Sunday, November 29, 2009
I have been really struggling lately- well that's not really true, I just laid down and let the
'unhealthy eating-no exercise" former self dance all over me. I know the holidays could be my excuse but this whole month has been like that. I've been hit or miss with the gym, I have not been monitoring what I've ate, and quite frankly only about 5% of me seems to care right now. That 5% ( you know the little angel on your shoulder) keeps reminding me that in the beginning I looked at that tired unhappy fat girl in the mirror and promised her that if she got up off her butt and exercised and gave up the mashed potatoes , I would not let her down and I would not take her (me ) back there again. I am so scared that I am breaking that promise. I don't want to break that promise, I was finally starting to feel good again. I feel like I am in this downward spiral and I want to stop it before it gets any worse. I like this me- I don't want to lose myself again. I know I'm probably depressing the crap out of you- sorry. My hubby is worried about me too and I am starting to feel depressed.
I'm trying to hold onto the reasons I started this in the first place, and to formulate a plan - I know how to do this, but I can't seem to. What is wrong with me??
enough- I will not sit around and feel sorry for myself. I will put on happy music and dance around the kitchen then I will plan my meals for the week, I will pull myself back from the brink. I promised her.. I promised me... I will keep my promise- what other real choice do I have??????