Wednesday, April 21, 2010
" Just don't give up- I'm working it out- just don't give in, I won't let you down, it messed me up need a second to breathe.....Whataya want from me???? - Adam Lambert "whataya want from me" lyrics.
This week, I dedicate this song to myself. Last week was my sons IEP meeting at school and this was just a huge ball of stress, I knew it was coming- I thought I was ready, I had a plan, ..... not so much with the actual following of said plan.
Little history, My son Shawn is Autistic- He is the best kid in the world and you will never find anyone who tries harder. But Our relationship with his school district has been contentious at best, Federal Violation, mediation, attorneys....you get the picture. Well we fought hard last year and we secured an aide and other important accommodations which have made a huge difference in his life this school year. But in order to keep these things going we kinda have to prove that he still needs them and these meeting are always very stressful. Last week I let the stress eat me alive - I literally rolled over and pulled the covers over my head and kinda checked out for a while. The meeting went OK Thank God. But I medicated myself with food and did not hit the gym- you know all the things that make me feel better- I didn't do them - and it sucked.
I gained 7lbs. - yep, 7 lbs. months of work down the drain. This was the recording playing in my head Saturday night. "you can't do this, you have been stuck losing the same 5-7 lbs. for months now- maybe you don't have it in you anymore"
Then you know what? I saw my sister - she works 2 jobs and just graduated - so we weren't seeing each other as often as we'd like. And she said she was totally amazed by how great I looked, she said I reminded her of the Julie from high school. I complained that I had gained 5 lbs. back and she said " "You lost 70 lbs. you know how hard that is? your body has been through so much change- it was a stressful week- What do you want? - give yourself a break ." And you know what she's right, I really needed to take a second and breathe and remember I have lost 70lbs. in the last 10 months- that is freakin amazing and I am not done yet- it may come off a little slower but it will come off - I can do this, I have done this, I will do this.
My sister joined the Y this week and said I inspired her to lose weight- she has been eating healthier and worked out 5 days last week and 2 this week- I just came form there and we sweated our a**es off on that elliptical. I am so proud of her, and thankful she was there to stop my pity spiral. Last week sucked, this week is better . I want to keep going , and I WILL NOT GIVE UP.