Friday, June 20, 2014
Hi to who ever bothers to stop by.
Just had a good pity party for myself with sp buddy, Babe. Well, it's not even 'pity', cuz that might sound like sadness and I am not sad. Just feeling intensely frustrated and maddeningly dislocated - which is not something I can explain.
Anyway, no matter. Like some of my other buddies, I feel a need to check out for a spell. Need to get away from it all. Think. Regroup. Reprogram my brain. My life has been filled with all of these major changes, major adjustments since my Mom passed away. I mean, I lived away from house and home for over 3 years. I lived away from people. I lived away from life. Honest to God, I lived away from myself. I know I am suffering from PTSD. And I'm like the last person to grab hold of one of these sometimes convenient disorders for the sake of giving a name to a bad day, bad week, bad month, bad year - but I claim it for it is true.
My spark has fizzled out, but tomorrow things will be better. I need to step a way. Need to figure out why I am in a community of 'support' yet feeling so very, very alone. It's me, not any of you. It's just me.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
So you go to a café, your laptop in tow. The food is good, the tea is hot, the wine is chilled and the Wi-Fi is essential. Your favorite spot, back in far corner, is taken, however. The restaurant is quite crowded this day and the ‘private feeling’, wall-hugging tables are occupied. People here are plugged out, so to speak, and therefore plugged-in, which is exactly what you wish to be doing, as well. You scan the playing field (this is after all your rare moment to play) and you find that the only table near an electrical outlet leaves your back exposed to the eyes of others sitting behind you. Yeh, they may have no interest, whatsoever, in peering over your shoulder to see what you’re up to … and I’m sure they don’t ….. but …
And what are you up to?
OK, you log onto SP. Spin the wheel for a whopping 2 points. Scowl … and move onto the giving out of spark points to your spark teams. Like duh. Why? I used to belong to three teams. Then I quit those teams, yet they come up on my spark page and, yes, I divvy out those spark points to them each time I log on. It is a pointless and mindless exercise, which I seem always ever so mindful of. Spark dude has programmed us, subliminal messages in those HIT status things he shares waaaay too often, and even though I rebel against becoming a Stepford Spark Wife, I seem to have become one.
And I digress …
So, you are plugged in but exposed. You find no mail in your mailbox – bummer – You find no comments left on your spark page. Your blogs are old and uninteresting and no one new has stopped by to say that you are a wondrous human being inspiring millions around the globe. Of course, you have never really inspired anyone and you aren’t trying to. Still, you consider writing a new blog , (who knows, this could be your next masterpiece), but, dang, you just know that lady behind you is looking at your screen. Any minute now you expect her to interrupt your pursuit of blog fame and comment with something like, “Oh my goodness (!!!!), I see you are on Spark People!!! That is sooooo cool! So, what is your user name?”
Oh please, nosy lady, just go away!!! But she does not interrupt you with inquiry. She does not look at you.
And now she is gone. Just like that. She finished off her coffee and the paper she was reading and got up from her chair and without one single admiring glance your way she leaves the building.
What the heck, you think. Where is my celebrity? Hey People! I am here! Look, midway down the room, totally exposed and easily spotted. And you are not bothering to even gaze in a subtle way in my direction. Dang, you people! You don’t even bother to try to peer over my shoulder to see my screen!
Not true when I sat in my private corner, unexposed to prying eyes, yet knowing you wondered about me.
Midway down the room of life, I guess … and you wonder at the glorious feeling you always got when you were in your private place, yet feeling so much a part of the world. Socially unsocial, that is your lifestyle – your comfort zone. It is a lifestyle of our times and it fits you like a favorite garment, worn and tattered, and oh so comfortable.
In the outer circle of the Socially Unsocial Zone, however, it is quite different - and some days that is exactly where you are forced to spend some time. Smack in the middle of life where you don’t matter a hill of beans to those around you. I bet there are days when you might even feel that way here at SP – Smack in the middle of the room … and no one notices you. And all you really want and need is that wall-hugging table and a handy outlet to plug into while you plug out.
Don’t we all need that at times? Needing to know we are still connected here, and especially during the times when we need our socially-unsocial moments.
Anyway, I guess, from time to time, we are all plugged in and plugged out fer a spell – and that can be good for the soul.
Monday, May 19, 2014
If you have sent me the Beautiful Woman Award chain letter thingy, let me first say, "THANK YOU!" That was sweet of you to think of me and I appreciate the thought. In fact, I have received several of them recently and although I always delete them from my page, your thoughtfulness touched me.
So, why did I delete them?
Well, you see, about 2 years ago the Beautiful Woman Award thingy started circulating here at SP and knowing that it was a chain letter, I simply ignored it whenever it was sent to me, which seemed almost daily. Anyway, at the same time I was having a wee bit of trouble with the SP Police. They had singled me out on the Café message board, although I was following their rules to the letter. But they were out to get me – Especially after figuring out, somehow, that my politics did not jive with their own. Course it didn’t help matters when I started my run for “Spark President” campaign in the message board forum. I I guess the coppers just couldn't take my wit ...
……..and could only relate to the more intellectual message board posts like, “Coffee or Tea?”).
But, no matter, I kept ignoring the Beautiful Woman Award until one day I sent ONE, just ONE, back to the person who had last sent it to me. Well, within minutes, the Spark Police were on my ARSE!
And, if that was not enough, I also got complaining messages from the 2 spark teams that I had belonged to, even though I had not sent any award to anyone on those teams.
Ahhhh, but the Spark Police had notified them that one of their members – ME – had sent out ONE Beautiful Woman Award and that they should also notify me of my deplorable behavior.
Well, once having given my spark teams a piece of my mind,
I un-joined them and went about my spark-team-less merry way. Amen .... and good riddance to small minded people.
So, if you have not YET been visited by the Spark Police, I'm just tellin' ya, you might be one day ... Like, one day soon. The way they came after me, you wudda thought I had created the dang thing, myself, and had sent out thousands of em!!!
Finally, in my humble opinion, Spark Monitors are only human beings and some of them are great and some of them aren't so nice. You might love SP, but you won't particularly like the Spark Police when you've had a little traffic accident but are treated as if you've committed murder. Might be best to leave the chain letters alone - but it's your call.
And .... more important than any of this, don't forget to vote for me!
If Not Spark Pres ... I'll at least take the Country.
Friday, May 16, 2014
It’s a made-up word that a close friend and I came up with many years ago to describe a feeling you get when your life is temporarily lacking – life.
OK, maybe it would make more sense if I said “when a person’s life is lacking passion”. Passion being any strong feeling a person can experience - Love, hate, anger, sadness, happiness, or even a wonderful sense of peace. Glocky, on the other hand, although it is a feeling of sorts, like an awareness of having no feeling, is rather an empty emotional suitcase. I mean, it’s not some really BAD feeling. If it was it would invoke a passion. Glocky is passionless.
Throughout my life, it seems I could count on feeling glocky during the transitional times between seasons. You know, like the time when winter ends – The beautiful crystal white, diamond studded snow is all gone and spring is just around the corner. But in the ‘transitional time’ between the end of winter and the real beginning of spring, the trees are still DEAD. The sky is not blue, it’s gray. The flower bulbs are still inches beneath the surface and let’s face it, there are potholes that could eat a sub-compact car and you ain’t gotta clue what clothes to wear today, your car is a filthy mess and your toenails need trimmed. It’s no big deal though. You ain’t sweatin’ this stuff. You’re just glocky.
Lately, with all that is going on in my life, cleaning out my Mom and Dad’s house, being off my Spark program, blah, blah, blah, I find myself feeling glocky. Not emotional at the moment, which would make more sense, but, instead, just plain ol’ glocky. Again, this is not a bad feeling – It’s just a coasting through each day.
But then there are days like today when I deliberately allow myself to feel something else - my own creation. Slipping off to a coffee shop and ENJOYING some new taste sensation or even revisiting an old one. It is but a moment’s pleasure – a moment’s passion – and is that a bad thing? I mean, without passion we die – Right? Well, no matter - The glocky state is short-lived. Passion, in some form, returns again, and even without pinching yourself you realize you are still alive.
OK, my coffee is getting cold and my piece of pie is only half eaten.
PS. This has nothing to do with this blog …. (or does it?). Anyway, I was young girl of 18 traveling for 12 hours on a greyhound bus. 12 hours on a greyhound bus, I say! That wasn’t Glocky. It was Fglocky. Anyway, a young-ish guy came on-board somewhere around Cleveland and from there to the city of Detroit he sat beside me. He was older than me, but not by much, and he truly seemed a genuine gentle soul. He carried a small brown paper bag in his coat pocket with a bottle inside - and while he enjoyed his passion from that little bottle, and although I did not partake of the spirits, we began singing this song together. I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter. The thing is, it became a memory – a good memory – and sometimes during the Glocky times in our lives it’s A-OK to grab hold of a passing moment and enjoy it the best ya can– Even a crazy bus ride moment.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Secret Code: Hi Thelma! LOL!
OK, Non secret Blog:
Gotta keep this one short and sweet – not a lotta spark time right now because I am still involved daily with getting my Mom’s house cleaned out and all the contents sorted. It’s a physical job, a mental job and an emotional process … but I am processing it all and doing a pretty good job of it thus far.
Sooooo, I have been doing well on my spark program, but I surely did make an exception for Easter dinner. And I’m sure some of you did to. Went out of town just for the day with the husband unit for some much needed R&R - and, while out, hit a BUFFET that was WAAAAAAAAAY GOOOOOOD ….. and, of course, WAAAAAAAAY BAD at the same time. You know what I mean, don’t ya … YUM YUM!!!
Now, my weekly weigh-in is happening Friday morning and this could be the week that I have no weight loss, which is OK as long as there is no weight gain. However, if I’m gonna be honest here, I will admit that some of my Easter binging carried over into Monday and a weeeeeeee little bit into Tuesday, as well. Hmmmm, sometimes it is a weaning process, ya know. Well, anyway, I am kinda weaned now and it is Wednesday evening and I have not gone over my calorie limit for the day –yet. And if I can remain strong until bedtime I may just have this Easter weaning period over and done with.
Ahhhhh, a thought just struck me – I should just go to bed RIGHT NOW and not risk being pulled to the dark side by temptations that lurk in my kitchen.
OK, that’s what I’m gonna do.
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