Friday, November 09, 2012
This is a little long, but I hope someone will be able to relate to this and will help.
I have been following Spark Friends here from about five to six months now and I can see myself in some of the ones that are struggling so much. that being said, here is my story:
I lived my life from age 16 on being 100 to 150 lbs. overweight. I dressed very nicely and always made sure my make-up and hair was just right. People would tell me that even though I was overweight I was still very pretty. That didn't help because I was still 300 lbs to 350 lbs in my twenties and on. I tried every diet in the book and even paid for diet clinics. i would lose some but never could keep it off. Then it was years later and a lot of mental pain and money spent I did have some success when I joined a group name Overeaters Anonymous (OA). I lost about 100lbs in a years time and was happy with myself to boot. The group's advice and their suggest program really helped me a lot. Well, I stopped the group for different reasons (excuses) but had nothing to do with the group it's self. I gained back the 100 lbs. and then some.
When I got older, I could not exercise the fat off and there was NO OA group around, so I had Gastric By-pass surgery. I lost 70 lbs. and could not lose anymore. I still was over weight and health problems because of the weight. I started gaining back weight. I gained 40 lbs. back after 4 years after the surgery. I had not cured myself from the OLD habits. I saw other people could practice a good habit for 21 days and it would become and good part of their life. Well. NOT ME !! I could practice good habits for a year and still return to the old habits.
i found that I had to address the mind more than the psychical at first. I had learned this through the OA. I was out of control when it came to food. I didn't seem to have a reason to overeat. I just seeing the food or thinking of the food would set me off. I lied to myself over and over that I would only eat this little bit and then go back to my food plan. I would do it sometimes and then couldn't do it other times. I had no success at losing weight.
I had to admit that I could not do it by myself. I found that I had to use every tool available to me to stop the overeating. Note, I not not say, to control overeating.
OK, after trying everything on earth. I was still fighting my badly needed lifestyle change. I Guess you could say the threat of getting old and becoming helpless because of being overweight put the fear of God in me.
Well, the gastric by-pass surgery was my last (Quick Fix) attempt. I got really scared!!
OA did help me address a lot of my fears and emotions I had about food and my weight lost. I did work the 12 Steps through with an experienced OA member. When you do this your life changes even if you start overeating again. You still have that awareness and knowledge about yourself that you didn't have before. this knowledge is always on the back burner of your mind.
I then started to get to work. I "Pulled Up the big Girl's Panties" (LOL) and started pooling my resources and using the knowledge that I had learned from OA. I started to see NO ONE or NO one thing was going to make me lose weight. I was the one that had to do it and that did not mean that I had to do it without help from others.
soI i started to make a plan for a lifestyle change. I am so blessed that I happen upon Sparkpeople. this really gave me powerful tools to plan the change I needed. That was what I used SP for at first. Then i started reaching out by reading and writing blogs. Now, I have friends here and really get a lot of support from them. this has made it a lot easier for me to follow all the things I have learned through out the 37 years of my fight with weight lost. I just wish that I could of skipped all the "Quick Fixes" and found the real support and knoweldge that I needed before now.
i am doing great now "One Day at a Time", not perfect, but not "OUT of CONTROL". this did not come over night. The key is to stay in touch with your support system daily. I mean "DAILY".
Daily contact is important even if your are doing good or terrible. This is really hard when you are not doing good, but it has to be done.
When you are not doing good you need understanding, but should not be "babied". We need reality checks and see that we made a mistake and look at what caused it. We don't need to spend time in "pity" , face what happen and start a new. The new start need to be with real intentions of not repeating the mistake again. I lied to myself more than I did others about what I was going to really do to change my behaviors.
So, "Pull the Big Girl Panties UP", and get going on the right track.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
This morning I woke up full. (LOL) I should of been. I got up about 2:00 AM, 3:00 AM, and then too sleepy to tell you what time, but another time and eat food all three times. The food was good healthy food, but it was out of control eating. It really had been a while since I had done this. So, I was so disappointed in my self. When I was eating I didn't know why I wanted to eat. It had been an average food plan day and I didn't need the food physically. I just could not make myself think of all the tools that I had used before and stopped the surge to eat off my food plan.
I got up at 6:00 AM with NO sleep and started getting ready for exercising classes for the day. If I was doing it at home, there would of been no way that I would of exercised. While getting ready I didn't want to start my day off with my breakfast meal (wasn't hunger). So I made myself drink a protein drink so my body would start up and I would burn calories while I was at the classes that I did not feel like going to. (too sleepy) I had no intentions of blowing my day by still over eating. I have worked so hard the past five months that I was going to do everything that I should do for the day.
I wanted to do it ,but everything I did was a little harder to do because of the eating all through the night The slip was not worth it!!! I felt like a person who went out to party , spent all their money and had nothing left to show for it. My energy level was so low compared to what I had been having.
I was thinking what on earth caused you to do this. I thought back on my day and then remembered talking to my daughter about her health and her extremely overweight problem. She is in denial BIG TIME !! She can see her self ,but there is always a reason why she is overweight besides the reason that she is eating unhealthy. There is always a reason why she can can't move her body to lose weight. Then, I see her do these and almost kill herself because she wants to do them so bad. This does not happen often,but I see she can move if she wanted to badly enough. Oh, well enough of her. When I thought about now upset I was that she was not accepting that she could do something to help her self that's when I knew WHY I got out of control on my eating. Crazy!!!! I was over eating because she wouldn't try to improve her eating and get active enough to help herself. So, OK we both would be in the same boat if i continue to let this effect me.
It is SO. crazy how we go about trying to, "fix"something and all we are doing is hurting our self. I have got to let this go and let God. I refuse to keep hurting my self over her not take care of herself. The way things are going I might need to be in good health to take care of HER. I won't give details but she is really in bad health and getting bigger everyday. I hope she never reads this, but if she does it is the truth.
Well, I am glad to say, I let God have it and I went about my day as I should of. I have been successful so far and it is 10: 50 PM. I need to end my day soon and get much needed rest.
I feel good about my day that I had. ai completed the exercise classes. I "Sparked", on and off all day. I know what it was that caused the out of controlled eating. I let go and let God. I can now go to bed with that question answered. So, I should be able to have my normal night's sleep. Thanks everyone for the supportive comments.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Munchies got the best of me last night. I munched on celery and No fat home made onion dip (3 Tsp.) , large apple, 1 oz of mozzarella cheese. you see started to get worst as it went. LOL But I my back to my senses. I think that a stressful time I have with my very over weight daughter is what triggered it. At the time I couldn't see it. Just wanted to eat and could seem to not eat. I went over about 100 of the lower end of my calorie count not too bad. I have done a lot worst. i will be back in touch later today. I am OK now is is a NEW DAY.
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