Tuesday, November 03, 2009
I realize that that does not sound accurate, but I heard Jillian Michaels from the Biggest Loser last week tell one of the contestants that you cannot fail unless you were trying to begin with. So therefore, without failure, there is no success! Not many people succeed the first time they try something. Maybe not fail miserably, but always bumps along the road and time to learn how to do what it is you are doing. Well, I have tried to lose weight for many years now. I had been pretty good at losing the same 20 lbs over and over again for the first 25 years of my life. 20 lbs isn't a ton to lose, so I was always pretty successful at that. I used to exercise and eat well for a few months, have my figure back and be good to go, then I would loosen the reigns and let myself go and gain it back over about a year or so and then just re-lose it again in a few months time. Very yo-yo, always very unhappy with myself every time I gained. Then at about 25 years old, I just don't know what happened, I gained my 20 and then another 2o and then another....well, I guess you get the picture. So here I am now 100 lbs or so overweight.
So, back on subject, I guess the point I am trying to make, is that although I have been on back and forths and sometimes just backs, I keep coming back, to try and lose. So even though I have been with Spark for five or six years now and had many failures and left the site for long periods of time, I still keep coming back, which means that I am still trying, I couldn't keep failing if I weren't trying. I often find myself calling myself a failure when it comes to weight loss and Jillian pointed out the good in that to me, the good is I couldn't keep being a failure if I didn't keep trying and one of these times, I am going to get it right and I am going to succeed. I don't know when, I'd like to think this time, but if I fail again, I know that I will try again!
I have also decided that I am going to try to stick with Spark to help me through my journey as opposed to Weight Watchers. I have gone back and forth for years between the two, and for this attempt anyway, Spark just feels like it is the right place for me to be. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
This is the name of my blog on weightwatchers.com and I looked at it today and thought, how clever, where did that come from. I then realized it was the name that I came up with for my blogs as a whole on that site. I reflected on it there and thought I would share it with my Spark friends too:
Looking back at my last blog, I glanced up at the top and saw "One thing to remember: this is a journey, not a race." Wow, I thought to myself, that is some really insightful advice! That is what I really need to remember! Maybe I should make that my catch phrase! Then, I kind of realized, ummm........I think that is something I came up with as the name of my blog! Wow, clever! I don't remember making it that! I'm not saying that I "made it up myself" per se, I know that I got it from someone or somewhere else, it was just a little strange to me because I didn't remember calling it that and it is such a good name for it for me, because I do have trouble remembering that. I am not in a race to lose weight. I always have been in the past, but I'm really not this time! Is it possible that I have actually learned something throughout all of the several years of dieting? Or could it be, just maybe, that I am finally having my "it" moment? I have been patiently awaiting my "it" moment, well o.k., maybe not patiently, but after failure after failure, I have asked myself several times when would I have my "it" moment, the one you hear people speak of in success stories, the moment that they just knew this was going to the the time, this was "it". This time feels different for me. My healthy habits have really begun to take over, when I have bad times, I'm not ready to throw in the towel like I have in the past. I have lost my all or nothing mentality! I'm not trying to race to the finish this time, just let it happen as it happens and I truly believe that it is going to happen this time. Maybe all of those other times were not failures at all, but rather stepping stones along the way throughout my journey. Think of all that I have learned from all of those attempts, all of the desperate times searching for some way to lose all of my weight and lose it all now, I would not be where I am right now if it were not for those times. I needed to learn what I know now, to continue through my journey, and I know I am not done learning yet, I am simply on another stepping stone on my way through my journey! Who wants to race anyway, I hate running!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
So I knew as I sat at work on Friday that we were going out to dinner for my in-laws birthdays. I decided to play it smart and go online and look up good old Texas Roadhouse to see what I could eat and stay within my budget. Well, I found it rather easily, a 6oz sirloin and a baked sweet potato, I even allotted extra points for a roll, butter on my potato and a couple of glasses of wine! I was dipping into my weekly flex points, but that was o.k., it was a night out to enjoy myself and I was pretty syked to have a plan! Well, as we all know, plans don't always go, well, as planned! We arrived at Texas Roadhouse at 6:50, we were informed that it would be about an hour wait. At 8:30 when we still had not been seated, we complained to the management and we were informed that there was a party of 8 that they were waiting on to leave and until they did, they wouldn't be able to seat us?? What, are you serious? I have a 6 year old with me who had done a wonderful job at being patient thus far, but she was at her wits end! Forget it, we're leaving, everyone says! We go across the street to Chili's! Hmmm, I say, this should be interesting, I have never eaten at Chili's while being on weight watchers, I have NEVER looked at any of the nutritional info for them even though I have eaten there several times while not following weight watchers! It'll be o.k. I tell myself, I am a professional dieter! I have been dieting my entire life! I know a good choice from a bad choice!
We sat down and being the budget minded family, immediately looked at the two for $20 deal they had going on. You get an appetizer, 2 main courses and a dessert to split. Well, I said, how about you two get the two for $20 I say to my son and husband, so that I can look for a better choice. No, my son says, I want the trio dippers that I always get! So I say, O.K., let me look and see if there is anything on the two for $20 that looks reasonable. Oh, o.k., chicken fajita quesadilla, that sounds like a decent choice, I'll get that. We ordered the texas fries as an appetizer. I knew the fries were not a good choice, but with this deal, it is only a half order and we would be splitting it between the four of us and maybe even sharing it with others at the table. I had a few of the fries. My meal came and I only ate half of my quesadilla and 1/2 of the rice and beans that came with it. When dessert came, I let the kids split it! I had a few drinks, which I had planned on with the other meal I had set out for myself and then we came home watched a movie and went to bed! Didn't pick in my leftovers like I usually do, overall, I thought that I had done fairly well!
Well, much to my dismay, I thought wrong!! I pulled up Chili's nutritional info first thing this morning and there is where I was hit with a ton of bricks! This fajita quesadilla I ate was one of the worst choices on the menu!! as was the texas fries, although that one was not surprising to me! 1/2, yes 1/2 of this quesadilla I ate was 18 points!!!!! 1/2 of it! I could have order the bacon cheeseburger that my brother in law ordered for less total calories than this quesadilla! Are you kidding me??? What the hell are they doing to this quesadilla? OMG!!! For my 1/4 share of the 1/2 order of Texas fries that I ate was 9 additional points! Yes I said 1/4 of a 1/2 serving = 9 points! Holy Crap! My half serving of beans and rice came out to be a modest 3 points! 30 points is what my dinner cost me! 30 points! what's worse is that I ate something before I left the house to take the edge off my hunger, so there were some more points, not to mention my breakfast and lunch! Then don't forget to put the drinks on there!!!
Well obviously I am well over my 35 weekly point allotment! But what can I do? I can only strive to make the rest of my week a good one and tell myself, lesson learned! It just goes to show, even someone who has a lot of knowledge in nutritional information can still be blown away by astronomical restaurant amounts! I hope this helps me the next time think to just order a plain chicken breast with maybe a baked potato on the side when I am in uncharted territory! I may have saved a few dollars getting the two for $20 deal, but I paid for it!!
Lesson learned: Always look at a restaurants nutritional info before ordering from it
If you haven't had a chance to look at the menu, think simple
Maybe check out some surrounding restaurants before heading out!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
So I am starting over...........again. One of my Fastbreak goals I have chosen was to write in a journal everyday, well this is it. I am not as disgusted with myself this time as I usually am when I am restarting with my weight loss efforts. Even though, once again, I am at an all time high. I know that if I do not continue to try every time I fail, I will be out of control. At least I can make the effort to keep trying. I am a strong believer in the "if at first you don't succeed" mentality. I wonder where I would be if I didn't keep trying. It wouldn't be a good place, I know that much for sure. I know that when I try to not count things because I get obsessive over it that I don't do as good as I try to convince myself that I'm doing. I know that by counting everything I eat , whether or not I am having a bad day or not, at least makes me accountable, it at least shows me WHY I am overweight, WHY I have health problems, instead of just sitting there thinking, oh, I'm not eating too bad! I know that I'm not eating too good either! and that is a realization that I need. Wish me luck, again, that this will be the time that I make things happen.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
So, I know that it has been a long time since I have actively been on Sparkpeople. The past couple of weeks I have been trying to make a come back. I never completely abandoned my weight loss efforts, well not for more than one week at a time anyway. I have continued my life long cycle of on again off again dieting, something I fear I will never overcome. Everyday that I wake up able to make that healthy choice that I am supposed to, I consider myself fortunate, but it just doesn't happen every morning. Some mornings I am literally "aching" for bad food. The food that is going to kill me if I don't quit eating it. I quit smoking, why can't I just quit eating junk food? I've watched the shows, I know what my insides look like, and God knows I'm unhappy with what the outside looks like too. So why can't I just do it, why can't I stop myself from eating these foods. Well quite honestly, I am addicted to them. I was addicted to nicotine too, and I quit that cold turkey and haven't looked back in three years. Why can't this just be that simple for me. When I was younger, it was all a matter of vanity about my weight, and now the older I get, it is still partially about the looks aspect, but it is so much more of the fact that I am going to die from food. Seriously death by chocolate. It took my Aunt dieing of lung cancer to make me want to quit smoking. Do I need to have someone close to me die of obesity to make that hit home the way the smoking did? Why, why, why can't I just wake up one morning able to conquer this. I'm not asking for a miracle, not to necessarily wake up thin (although how nice would that be) but just to wake up able to control myself. I feel like a complete and total failure, to myself and to everyone around me. I can't even keep myself on the good side of the yo-yo for a few months the way I used to, sometimes, I don't even make it a whole day. Now it seems like when I try to quit everything completely, it turns me into a monster that will shove anything in her mouth that she can get her hands on. When I try to just let things be and see how that goes, I get compulsive and compulsively add things up in my head to see how I am doing and then if it's not the results I was expecting, I turn into that monster again. I have tried to take things slow, I have tried to take things fast and I have even tried at a medium in between. I won't say that nothing works for me, like you hear some overweight people say, "oh, I've tried everything and nothing has worked for me" I disagree, I have tried everything and I can't make anything work. Food is my drug, how do you make yourself give it up. We all know when you are addicted to something, there is something that comes over you and makes you do it even though you don't want to. How can you want something so bad and fail at every attempt you try at. I'll give myself this much credit, at least I continue to try, it just feels like it is all in vein. How do some people do it. I know less calories in and exercise more. That's the obvious. How do you make yourself make better choices and not succumb to the addict monster. How do you not lose all self esteem every time you fail and keep on keeping on. How do you make yourself exercise everyday. Everyone who was once fat and is now thin talks about that moment, the moment that they just knew, their defining moment. I want one. I want my defining moment, I want my eureka moment. when will it come for me? How big will I have let myself get by then? It's not like I'm living obliviously here, I know how fat I am, I know how unhealthy I am, I know that being overweight can kill you, I know how to lose weight, I know good choices from bad choices, I know enough about nutrition from trying to lose weight over the past 20 years to be a dietician. I give weight loss advise to people 100 lbs thinner than me, and they take it and it works for them. When will it ever be my turn?
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