Monday, June 04, 2012
I'm not trying to change my eating all that much right now, just trying to drink alot of water, and walk alot every day to keep my mood from bottoming out when I'm not near my children. Next month I find out if I have kidney cancer. I really do not want two cancer diagnosis' in two years. The thyroid seems to be under control and I responded okay from the treatment, though my tastebuds will never be the same lol.
But they found a small tumor or cyst in my kidney that they can't get too in order to biopsy it so we're waiting to have another ct scan and if it has grown at all they are going to suggest removal of the entire kidney due to where the lump/cyst/tumor is. It's right in the middle of my kidney next to the arteries and urine parts of the kidney.
On top of that, my husband had gastric bypass surgery this past April and has not been following the diets, he started smoking again, and is generally whining and bitching about how much pain he's in (hello, had two csections), and I just want him to leave me alone. He is his own worst enemy and I am absolutely tired of walking on egg-shells around him. I used to think it was me, I'm sure as hell no angel to live with and have my ups and downs. But our youngest had a scare last month in that her head size had grown a little too fast and her doctor wanted to rule out hydrocephalus (though she had no other signs, she just wanted to be sure). Instead of supporting each other, my husband starts to text his friends that our daughter has hydrocephalus and he doesn't know how to deal with it. I just found this out yesterday. He barely talked to me and avoided even looking at me until after she had her brain ultrasound and of course everything came out just fine.
I'm exhausted. Tired. Terrified. I have sucky friends outside of work, good friends inside of work, but I am just tired. I just want to win the lottery and stay home with my kids (after kicking the hubby out so I can have a vacation without him). I know, I'm a horrible person. But I want to breath!
Monday, February 27, 2012
My life is insane right now. I had a ct scan to find out if my thyroid cancer has spread to my kidney's on friday, my husband is getting ready for gastric bypass surgery in the next month or so, he has four herniated discs so is in constant pain, he's unemployed, and his diabetes is out of control. I gave birth in August so I have two wonderful little girls, but being on this website is not helping me. The problems and stressors in my life are so much bigger then just making sure I'm eating and exercising right. Hopefully I'll be back soon. Have a great year!
Friday, February 17, 2012
What I want for this year:
1) for my cancer to be gone.
2) for my daughters to be healthy and happy.
3) for my husband's bariatric surgery to be easy.
4) for there to be less drama in my life.
5) for me to go out more with friends
6) to get A's in any grad class I take
7) sadly, to get away from my mother
8) to lose at least 20 lbs but 50 would be nice
9) for my electricity to NOT be turned off due to money problems...
10) to find a more constant peace.
I usually cannot control how my life goes, but I can learn to have control over how I react to it. What lies at the core of human life? suffering or joy? or a deep peace that echos nirvana, enlightenment... home.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Allow the excess energy to flow down your body, through your legs and down out the bottom of your feet into the ground.
Visualize safety, health, kindness, compassion, and peace.
Allow these feelings to enter the top of your head and spread down throughout your body.
Happy Valentine's Day!! :D
Monday, February 13, 2012
So back to Monday, ever feel like you're in a machine that keeps going round and round? So kinda cranky (though I discovered this morning that a scarf I had crocheted 12 years ago makes a fantastic bus pillow :D) so ready to play the GLAD Game. The rules are as follows:
1) No matter how miserable and stressful your life is, there is always something to be glad about, so pick something :)
2) It does not have to be big, it can be little and even a little sarcastic.
3) It must make you laugh or at the very least, smile.
So today, I pick to be glad that I have health insurance, my daughters are both healthy and have the most beautiful laughs, I have a wonderful ball of yarn with me today in which I'm going to work on a pair of mittens from, and I have SparkPeople to turn too.
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