Friday, January 13, 2012
This morning, I stepped up the pace on the elliptical and hit 2 miles during my 30 minute cardio session! I had the machine set to interval setting, putting 1/2 my work out in the resistance 8 level. This is a victory for me!
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm as far from athletic as you can get. I don't like to sweat. I dislike being dirty. I'm uncoordinated and FAR from graceful. I was always picked last for team sports. And somewhere along the way, I adopted an attitude of "I CAN'T be active".
Today I confronted that self-held belief.
I'm an active person! I may not ENJOY being active, but I know it's healthy for me, and I'm able to push myself and do it.
I don't need to check the scale for weight loss today. I think I'll just savor this victory a bit. :)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
That's what I said to my trainer tonight near the end of a tough work out. I'd put in 31 minutes on the elliptical, only to meet with my trainer for 30 minutes of gravity machine strength training. And she kicked my butt!
In 9 days, I've lost 9 pounds. Mostly water, I am sure, since stopping my 1/2 case of diet pepsi per day habit. But I take pride in it. I have been working my hind end off! Of those 9 days, I have worked out 8 of them. I have been under my calorie range each day. I'm making good choices. And I'm proud of myself.
Amazingly, I remember just a short time ago, sitting here with a self-loathing tape playing over and over in my head. No more! I hate my weight. I NO LONGER HATE ME! My weight is what my frame carries. I am a mother, wife, daughter, social worker, friend, gym member who is doing what it takes. What is there to loathe about that?
Hello, self pride. It's nice to see you again.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Today was probably the toughest workout for me thus far (8 days!). I had a stressful day, sore back muscles, and a general case of the "Don't wanna's". But I went, checked my daughter into the kid's zone, and hit the elliptical.
I wanted to quit. But I didn't.
My feet hurt. I kept peddling.
I wanted to leave. I left proud after completing my full 30 minutes.
And I realized something. My body doesn't care about my mood while I exercise. It's a simple equation of what goes in vs what is burned. My sweat today did the same amount of good as yesterday when I was having an "up" day. The work out is the workout.
Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully today's lesson will carry over!
Monday, January 09, 2012
That's what my husband and I have joked about for the past 7 years we've watched the outdoor reality show. You know the scenes... the show host kicks the survivors out of the boat or off the helicopter... and leaves them to run, swim, hike vertically, etc to their camp. As I sat in my living room at various stages of obesity, this was my running joke. "I would drop dead!" "I'm so out of shape that I'd die!"
Yes, they were jokes. But was self-deprecating jokes usually are... they hid a sliver of truth. Some part of me believed that I would truly die of a heart attack with physical exertion. That the obesity that has ruled my life for so long had somehow removed any chance of athleticism from me.
This week I learned that isn't true. One week ago I took a HUGE step and joined a gym. In that time I have started meeting with a trainer and getting in 30 minutes of cardio, 6 days per week. Tonight I did 30 continual minutes on the elliptical trainer followed by 20 minutes of strength training exercises. I did raise my heart rate. I did sweat quite a bit. I even found myself breathing a little hard those last 2 minutes on the elliptical. But I didn't die.
No heart attacks occurred. No ambulances were called. I simply worked off some calories and strengthened my body a bit more.
Don't get me wrong.... I'm not ready to go running along the shores of some distant island looking for an immunity idol. But I AM ready to go back to the gym tomorrow.... and know that I won't drop dead from the effort I put forth.
Saturday, January 07, 2012
Last weekend, I literally didn't move. All weekend. I spend last Friday night caring for a sick child, and didn't want to go anywhere Saturday. Which led to a holiday on Sunday spend snacking and sitting. Which led to a repeat on Monday. I didn't leave the house for 3 days. I just ate all the snacks we had for New Years. And indulged in a lot of self loathing. Knowing I was miserable, but completely overwhelmed at the thought of doing anything about it.
I remember sitting in the very recliner I now write this blog entry from, upset about the way my double chin was hitting my neck... I could FEEL my double chin. I was no longer able to ignore it in the absence of a mirror.
Each time I got out of my recliner, my feet, ankles, and knees rebelled in pain and aches. I was exhausted. Depressed. Sad.
Tuesday, I talked to my husband and did what was, for me, the unthinkable! We decided to join a gym. The panic attack I had in the parking lot prior to going in was just a reminder of why I have successfully avoided them my entire life. My ONLY experience with a gym was in high school P.E. 20 years ago.. not really a positive experience.
Out of sheer desperation, I went. Each night this week, i went and worked out. I met with a trainer. I gave up caffeine, and worked thru the headache. I kept to the calorie range Sparkpeople gave me.
And my energy increased! Despite the sore muscles, I was having less ankle and knee pain... in just a few days!
And this morning, I left my husband with our 3 yr old for a bit, and ran to the gym for an "extra" workout. And I made a full 30 minutes on the Elliptical! I felt that was impossible just 5 short days ago!
I see progress. But more importantly... I don't feel overwhelmed! I know what I need to do each day. I have a step-by-step plan that has been put in action. I'm surrounded by support. And my self loathing has been replaced with PRIDE!
That's a good week, people. :)
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