Wednesday, September 03, 2014
This is my first blog post in almost a year. I took a break from SP after I found out I was pregnant with my second son. At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was very determined to try to keep doing SP throughout. Obviously not to lose weight, but rather to manage my weight gain through the pregnancy. I put forth a noble effort, but I ultimately gave it up. I had a hard time dealing with my weight gain after working so hard to lose it. Eventhough I was pregnant, my mind had a hard time with it. So anyways, that was that... My son, Grayson is BEAUTIFUL just like his older brother Jamison. I am truly blessed. So, here I am, now almost 7 months after my son was born. Now weighing 14 lbs more than what I was after I gave birth. Time to get back on track. I've been thinking of getting back to SP for quite a few months now. It's been a mental battle, and just like the 1st time I joined SP, I had to be in the right mindset to make my move. This being my first week back, I already feel more empowered just by making the decision to spend a little effort focusing on my health again. I know from experience that I can't make all of the changes I want to right away. So for this week, my goal is to be aware and accountable for what I am eating. For me, that means tracking everything I put in my mouth. I have yet to hit my nutrition target this week (I'm still over in calories), but I'm ok with that for now, because I'm learning about my eating habits again. I know I have to make changes slowly so they will stick. That's just me, and I know how I am with food, so slow changes are best... I can't believe how much better I feel about myself by just taking this stand for my health again. I'm really hoping this feeling is infectious and I stick to it.
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
Last Friday was an eye-opener for me. It was the first time I chose to Blog since finding out I was pregnant. By the time I was about 3 months along, my Sparking was sketchy at best. I was inconsistent with logging my food, and my will to walk on my treadmill was becoming more an more infrequent. I'd have to say, I went through a lot of emotions when I found out I was pregnant. Elated of course that I'm FINALLY having another baby, but if I'm to be completely honest here, I was also completely mortified at the thought of regaining my weight back, and that was a completely overwhelming feeling for me. I never anticipated feeling the way that I did. Dare I say, I was mad that I was pregnant? How can that be, right? How can I be so upset by something and so overjoyed by that same thing at the same time. But that's probably the best way I can put it into words. I certainly could tell a difference in my appetite after the 1st trimester. It seemed that I was hungry every couple of hours. I just started feeling like I couldn't get enough food, and over time, that just turned into allowing myself to eat junk along with the healthy food I was trying to keep in my daily routine. I've noticed that I have an overwhelming craving for sweets. I mean sweets have always been the hardest thing for me to resist, but since being pregnant I either couldn't resist them any longer (or didn't want to resist them any longer!) But, all of this started really coming to a head after I kept seeing the scale creeping up. Yes, I know it's supposed to, but I think I am gaining too quickly. And, after looking back at the last 2 months or so, I can certainly see why. So, I guess I finally hit my boiling point last Friday and blogged about my feelings. And, boy did it feel good once I did. Ever since I started SP, I have found that just putting my feelings down in writing helped me so much. Not that anyone particular needs to read this (although I do appreciate all of the support I've received over the last couple of years), but I needed to put it down so that I could be honest with ME. So, I guess I'd call that my wake-up call. Since blogging, I've had a much stronger momentum going for staying healthy. I've been tracking my food consistently again, and I am making time for my evening walks again. I know my little boy inside of me needs me to be this way. And, I need me to be this way too.
Friday, September 20, 2013
So, here I am, nearing 5 months of my pregnancy. I'm filled with every emotion you can imagine. Having this baby is what I strived for back when I first started SP. I wanted to lose weight and get healthy so that this could even be a possibility for me. I'm 40 years old, post kidney transplant, and this is my second son. My oldest is 8 now. I'm nervous about starting the baby phase all over again. It's been a long time since I've changed a diaper and was up at night. I also worry about my oldest son, Jamison. He is excited to be a big brother, but I know there is a transition ahead of him. There is one ahead for all of us. But, I know how much I already love this little guy inside of me, and I know we will all be able to get through everything I am worrying about, it will just take time. But, for now, what is probably hardest for me is my inevitable weight gain. I've gained 9lbs so far. A little more than I was hoping for at this stage of the game, but still not terrible according to my doctors. I can't help but obsess that I am only 1/2 way through the pregnancy and I know there is likely another 15-20lbs that will be coming. I didn't realize how much trouble I'd have with this until the scale started going in the opposite direction. For the last year and a half, I've had successes (and failures) here on SP, but I kept seeing that scale going down. And now it's going back up. This is the first considerable weight gain I've had since starting SP back in Jan 2012. And yes, if you are reading this, you are probably saying... "But YOU ARE PREGNANT!"... Believe me, my head knows that, but that doesn't take my sinking feeling away when I step on that scale. I know this is a head game I am playing with myself, and I know my hormones aren't helping me right now either. I've chosen to stay on SP instead of switching to BabyFit right now, only because this is where my history is. This is where my friends are. I've adjusted my nutrition level on my food tracking page to mirror what I should be having according to my doctors. I've also joined a few Fit Pregnancy teams and I'm hoping that if anyone has gone through anything similar to this, they might share their story with me to see how they are coping with it. I know I've turned to the wrong foods in the past couple of months. No doubt my old comfort zone when I am depressed. But, I know doing that isn't good for me or my baby. I know I'm struggling right now, and I've been telling myself at least I am aware of what I am doing. So, here's me trying to wrestle emotions vs reason. Hmmm, I'm sure every pregnant lady's daily battle!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
I don't think it was one thing alone, but likely a combination of things, but this week, I've felt more like myself in a very long time. It's the first week in I don't know how long, that I've been staying within my calorie range CONSISTENTLY, and getting my fitness focus back up to where I like to keep it. I've felt my determination coming back slowly to keep those late afternoon snack attacks under control (ok, let's call them what they are, "gorging!") I've been incorporating mindful eating again too. I've been reading many Spark blogs in search of inspiration lately, and have had a lot of conversations with myself as well about why I've been falling off the wagon. That, with the fact that I've gained a few lbs! I think it is all a blessing in disguise! I'm starting to believe in myself again, and reminding myself that my food addiction takes work every day to keep under control. I'm thankful that these things are in the front of my mind again. I know that time and consistency will bring that scale back down, and I'm starting to enjoy that ride again!
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