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Losing friends along with the pounds

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

10 years ago, I lost 170# off of my body. And most of my "friends". As I lost weight, people's attitudes and behavior towards me were different. People who never had the time of day for me before all of a sudden wanted to talk or hang out (not that I fell for that!). And people who had been my buddies for years started putting distance between us. What I realized is that they were not TRUE friends. They didn't want ME through good times and bad times. They wanted a fat friend to hang out with. Someone that made them feel better about themselves in comparison. Someone they could binge with. Someone without a life who was always available for hanging out or talking. I really did learn who my true friends were... and at the end of the loss of 170#, I had very few of my original friends. But they are TRUE friends. People I'd walk through fire for.

Fast Forward 10 years. I've re-gained 70#. I have a new group of girlfriends. I live in a different town. And I see the same thing happening! My girlfriends that I rely on to chat with, have fun, text with, etc. are distancing themselves. They aren't expressing any support of what I'm doing. The people that have been tremendously supportive are my co-workers and friends that don't live near me... and of course those tried and true friends who stood by me through fat and less-fat the first time!

It's discouraging. I'm the kind of person who wants my friends to succeed and find their own happiness. I don't have to agree with you, I just want you to find your bliss. I can live a life totally opposite of yours without any judgment on your lifestyle. And it makes me sad that I am finding like-kind support very rare right now.

But determination doesn't mean just doing something when it's easy. That doesn't take determination at all. Determination is when you dig your heals in when the going gets tough and just keep on keepin' on. That's what I'm doing.

Today I made 2.20 miles on the elliptical in 30 minutes. I'm increasing my speed and endurance slowly but surely!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANDYCANE4049 1/21/2013 2:26PM

    I know this is a old blog you wrote, just going to say this the samething happed to me with friends growing up.My last best friend died few years ago janet ,she could read me like a book and come right out and say it to me if it was good or bad and i could say the same back it her too with out hurt feelings. I found out it the same on spark teams to not being nice or trying to be a real friend. I have a few nice people that stops by my page and say nice things and comments,It not the same having a real friend . Keep up the good weight loss,take care god bless

Comment edited on: 1/21/2013 2:27:47 PM

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KARENE10 1/21/2012 9:06AM

    My friends have been my friends through thick and thin. But the funny thing is that when I do lose weight they choose not to notice. Where I am the opposite. I am always telling them how great they look. I do notice that "more" people want to be your friend when you are thinner. But like you I would not fall for that:) I love my friends no matter what they weigh. emoticon On increasing your speed and endurance on the elliptical!

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IAMAGEMLOVER 1/18/2012 5:24PM

    I am going through something very similar. I have friends that are married. Now all of a sudden because I have lost around 70 lbs since last February and now this guy has lost 22 lbs in 4 months all of a sudden his wife has accused us of having an affair. All three of us have been friends since 2000. I worked for him. She has always been insecure about his first wife, but I never thought she was or would be insecure about me. She never seemed to be, we would go out to dinner and then she would say she didn't feel good so here husband and I would go alone or with his kids. It's too bad. She has nothing to worry about.

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    It seems this is a common thing. I have noticed things like that in the two times I have lost weight. I lost 140 pounds about 12 years ago and gained it back slowly until the past couple of years my emotional eating put me right back to where I started, ironically the same number! The first time I lost weight, I had on friend who was just mad that I was doing it and she wanted to but didn't WANT to. This time around, I again see one friend like that. Most of my "friends" seemed to go to the way side when I had my littlest one. Most of my friends are friends I made through the schools with my oldest who is 16, so none of my friends are having babies and I was really hurt when I seemed to be left behind. But it all is okay, I do my thing and make myself happy. I think that along the way of this journey, I will end up making new friends and one good thing is one of my friends has actually joined me in my walking so we get to see each other weekly. It is funny how a life change will show you the difference of your "friends" to your FRIENDS. Good job on the elliptical!

Thanks for the comment on my blog as well. The chocolate milk is a great idea! I will try it.

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TARAFROMTX1 1/17/2012 8:29PM

    I m sorry to hear that.. its hard when the people you think are your friends can't handle change. A true friend will stay around no matter what. emoticon emoticon

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STACIA_ANGEL 1/17/2012 7:52PM

    I agree with everyone else, that's their loss! You sound like a great friend! You're not alone with the struggle with friends. I went through a severe depression for several years and lost many of my friends right in the start. Unfortunately I lost the the rest of them throughout my depression because I wasn't able to be a friend back to them. Because of the "loss of love" I've developed a strange social phobia. I still love people but I hate phones. I don't answer them; I don't use them to call people. It makes it very difficult to renew old friends or even make new ones.

Anyway, enough about me & sorry about the ramble. I'm sorry you're experiencing this & I hope you can take comfort in the friends you have.

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A_WISE_WOMAN 1/17/2012 7:42PM

  Unfortunately, this happens: you changed, they didn't. And I don't just mean on the outside. You know what you had to change on the inside to change the outside, and gaining some weight back only means that either some of the changes didn't stick, or that there were other changes that would need to be addressed to lose the weight. People change all the time, it's just that a weight change is so visible that, unlike other changes, it is very difficult to ignore! My congratulations to you for having lost the weight in the first place, and I know you can lose this excess baggage, as well!

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    Thank you for the support! I appreciate it so much!

I've gained back 70 of those 170#. Starting with those, and then will go from there. Nothing about this has been easy and has been a life-long battle... but I will NOT give up on myself. :)

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WORLDSERIES11 1/17/2012 7:10PM

    Wow! That's a hard way to find out who your REAL friends are, but it's their loss!! Congrats to you to stick with your program and doing what's best for YOU!
emoticon emoticon

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CALIPIDGIOUS 1/17/2012 7:09PM

    Its so hard when this happens. Most of my girlfriends are on the same sort of journey towards health but we are all doing it in different ways. One of my friends who I started this with originally in Weight Watchers has just about reached her goal but she had far less weight to lose. My best girlfriend from high school had far more to lose than I and she very quietly and privately began Medifast last spring and has lost just over 100 lbs to date. While I am happy for both of them it does make my journey seem so very much harder. I lost 45 lbs and then quit smoking. 30 of those 45 came packing back on. Now it has been about 9 months and I can not seem to get the weight to move despite my best efforts. I continue on but I can truly admit that while I am happy for them, it also makes me sad. It also makes me feel like a failure at times. I only mention this because maybe some of those friends have feelings like I have although if they are not actively working on bettering themselves, they really can't say boo.

Good luck to you and congrats on staying the course despite the exodus of your friends.

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CHANGE4THEBEST 1/17/2012 7:03PM


Congratulations on your weight loss. As for friends who now distance themselves...its their loss not yours!!

Keep up the good work, its inspirational for those who have yet to get to their targets!

Your will always find friends on sparkpeople to support you

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Great... now I'm hearing Dr. Phil in my head

Monday, January 16, 2012

"So.... How's that workin' for you?"

As a mental health professional, I'm somewhat torn between admiration for Dr. Phil and entertainment by him. But that phrase is true!

We all tend to get into a routine in life, and go with it. Work, family, food, friends, etc.... these things all tend to fall into "just the way life is". But what if the results of the way it "is" just isn't working for you?

I'm an intelligent, successful, loving woman. Yet the way I manage my body just isn't working for me. So... I'm joining Dr. Phil's bandwagon on this one, and trying something different.

Day 14 of working my butt off complete. This is hard, but it's working pretty well for me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Glad to hear your doing so well and sound so positive!!! Keep it up!

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What changes can 2 weeks bring?

Monday, January 16, 2012

Today rounds out the first 2 weeks of work towards establishing new, HEALTHIER habits!

"They" say that building a habit takes 5 weeks.

"They" say that it takes 4 weeks for you to notice the change in your own body, 8 weeks for close friends and family to see changes, and 12 weeks for the general world to notice.

"They" say the hardest part of any work out is putting on your shoes and taking that first step out the door.

I have no idea who "they" are, but "they" aren't "me". I can't work my butt off for 4 weeks before I see any change. I am NOT that patient. I want changes NOW! But I'm also realistic and don't expect to go from 300 pounds to a fit, healthy body in a week.

So... what changes can just 2 short weeks bring?

The first few days the changes I saw were NOT pleasant changes! My body was withdrawing from the huge amounts of caffeine I was drinking. My head was pounding. I felt jittery. I had trouble sleeping. And I had to run to the bathroom every few minutes due to all the water I was drinking. Those first days in the gym I felt like a turtle.... so slow compared to everyone else. I was winded and hurting after just 10 minutes on the elliptical. My feet hurt and I wanted to give up. But in my heart, I knew that any change had to be better than I what I had been doing.

After a few days, I felt less awkward at the gym. My headaches were gone as my body adjusted to living life without caffeine. I started getting into a routine, slowly increasing my time on the elliptical, and finishing out my 30 minutes of cardio on the treadmill or bike. I met with a trainer. I got some help learning about weights and strength training.

After a week or so, I was able to make my full 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical. I wasn't fast. I wasn't graceful, but I was persistent. My heart rate was in range. That was my focus.

This morning I made 2.15 miles on the elliptical in 30 minutes. I was out of breath but not hurting. My muscles were feeling the strain, but not aching. My heart rate was elevated, but in range. It was a good work out followed by strength training.

In 14 days, I've lost 11.4 pounds. I feel stronger. Yesterday I walked a few blocks to the park with my daughter and wasn't winded. I played with her on slides and swings and still had energy to get walk home briskly (well... as briskly as possible with a 3 yr old!). Today I put on work pants that have been causing a red mark at the waist due to being tight. They buttoned a little more comfortably and didn't leave a mark.

I'm eating in my range every day, getting plenty of protein, healthy fats, complex carbs, and not feeling particularly deprived.

But the biggest change??? I'm realizing that I don't need to morph into a body builder to belong inside a gym. I can be an overweight mom just looking to get healthier. I don't have to skinny to feel stronger. And I don't have to be perfect to make progress. Progress comes with effort, and brings its own rewards.

Can't wait to see how I'm feeling in 2 more weeks!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MENNOLY 1/17/2012 10:06AM

    Way emoticon emoticonYou can do this and it will get easier. As I always said to my kids (and they hated to hear)"Patience is a virtue". If you start overworking joints (I did) change up your walking with bike riding. Hope to see big changes in you! emoticon emoticon

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STACIA_ANGEL 1/16/2012 8:38PM

    I love this post! It's nice to see that I'm not the only one to struggle in the beginning. It sounds as though you are finding some great motivation & you should be very proud! I love that you say you don't have to be a bodybuilder to go to the gym. I know that still scares me away. Well, that & the money.

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Shopping tips from a Coupon Queen

Saturday, January 14, 2012

So, I've been noticing several conversations on message boards and blogs about the COST of a healthy diet. I *may* have a suggestion or two that could help. See.... I'm a couponer. One of the crazy people you see at the store with their ad packs and a fist full of coupons. In fact, a friend and I even run a facebook page for our couponing followers.

Now, I realize that this wacky hobby isn't for everyone. I started a year ago, and the savings quickly made me a believer. But as my stockpile of food of household items grew, I stopped chasing every freebie deal and just looked at saving consistently on the items that my family uses. As my family turns more and more to healthy food options and portions, I've been focusing my couponing eye onto healthy foods.

So here are a few tips to help you purchase HEALTHY, FRESH options for a fraction of the cost.

1) Buy larger quantities while it's on sale. This is the holy grail of couponing. You don't need to have some crazy stockpile like the shoppers on "Extreme couponing" (Although I'm extremely proud of the one I have in my garage). Make some room for your food stores so that you can buy 2-3 months of an item when it's super cheap.

2) Ad-Match! This is the quickest and easiest way to save on items like meat and produce. Each Wednesday, I get the ads for each of the major food retailers in town. My walmart price matches. So I sit down with my ads, and make a list of the items that are a great price. Coupons for produce and meat are rare, but if you can save .30/lb on bananas by price matching a different price, that ads up!

3) After you made a list of sale items from all your stores, head on over to the database at, and see if there are any available coupons for those items as well. MANY of them are printable and will make huge savings.

4) Don't assume that healthy items can't be saved one! Just this past week, I was able to price match kiwi, avocado, oranges, onion, fiber one bars, progresso soups, milk, yogurt, and nutri-grain bars!

5) Have fun! Couponing can be a lot of work, but saving should be fun! There are plenty of couponing sites that are perfect forums to ask questions and seek support.


Being "Courageous"

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Did you see the recent movie, "Courageous"? If not, I can not recommend it enough (it comes out on DVD 1/17!!!). In it, a man is hit with the realities and griefs that life can throw your way, and decides he's not living up to his potential. He decides that in order to live the life that God designed for him, he must be courageous. He must dare to love harder, work harder, and trust more. In the movie, his teenage son has been trying to get his father to run with him. But he's always busy. Not interested enough. As he goes through his changes, there is a scene with him running with his son. In it he says,

"I didn't start out strong. I want to end strong".

This is my goal. I am resolving to seek God's will and design for my life... including taking better care of this physical body.

I will be courageous and fight my inner battles, lack of motivation, and worries that I can not do this.

I will be courageous when I go to the gym each day, giving my worries about other's thoughts about me to God.

I will be courageous when I deal with emotions as they come, rather than turning to food for comfort.

I will be courageous is being honest with myself and others about my struggles and victories.

I will be courageous in handing this struggle over to God.

Will you be courageous with me?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENE10 1/16/2012 4:34PM

    I would love to see this movie. Thanks for recommending it to us:) emoticon

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    Excellent idea. I think that I will join you as well. I will have to check this movie out when it comes out! Thanks for the recommendation!

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