Wednesday, February 06, 2013
Something happened last night that kind of surprised me. My mom said, "You are on a diet, I will not get that for you". Now to explain why that meant so much to me. My mom loves McDonalds and I have learned to love it as well. I have not eaten there since I started this diet. I started to country line dance with her which made me nervous because of dinner. We both have busy schedules and do not get the chance to eat dinner until we are done around 9:00/9:30. The easiest dinner is fast food. She mad
e it clear from day one that she would be stopping to get something to eat on our way home. I asked her to avoid fast food and she has. She stops at a pizza shop and gets a slice of pizza. Last night I asked if she could get me a slice as well and she responded with, "I thought you were going to have chicken when you got home, you are on a diet and pizza is not healthy." I was so thankful for that. It has gone from, "I'll pay for McDonalds if you go and get it" to "You don't need it, I will not help you skip out on your diet".
I can officially say that I have two people watching out for me and cheering me on! The more people watching out for me the easier it is. I feel bad eating what I'm not supposed to when someone else sees. Now I need to work on the days when no one is around.
This morning for breakfast I had 2 cookies and a few chips. The bright side, for lunch I plan on having chicken and some soup, not the pasta side, McDonalds, or easy mac and foot long meatball sub I would have had a few months ago. I also plan on doing at least 30 minutes of zumba on the wii instead of sitting on the couch and watching TV like I would have done a few months ago. I may not be perfect but I have made a lot of changes. I think baby steps are the best way for me to lose weight. Maybe then, for the first time once I lose it I wont gain it back with a vengeance.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
It is amazing what lack of sleep can do to a person. I was so angry and frustrated with everything yesterday. The night before I got absolutely NO sleep. Last night I got a decent amount of sleep and BAM! I feel more optimistic, I feel more motivated, I no longer feel weak and dizzy, I don't feel panicy (I have panic disorder, and lack of sleep increases the chances of a panic attack). Today I am up and about and ready to teach! I shall pack an apple for breakfast which I usually end up eating as a before lunch snack (I am not an 8am breakfast person). I will have another apple for lunch along with a smart ones/lean cuisine/healthy choice frozen meal, and then my left over chicken for dinner, maybe some cooked veggies.
So the assignment today was writing about where I have trouble with moderation. A couple of months ago my answer would have been EVERYWHERE! Once I started the diet I would not touch anything but then my boyfriend had a bag of Doritos which is a chip I never really cared for and only kinda liked. I started with that. I counted as I ate and did not eat tons. Then I moved onto Goetz Caramel creams, only one a day if that. Then I started with restaurants, only have half my meal and only one, not all, of the complimentary bread. After that I moved onto other small candy, I had a mini reeses cup one day and occasionally I will have 1-2 starburst throughout the day. I have started to have one little thing if I see it in the faculty room or someone offers it to me but no more. I am debating working on drinking next. Right now I will have about two drinks the nights I drink but I might want to make that one and then, eventually, none unless I'm out with friends. I'm still afraid to touch my absolute favorite chips and dip. I wont go near a candy bar. I have not baked cookies for a while. The foods that aren't as good leftover are still difficult not to finish because I was raised in the clean your plate club when at a restaurant. I always ordered too much food and when I didn't want to finish it my father would get angry. Or if I went out to eat and wasn't hungry so I only ordered applesauce, he would get upset. It is hard for me to throw away food.
My action plan is to slowly let some of those foods back into my life and conquer moderation with them one at a time so that once I reach my goal weight I will already have the skills to maintain that weight. Every other time I went on a diet, when I stopped I went full out, eating everything I wanted and missed.
Any way, that's all for now, I gotta get to work. 3rd grade today!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I was going to do a long post about how frustrated I am today and how hopeless this diet feels. I was also going to talk about how hopeless my working situation feels. Then I realized a few things..
On the working situation: I have three students I tutor, I got a temporary after school job, I picked up a sub job for tomorrow, I am good at what I do, I have had to turn down new clients because I could not fit them into my schedule, and I have had days that more than one school has called to ask me to sub... I have not been working as much because I've been lazy and that just needs to stop.
On the diet situation: I have lost weight, not a lot but it is something. I was able to zip up pants that have been un-zipable since this past summer. I have not gained weight even though I've slipped up. I have gained more willpower over food than I've ever had before, and even though I am cranky, things feel hopeless, and I have not been tracking, when I finish this blog I am going to suck it up and do Zumba wii for at least 30 minutes any way even though I got absolutely no sleep last night and want nothing more than to lay down on the couch and watch more TV.
The thing that has me really worried, I have not eaten today, I am hungry, but I don't want to eat because my weight loss has been slow and I know it'll move faster if I just try not to eat. I've already gone one day with only eating dinner. I've done that sort of diet before, it is so easy, but so unhealthy. I want to do it the healthy way but my frustration is making the easy, unhealthy way so tempting. I'm afraid people will notice my weight loss like last time and no one will realize that I'm not being healthy because they are so distracted by my weight loss.
Monday, January 28, 2013
So I have not been following my program at all lately but I'm still proud. I am debating changing my diet a bit. At first I would use the mix and match meal planner and would track everything I ate. I would not go near any "junk". I wouldn't go out to restaurants. I was doing the workouts suggested. Then I joined the boot camp and found it nearly impossible to stick with the 3 day strength training, daily ten minute video, and daily cardio. Christmas came and I have not been on track since. I am debating letting myself eat the "No" foods on occasion so I do not despise the diet. I could never do that before because if you put a food I loved in front of me i would eat as much as I could. Now, for the first time, I feel like I have the power to say "That's enough" with foods I enjoy.
My weight loss has slowed down but it is still happening. Even though I haven't been tracking or working out I still watch what I eat. I put half my meal aside when going out and turn down that extra roll. I am learning to only have a few chips instead of half the bag. (I still slip up on that one once in awhile). I had a few pieces of candy but only one or two a week the size of a starburst... no candy bars.
Technically I have not followed my program, I do want to get back on it. I know I need to work out more but I am so proud of myself. If I did not get off track I would have never realized how much will power I have gained when it comes to food. This makes me believe that for the first time, when I go off my diet I wont gain the weight back.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
So I was feeling really down yesterday. I pretty much stopped tracking my food and exercise. I was not losing weight and was not eating all the foods I use to love. I was worried that I would have to go back on the 10 cent ramen diet this summer due to lack of funding and have not been cooking due to a lack of time. Just at that moment my boyfriend called me. I told him how down I was feeling, how frustrated I was, and how I wanted to give up. I figured if I'm not losing any weight , what's the point of avoiding all the foods I loved? He asked me if I have gained any weight and I told him "no". He said, weren't you slowly gaining weight before this diet? I answered, "yes". Then he said, "So it is making a difference".
He has been so supportive in my weight loss efforts. He will ask me, "Do you really need that?" When we are out to eat he will put the biscuits or half my fries out of my sight so I am not tempted. He wont buy chips for himself unless he knows I don't like them. He doesn't buy candy any more and if I receive candy from a student or special occasion he will hide it and eat it himself. He tells me, "You should do your zumba today" or "We can watch TV after you do your strength training".
While talking to him I decided to step on the scale so I could tell him exactly how hopeless the situation was. Turns out I lost 2 more pounds without even noticing it. I am still struggling with motivation but I figure small steps are easier than large leaps. I Put half my dinner aside right away last night which is new for me. I also left rolls on the table, another new. I paced back and forth while watching TV instead of sitting on the couch. I went to the apartment to paint. All things I was too lazy to do a couple months ago. I can do more crunches than when I started and can do a couple partial pushups.
Today after teaching I will be doing an after school program, tutoring, and then after a long day I will be doing country line dancing with my mom. Usually after a long day I'd want to just plop on the couch and take a nap. I've been waking up earlier and I've stopped taking naps. Sometimes I forget how far I've come. Even if the scale only shows 8lbs lost I need to remember all the other changes in my life. I am a lot healthier now than I was when I weighed 160. That is something to be proud of and I owe so much of it to my boyfriend.
Get An Email Alert Each Time JRHYN849 Posts