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Surgery consult on Monday.... fingers crossed

Friday, January 18, 2013

I have an appointment to consult a plastic surgeon on Monday morning. I'm nervous. Beyond nervous... I'm kind of a wreck. Perhaps I'm putting too much weight on this one man's opinion. But I feel like I have a lot riding on it.

You can not lose 183# and NOT have excess skin. (If you do.... wow, you have some FANTASTIC genes!) Throw in that during the time it took to lose that weight, I aged 10 years, had a baby, 2 miscarriages, and 7 abdominal surgeries. Yeah.... my body is showing some wear and tear.

In some ways I've been very fortunate. I have very little excess skin on my face.... and the waddle I am starting to have under my chin *may* have something to do with my age rather than weight loss. But as I've lost, I have "melted".... and most of it has settled in an apron of skin and fat hanging from my belly. And it has become excruciating.

I have been struggling with skin infections in skin folds for years... it has only gotten worse the last few months. My measurements on my entire body are DECREASING, but the measurement around my abdomen is INCREASING.... as I lose, more skin in hanging there. I have awful, chronic back pain. There are times that I am on the elliptical and feel as though my lower back will rupture from the pain.

I feel as though my options are:
1) revert to a sedentary lifestyle to reduce the pain (NOT a valid option for me. I've worked too hard and come to far to give up!)

2) Continually see a physician for skin creams, antibiotics, and narcotic pain pills (using narcotics while working in my profession is a pretty stupid idea... I rely on my instincts and being aware to keep me safe)

or 3) Remove the approximately 20# of weight hanging from my stomach, recover, and continue my weight loss journey.

I am not concerned about the excess skin on/under my arms. The damage done to my breasts can be camouflaged by a good bra. The hanging skin from my legs can be covered by cute jeans. But pain? I can't hide that with pretty fabric.

This procedure is often seen as cosmetic, and denied by insurance companies. I am extremely worried about this. What my insurance company may not understand is this:
1) I already have a 14" scar running the length of my abdomen
2) I already had to have my belly button surgically removed during a surgery (I plan to get a cute tattoo where it SHOULD be at some point, just because I think that would be hysterically funny)
and 3) a good looking tummy would be wasted with the rest of me sagging.

This isn't about looks. This is about pain. And reaching my goals. And being healthy, happy, active, and living with JOY rather than pain.

So.... wish me luck and say a prayer. I'd really appreciate it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CYNTSATIONAL 1/22/2013 9:15AM

    Hope all went well! Your journey is an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Keep on SPARKing!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IMAUNIONGIRL 1/21/2013 10:29AM

  You are truly an inspiration. I hope the doc appointment went well

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SCCUDDLERS 1/21/2013 10:09AM

    Good luck! It never occurred to me that my increase in back pain after loosing 120+ lbs might be from the excess skin on my abdomen. I was baffled my why my back would hurt more when weight loss should make it hurt less. Thanks for flipping that switch for me. Keep us posted on how your visit goes.

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SONGBIRDPAULA 1/21/2013 7:24AM

    emoticon emoticon

Good luck at the doctor's today. Please keep us posted. I would dearly love to have my apron removed.....the flapping noise when I walk is very embarrassing!

Have a blessed day and wonderful journey to the new you!

Paula emoticon

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MILANMOM1969 1/20/2013 10:14PM

    I willl be praying that your appointment goes well tomorrow. Take carea and let us know how it goes.


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COLEMAN500 1/20/2013 7:19PM

    Wow! I wish you all the luck in world and I think of you in my prayers for you are an inspiration . emoticon

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HEALTHY-SPARK 1/20/2013 2:29PM

    I hope your consultation works out and that your insurance company will pay for it. Tough to try and fix one problem (being overweight) only to end up having chronic issues from excess skin after trying to fix the first problem. Good luck! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

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THROOPER62 1/20/2013 2:14PM


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CATMAGNET 1/20/2013 2:08PM

    I definitely understand. I have some sagging skin on my abdomen as well after losing 130+ pounds, but not enough to cause back pain. If the excess weight of the skin is causing pain, by all means, do it!

Looking forward to hearing what the surgeon has to say. Fingers crossed! :)

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FIRECOM 1/20/2013 1:57PM

    Wow, this blog surly resonated with me. I have lost a total of 172 lb and I have that same albatross around my midsection that you have. I am going to see if I can get this classified as a necessary health issue, otherwise, there is no way I could afford the surgery.

Wishing you well.

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SCOUTMOM715 1/20/2013 9:14AM

    Thinking about you and wishing you the best! Take Care!!

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LIFETIMER54 1/20/2013 7:09AM


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CINBURR9 1/20/2013 5:34AM

    I'll be rooting for you!! - I had a panni done 10 years ago after losing 200# and it was THE best decision I did. Very painful? yes, but the end result was amazing - and I'm not talking cosmetically - that's a given! I had a wonderful surgeon, who did many , many surgeries on the former morbidly obese so I was VERY confident he could help me. He removed 17 pounds of fat and skin from hip to hip. I can actually bend over with ease to pick things up off the floor and am not having to constantly re-shift my skin when sitting! My surgery was covered by insurance since it was deemed medically necessary - I had rashes, etc. Hope all goes well for you and even though it will be painful, the end result will be worth it - I guarantee it!

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LADYBUGOF14 1/20/2013 2:13AM

  I will be pray for you. emoticon

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CARRAND 1/19/2013 7:49PM

    Good luck! I hope your insurance company will pay for this. I think they might. It's not just vanity, it's a health issue.

You are amazing.

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FAT2GAINHEALTH 1/19/2013 3:22PM

I have the same issues and have lost about 150 and still need to lose 150 more . I have constant yeast infections and sweaty odor from my skin flap but never have seen a dr. about it. waiting to lose the rest first. but I have so much skin flap it is hard to bath under it including you know where. good luck let me know how it goes.
Marcia emoticon

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SUECHRIS50 1/19/2013 2:38PM

    Girl you are just so strong!!I feel you on the apron thingy...It also stinks from bacteria.
Almost200 pounds lost???Priceless!!im so proud of you!! emoticon

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JILLIEWILLIE1 1/19/2013 2:11PM

    I hope all goes well. I am sure it is difficult to face another surgery. Maybe with this one he can get ride on the old scars as well. Pain free and probably a couple of sizes smaller. I see that same apron effect developing on me. I haven't had any issues yet. But I am still 60+ pounds away from my goal. emoticon

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LIVINGFREE19 1/19/2013 2:03PM

    You definitely need the surgery to get rid of the excess skin. Wow, you have lost sooooo much weight! It will be great for you when you can have the excess skin taken off!


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LESLIELENORE 1/19/2013 1:59PM


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DONNA5281 1/19/2013 10:38AM

  I am thinking about you.
I hope everything goes well for you.
I will add you to my prayer list.


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BODDHISATTVA123 1/19/2013 10:18AM

    Am thinking about you Lynn... hang in there emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 1/19/2013 9:10AM

    I wish you all the best. I'm already contemplating whether not surgery will be an option for me.

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ADARKARA 1/19/2013 8:00AM

    I really hope it works out for you, it sounds really painful. I love the tattoo idea!

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SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/19/2013 1:58AM

    I wish you much luck! emoticon

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123ELAINE456 1/18/2013 11:10PM

  Your Doctor Appointment will go well Monday. Relax and You will be fine. Have a Super Good Day. Enjoy the Weekend. God Bless You and Family. Take Care. Stay Warm and Safe Too.

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DAUGHTEROFTWIN 1/18/2013 11:02PM

    Thank you for your honesty and openness. I hope everything works out. I just don't "get" insurance decision-making.

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WILLEYDEBORAH 1/18/2013 10:42PM

    I commend you on your success. I will be sure to say a prayer that everything works out for you. Hopefully one day I can lose that kind of weight too. You really are and inspiration. I would like to add you to my friends list.


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**lightbulb!** Regaining weight is NOT failing!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

When I was a kid, I often worked along side my dad (hardest worker I've ever met!). He would tease me, always saying the same thing... "She's like a donkey. The closer we get to the end, the faster she goes!" It never failed to make me laugh. And it really is a true perception about my personality. The closer I get to the end of tasks (particularly distasteful ones), the more I tend to focus and just get it done. This particular trait drives my laid back husband NUTS! "We do NOT have to paint the whole house in one day!" "You don't have to clean the kitchen now.. jut let it set". "Do you REALLY plan to lay this whole patio in one weekend?" ... you see how those conversations go.

Part of this is my OCD... it is physiologically difficult for me to walk away from something unfinished. It causes huge anxiety. But I think part of it is just personality.

Several months ago, I was talking to my trainer/friend and told her that I think the reason I never joined a gym or took the fitness route is because I LOATHE to fail, and I LOATHE to not finish things. Frankly..... I'd rather not try something than to fail or not finish.

And somewhere along the way in my life, I gave myself thousands of excuses to validate my decision to simply not TRY to get fit and healthy. But the truth? I would rather not try than fail, or not meet my goals (remember... perfectionist here).

10 years ago, I lost 170#. And then 4 years ago, I gained back 70#. Why? Because I never did the really hard, emotional work that I'm doing now. I did the dieting. But I didn't solve any of the problems with ME. And they crept back up, unresolved.

And so here I am, with those 70+# back off me. Today I looked in the mirror and realized that this is the thinnest I have ever seen my adult face... and I'm almost 40! And I AM finishing! I AM meeting my goals! I realized today that I'm not really excited about how my body LOOKS yet, but I am LOVING what my body can DO now! I am strong, and flexible, and most of all... courageous. I'm willing to TRY things knowing that I might fail. Today in the gym, I did some step/jump exercise I'd never done. And I fell. So my trainer lowered it, and I tried again. And I did it! These are lessons that are building on each other. And I'm realizing that I didn't fail 4 years ago when I regained the weight.....

I simply wasn't finished yet. emoticon

The failure is in not trying again.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PROVERBS31JULIA 1/20/2013 9:41AM


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LIFETIMER54 1/20/2013 7:10AM

  emoticon emoticon

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KAR815 1/19/2013 11:34PM

    loved your blog wow what a truly inspiring person you are! Congrats for all the hard work getting to where you are today. I personally dont like what my body looks like right now, but with determination and changing bad habits along the way I know I can do it. So can you! WTG

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CATH5109 1/19/2013 2:50AM

    I am so happy for you. Loving who you are and what you have is a true measure of happiness.

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123ELAINE456 1/18/2013 5:39PM

  Awesome Blog!!! Thank You for sharing. Agree with You with it. Keep Up The Good Work. You are doing a Fantastic Job. God Bless You and Have a Super Good Day. Take Care.

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DONNA5281 1/18/2013 10:36AM

  Great blog. Thank you for sharing.

emoticon emoticon

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DAREDEVILME 1/18/2013 10:34AM

    Great blog! You really are on the right track, emotionally and physically.
Keep up the great work.

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CATTUTT 1/18/2013 9:00AM

    This is a wonderful post, and so true! Congratulations on getting out there and trying new things, I'm sure that's not easy for you to do. But you're doing it, and kicking butt at it!


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    I think the regain may be part of the lesson. Learning is never linear!

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JASI27 1/18/2013 8:14AM

    That's awesome! Retraining how you think is something rather difficult, but it can be done! You are definitely on the right track to success girl! Good Luck to you!!

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KOOKYKATHIE 1/18/2013 3:27AM

    It's nice when the light bulb goes off! I had that happen to me last night while I was driving down the road. It makes things clearer with the light of that bulb!

Keep on Keeping on! emoticon for your motivation.

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LOLABLACK69 1/18/2013 3:13AM

    need to by myself that lightbulb, lol... :D
keep up the good work!

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SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/18/2013 1:48AM

    Great blog! I can totally relate! emoticon

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BOOKAPHILE 1/17/2013 11:51PM

    I closely relate to the statement that you made about "not being excited about how my body LOOKS yet, but I'm loving what my body can DO now!"

I'm about 10 pounds away from where I think my goal weight will end up. My husband is very happy with the looks, but I'm more impressed with the improved endurance, strength and balance. I'm doing things I wasn't able to do comfortably for a long time.

Thanks for the new prespective. I truly hope I will be finished with losing weight in the next couple of months. I want to learn how to maintain and NOT regain ever again.

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2BFREE2LIVE 1/17/2013 11:45PM

    You will never know what you can do until you try.

My Mom was my inspiration on getting things done and the encouragement lives with me today even though she has gone to Heaven long ago.
I can still hear her say what a wonderful job your doing.

That is what I am saying to you today, What a wonderful job your doing my friend.

Just keep on doing what your doing and one day you will look back and see your not even the person you were once.

Your making great progress and yes the mind is one of the things you have to train just like when you go to the gym to train your body.

Hugs. Sandy

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ITSMATT 1/17/2013 10:58PM

    I agree!

Congrats on being strong and committed to your health.

You inspire me.

Make it a great day!

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Consistency... NOT Perfection

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I don't think the scale has caught up to my body yet. I see/feel changes in the past week that are NOT being reflected on the scale.

According to the SCALE, I have lost 3 pounds in the past 2 weeks.

According to my clothes, my eyes, and how I feel.... that number isn't representative. Yesterday I noticed hollows and contours in my face that were not there 2 weeks ago. Pants that fit a bit uncomfortably 2 weeks ago were perfect today. Sad to say.... the favorite bra I've had the past few months is getting too big (you ladies know how frustrating that is!). Shaving my legs last night, I noticed that my cankles aren't quite as cankle-ey. These things tell me that my body is changing and responding to what I've been doing.

Have I been perfect? Oh, HUGE NO to that one (let's not re-visit the cinnamon roll incident, K?). What I have been is consistent. I have consistently gotten my butt to the gym and moved. I have consistently weight trained. I have consistently gotten my water in. I have consistently chosen healthy, nourishing foods. I have been consistent in limiting my "junky" calorie intake. Consistent. Not perfect.

"What's the difference?" someone might wonder. Consistent means that my efforts are NOT derailed by a slip up. It means that one lunch with friends will not cause you to gain 10# back. It means that I have FREEDOM to live as I want to.

I was extremely consistent for years, and the effects on my body were evident to the world. I was consistent in eating high-calorie, nutrient deficient food. I was consistent with sitting 99% of my day. I was consistent with eating to deal with any uncomfortable emotion that I had. I was consistent about being dishonest with myself.

I don't make this distinction lightly. I am a perfectionist by nature. I like things orderly and in their place. I struggle with OCD, and seem to even (hate to admit this!) be passing this along to my daughter who lines her crayons up in perfect order. I have a mental picture of how things are supposed to be done, and struggle when people deviate from it. I admit it... I'm a control freak. But this process, this JOURNEY, is teaching me that you do not have to be perfect to get to your destination. You have to be consistent.

Imagine that you are on a road trip, and you are consistently driving at 60 mph. You'd be making decent time, right? What if you made a wrong turn along the way? Do you forget about the destination you were aiming for? Or do you turn around, find your way, and resume your speed? See... that's the thing. You may have to stop the car, and turn around slowly. But once you're back on the freeway, you'll pick up speed. You may reach your destination 15 minutes later than planned, but you still reached it.

For 20 years, I said "screw the directions!" and drove around lost in the city. But this girl has gps now... when I take a wrong turn, I'm gonna slow down, make a U-turn, and head back in the direction I want to go.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KYDZTOI 1/21/2013 9:53AM

    too true

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LIFETIMER54 1/20/2013 7:10AM


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FROMNDTOGA 1/17/2013 9:54PM


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KOOKYKATHIE 1/16/2013 8:54PM

    Great Insight for today!!! emoticon

Yoou are such an inspiration to me! emoticon emoticon

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KAKAKALI4 1/16/2013 3:49PM

    AWESOME! After posting my blog today .. your words really hit home. Thanks for taking the time and sharing your wonderful insights!

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LESLIELENORE 1/16/2013 3:21PM

    What a great way of looking at things. Consistency is very important.

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CATH5109 1/16/2013 12:09PM

    This is such a perfect way to express it. Thanks for the inspiration.

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CCASKEY37 1/16/2013 10:45AM

    Good blog. Everyone who has ever not been able to resist the box of doughnuts in the break room should come read this.

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DONNA5281 1/16/2013 10:11AM

  I love reading your blogs. It gets me thinking and gets me going.
Thank you for sharing.

emoticon emoticon

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TWILLIE78 1/16/2013 8:57AM

    Your post came at a perfect time for me. That is exactly what I'm trying to get my mind around now. that I'm not perfect and I can't give up because of one (or many) slip ups. Love your posts, you are a great writer. Keep up the good work and accomplishing non scale victories! emoticon

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KATHIC2 1/16/2013 7:37AM

  Great insight! Love it.

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LOLABLACK69 1/16/2013 1:23AM

    where do you find the strenght? i'm "driving" all over the place and can't seem to find the right direction...
anyway, a big "way to go" to you! :)

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CATTUTT 1/15/2013 9:57PM

    That was a really awesome blog! I definitely need to read, re-read and take to heart what you said. In most areas of my life I'm not a perfectionist... but when it comes to getting healthy, I 100% am. {See? I'm even perfectionist about how much I'm a perfectionist.}

Anyway, thank you for sharing this blog and your healthy attitude about getting healthy. There should be more of that in the world!

Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday evening.


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123ELAINE456 1/15/2013 9:43PM

  Awesome Blog!!! Consistency is the key I think too. You are doing Great. God Bless You and Have a Super Nice Happy Day. Take Care.

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RUFFIT 1/15/2013 9:23PM

    Great blog. I am on a journey. No quick fix for me. Hugs moni

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SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/15/2013 9:01PM

    Your absolutely right, consistency is key!...I'm a work in progress,,,, emoticon

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3G1RLS4ME 1/15/2013 9:00PM

    Atta girl good choice :)

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Even "success stories" have bad days

Sunday, January 13, 2013

I've never seen myself as a success story regarding weight loss. Never. Yes, I've lost 182#, but I tend to focus on the 70 or so excess pounds still to go. I'm kind of a glass half empty kind of girl. emoticon

However, my blog post "WHY I am doing this" received an unexpected and amazing response. And I have read and cherished every single comment. Every one. And I was shocked at how many times people called my story one of success. It gave me a lot to think about this past week.

But here's the deal... even those of us that have lost large amounts of weight successfully have bad days and struggle at times. Yesterday was one of those days for me. I did well in the morning, making smart food choices. But as the day wore on, my frustration with my husband and my unending "to do" list became overwhelming. Then he went to work for 10 hours and left me with our 4 year old (and my parents for a while). My dad was preoccupied with a game. My mom's dementia/forgetfulness was particularly trying, my 4 year old got ink all over her hand, etc., etc., etc. I felt like I was going to break.

I got my parents fed and sent back to their house across the street. I got my daughter fed, bathed, and in bed. I got the ink cleaned up from random places it had landed. I sat down and felt the overwhelming frustration.

And then I went to the kitchen and took my frustration out on myself with cinnamon rolls.

I read a blogger here on SP once equate these falls with getting a traffic ticket. If you get a ticket, do you spend the rest of the day running red lights and speeding? No. So why does a diet slip up avalanche into a full day/week/month/year of bad choices??? It doesn't have to.

Today I'm doing better. I have some spiced up veggies roasting in the oven for lunch as I type this. Hubby is home today and spending some MUCH needed time with the little person, allowing me a bit of time to decompress. And life goes on.

Without the cinnamon rolls.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MYRTLE811 1/20/2013 11:54AM

  Your blog rings a bell for me...been there done that. But the difference for you and me this time is we get back on the horse again and move downward with our weight. I could make one day of cheating last for at least two weeks telling myself it's done so I can enjoy the overeating and squash the pain. Pain only got worse; good for you for getting back on track!

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LIFETIMER54 1/20/2013 7:11AM


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    I needed to hear this. Thank you!

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CATTUTT 1/15/2013 2:07PM

    That's a great attitude to have. Cinnamon rolls attack sometimes, but it sounds like you're doing an excellent job of beating them back. It probably helps tremendously that you're getting a break from all the stress, though. I don't have kids, so I can only imagine how trying it must be at times, so I'm sure it was nice for the hubby to take over for a bit.

Hope things are still floating along swimmingly for you!


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SHELBY897 1/15/2013 11:51AM

    Reminds me of a quote I heard in the past something like "If you fall down one stair, do you get up and throw yourself down the rest?" If you have one bad meal/day/week, why throw yourself under the bus? The time to start again can come anytime - day or night, never wait for a new day.

Before I started my weight loss journey you could find me on my bed watching tv every afternoon yelling out commands to my two children. Late at night I'd finally get up and be overwhelmed with everything I needed to accomplish. Now - #1, I learned the fine art of saying "NO" to many things and #2, I learned to immediately upon arriving home get to work on everything. Some nights I actually get to read a book after the kids go to bed now because all my stuff is done!

You have a small child, cut yourself some slack and start putting yourself first. A happy/healthy mommy is the best gift you can give her along with your time. Keep up the amazing job you are doing!

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KOOKYKATHIE 1/15/2013 1:58AM

    So you fell down but you picked yourself up and got back on track emoticon

You are an inspiration to me. emoticon


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ICANBESLIM2 1/14/2013 8:07PM

    Hi Lyn,

Your blog has added to the realism I need to put into my journey.

Believing it's harder, or too hard for me could derail my chances by allowing anger or self-pity in when I fail to lose weight.
It seems I am gathering strategies and attitudes to make a successful journey. I have started, but the tools are still arriving.

So far I am aware of: persistance/perseverance; patience with myself and with the process of weightloss; and now to expect to have blips and bad days...To Pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again ;) each time.
emoticon emoticon


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LESLIELENORE 1/14/2013 7:18PM

    It is what you do NEXT that matters the most, not what you did before. You are a success story, but don't let that become a stressor.

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EMMAEKAY 1/14/2013 7:16PM

    Every day in which we do not give up is a success. You are doing amazingly! Keep pushing.

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    I loved this blog. It speaks the truth. There is no fairy tale happily ever after ending with our weight loss journeys. Every day is a struggle where we have to fight for our health and the choices we know we need to make. The reason I loved your blog so much is that it is realistic. And optimistic. And shows that we are human and we struggle, but perfection is not needed to be successful.

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TARAFROMTX1 1/14/2013 1:57PM

    Wow, I can say I 100% understand what you mean, and can relate to everything in your blog. Thank goodness not every day is a bad day! I have been having my ups and downs for well months now... since about Oct. when everything got to be overwhelming and Just now seems to be slowing back down. So I have been battling going up and down in the weight department 10 - 15lbs up and down. Now I am trying to get back on track and start losing again. Hang in there my friend! I am here with you! I too am looking at losing another 75 to 85 lbs or so. emoticon emoticon

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FROMNDTOGA 1/14/2013 9:42AM

    Thanks for your honesty - losing is hard!
But, we can do it, if we don't give up on ourselves - we are worth it!

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123ELAINE456 1/14/2013 4:38AM

  Things like this happens to all on us. The important thing is to get back on track and go on from there. Glad You got some Me time too and that Your Husband was spending time with the little One your Girl. God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Week. Take Care.

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COXBETH 1/13/2013 9:13PM

    I eat when I'm tired and frustrated or overwhelmed...and I still don't know why. It doesn't make me feel better even when I'm doing it. Humans are funny things.

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SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/13/2013 7:57PM

    I'm glad your feeling better, I, myself, have a tendency to run to food for a quick "fix", to feel better,,,,,,but we know where that takes us,,,,,,lets change this!.......whose in? your hand up?.....see you around kid! emoticon

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CHERYL_ANNE 1/13/2013 7:43PM

    I'm happy that you got a chance to have some "me" time!

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2BFREE2LIVE 1/13/2013 7:38PM

    It is life after all and things happen, however never call them failure they are tests you will have along the way.
Try dealing with your issues (frustrations) by keeping a journal or a diary. I have one that I use and have written things down since I started my journey.
I can read those words and know exactly how I was feeling and how by writing about the issues I did not turn to food to cover up the problems.
Your doing so well and yes there will be tests along the way and as always the choice is yours on how your going to handle any situation.
As always best wishes on your journey to health and happiness. Sandy

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DONNA5281 1/13/2013 5:08PM

  Thank you for writing this blog.
I can relate to what you are going through but I agree don't beat yourself up for eating the rolls. It does happen to all of us.
You are doing an excellent job. Keep up the good work.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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MARIANNE9855 1/13/2013 4:01PM

    My children are 19 and 21 and live at home but I am also involved in my parents' care. My mom is physically disabled and had several hospitalizations in the last year due to chronic health conditions. My father has alzheimers. Fortunately he is physically able to care for my mom which is great but the cognitive and emotional difficulties are hard because he thinks I am just picking on him.
I love my parents but my mom in particular has been a life long stress for me especially around my weight- not surprisingly the more emotionally challenging she has been the more I struggled with my weight. Now though, I am maintaining some distance because I need to take care of myself because none of this will change until someone is no longer here and I need to get healthy for myself in the meantime.
Again I am so happy I found spark people and members like Lynn and all the others who help me keep trying and moving forward.

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THANKFUL_4U 1/13/2013 3:51PM

    Thank you for having the courage to post your blogs! Yesterday I too was having a bad day and read some of your blogs and realized that everyone has good and bad days....even the success stories!! We are human and I thank the other "humans" that share their struggle. Those that post and act like they don't struggle aren't "real" or honest.

Thank you for being real, honest and a success story! Yes, you are a success story, not only for how much you have lost but that you continue on this journey!!!

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BOOKWORM2004 1/13/2013 3:51PM

    Good job and glad hubby is there to help you out today...we all need a helping hand once in a while, don't beat yourself up for a little slip with frustration, it happens, life does go on! emoticon


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The "Resolutionists" at the gym

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I get to the gym whenever I can make time in my day. It differs from day to day, unlike a lot of people at my gym who seem to have a routine. Yesterday I went in the late afternoon and it was BUSY! Nearly every piece of cardio equipment in the women's gym (where I hide out most days) was taken, as were a lot of pieces of weight equipment. There were also a lot of new faces, puffing ladies, and loudly clanking weights from inexperienced users.

This morning I went and it was just myself and 2 other ladies. I was chugging away on my elliptical (reading some sappy romance on my kindle) when the lady a few feet away spoke up.

"I'm so glad there aren't any "resolutionists" here today!" She said.

I just looked at her (a little annoyed because my hero had just met his brother's mail order bride at the train depot and sparks were flying - I wanted to keep reading, not talking). "Resolutionists?"

"Yes, those people who aren't really going to get healthy, they just made a resolution to lose weight. They join in January, come for a few weeks, hog the equipment, don't clean it off.... you know."

"You don't think people should set new goals to get healthy?" I was somewher between annoyed and confused (I really wanted to get back to my book!)

She huffed, and said, "I've just never seen one stick around!"

Now... usually this is where I would choose to be quiet rather than offend someone. But I remember that hostile feeling from fellow gym users last year. That feeling that I didn't belong. So I put my beautiful heroine and civil-war scarred hero on hold to say, "Sure you have! Last year I joined on the New years special. And then I lost 70# to give me a total loss of 180#."

Her face dropped a bit. "But I've seen you here before".

I just smiled. "Yep, I'm here a lot. But last January I was one of your "Resolutionists". "

She gave me a confused look, and I returned to my book.

This encounter made me wonder if I was welcoming last night. Did I smile at anyone? I know I didn't offer to help anyone struggling with the equipment. I should have. Next time I go I will if I have an opportunity. Every gym member had a first day, a first week, a first month. Heck! My first day I literally fell off the elliptical! Oh how this lady would have laughed and rolled her eyes at me.

So... if you are a "Resolutionist", GOOD FOR YOU! Keep it up! Ignore those of us that are rude, or oblivious to you as you learn the equipment. Some of us don't mean to be... we are just focused elsewhere. But go back tomorrow. And the next day. Ask a staff member to teach you about equipment you want to use. Because before you know it, you'll be a "regular", and no longer falling off the elliptical!

And if you go to my gym, and see me working away as I zone out in book, feel free to interrupt me and ask for help. emoticon Just beware that I may feel compelled to share the plot of whatever trashy romance I'm reading at the moment with you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATH5109 1/15/2013 1:17PM

    Today will be my 4th day back at the gym. A year ago I stopped doing all the things that had helped me lose 70 lbs and as I regained all my weight I realized that I no longer fit my workout clothes and that that was why I stopped going to the gym--something that I had really been enjoying doing. Now, even with my renewed decision, it has been a mental fight to overcome my resistance to getting out the door.

It's so nice to read your comments which make me feel less alone and remind me that I can't let my fears of what other people might be thinking get in the way of doing something so important for me.

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CHERYL_ANNE 1/13/2013 1:07PM

    I am so proud that you spoke up and said something!


Too many times we are willing to let it be just for appearance's sake.

I know if I have a chance to speak up, I usually do, even if the person/people look at me like I'm crazy. Because I don't like that "woulda, coulda, shoulda, if only" feeling that haunts me afterward if I don't.


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PHISLO1 1/11/2013 1:03PM

    It's funny I should read this. I just overheard a coworker talking about how "annoying resolutionists" are because there are never any machines available. And this coming from someone who has lost a lot of weight in the past. At the time I didn't say anything, but thought to myself, at least the "resolutionists" are trying. A little compassion goes a long way to helping someone elses motivation.

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KATHIC2 1/11/2013 7:38AM

  I always better to err on the side of being kind.

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COXBETH 1/11/2013 1:03AM

    LOVE IT. I may need to take up the elliptical...because that sounds like a great excuse to get back to my habit of reading trashy romance novels (I gave them up when I gave up public transit so that I could drive myself to the gym after work).

And I don't like the resolutionists for the same reason I don't like regulars. They take up all the parking spaces! I never seem to have to fight people for the equipment (which is what I love about using the squat rack and the bench and the rowing machine). I'm an equal opportunity hater though and I don't like anyone who takes up a parking space anywhere I'd like to be. :)

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OJ_2_OK 1/10/2013 5:48PM

    Thank you for this blog. I hope the rest of us can remember to be so kind hearted.

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KANSASROSE67 1/10/2013 5:33PM

    This is a great blog! Though I'm not a gym user, I understand the fear and lack of confidence from when I was a newbie runner. You are right that we could change someone's life just by being encouraging and friendly.

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LESLIELENORE 1/10/2013 5:30PM

    So true! We all had to start somewhere...

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LUVSBULLDOGS 1/10/2013 5:00PM

    That's a good point to make. I belong to Curves and I've never met anyone with that type of attitude. There is one lady that belongs to two gyms and likes all the fuss at the other gym. She's 90 and joined to ride their bike. She's so funny, she comes in and tells us about all the drama on the days she goes. It's a 24/7 type, so lots of different members.

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SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/10/2013 4:45PM

    I enjoy your blog!..... emoticon

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KRYSTL719 1/10/2013 4:13PM

    your very right. Just like people who want to get clean from an addiction... they show up a few times in an AA meeting, but if they are fearful and unwelcomed, that will push them away. Welcome anyone to a new change in their life. Keep trying!! =)

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KRISTIANN7 1/10/2013 4:07PM

  I'm all for resolutionists. Even if they do quit, they tried, and the next time they might stick it out longer. One of the best classes I ever took in college was "weight training". After that class, I could use any machine in the gym without letting the weights slam...and help newbies!

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123ELAINE456 1/10/2013 4:05PM

  You handle it very well. God Bless You and Have a Marvelous Day. Keep It Up. You are Doing Great. Take Care. Congratulations on Your Weight Loss Too.

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CAKEMAKERMOM 1/10/2013 3:15PM

    Some people are simply inherently rude.

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MARIANNE9855 1/10/2013 2:49PM

    Thanks so much for speaking up her opinion is why many large people are afraidto gotothe gym. I know I am one of them

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DONNA5281 1/10/2013 2:42PM

I also agree with you. Some people can be so rude to newbies.
That is why I am afraid to go to a gym.

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SAASHA17 1/10/2013 2:28PM

    I agree with u...I was one of the first timers at a gym and the looks I got were horrid. it was ironically right after new year,,,well glad u see it differently..more people like u will make people come back to the gym..

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KTISFOCUSED 1/10/2013 2:26PM

    I agree `100%. I always try to smile and welcome what I call newbies. My only annoyance comes from lack of parking spaces lol.

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