Friday, February 03, 2012
This time of year has been hard for me as long as I can remember. So many people in my life have passed away in January... Both Grandpas, one Grandma, my sister, my Dad...
Add to that the fact that it is the "darkest part of the year," and yes, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. And then this strange depression I have had for several years that seems to come and go... and every year around this time it comes.
It has come again. And again it is at one of the busiest times of the year for my husband. So I get very little support from him. His attitude is, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I don't really have time to deal with it, right now." So I have to muddle through, and lean on my kids for help - probably more that I should.
How easy it would be in this season of chocolate and candy and "Thank you" gifts to teachers to eat myself silly, and regain what I have lost. But I remind myself that even if my weight loss makes NO DIFFERENCE AT ALL to my husband, it is already making it easier for me to move.
The clothes that I have put back in my closet and not worn for years are 15 pounds closer to fitting again. Another 10 pounds and I will have a whole "new" wardrobe for spring. If I could lose it by February 14, I could wear my red dress... but I will be happy to lose just 2 more pounds... one per week.
Slow and steady, as they say, wins the race. I didn't put the weight on overnight, and it won't come off and STAY OFF that way. And even if NO ONE ELSE cares, I care that I can move easier, breathe better, and fit into my clothes again. One day at a time, I can remind myself that I can love and be loved, that I can be thankful for each new day, that I can do what little I can do, just for that one day.
And eventually, the dawn will break, and I will rise again to praise His name.
Monday, January 16, 2012
I read so many blogs by people, and they are all so positive. I am, unfortunately, not a positive person, by nature or by nurture. Yeah, I know that's not a good thing, especially for a pastor's wife. But there it is.
I love my husband, but he has a few DISASTROUS (for me) habits. The first is, whenever there is leftover food, and the ladies offer it to him, he brings it home. So after the funeral dinner two weeks ago, he brought home a container of chocolate cake, and another of a low-sugar dessert that one of the ladies in the church always makes.
I'm throwing out the last six pieces of chocolate cake, today. I did well to only eat one. There is still low sugar dessert in the freezer, but I did transfer it from the other container.
After the funeral dinner last week, he brought home two pie pans full of pie (not all the same pie). He put them in the refrigerator downstairs. No one is eating them. He also brought home cheddar broccoli pasta salad (which I probably shouldn't have eaten, but did), several other deserts, and a huge container of potato salad.
Every Sunday, he buys food for our youth group. Last week, it was KFC. I need to throw out the left over baked beans and coleslaw soon. Last night it was Dominos Pizza, and I gave in. I finally STOPPED logging the calories, but I know it was probably close to 1000 calories over what I should have eaten.
Back UP to 210 this morning. Makes me sad.
Makes me want to throw in the towel.
Makes me want to go to the ladies in the church and say, "PLEASE DON'T send food home with John."
But I won't. I have to live with this man, even if he doesn't seem all that concerned with what effect his actions have on me... It is, after all, my choice, and my responsibility.
Monday, January 09, 2012
So at the end of the week, I posted an 8 pound loss. But that was also the day that I received word that one of the saints of the church had passed, after fading away after a surgery. Which meant that I was looking at a funeral dinner.
Actually, though, the challenge was less today than it was yesterday. Because yesterday was the prep time for the funeral. Even though I hit the ground running, I didn't find time to eat breakfast (always a challenge on Sundays). I also didn't find time to DRINK ANYTHING. Not before Sunday School, not before choir, not before church, not after church.
After church, I reset the sanctuary, pulled out our pedestals for flowers for the visitation, and checked in with the ladies setting up for the dinner in the Fellowship Hall. Ended up ironing table cloths, and getting done about 1:15. Now, I STILL had nothing to eat or drink.
I must say, it is a good thing I am NOT diabetic, or I might have been in some trouble.
In any case, my DS was running pretty much the same schedule, except that he now had to work on the video for the visitation. He wanted KFC, so I ran and got both of us lunch. Then I picked him up at the church, and we arrived home at 2:00.
My KFC meal tracked at over 1000 calories, but I figured, well that's Breakfast, Lunch, and my snack, so not horrible. But I drank all that Dr. Pepper, which since it had caffeine in it WAS NOT hydrating. And nothing else.
I went back for the visitation, and stopped in to check the TP supply in the ladies' bathroom. Isn't all that part of the job description for any PW?? That was my first pit stop since breakfast, and it was not good. Had anyone used that to check my BUN, I would have been in trouble.
So I started pushing fluids, but still have a few lasting side effects. I think I need to locate some cranberry juice!
My DH brought home Pizza Hut pizza from youth group. 1 slice later, I thought, "Maybe I better track this before I eat any more."
I didn't eat any more. So I stayed under my calories for the day. But way over on fat, and hate to think what effect that had on my weight. Never did figure out how to track 1/2 hour of tablecloth ironing. (hehehee)
Today, I kept breakfast simple, since I was again running late, with helping DH (who is usually in bed when I leave) get up and going. I was very careful in what I ate at the funeral dinner, although I'm not certain how accurate the tracking was since some things aren't available to easily track. I also pushed water all day.
So far, everything has balanced out. Breakfast was a little light, lunch a little heavy. I'm thinking popcorn, apples and cheese for dinner... or something like that.
I am feeling the effects of WAY too many carbs yesterday, and not sleeping well last night. From too many carbs??? I wonder. So I haven't exercised, yet, although I really should.
I am looking forward to receiving my new pedometer, and starting to track my steps! Another day... another challenge met!
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
What struck me hardest as I read the first chapter of Joshua this morning was that God told Joshua, “Be bold and courageous,” not once, not twice, but THREE times. He knew that Joshua was going to face questions as he took over for Moses, but He made it clear that He would “be with you as I was with Moses.”
This seemed also to be a sticking point with the Israelites. The half-tribes of Ephraim and Manassas, and the Tribe of Dan all agreed to follow Joshua’s directions, IF they saw that God was with him as with Moses. The whole “drying up of the Jordan” was meant to remind them of crossing the Red Sea on dry land. Joshua gave the orders, just as Moses had, based on God’s command, and the Jordan (FLOODING at that time of year) suddenly left behind a dry river bed.
Wow! So the Israelites decided that God WAS with Joshua, and they followed his lead as they entered into and eventually conquered Canaan. “Possessing the land” is what they called it – taking possession of the land from those who already dwelt there.
What am I carrying away from the reading today? This encouragement: Jesus said He would never leave us or forsake us, just as the Lord said to Joshua. The Lord says, “Be bold and strong, not fearful or dismayed. I am with you always!” If God is with me, who can stand against me? I claim this today – I will be bold and strong with the strength God has given me. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:13)
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Lots of positive reinforcement around here. That is what I need.
I did start on the diabetic eating plan when I "restarted" this time. My Dad was border-line and controlled his diabetes with diet. I am hoping that will work for me, and I will NEVER hear those dreaded words. If I tell the ladies at church, "I've gone on a diabetic eating plan," I know they will all support me. And fuss at me when they see me wandering off it.
Yesterday, I did pretty well, but fell off right as the evening closed. Those last three truffles left over from Christmas were calling my name. And WOW were they good. But not so good for the calories. Still in all, I am feeling better and more in control today than yesterday.
I just thought, "let's see how long this lasts..." but that is exactly OPPOSITE of what I need to be thinking. Instead, I need to realize and claim:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.” (Lam 3:22-24)
Or as the Message puts it, "I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left." That's Jeremiah for you... How about, He's all I'll ever need!!!
Get An Email Alert Each Time JUDI829 Posts