices one day at a time.
If I *could* have changed one thing about what I did last night...it would be that I would have LOGGED ONTO SPARK PEOPLE for support. I know things would have turned out differently. It just didn't occur to me at the time that I had an awesome support network at my fingertips.
Note to self: remember this next time!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
This is a photo of Kim Kardashian. She usually flaunts her behind, but I think its usually after its been PhotoShopped, or when she's wearing Spanx undergarments. Don't get me wrong: This Woman's Body is Beautiful, any way you look at her; and even in this image.
What this photo said to me, however, was this: Stop looking at images of celebrities' bodies and thinking how "perfect" they are...and then relating that to your own body and thinking you'll never measure up. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and most importantly, it is what is in your heart and how you treat other people.
We all have flaws....and we are all beautiful. The best thing we can do is embrace ourselves, accentuate the positive and forget about the negative.
I know that since I've been blessed enough to have found SparkPeople last month, my eyes are brighter, I smile more...why? not because I've lost pounds but because I log on at least twice/day and feel connected and supported by everyone on this site as we open up our fears, worries and victories to each other. And THAT makes us all beautiful, to me.
Oh, and 1 other thing: I'm feeling pretty good cuz my butt looks about like hers!
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