Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I'm playing hookey from work today after such an awful day yesterday. Well kind of.... I still have my work phone on me and taking calls from clients. I just moved my out calls to tomorrow. I needed a mental health day.
I was sitting here reading spark message boards about fitness and how people are working out and thinking about what a loser I am. I LOATHE exercise. Seriously.... I am not an athletic type of girl. (Hence the reason my all time high weight was 411 and I'm currently 294!). But reading the message boards left me feeling extremely guilty. So I went and dug out the cardiac monitoring watch / pedometer my husband gave me for Christmas last year. Um yeah.... It was still in the box. But I got it out, and programed it. And looked at it. "What the heck am I gonna do with this stupid thing? Not like I'm gonna join a gym".
But the day is unseasonable cool and breezy... just a touch of Fall in the air. I love this weather. And since I stayed home with Olivia today, I figured we could at least enjoy the weather. So we headed to the park. Just so I could tell my husband I used the watch, I strapped it on and turned on the pedometer. I brought the stroller, but Livy wanted to walk. So we walked (at the pace of a 2 yr old) for a while. She picked dandilions and pointed out rocks and flowers to me. And we walked. And walked a little more. She ran, giggling, a few times and I had to walk my fastest to keep up with her. And we ended up at the park about a 1/2 mile from our house. We played on the slides and I pushed her in the swing. And as I looked at my gorgeous baby with her eyes closed, smiling wide, with the wind blowing her hair, I realized something! I don't HAVE to be a fitness guru to obtain MY goals. Those may be the goals for some people, but they aren't mine. I don't want to be an athlete. I want to be a healthy mom! THAT'S my goal. And my daughter deserves this. To walk to the park, actively play in the park, be chased by mommy, etc.
After we played (and Livy completely melted down because..... well, because she's 2!) I put her in the stroller and walked uphill the half mile home. When we arrived, I checked the pedometer and was surprised to see I'd gotten in nearly 3,000 steps! I'm proud of this! I know it's not the "goal" for most people. But it's a good start for me.
My daughter and I had a wonderful time, and I'm so glad that I'm able to now see my own goals more clearly. I don't have a desire to run a 5k. I just want to be able to run after my child. I don't need to be a competitive swimmer. I just want to feel comfortable in a bathing suit and play in the water with my family. THAT is the life I want. And what I saw today is that I'm LIVING my goal while ACHEIVING my goal. I don't have to "arrive" there. My goal can be met today. And for that I smile.
Thanks for all the comments on yesterday's blog. It was a huge support. :)
Monday, August 30, 2010
Seriously... today was awful. I'm a case manager for adults with chronic mental illness. One client may need to be re-hospitalized, one got evicted (and is 30 weeks pregnant!) and another lit a cigarrette without removing his oxygen. Yep! Kabam! Burned half his face. Oy Vey! And while I was rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off to meet everyone's needs, I hurriedly got into my van and heard a loud "rip"! Looked down and my pants had ripped. From my waist to nearly my ankle. Fun times. Had to drive 8 miles out of my way to change at home (and walk from the street to my front door holding my pants closed!). Sigh! At least the work day is over Dinner was nice, and hubby is blowing bubbles for the little one. I hear her laughing and it helps.
In the midst of all the running around, my day got long and I didn't have enough food with me. Starving, I drove thru McDonalds. Got a grilled chicken sandwich with no mayo, no bacon, no cheese, and no lettuce (don't like lettuce on hot sandwiches). Added bbq sauce. OMG! SOOOOO HOT! They have some seriously spicy chipotle bbq sauce! Pretty good stats tho. Very large and filling sandwich for 400 calories. Not bad. I still have 400 calories left for a bit of dessert tonight.
If you read these ramblings... God bless ya! :)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
We're heading to the county fair in a bit, and I slipped on my favorite (size 28) capri jeans and they are TOO BIG! I wore then a week ago and they were fine (loose, but not big). I've only lost a pound since then, but I think my body caught up!
Such a big non scale victory for me!!!! I'm so excited! I changed into a pair of my 26's that have been cutting me in half and they fit! A tad tight, but they FIT! Nothing hurts when I wear them!!!
So ridiculously happy about this. My husband just gave me a blank look.... he doesn't get it!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
So, after a 4 day vacation, the scale said I'd gained 4 pounds. Must have been water because I ate pretty darn good! The 4 pounds also slid off in 3 days back home. :)
So, back in my routine I'm looking for yummy, calorie-wise snacks and desserts. And I found a winner tonight! I LOVE chocolate covered strawberries but the chocolate isn't worth the calories. So, I improvised. Isn't that where the best treats of dieting come from?
1 cup cozy shack no-sugar added chocolate pudding (120 calories)
5 strawberries diced up (they were pretty small)
Mix the strawberries into the pudding. Top with a bit of fat-free Rediwhip. YUM!!!
Decadence for about 150 calories!!!
Monday, August 16, 2010
No, I'm not schizophrenic. But I do make a habit of talking to myself.... more acurately composing emails to people in my head. Tonight my husband and I worked up a sweat playing Wii (he kicked my butt), and while in the shower, I found myself "talking" to my brother.
My brother is a very new figure in my life. I'm adopted, and so is he. I found him about 2 months ago. We have yet to meet in person, but are getting quite close thru emails. And I enjoy his perspective, his humor... and the acceptance and belonging I find with him that I've never experienced before. I tend to open up to him. And in doing so, find a nugget of truth I've yet to discover myself.
And so while talking to him in my mind, I hear ".... and I've lost 10 pounds. Course, what's 10 pounds when you have over 100 to lose, right?" and usually that's where my thoughts would stop. But tonight, a new voice, or thought, occured. Soft, but firm. "What's 10 pounds? It's a start. That's what it is. A start."
Is this hope? Is this the "lightbulb" going on?
Whatever it is, I'll take it. It's a start.
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