JOYFULJUDYLYNN   19,203
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What are the odds that EVERYONE around me has poor vision?

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Pretty slight, right?

Seriously, though, today the thought, "is she smoking crack?" passed through my mind a time or two.

First, I let my 4 year old play with the camera today while I was prepping some veggies. She captured a few shots that I frankly thought were great photography for a little one! I proudly posted her work on facebook, and was shocked at how many comments I got from friends and family about how I look. Works like "tiny", and "thin" kept showing up. Words that have never in my life been associated with me.

Here's the shot that garnered so much attention:

(pretty good for 4, right?!?!)

Later in the afternoon, a lady I've only talked to online stopped by to pick up some clothes I am selling. She told me she was worried about buying from me, because "I looked at some of your pictures on facebook, and you looked so tiny, I figured there was no way the clothes would fit me!"

Um, wait....... WHAT!?!?

I think sometimes I'm so overwhelmed by numbers related to my journey (highest weight 420, lost 170, regained almost 60, restart weight loss at 310. 78 lost again. 70 to go, etc., etc., etc) that I lose sight of what IS. I tend to think of myself as much heavier. I know I'm not thin, but I'm also not where I once was. So I forget that people who aren't seeing me day to day (or who have never met me) don't see me with the same baggage-filled filter with which I see myself.

I think I'm going to work on seeing myself with out that filter. I'm going to work on challenging the voice in my head that tells me how far I have to go rather than how far I've come. Besides... that voice in annoying. (No worries... I'm not psychotic. It's a figurative voice, not a literal one). I've always been a 'glass 1/2 empty' kind of girl. Maybe it's time to be a 'glass 1/2 full' type.

I'll work on it.

And just because turn about is fair play....

... I had to take one of her working in the kitchen too. (We were making oatmeal-raisin cookies).

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSIEPD 2/1/2013 10:31AM

    I kept thinking Yes yes yes yes all the way through your blog. That whole self image, filter thing works both for you and against you - for me, I am terrified of getting comfortable where I am at, which tends to happen when others comment a lot on how I look. And then sometimes, I act like the person I was 35 lbs ago (not confident, not brave). It's tough to settle into just BEING. You have a great spirit...and a really sweet little girl!

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KRICKET231 1/30/2013 6:53AM

    You look great and your daughter is adorable. emoticon

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MEH50BEWELL 1/29/2013 5:45PM

    From 1 glass is half empty girl to another! You Rock! Going to join you in changing some attitude to more "half-full days.

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KIRSTAB 1/28/2013 12:37PM

    I have no clue what I actually look like. I've bounced around the scale so much that I my brain can't catch up! It is drastic though for people that don't see you regularly!

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BLUEANGELLK 1/28/2013 8:07AM

    Congratulations to you on your success!!! You look Fabulous!

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SPARKLISE 1/28/2013 7:15AM

    emoticon emoticon

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COXBETH 1/28/2013 12:23AM

    You're amazing, but when you live with yourself everyday maybe it's hard to see it after a while. :) Becoming a glass 1/2 full type of gal is hard work. I'm trying stop being such a jerk to myself too. I don't think I ever fully realized how much effort that would take since the positive people in my life never had to work to be that way...I just thought there was something naturally negative about me and something naturally positive about them and that there was no changing that. Which now seems like an insane attitude to have when I'm looking at it in print. :)

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CARRAND 1/27/2013 10:23PM

    You look great!

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CATTUTT 1/27/2013 1:26PM

    You look a absolutely awesome! Kudos to your daughter for snapping such a great pic! {And btw... totally jealous of your kitchen! WANT!}



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CAMAEL100 1/27/2013 12:12PM

    Cute daughter.

Sometimes our heads take time to catch up with our size. Obviously your friends see a big difference. You have come a long way! Time to celebrate that.

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WACFIT 1/27/2013 11:50AM

    You look beautiful and happy. Enjoy every step on your journey.
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VICKI-BISHOP56 1/27/2013 9:05AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You look great, and your daughter is cute.

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SCOUTMOM715 1/27/2013 9:00AM

    You look great & I know exactly what you mean. I think it takes a while for our brain to catch up with what we really look like, (at least this was how it was for me). I was obese for so long that my image of myself even after losing 100 lbs was still the fat girl. It's gotten better over time, but I still have days when I get compliments from people and think (i don't see what they are are seeing). You're daughter is adorable & a great photographer too! emoticon

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WILDFLOWERMA 1/27/2013 8:30AM

    Thanks for sharing the "snapshot" moment of your life. You look beautiful and deserve to bask in the glory of what you have accomplished, even while you continue to scale even higher mountains :). PS what a cutie, she is

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 1/27/2013 8:16AM

    I have the EXACT same problem. We need to change the way we see ourselves to how we look NOW, not THEN. And you DO look really thin = )

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RUNNING-TURTLE 1/27/2013 7:57AM

    You look great. I wouldn't worry about those comments. You have come a long way, and recognize you still got a little ways to go yet. You should be more than proud of yourself. When you see yourself one way for so long it takes time to see yourself in another light. Great pics by the way. Keep up the good work.

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KING_SLAYER 1/27/2013 6:39AM

    Very nice blog and yes, you look pretty tiny! I know for me, I still see myself as the fat guy, even after losing 100 lbs. It's a mental image we have of ourselves and it's extremely hard to shake (at least in my case it is). I also used to think the glass was 1/2 empty, but then I realized I wasn't a pessimist, I'm a cynic, so know I know that there was no glass to begin with!

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OBIESMOM2 1/27/2013 12:31AM

    O M G...you look emoticon

have you done the size down clothing picture? You know the one - you take a shirt or pants that was the largest size you wore, place one (or more) of your smaller sizes on top of it and take a progress photo of the clothing. I've seen them on several Spark blogs. That may help you actually SEE your progress.

it's difficult to get your vision of yourself to catch up with reality. Even more difficult when you've heard disparaging comments (or just somebody 'picking on you' about some sensitive issue).

you've given me a good idea for a blog of my own
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CATH5109 1/26/2013 11:11PM

    You look radiant. I hope that your self image catches up with your reality. I am sure that it must be difficult sometimes so enjoy everyone's complements and let them sink in. emoticon

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FAT2GAINHEALTH 1/26/2013 10:59PM

    emoticon You look wonderful and are getting small. and your little girl is adorable!!!!
Marcia

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JOYFULJUDYLYNN 1/26/2013 10:54PM

    lol Sandy.... my hubby is a photographer (he makes commercials for a living) and it's my hobby, so she comes by it naturally.

As for the cookies... next time I'm going to figure out a recipe to cut the butter and use applesauce.

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2BFREE2LIVE 1/26/2013 10:52PM

    No your not old nor are you heavy, the little sweetheart is just growing up before your and my very eyes. Your looking awesome.
Yes she should take up the hobby you may have a photographer in your family.
Those cookies sound healthy and yummy! emoticon

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Serenity

Thursday, January 24, 2013

For the past week or so, the serenity prayer has been going through my mind. A lot. At really random times. I'm not an alcoholic or drug addict. The only AA meetings I've ever attended were during college as requirements for my social work classes. The prayer has never had any particular meaning to me. Until this week.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change.
The COURAGE to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference."

Wow. How powerful is that!?!?!

I have been focused on being courageous in the last 13 months, and changing the things that I can. I've changed how I eat, how I move, and how I talk to and relate to myself. Recently, I have begun the work of emotionally unpacking this... why I got to 420# in my twenties. HOW I got to that point. Why I spent the large majority of my life feeling worthless and unlovable.. which is requiring I delve into my adoption/abandonment issues.

"... Courage to change the things I can...."

I'm working on it. And it's terrifying. And exhilarating. And makes me feel more kick-butt than a the karate kid!

Then this week I went to see a plastic surgeon about my abdominal apron. This brought up all sorts of questions.... what is changeable? What is realistic? What is probable?

The truth is, that there are ALWAYS going to be things about this body that I'm not thrilled with. I have a 14" scar from my sternum to my bikini line (haha... that term always makes me roll my eyes b/c this girl hasn't been in a bikini since I was about 12!). I will *hopefully* be getting a new scar from hip to hip if my surgery is approved. I have no belly button. I have 3 meshes sewn into my abdominal wall, holding in my hernias. I have more stretch marks than unmarked skin. My breasts are obliterated. My arms stop waving about 45 seconds after my hand does. These things are a part of me. And I can't change most of them.

"... grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change...." Amen to that.


"... and the wisdom to know the difference..." That's where I'm struggling right now.

There are so many changes I'm working on, and so many unknowns with my body. I have a complicated medical history and there are some questions about what will be resolved/improved with healthy eating, ongoing exercise, and more weight loss. And what is what it is.

Onward I go in my journey. Just had to put those thoughts in black and white.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COXBETH 1/26/2013 8:31AM

    I love love love this! I also didn't think about the serenity prayer as a weight-loss thing, but there's really no part of life where it doesn't apply.

Good luck as you move forward - dealing with the emotional issues sounds like a real challenge. Nothing hard is ever easy (ha!) and most things that are worthwhile aren't particularly easy either.

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CATTUTT 1/25/2013 8:06PM

    Thank you so much for sharing those thoughts. I never thought about the Serenity Prayer in relation to weight loss, but when I read your blog, it all makes perfect sense. So many things to think about.

I'm a couple entries behind on blogs. I just read the one about your appointment with your doctor and having him say the surgery would be considered medically necessary. That's wonderful, and my fingers are crossed that your insurance will approve it!

And secondly... the pics you posted in your last blog were amazing. You look absolutely wonderful. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself! Congratulations!

Hope you have had a great Friday.

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AGODDESSRISING 1/25/2013 3:56PM

    This is so encouraging!

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SCCUDDLERS 1/25/2013 8:33AM

    Wonderful prayer and wonderful attitude! Thanks for sharing your struggles. You inspire us all.

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MILLEDGE2 1/25/2013 7:57AM

    Just remember that the Serenity Prayer wasn't originally written for people with alcohol or drug addictions (you can google it). It was for anyone facing dark times. I cross stitched it and with every poke of the needle through the cloth, the words circulated through my brain to calm me down and get my head screwed back on straight. I saved the word "serenity" for the final thing to stitch and made quite a ritual of stitching it .

Use it! It belongs to any and all of us!

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CAMAEL100 1/25/2013 5:06AM

    That is a great prayer and should be applied to all areas of our life and as it suggests will bring us serenity!

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2BFREE2LIVE 1/24/2013 11:31PM

    My arms stop waving about 45 seconds after my hand does.

Hey this one sounds like me. We all have things we are not happy with and like you said we can change what we can and live with the rest.

Your doing great reaching into your feelings and putting them down with words.

What you don't realize is that you are accepting who you are and loving yourself while your in the process of writing what you feel.

Job well done my Friend. emoticon

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123ELAINE456 1/24/2013 11:04PM

  The Serenity Prayer is a Classic Prayer. Verely Timely and very Helpful. Something to use to help you to sort things out and to live by. You are doing Great. And very Positive too. Keep moving forward. God Bless You and Have a Marvelous Day. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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WILLEYDEBORAH 1/24/2013 10:28PM

    I know what you mean about the serenity prayer. It is very powerful. I have been using it myself for over 10 years. I have battled drugs, and cigarettes and if I can do that I can do this too.

Thanks for being such an inspiration to me!

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KING_SLAYER 1/24/2013 10:06PM

    The Serenity prayer is handy to go back to every so often to help keep us mindful of what we can do and to be more accepting of ourselves.

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WACFIT 1/24/2013 9:57PM

    You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. You know that it's not possible for anyone to be perfect. We all have things to deal with/live with. You will do fine and are so much healthier than before!
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CARRAND 1/24/2013 9:48PM

    None of us are perfect, and we all struggle to deal with our imperfections. Thanks for sharing the serenity prayer. We all need to remember it.

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SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/24/2013 9:17PM

    Acknowledging is half the battle!...Good for you! Lots of deep thinking going on...you'll get there!

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RUNNING-TURTLE 1/24/2013 8:26PM

    That is a wonderful prayer. And should always be remembered. Very happy that you accepted who you are and what you are able to change. I'm hoping that your surgery gets approved, and that you will feel even more wonderful. Bless you in all the things you have done and will do.

emoticon emoticon You are amazing.

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DONNA5281 1/24/2013 8:21PM

  I have always love that prayer.
You have a lot on your shoulders right now, but I must say that you are thinking positive and that is a good sign.

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GOODLOOKIN69 1/24/2013 7:36PM

    It's really what is on the inside that counts. Sure it's great to look good but if when you go to sleep at night knowing that you are a good person then that is important too. You have obviously come VERY far and should be proud of that. Stay strong and positive as you continue your journey. emoticon emoticon Sending good thoughts your way!!!!!

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LESLIELENORE 1/24/2013 7:30PM

    I really like the Serenity Prayer, it suits so many situations. I can feel you about the arms. I am developing biceps muscles, but the loose skin that hangs down still makes me cringe when I watch myself in the mirror at the gym.

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DOVESEYES 1/24/2013 7:15PM

    Knowledge is power I think you are doing very well.

The prayer is already in your mind and you contemplate it so you are getting the reward from it.

Great.

Hope they ok the surgery for you.

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LESLEYANNE11 1/24/2013 6:19PM

    Hey there sweetie.
Please remember that God never makes a mistake.You are Gods daughter and he is proud of YOU!.
He loves you so much and if he has his way you will spend eternity with him in heaven. God bless you Lesleyanne. emoticon

P.s I love your blog.the serenity prayer is a favourite.

Comment edited on: 1/24/2013 6:20:43 PM

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It's January.... what can YOU accomplish for yourself this year?

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I haven't been very good about taking monthly photos for the last 5 or so months, but I did take them today. And while looking at them, I couldn't help but compare it to a year ago.

At 310#, I was still quite a bit smaller than my highest weight of 420#. But I wasn't happy. I certainly wasn't healthy. And I definitely wasn't active.

On January 3, I was in line at McDonalds, and wondered if I made just one BETTER decision, if I could build on it and get back on track to losing more weight. My first act on my journey? I ordered an Egg McMuffin and diet coke WITHOUT hashbrowns. Yep, not exactly healthy fair. But it was better than it would have been. And I did build on it. The next day, after a lot of thought, I joined a gym.

I am nonathletic. I have zero balance. I had NEVER belonged to a gym. But even though I had lost WEIGHT, I didn't feel like I had made much progress toward getting FIT. That was one of the best decisions I could have made for myself and my family!


I think this was the third or forth day at the gym. I was still overwhelmed and my muscles were aching. But I was making progress. My good decisions were building on each other.

That first day, I decided not to eat the hashbrowns. Then I decided to give up my 10-12 diet pepsi per DAY habit (yes, I had a killer headache for about a week). I started drinking water (unheard of before that). I moved my body. I fed it healthy, nutritious food. I started educating myself on nutrition and fitness. I started getting honest with myself about why and how I let myself end up being 28 years old and 420#. Then I started being honest with others. These changes did not happen overnight. They were small steps that have led me down a road of progress. And the number on the scale.... I'm starting to see that as a side effect to the journey, not the main prize. The real prize in all of this is that I've earned back my self respect. I'm learning to love myself again. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a way that we were created to love, care for, and nurture our selves and our bodies. For years, I neglected and abused myself. This past year, I nurtured myself. And it hurt. There's the truth... this year was painful and hard and exhilarating and amazing. And it was one of the most worthwhile things I have EVER done. And I can not wait to finish this journey and begin the journey of maintenance.



I still have about 70# to lose. To some, that may sound like an extreme number. To me, that sounds very do-able. I guess that changed this year too. I went from thinking "Maybe I can" to just "I can".

So can you. Make a good decision. One good decision for yourself. Then build on it. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTMOM2KIDS 1/28/2013 10:48AM

    This is awesome!!! Congratulations for all your hard work. You are really doing an amazing job.

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CARRAND 1/23/2013 7:35PM

    You are awesome!

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LJR4HEALTH 1/23/2013 7:31PM

    emoticon you look great!

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KING_SLAYER 1/23/2013 4:08PM

    Well said! We all have to start somewhere, with some small change that can lead to other small changes until it builds up like a snowball rolling downhill. Good for you for skipping the hash browns!

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SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/23/2013 3:16PM

    I KNOW you can do it!!!!! emoticon

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SCCUDDLERS 1/23/2013 2:55PM

    I am so proud of you! You have done a tremendous job and I know you will keep up the hard work.

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LESLIELENORE 1/23/2013 1:47PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOVEANANIMAL 1/23/2013 11:46AM

    emoticon

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KWING517 1/23/2013 11:30AM

    What a fantastic journey you're on - thank you so much for sharing!!

I started much the same way - telling myself that I could do just a little and build on it from there. I don't remember the first situation, but I do remember thinking "It has to start somewhere, why not here and now?"

Today, your blog made me feel happy & excited for you, and also a little bit proud of myself for also taking that tiny first step.

Thanks for that :)

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LIVINGFREE19 1/23/2013 10:56AM

    You are definitely inspiring, Lynn!

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SUGAR0814 1/23/2013 10:47AM

    emoticon You're very inspirational! Just what I needed to start the day!

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FROMNDTOGA 1/23/2013 9:42AM

    You inspire me!
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DONNA5281 1/23/2013 9:26AM

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 1/23/2013 8:48AM

    YOU are awesome! Congrats on your success, I have no doubt that you'll be able to lose the last 70. *HUGS*

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SCOOTERLADY1216 1/23/2013 8:31AM

    I am so glad I subscribed to your blog. This was such an inspiring story and you are an inspiration to so many of us. I loved seeing the before and after. Celebrate you today! emoticon

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KATHIC2 1/23/2013 6:58AM

  Awesome in all ways!!!!

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JACLYN07 1/23/2013 5:03AM

    Awesome!
Who would have thought not having a hash brown could lead to such results. Inspiring!
Enjoy your onward journey, seems like its a nice place to be. ;-)
We are all at different stages of the journey, nice to get a glimpse of the future.
Have a great day!

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CHANGE4THEBEST 1/23/2013 2:18AM

    Hi

Congratulations and thank you for sharing your photos

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DOVESEYES 1/22/2013 11:39PM

    Absolutely amazing what a transformation and along the way you found YOU again and I can see the care you are taking of yourself.

Wonderful work, you rock!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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123ELAINE456 1/22/2013 11:28PM

  Awesome!!! You are making Fantastic Progress. Congratulations!!!You Will Succeed in getting to Your Weight Goal. Just Keep Pushing Forward and You will be there before You know It. The Two Pictures show that You Can and Will Do It. God Bless You and Have a Super Good Day. Take Care.

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CINNAMARIE 1/22/2013 10:49PM

    You absolutely can do it and you will do it! Fantastic! Great progress and I'm so proud of you! WTG!

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KIMBERLY19732 1/22/2013 10:43PM

    Wonderful!!!

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WACFIT 1/22/2013 10:22PM

    That is an awesome testimony! So happy for you. I'm sure you will inspire many, many people. You have inspired me. Thank you!
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EVELYN112011 1/22/2013 9:22PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MILLEDGE2 1/22/2013 9:21PM

    Wow!...just...Wow!

I'm looking at your pictures and your post and saying to myself, "If she can do this, what will YOUR excuse be?"

Thank you for the kick down the road I needed today!

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AEROGIRL1594 1/22/2013 9:12PM

    You look awesome girl! I know that you can do this!! :)
xoxo,
Emma
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Realistic expectations

Monday, January 21, 2013

This morning I met with a plastic surgeon regarding a pannectomy. I can not even express how anxious and nervous I was! After decades of feeling like people judge my physical appearance and find me lacking, I was a wreck about what this one man's opinion would be! Would he tell me I haven't lost enough weight? Would he tell me that he couldn't help me?

First.... I will say that it's pretty embarrassing to put your skin/fat folds and wrinkles out there for someone to see and photograph! BUT! The good news is that the surgeon agrees that the surgery at this point is medically necessary. Now it will be up to the insurance company to see if they will cover it. I have a few things in my favor for this: I do get rashes and infections under the skin fold. Also, I have a 14" scar that runs midline from a previous surgery. The scar is being pulled from the weight of the skin. It's VERY uncomfortable. Also, in spite of 4 hernia repair surgeries, and 3 meshes sewn in, I still have a bit of a hernia. The weight pulling down on the meshes/hernia is not good for long term repair. SO! We shall see.

Against me: Many insurance companies see this as a cosmetic procedure and just don't want to pay.

The doctor and I spent a long time talking about my expectations. And he agrees that my expectations are realistic. I already don't have a belly button (was removed during an emergency surgery), and he can surgically give me one! That was BEYOND my expectation. I expect a lot of scaring. I expect surgery will be painful. I have endured 7 abdominal surgeries in the past 10 years. After every one, I have been off ALL narcotic pain medications by day 5, and did whatever after care was necessary. My eye is on the long-term prize.

I have discovered an active life. I have worked to build muscles and coordination that make me feel athletic. I have increased my stamina to the point that I can jog and race my 4 year old across the park. I am not willing to let these things go.

I am not expecting perfection. I am expecting less pain from rashes and infections. I am expecting to jog without hearing the slap of my stomach skin hitting my legs. I am expecting to have reduced back pain so that I can push myself harder in the gym to meet my goals. I'm expecting that I will continue to do the work. I am expecting surgery to remove the excess skin.

So... now I wait. And continue to eat clean, and stay moving. And live my life. This is in God's hands. I am in God's hands. It is well with my soul.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KWING517 1/23/2013 11:20AM

    I'm so happy that he agreed with you!!! You'll be in my prayers :)

Have a great day!

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LOVEANANIMAL 1/22/2013 2:43PM

    Wishing you the best! Another Spark friend had this same procedure done, and on her blog, she discusses it in detail and has pics. You should check it out if you haven't already.

Her Spark page is SLIMKATIE, and her blog site is http://www.runsforcookies.com/
<
BR>Again, congrats! Exciting stuff! : )

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SCCUDDLERS 1/22/2013 11:39AM

    Good luck! Praying the insurance company agrees with the doctor.

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LIVINGFREE19 1/22/2013 10:18AM

    If the doctor sees it as medically necessary and gives them his recommendation, I think you have a very goood chance of getting this surgery!
Wow, you have been through a lot!

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SUGAR0814 1/22/2013 9:33AM

    It sounds like the insurance company will pay for it. Keeping you in my prayers! emoticon

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DONNA5281 1/22/2013 9:00AM

  I am so happy to hear that you received good news about having the surgery.
It seems like you have a caring Doctor who listened to you.
Insurances don't pay for much of anything these days.
I am fighting with them to get a prescription filled.
I wish you the best of luck.
I will keep you in my prayers. I have the feeling that everything will fall into place, and you WILL have your surgery!!
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MARIANNE9855 1/22/2013 8:41AM

    I know people that had the surgery and had it covered and they didn't have anywhere near what you have had to go through- Keep thinking positively and I will send you positive thoughts. emoticon

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KRICKET231 1/22/2013 8:26AM

    I hope the insurance company covers it. emoticon

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KNITTERLADY9 1/22/2013 8:01AM

  We're rooting for you! Sounds like you've got plenty of good, legitimate reasons for the insurance company to pay up. (Let's hope they see it that way too.)

Best wishes!


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JASI27 1/22/2013 7:55AM

    Good Luck! I hope your insurance company comes through for you! If you have made it that far, you deserve it!

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LOLABLACK69 1/22/2013 5:49AM

    good luck! really wish it works out for you! emoticon

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JACLYN07 1/22/2013 4:12AM

    Well done you for getting through the appointment - it cannot have been easy. And yay that the doc is on your side - I like him... ;)
Fingers crossed that the insurance dudes see sense.
Have a great day!

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KING_SLAYER 1/22/2013 3:21AM

    You never know what you're going to get when dealing with insurance companies, but I really hope they see the upside and authorize your surgery!

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123ELAINE456 1/22/2013 2:49AM

  Everything is in your Favor to have the surgery and I hope your Insurance Campamy will pay for it. God's Will Be Done. God Bless You and Have a Super Good Day. Take Care.


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WACFIT 1/22/2013 12:32AM

    Your doctors' recos will go a long way. My friend documented her rashes, etc and the insurance did cover it. It certainly sounds like they should cover it in your case. God bless!

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RAINBOWMF 1/22/2013 12:28AM

    emoticon for you. You have worked hard and deserve to feel
your very best.

Mary

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CINNAMARIE 1/21/2013 10:41PM

    Good luck to you! I had to look up pannectomy (first time hearing that term). I've lost alot of weight and may need something like this, too... so I will be reading up on this. Is this something you'll get even IF the insurance doesn't pay for? I'm praying for you!

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2BFREE2LIVE 1/21/2013 10:28PM

    You have several issues that are in your favor and your excess skin is causing health issues so I would think that the insurance company will grant the surgery.
Fight for what you want and need to make you feel good again.
I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers my friend. Sandy

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SCOUTMOM715 1/21/2013 10:26PM

    you so deserve this. I hope your insurance company will cover this. Crossing my fingers!! emoticon

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KYDZTOI 1/21/2013 9:54PM

    Crossing every appendage I have and praying that the insurance company will listen and respond favorably!!!!

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SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/21/2013 9:35PM

    I pray you get the green light!.You deserve it! emoticon

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ROSIEPD 1/21/2013 9:33PM

    Wow, wishing you the best. Hopefully that insurance company will agree with your doctor!

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ANNABELL598 1/21/2013 9:29PM

    That is some great news for you. Praying that things will continue to work out and for a successful surgery with a quick recovery.

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LESLIELENORE 1/21/2013 9:26PM

    emoticon

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MILLEDGE2 1/21/2013 9:16PM

    I am following your experience with great interest and with best wishes for you to get that prize you have your eye on. Please keep all your Spark friends in the loop!

And, yes, we all understand how and why you were so nervous about seeing this new doc. I'm so glad he was kind and helpful to you.

Wishing you good things!

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 1/21/2013 8:59PM

    I keep you on my thoughts and prayers for your success! I look forward to your answer from theinsurance company and continued success! Hugs!
Mary

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CARRAND 1/21/2013 8:49PM

    I sure hope your insurance will pay for this surgery! You've earned it.

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

First time for everything... having FUN clothes shopping????

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Yes. Today, for the first time since my teen years, I had FUN at the mall. I was excited to look at styles and colors. Happy to use my coupons to get some good deals. And a miracle happened.... I left the mall feeling FANTASTIC about myself.

To understand why this is such a big deal, we need to go back in time. At one time in my life, I went years without going to a mall. Frankly, there was no point. There was nothing in the mall that would fit me. Everything I wore was ordered from a catalog. Because even the largest sizes at the plus size stores were too small for me. Even the IDEA of going clothes shopping in a store would bring about panic. If I did get dragged along somewhere, I could / would only shop for accessories. Again... what was the point?


For years now, I've been able to wear the plus sizes carried in the mall, but even then I left the mall feeling awful about myself. My sizes kept creeping upwards, things didn't fit right, and I really only had a few store selections that carried my sizes. It was BETTER, but not what I was wanting.

Today, I did something I haven't done in 20+ years. I walked into a non-plus size store (Old Navy) and bought clothes. In my size. I bought an XL. This had me nearly giddy. I felt NORMAL. I didn't feel people staring at me rudely, wondering what I was doing in the store. I felt like I fit in. That was pure bliss for this girl, who has always felt like people were staring.

Then it got better.

I went to Lane Bryant to buy bras. A wonderfully sweet salesperson did a fitting and helped me.

(Let's take a break here for a public service announcement: GIRLS! As you are losing weight, make sure you get a bra fitting!!!! Do NOT just buy the next size down in whatever cup size/brand/style you are used to! Your body is changing, and your needs might too! I was SHOCKED to learn I was wearing a bra much too big, and completely the wrong style to flatter me.)

Anyway.... since I was in the store, I decided to try on jeans since my 18's are getting a bit loose. Guess what?!?! 16's FIT! I haven't been in size 16 jeans SINCE I WAS 16! emoticon

I was so giddy that I did a happy dance, then texted a picture to my trainer.

(horrible picture, but the jeans FIT!)

I practically waltzed out of the mall. I consider today a complete non-scale victory. I ENJOYED shopping for clothes. And I left the mall feeling better about myself than when I went in. Victory, people. It's not all about the number on the scale. In fact, the number on my scale was up 2# due to monthly bloat. It's about achieving experiences we were deprived of. It's about seeing the results of our hard work and feeling the freedom to feel proud of ourselves.

This girl is feeling proud. In my size 16 jeans. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUPERSYLPH 7/18/2013 12:14PM

    emoticon

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ELIZABETH5268 5/2/2013 1:26PM

    Way to go!!!

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ELAINE725 3/8/2013 3:56PM

    Isn't it great to keep fitting into smaller and smaller sizes? I recently dropped a dress size and I was so proud of myself. Way to go!!! Keep up the great work!!! emoticon

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SUNGIRL822 3/4/2013 11:08AM

  I have the same problem with the mall, congratulations on your non scale victory!

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ELAINESHAFF 2/23/2013 11:23PM

    emoticon

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BUSMOM27 2/19/2013 8:51AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DOTTY7267 2/11/2013 2:39PM

    emoticon

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SUZIEAJ 2/10/2013 1:04PM

    Congrats! emoticon emoticon

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EFFRAYECHILDE 2/10/2013 11:57AM

    emoticon

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BLUEKITTYJAN 2/6/2013 10:48PM

    emoticon

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MLBFAN82 2/6/2013 10:25PM

    Way to go!! So many of us now know that feeling too thanks to the support from Spark People. emoticon

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TERRIJ7 2/6/2013 12:29PM

    How wonderful! Congratulations!

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AMIV07 2/1/2013 8:52AM

  emoticon You really inspire all of us emoticon

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KWEEKWEK 1/31/2013 7:35PM

  emoticon

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FOXFIRENDTS 1/31/2013 1:11PM

    emoticon to non-scale victories. You look great!


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NETSUE64 1/30/2013 12:58PM

    Wow, you have obviously worked very hard to get where you are and you deserve to enjoy your victory at the mall! I too hate to clothes shop. I get hand me downs from relatives. But they are getting too big and I am running out of sources. I am so scared to go fight through trying on clothes again! I hope I can have the success you did!

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GRAMSROC 1/29/2013 7:30PM

  emoticon

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ELLYNBL 1/28/2013 11:20PM

  i'm soo happy for you !!!

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KIMPAINTS 1/28/2013 10:41PM

    That is just to wonderful!! CONGRATULATIONS

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NLYR20 1/28/2013 11:15AM

  Congrats on your success. Keep going. Have the wonderful bliss reaching your milestones. emoticon

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CTMOM2KIDS 1/28/2013 10:38AM

    Wow!!! I am uplifted by your blog!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NELLBELLA26 1/26/2013 6:08AM

    I think it is the non-scale victories that are the best! It reminds us that it's not all about the weight, but how we view and value ourselves. You look amazing in your size 16s! Congrats on the success.
emoticon emoticon

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MADMARE 1/25/2013 2:33PM

    This is one of the victories that make the struggle worthwhile. Congratulations! emoticon

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BRADIA 1/25/2013 10:13AM

    It is just the begining, you need to work on a good credit card because shopping will be an addiction. Congratulations, you will be a role model for many of us.
emoticon emoticon

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SHAKESALOT 1/25/2013 8:47AM

    Wonderful Job & what a beautiful victory for you. Can't wait until I can shop in the "normal" people's clothes section....I don't think I have ever done that....even as a teen. emoticon

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KRISUA 1/25/2013 3:06AM

    emoticon

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KWEEKWEK 1/24/2013 1:37PM

  emoticon

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DONTGOAWAYMAD 1/24/2013 10:20AM

    Rock On With Your Awesome Self!

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TAFODIL24 1/24/2013 7:26AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Thank you for being an inspiration & sharing your story.

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FALCONGIRL2010 1/23/2013 5:28PM

    That is so great! It's awesome you recognize that the number on the scale does not define success. Keep it up!

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OKGOATGAL 1/23/2013 5:12PM

  WAY TO GO! That's awesome!


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HFAYE81 1/23/2013 4:24PM

    AWESOME!!! That shopping trip was a victory!!! emoticon

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VICKI-BISHOP56 1/23/2013 2:39PM

  Congratulations!! You're looking great! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAIDAMONTREAL 1/23/2013 2:23PM

    Congratulations! That is quite a non scale victory. I know how overjoyed you must be. Keep on going.

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RUNNING-TURTLE 1/23/2013 10:37AM

    Congrats to you. Non scale victories are wonderful. You are an inspiration. Keep up the good work.

emoticon

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LEIAWINS 1/23/2013 7:28AM

    Wow!! You made me smile.. happy, happy, happy smile, joyful smile!! You go girl!!!

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NYARAMULA 1/23/2013 1:18AM

    emoticon

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TXGRANDMA 1/22/2013 11:33PM

    Amazing transformation you have wrought on yourself! Congratulations!

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DEEEBEE 1/22/2013 10:32PM

    Congratulations! What an achievement! Losing weight is very difficult but you have overcome and succeeded. You can be proud. emoticon

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DONNAFADLER 1/22/2013 7:52PM

  Great Job!


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SHERRY3969 1/22/2013 7:32PM

    emoticon this is so awesome

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MELAFYAIYAI 1/22/2013 7:20PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MSDIBS 1/22/2013 7:01PM

    Awesome - so inspiring.
I hope I can do the same.

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SPARKGUY 1/22/2013 6:22PM

    Woohoo -- congrats on having fun while reaching your goals!

SparkCheers!

C
hris (SparkGuy)
emoticon



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CPOKEYRUN 1/22/2013 5:09PM

    Your post made me smile - cannot wait to get back into the XL's and expand my options on stores again! Congrats on your day!

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HEATHER109 1/22/2013 3:42PM

    Being able to walk into any store in the mall and find clothes in my size is a part of my inspiration. Thank you for allowing us a window into your joy and progress!

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1GROVES2 1/22/2013 2:38PM

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! and WOO-HOO!!!!

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KA_JUN 1/22/2013 2:18PM

    Great job! You can really see how ecstatic you are in your writing, awesome progress! emoticon

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FIFTYFOUR2 1/22/2013 1:38PM

    What a great day for you! To have fun doing something you used to hate is great! Congrats on your hard work and the payoff emoticon

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SHANNONY84 1/22/2013 1:25PM

    Thank you for sharing your story!

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