JOYFULJUDYLYNN   19,080
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I had an epiphany today!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I'm playing hookey from work today after such an awful day yesterday. Well kind of.... I still have my work phone on me and taking calls from clients. I just moved my out calls to tomorrow. I needed a mental health day.

I was sitting here reading spark message boards about fitness and how people are working out and thinking about what a loser I am. I LOATHE exercise. Seriously.... I am not an athletic type of girl. (Hence the reason my all time high weight was 411 and I'm currently 294!). But reading the message boards left me feeling extremely guilty. So I went and dug out the cardiac monitoring watch / pedometer my husband gave me for Christmas last year. Um yeah.... It was still in the box. But I got it out, and programed it. And looked at it. "What the heck am I gonna do with this stupid thing? Not like I'm gonna join a gym".

But the day is unseasonable cool and breezy... just a touch of Fall in the air. I love this weather. And since I stayed home with Olivia today, I figured we could at least enjoy the weather. So we headed to the park. Just so I could tell my husband I used the watch, I strapped it on and turned on the pedometer. I brought the stroller, but Livy wanted to walk. So we walked (at the pace of a 2 yr old) for a while. She picked dandilions and pointed out rocks and flowers to me. And we walked. And walked a little more. She ran, giggling, a few times and I had to walk my fastest to keep up with her. And we ended up at the park about a 1/2 mile from our house. We played on the slides and I pushed her in the swing. And as I looked at my gorgeous baby with her eyes closed, smiling wide, with the wind blowing her hair, I realized something! I don't HAVE to be a fitness guru to obtain MY goals. Those may be the goals for some people, but they aren't mine. I don't want to be an athlete. I want to be a healthy mom! THAT'S my goal. And my daughter deserves this. To walk to the park, actively play in the park, be chased by mommy, etc.

After we played (and Livy completely melted down because..... well, because she's 2!) I put her in the stroller and walked uphill the half mile home. When we arrived, I checked the pedometer and was surprised to see I'd gotten in nearly 3,000 steps! I'm proud of this! I know it's not the "goal" for most people. But it's a good start for me.

My daughter and I had a wonderful time, and I'm so glad that I'm able to now see my own goals more clearly. I don't have a desire to run a 5k. I just want to be able to run after my child. I don't need to be a competitive swimmer. I just want to feel comfortable in a bathing suit and play in the water with my family. THAT is the life I want. And what I saw today is that I'm LIVING my goal while ACHEIVING my goal. I don't have to "arrive" there. My goal can be met today. And for that I smile.

Thanks for all the comments on yesterday's blog. It was a huge support. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANEXA 9/2/2010 12:25AM

    I am so proud of you! Isn't amazing what you can do if you take the first step to "just do it?" When I first joined Spark People I could not walk up the 12 little steps to my front door without gasping for air, and feeling "like I wanted to die." On your first venture out, you did 3,000 steps!!!! I don't care if 3,000 steps is "nothing" to all the runners and joggers in the world; YOU did an AWESOME job yesterday!!! Your journey is all about what YOU can do, not what anyone else can do or does. Be proud of yourself, and do as much or as little as you can do on your journey. We all start out taking baby steps, and how cool that you can take your baby steps with your wonderful little "baby" girl. Keep up the great work, and remember to forgive yourself when you make mistakes or do/eat something that is not quite healthy. Two steps forward, one step backward, and then you start again the next day. emoticon emoticon Hugs, Janet

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TOWHEE 8/31/2010 10:27PM

    Good job!! Don't belittle those 3000 steps. For a first time out you did great. Next time try to exceed your steps. Aim for 3250 or something you think is doable. Before you know it you WILL be chasing your daughter around the park. emoticon

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LADYMABH 8/31/2010 7:36PM

    You have a great attitude and I am glad that you both enjoyed the day. I don't feel the need to train like a professional athlete either. We're just trying to be a little healthier.

I must admit I don't really look forward to going to the gym, but I do feel better after I have done some activity. Today was hot and muggy here so I didn't push myself as hard as normal. We do get to choose our own goals and our own pace. You're doing great. emoticon

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PURPLESPEDCOW 8/31/2010 7:29PM

    emoticon now you will achieve anything you want because now you are doing it for you and not for anyone else. If you are not doing it for you, you aren't really invested. I am so glad that you had a great day with your daughter. I hope you have many, many more.

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2BFREE2LIVE 8/31/2010 6:11PM

    emoticona big smile on my face as I read your blog.
You've got it now, exactly what you need is motivation and your daughter is the motivation you have and that is all you need. Think about how she is going to grow up so quickly and how much fun it is going to be to enjoy every day with her just as you did today.
So yes a smile indeed is in order for today, congrats on the 3000 steps to the park and back, I wear my pedometer every day and keep track with the Trans America walking program from the Heart association. It is great fun. Let me know and I will direct you to the team. Sandy emoticon emoticon

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JPP533 8/31/2010 6:09PM

    Congratulations on your epiphany today, isn't it great to have these once in awhile. It's amazing to think that just getting up and moving around even taking a walk to the park is doing our bodies good. The more the better of course, but getting out there and taking those first steps is awesome, and your kids love it too! Keep pushing forward your doing GREAT!!! emoticon

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SKINNYPOWELL1 8/31/2010 3:43PM

    Great blog, enjoyed reading it. And you don't have to aspire to be a runner or a swimmer, just a more fit and healthy YOU. emoticon

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What a craptastic day!!!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Seriously... today was awful. I'm a case manager for adults with chronic mental illness. One client may need to be re-hospitalized, one got evicted (and is 30 weeks pregnant!) and another lit a cigarrette without removing his oxygen. Yep! Kabam! Burned half his face. Oy Vey! And while I was rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off to meet everyone's needs, I hurriedly got into my van and heard a loud "rip"! Looked down and my pants had ripped. From my waist to nearly my ankle. Fun times. Had to drive 8 miles out of my way to change at home (and walk from the street to my front door holding my pants closed!). Sigh! At least the work day is over Dinner was nice, and hubby is blowing bubbles for the little one. I hear her laughing and it helps.

In the midst of all the running around, my day got long and I didn't have enough food with me. Starving, I drove thru McDonalds. Got a grilled chicken sandwich with no mayo, no bacon, no cheese, and no lettuce (don't like lettuce on hot sandwiches). Added bbq sauce. OMG! SOOOOO HOT! They have some seriously spicy chipotle bbq sauce! Pretty good stats tho. Very large and filling sandwich for 400 calories. Not bad. I still have 400 calories left for a bit of dessert tonight.

If you read these ramblings... God bless ya! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANEXA 8/31/2010 1:38AM

    Good thing today is over, and may you have a better day tomorrow, the date after, the day after that, etc.

Thank you for posting this blog--it helped me keep my "little" problems in perspective.

I wish you continued joy with your family so your day's troubles disappear!

Hugs, Janet You are emoticon !!!

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ALLBW2U 8/31/2010 1:34AM

    Isn't it "great" to have a day like this to make a "normal" day seem so excellent?

emoticon

I hope that your week gets much, much better.

Best wishes always.....Bill



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LADYMABH 8/30/2010 10:22PM

    Congratulations on keeping you head held up high through all the crap. emoticon

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2BFREE2LIVE 8/30/2010 10:12PM

    Staying sane when the world around you is crazy!!! Good girl for hanging in there and not letting your day ruin your mood. Hope the rest of your week is safe and I hope you hear a more laughter from everyone in your life. Sandy

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PAULINATOR 8/30/2010 10:01PM

    I love the word craptastic, it's one of my favourites.
Tomorrow will be better I am sure!
emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/30/2010 10:02:14 PM

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LORI0506 8/30/2010 9:44PM

  emoticon

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WINDLEG 8/30/2010 9:33PM

    Sorry your day was less than fabulous...it is a blessing to know that there are people like you out there trying to help others who can't always help themselves. Your job is a true calling - I'm praying for a better tomorrow for you!!!

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PURPLESPEDCOW 8/30/2010 9:28PM

    You dealt with a lot today and can still smile. I would say that is a win in the plus column. Hope tomorrow will do better.

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DIANNEMT 8/30/2010 9:28PM

    Some days just are MONDAYS! Enjoy your litle one and your evening!

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IOWEIT2ME 8/30/2010 9:24PM

    Sorry you had such a challenging day! I really dug the fact that with everything going on, including your pants mishap, you kept a good attitude about it all. Good for you!!! A person with a lesser spirit might have crumbled, but you hung tough! Way to go!!!!

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MY PANTS ARE TOO BIG!!!!!!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

We're heading to the county fair in a bit, and I slipped on my favorite (size 28) capri jeans and they are TOO BIG! I wore then a week ago and they were fine (loose, but not big). I've only lost a pound since then, but I think my body caught up!

Such a big non scale victory for me!!!! I'm so excited! I changed into a pair of my 26's that have been cutting me in half and they fit! A tad tight, but they FIT! Nothing hurts when I wear them!!!

So ridiculously happy about this. My husband just gave me a blank look.... he doesn't get it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALLBW2U 8/29/2010 12:24AM

    Oh, yeah!! That is a great feeling. Keep up the hard work!

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RONDAMB 8/28/2010 8:01PM

    I am SUPER PROUD of you!! Way to go!!! emoticon

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LADYMABH 8/28/2010 7:28PM

    Congradulations! I know the feeling. Dropping a dress size is a great accomplishment. You are doing great. emoticon

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DEVENIR 8/28/2010 12:26PM

    emoticon emoticon

Congratulations!!!! That has to be a great feeling. Good for you! All of those small choices are having big results!

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Yummy Yummy Yummy!!!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

So, after a 4 day vacation, the scale said I'd gained 4 pounds. Must have been water because I ate pretty darn good! The 4 pounds also slid off in 3 days back home. :)

So, back in my routine I'm looking for yummy, calorie-wise snacks and desserts. And I found a winner tonight! I LOVE chocolate covered strawberries but the chocolate isn't worth the calories. So, I improvised. Isn't that where the best treats of dieting come from?

1 cup cozy shack no-sugar added chocolate pudding (120 calories)
5 strawberries diced up (they were pretty small)

Mix the strawberries into the pudding. Top with a bit of fat-free Rediwhip. YUM!!!

Decadence for about 150 calories!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYFULJUDYLYNN 8/27/2010 11:29AM

    Mmm... thanks for the tip on the sugar free chocolate chips, sandy! Didn't know they made them!

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2BFREE2LIVE 8/27/2010 11:26AM

    emoticonWant to share? I use sugar free chocolate chips melted and dip strawberries in that for a special treat. They make both milk and dark chocolate chips. Thought I would share. Sandy emoticon

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ALLBW2U 8/27/2010 1:06AM

    Yes....that does sound yummy. I think that we will try it, too. Thanks for the tip!!

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CHATTYMCPATTI 8/27/2010 12:27AM

    That sounds nummy!! I will have to try it:)

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A new voice in my head

Monday, August 16, 2010

No, I'm not schizophrenic. But I do make a habit of talking to myself.... more acurately composing emails to people in my head. Tonight my husband and I worked up a sweat playing Wii (he kicked my butt), and while in the shower, I found myself "talking" to my brother.

My brother is a very new figure in my life. I'm adopted, and so is he. I found him about 2 months ago. We have yet to meet in person, but are getting quite close thru emails. And I enjoy his perspective, his humor... and the acceptance and belonging I find with him that I've never experienced before. I tend to open up to him. And in doing so, find a nugget of truth I've yet to discover myself.

And so while talking to him in my mind, I hear ".... and I've lost 10 pounds. Course, what's 10 pounds when you have over 100 to lose, right?" and usually that's where my thoughts would stop. But tonight, a new voice, or thought, occured. Soft, but firm. "What's 10 pounds? It's a start. That's what it is. A start."

Is this hope? Is this the "lightbulb" going on?

Whatever it is, I'll take it. It's a start.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOTIC-KITTY 8/17/2010 9:10AM

  10 pounds is 10 pounds. Be happy with what you have accomplished so far. That is great. Congrats on the first 10lbs.

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2BFREE2LIVE 8/17/2010 1:50AM

    The first 10 and many more to come. Congrats on the great number 10 x 10 is one hundred you know. You can do it just 10 at a time. Mini goals always work. Sandy

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LADYROSE49 8/16/2010 11:49PM

    emoticonwith the emoticonattitude!!! I know that emoticon!!!

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DRRIGGS97 8/16/2010 11:35PM

    It's 10 lbs less for you tolose and that much closer to your goal. emoticon

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